This just in - apparently our free-spirited whale saving heroine Isabel Lucas was the passenger in the car that Transformers and Indiana Jones star Shia LaBeouf crashed while driving under the influence! And she's going out with Adrian Grenier! Who is pissed off! How many more exclamation marks can we use!!!

Umm-ahhh!

LaBeouf's 23-year-old Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen co-star was reportedly sat next to him when he made a left turn on a red light and crashed his Ford F150 around 2.45am (local time) on Sunday in Los Angeles.

[...]

When the New York Daily News contacted Lucas's Entourage boyfriend Adrian Grenier, who she began dating in February, he was reportedly "none too happy that his ladyfriend was partying with her handsome co-star at 3am".

The New York Daily News said: "Grenier was testy when we asked him how Lucas was feeling post-crash, and refused to comment."

This is a piece of news that will likely thrill anyone who still drinks Fosters and/or who thinks the Barry McKenzie series was the most awesome piece of art Australia has ever produced: Shane Jacobson and Paul Hogan look set to team up and create movie magic together.

Strewth, mate, chuck another Torana on the barbie, my dead dingo's donger needs a bit of dead horse on the pavlova so I can score a root with the Big M girl who looks like a bucket of smashed crabs at the Celebration Of A Nation, etc etc.

The home-grown flick, scheduled for release late next year will again showcase the country to the world, with the Crocodile Dundee star and Jacobson's characters travelling from Warrnambool, Victoria to Cape York.

"Shane has read the script and he likes it a lot," Jacobson's manager Deb Fryers said. "He's excited about the potential, but it's not locked in," she added, stressing the AFI-winner had yet to actually sign on the dotted line.

That's poetry in motion right there, that is. AFIs for everyone!

After the initial reviews suggested that the Brits were not that keen on Chris Lilley's masterful Summer Heights High, it seems The People have spoken, and perhaps our UK cousins do like the mockumentary series after all!

Reports are filtering in from Old Blighty that have Jonah Takalua's trademark tag popping up around London. So reporteth Confidential:

Since the hit series has been airing on the BBC, the character's "di-k-tation" graffiti tag has been spied on a sign in a Tube station on the northern line, while Confidential hears school kids in the Old Dart are repeating the naughty phrases uttered by the unruly teenager.

All this means it's only fair to remind you that August 10th, 2008 is National Sorry Ranga Day; as the official Facebook group says:

Red-haired people across Australia have been unfavourably compared to orang-utans since Summer Heights High first aired across Australian television screens in 2007. "Ranga' is now firmly entrenched in the vocabulary of ordinary people all over this country.

So join the Australian nation on Sunday August 10th 2008, and let a Ranga know that you are sorry.

Defamer Australia says sorry, rangas.

Jennifer Hawkins is evidently not content to simply travel the world with The Great Outdoors and walk the catwalks for Myer stores, now she is adding "swimwear designer" to her resume, having pitched - successfully - to Myer to launch her own line of bikinis and other beachwear bits and pieces.

After all, if there's one thing Hawkins is well versed in, its the swimwear section.

Marking her first foray into fashion design, Hawkins will star in her own parade when she models her "Cozi" creations at Myer's Sydney City store on August 28.

It will be the culmination of more than six months of secretive, behind-the-scenes work for Hawkins and the Myer production team and the fulfillment of the former Miss Universe's dream.

In an exclusive interview with The Daily Telegraph, Hawkins said she was thrilled to finally be able to talk about her brainchild which was borne out of increasing frustration at trying to find the perfect bikini and an insatiable urge to tinker with designs currently on the market.

"I'm in a bikini a lot - I'm working in one," she said.

As for "Cozi" itself, only time will tell if it will turn out to be the next MK&A The Row/Sean John/Love Kylie, or if it will be the next Dannii For Kmart/House Of Dereon/Richard Simmons Expandable Waist Workout Gear.

· Chew-chew-chew, ha-ha-ha. The new teaser trailer for the Michael Bay produced Friday The 13th remake debuted at Comic-Con over the weekend. As with most bootleg footage, it's often out of focus, but how much focus do you really need to see Jason Voorhees slash his way through Camp Crystal Lake for the umpteenth time? [YouTube]
· Whatever happened to Abel Ferrara? Good question. [Time Out London via MCN]
· Heavily-hyped documentary (in the loosest sense of the word) American Teen fell surprisingly flat in its debut this weekend ($8,565/screen). Meanwhile, the phenomenal Man On Wire pulled in over $24K per screen in super-limited release. [Variety]
· Miley Cyrus told Marc Malkin that "we're thinking this is our last season [of Hannah Montana]." And by we, she apparently didn't mean Disney — they shot back a quick response to his piece saying that the ball is in their court, not Miley's. [E! Online]

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It must be an extremely slow news week up North, as this story is still showing up in the 'also in news' sidebars a good, oh, three months after it originally ran (unless someone passed out after drinking a Territory stubby and actually thinks it's still April). Either way, I took it as a sign from above that we were meant to share this incredible piece of action journalism with you, so here it is: "Deadly cinema snake hunted down."

