Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Earthquake Stories: Shake It Up With The Cosmos Gal!

11:25AM Seth | Your All-Earthquake Special Edition: · A shared traumatic experience provides thousands of deeply moving stories: This one, about the crew of an online horoscope show comforting each other in their not-quite-darkest hour, is one of them. [theCosmosGal's YouTube page] · LAist has some great security footage of a bicycle store in San Dimas doing the earthquake shuffle. We’d probably be tossing kids and grandmas out of the way to get the hell out of there, too. [LAist] · “Where was I when it hit? Oh, I was in stirrups with my gynecologist’s hands in my vagina. What about you?” [Twitter] · We must commend the LAT for being so quick on their slideshow-compiling feet: Here’s a tribute to Earthquakes in the Movies. Ah yes, who could forget NBC’s 10.5, and its sequel 10.5 Apocalypse—both of which registered about a 10.5 in the scientifically-shaky-ground department. [LAT] · CEILING TILE DOWN. WE REPEAT: CEILING TILE DOWN. [Curbed LA] More »

Ali Lohan ‘Makes It Delicious’ In Televised Tryout For Vaunted Porn Producer

10:55AM Molly Friedman | It’s always a hoot when you show up to an audition thinking you’re just trying out for another straight-to-DVD horror remake, only to find out afterwards that you just emoted all your talents in front of a titan of the porn industry. In yet another display of complete parental ignorance, Dina Lohan’s decision to send Lindsay-wannabe Ali on a journey to score a part in Troll in this weekend’s season finale of Living Lohan was kind of equivalent to sending your 14-year old daughter on a read-through of Bun Busters 13 or Breast Wishes 15. Yes, Ali’s eager efforts to make it big in showbiz has officially included a smiley “nerve-wracking” experience reciting classic lines like “Ratburgers!” in front of the multi-coloured hair piece-topped Peter Davy, responsible for discovering gangbang queen Houston, among many other hardcore accomplishments. The clip, including Ali’s stomach-tightening attempt to impress the porn industry professionals, after the jump. More »

Gordon ‘F–ken’ Ramsay Gets Sh-tting Spray From His C–ting Ex-Friend, The M—–f–ker.

10:54AM Clem Bastow | Gordon Ramsay, the celebrity chef and television identity that the Australian media likes to remind us is pretty sweary, has probably put a few extra dollars tenners fifties in the swear jar after his former best friend, mentee and bloke-whose-wedding-he-was-best-man-at decided to open up and give Ramsay what for. For what, we are still not particularly sure. His most famous protege and former close friend Marcus Wareing described him as a “sad bastard” whose influence had left him feeling, “trapped and constrained”. [...] Wareing’s comments follow a bitter legal battle over his position running Ramsay’s two-star restaurant Petrus at the Berkeley Hotel in West London. He has spent nine years heading up the kitchen, but in May the hotel announced it wanted to work directly with him, rather than deal with Ramsay’s company. The move has been challenged by Ramsay’s lawyers. Wareing now claims he would rather “kill myself” than work with his mentor again. Wow, choosing suicide over Ramsay? Them’s fightin’ words – two thumbs way up, Wareing! Then again, though our constant use of the cuddlesome photo of Ramsay draped with a widdle baby sheepy is our feeble attempt to stop the Ramsay coverage from being too nasty, it’s probably all true – and he probably slit the lamb’s throat right after the photoshoot and then tossed it on a hot plate. More »

Kevin Costner Reduced to Stealing Mediocrity From the Dead

10:35AM STV | A disturbing revelation has come to light today about Swing Vote, Kevin Costner’s election-year opus about the alcoholic schlub on whose shoulders the entirety of presidential politics rests via some fluke of electoral nature. It’s about as disappointing as its midsummer dumping implies, writes NY Post critic Lou Lumenick, but that hardly seems as unexpected as his observation that the whole film rips off is an “uncredited remake” of a 1939 John Barrymore film called The Great Man Votes: More »

John Mayer And Josh Brolin Shear Their Locks, But Does A Buzz Cut Always Clean Up A Star’s Image?