Someone call Samuel L. Jackson!

One of the world's deadliest snakes caused mayhem after it was found warming itself under a popcorn machine in a Northern Territory cinema - less than a metre from teenage staff.

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We don't know whether to cry tears of sadness or sweet relief, but last night brought us the heartbreaking season finale of Dina Lohan's dream come true: the Lindsay-free joy ride through the one of the most frightening TV family's household that was Living Lohan. And despite all Dina's efforts to convince us we should be happy for little 14-year old Ali and her double whammy of career success stories featured in this episode, the last few months have taught us that a role in the Troll remake and a single that makes our ears bleed do not necessarily a superstar make. But, as we've learned throughout the season, no matter how small these sad triumphs, if it weren't for Dina and her never-ending flow of parental lessons, Ali would still just be some normal teenager allowed to go to the mall with friends and shop, instead of Dina's way of remaining the Mother Of The Century:

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Bless their ballet slippers cotton socks: the four young lads who each play the titular boy dancer in the stage musical version of Billy Elliot have taken out the Helpmann Award for Best Male Actor in A Musical.

The little tackers beat musical theatre god Anthony Warlow as well as stiff competition from fellow nominees iOTA and Mitchell Butel to claim the prize.

[T]he night went to Billy Elliot, the feel-good musical based on the popular movie from 2000 and featuring music by Elton John. The production was named best musical, while Genevieve Lemon won best female actor in a musical for her role as Mrs Wilkinson.

Lochlan Denholm, Nick Twiney, Rarmian Newton and Rhys Kosakowski were jointly awarded best actor in a musical for their alternating performances in the title role.

Billy Elliot - which was the strong favourite with 11 nominations - also won awards for best lighting design, best choreography, best music direction and best direction.

Now we just have to work out which one will grow up to become a choreographer, which one will become a recording artist, which one will end up on Neighbours and which one will wait tables for ten years before being given a career reprise with a role as a psychotic hit man/pre-op transsexual kindergarten teacher/dinosaur in an AFI-winning comeback extravaganza.

On one hand, we're sort of ashamed to have doubled our knowledge of Chinese culture today with one glance at the Los Angeles Times. On the other, a spoonful of sugar — or, more specifically, of Kung Fu Panda — made the medicine go down that much easier as we learned the deep angst gripping China in the wake of the film's success. It's not frustrating enough, evidently, that DreamWorks usurped Chinese authority over everything from animation to the sacred panda itself; rather, the hero Po's abject laziness and mild prurience has an angry 1.2 billion souls searching as we speak:

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If—and that's a mighty big if—you've been clamoring for a glimpse of Repo: The Genetic Opera, the rock musical Paris Hilton has been plugging on every one of her dozen or so conciliatory David Letterman appearances, well, then, do we have good news for you. Just days after its U.S. premiere at Comic-Con, a clip of the movie—which takes place in a horrific future in which everything looks like mid-'90s Meatloaf video—has surfaced on YouTube. And wouldn't you know it: it just so happens to be Hilton's big number! Flanked by her two Black Party-rejectee henchmen, the triple-threatening heiress makes the most of her cameo, playing, as best as we can figure, a really terrible singer in a Bettie Page wig who loses basic motor functioning whenever Windex is injected via pneumatic syringe directly into her genitals.

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Lord, lord, lord, lord... Saying a story about Amy Winehouse having a (presumably drug-related) health crisis is "breaking news" is like saying "Exclusive: Man Invents Wheel" - but, there you go, evidently it is a breaking story in the UK, since no one seems to know what the bloody hell is going on this time:

Troubled singer Amy Winehouse has been stretchered out of her home and rushed tto the accident and emergency ward of a London hospital.

The singer was seen being wheeled out of her north London home just after 8.40pm this evening by paramedics, as her beleaguered father Mitch Winehouse watched.

Paramedics were called by father Mitch after Amy reportedly suffered an episode of 'fitting'. Her spokesperson said the singer had 'suffered a reaction to medication'.