10:15AM Molly Friedman | Ah, the buzz cut: that sometimes-risky, sometimes-successful ‘do usually sported by male celebrities when it’s required for a role in a military/secret agent/futuristic film or because they need a quick way to change their public image. But no matter what their reasons are for taking the razor to the scalp, the look has roughly a 50/50 chance of working. Two of the most recent stars to shave it all off are Jennifer Aniston arm candy John Mayer and new member of the Movie Press-Generating Lawbreakers’ Club Josh Brolin, and while Mayer irritatingly manages to pull the look off despite his big head ego, Brolin’s close cut reveals a bit too much skin. Which immediately made us reminisce on buzz cuts of the past, both the bad (Hey, Jude), the good (pre-Scientology Tommy C.), and the very ugly (Attack Of The Killer Umbrella-Bearers):

9:59AM Seth | And our Concealed Weapon Charge of the Day award goes to foreign comedy treasure Jerry Lewis, 82, who was found to be carrying an unregistered handgun at the Detroit airport today. Lewis’s manager Claudia Marghilano later explained it was a “a hollowed-out prop gun” that Lewis “sometimes twirls” before weepy dollar-store runs. [AP] More »

Amy Winehouse Round-Up: Mitch Winehouse And The Understatement Of The Decade

9:41AM Clem Bastow | Look, I know it’s never big nor cool to mock the afflicted, and I’m sure Winegums’ whole “OMG rushed to hospital” ordeal was, like, totally nail-biting, but I couldn’t help but laugh at dad Mitch Winehouse’s apparent exclamations to the crowd that gathered as Amy was being poured into the ambulance the other day, because, well, you’ll work it out: Distraught Mitch, 54, was heard shouting: “She’s f***** up, she’s f***** up,” The Sun newspaper in England reported. What the Sun nor news.com.au didn’t clear up was whether he was shouting that in relation to her hospitalisation, or whether he was just making a general statement about Amy’s day to day life. You know, I’m starting to worry that covering Winegums Watch is desensitising me; I think the signs are there – the other day I bit the head off a fluffy kitten and spat it in the face of some children suffering from incurable diseases, and all I wanted to do afterwards was body shots. Then I punched a hole in the side of a church collections box and spent the money on Mad Magazine. What the hell is happening to me? More »

He Doesn’t Look Very Sick, Does He?

9:30AM Clem Bastow | As you may recall, Strokes guitarist Albert Hammond, Jr. pulled out of his solo Australian visit just the other day, citing a “severe throat infection” that had rendered him mute. Unlike most “we’re too sick to visit” tour cancellations, one would imagine that Hammond, Jr. was telling the truth – but the British tabloids perhaps tell another tale! The lanky guitarist and singer was yesterday spotted out and about with his GF, model Agyness Deyn, and they don’t seem to be using sign language, if you know what I mean! Here’s hoping what’s really happening in that photo is Agyness staring off into the middle distance and wishing he’d stayed in bed rather than valiantly trying to walk the dog with her, while Albert tries to croak out a few words – we like him too much for this to be another “But the plane trip is too loooong!” cases for an Australian tour no-show. More »

Sam Sparro Takes Time Out From Sledging, Festivaling, To Work With Lindsay Lohan

9:24AM Clem Bastow | After having a go at Madonna and then getting reasonably good reviews for his Glasto performance, expat Aussie Sam Sparro has decided it’s time to make the jump to plaid: he’s going to work with Lindsay “Remember, She Had A Career Once, You Know, Before She Made Leggings With Kneepads” Lohan. No word on whether he will wear that ridiculous top hat while he’s doing it. “Working with Lindsay is an interesting proposition. I’ve always been a big fan and I think she’s cool,” said Sparro, currently riding high on the music charts with his single Black and Gold. “I’ve never met Samantha Ronson but I have met her dad and her sister Charlotte when I was working with Mark at Coachella. They are a great family. “I’ll be heading over to Los Angeles and New York in a couple of weeks to start writing for Lindsay and a few other artists. I’m really excited.” Well, there you go. Well done you, Sparro. It’s a pity his song is pretty much pants, otherwise I’d probably be more excited than I am about all this. So, er, go Aussie! ED: You know, there are times where Clem and yours truly don’t agree, and this looks like one of them. Although my beloved Bastow may hate Sam Sparro’s single, I wish to speak up and say I fucking love Black & Gold, and I am quite thrilled he’ll be working with Lindsay. CLEM YOU ARE WRONG PLEASE UPDATE YOUR OPINION x More »