She was then taken to the accident and emergency department of UCH where she has been admitted.

At this rate, we'll never again see scenes like this in movies.

As a world on edge waits to hear whether Mutt Williams will ever wield a whip again (we're hearing some encouraging news that his pinkie is out of critical care!), we bring you all the latest in the Shia LaBeouf could-have-been-much-worse DUI nightmare:
· Sgt. Tressa Gunnels is amazed the injuries weren't more severe. Also: She's bad arse. [KCAL]
· The rap sheet! [ET]
· Shia was at The Troubadour at a Lemon Sun and Rumspringa show before the accident: "[He was] dancing around and acting really crazy...He kept doing shots of whiskey...He stayed until the band was done and then stumbled out of the club by himself." The female passenger in the overturned car was his Australian Transformers 2 co-star Isabel Lucas, pictured here moments after boyfriend Adrian Grenier's generous offer to polka-dot the stripes out of her. [Us]

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Just when things seemed to be coming up roses for Lindsay Lohan, none other than (surprise!) Mother of the Century Dina has jumped on the chance to turn two otherwise non-items into full-out scandals reminiscent of Lohan's cokepants days. First, reports surfaced that her cigarette- and hickey-delivery girl Sam Ronson refused to play vocally challenged Ali Lohan's new single at a DJ'ing gig last week because she felt the song was "really bad." Not exactly breaking news, right? Thanks to Dina and Living Lohan, we already know anything Ali squeaks out won't turn her into the next Whitney Houston (or even the next Lindsay). Then, over the weekend, TMZ reported that Lohan and Ronson were victims of a hit-and-run bicyclist while taking an innocent walk home after a night out in New York, ending with Lohan in the hospital. And so what? It's not like Lohan was the hitter-and-runner, and any hospital stay without the phrases "asthma attack" or "fainting spell" attached to it is fine by us. But courtesy of both Michael Lohan and Dina's consistently yapping mouths, we will know have the pleasure of associating both stories with the phrase, "bull doodie":

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Unless they find him, and then it was a good thing, I suppose.

The One - Episode 4
Tuesday August 5 at 7:30pm (PG) - SERIES FINAL

After weeks of tough competition and amazing results, we're down to the final three on THE ONE. Australia will decide who they think is the country's most gifted psychic.

Australia's top three psychics are assigned to one of Australia's most baffling murder mysteries - where is Peter Falconio?

In their quest to provide some closure to the case, the psychics travel to Barrow Creek for this compelling psychic investigation with chilling results

No, wait. It still strikes me as pretty revolting.

Oh noes! One of Channel Nine's biggest names, news and current affairs guru Mike Munro, has boned himself! The handsome devil, who has appeared on 60 Minutes, A Current Affair, This Is Your Life, and Missing Persons Unit amongst other programs, informed CEO David Gyngell of his intentions yesterday afternoon.

Munro exclusively told The Daily Telegraph that he was taking early retirement after seeing out five tumultuous years at the former number one network.

"I'm feeling pretty good right now," said the now weekend newsreader and host of This Is Your Life and Missing Persons Unit.

"I leave the place on a day to day level, but that's tempered by the fact I love Channel 9 as much as David Gyngell does. It has been been a really hard slog for the past five years, but the network is now in a fantastic position and morale is up."

Morale is up, post-Sunday/Nightline axing and talk of adopting the beleaguered Big Brother program? For shame, Mike. Don't be telling us fibs.

Further proof that Jordan may be onto something when she claims the world of polo is conspiring against her by refusing to allow her to attend Cartier's International Polo match (is it a match? Some sort of awards night? I honestly don't care, but I am outraged enough on Jordan's behalf to continue to bang on about the event regardless of my ignorance - incidentally, an approach I use when it comes to most subjects) - while Jordan may have been banned, that tiresome little slut puppy* from the Harry Potter films, Ms Emma Watson, was permitted to attend and used her time there to talk to many, many men.

Look at them all!

Unbelievable. Somehow Emma Watson dangerously using feminine wiles and devilishly throwing out come-hither looks like this -

- at polo playing menfolk (who probably all buggered each other senseless during their lonely years at exclusive private boarding schools - METAPHORICALLY SPEAKING, LAWYERS) is fine, but Jordan getting her tits out in a couple of magazines and naming her only daughter Princess Tiaamii and marrying the man responsible for Funky Junky means she's not allowed to attend the same function?

It's a messed up world, and I don't like it.

As if this woman isn't the epitome of class!

Jordan, yesterday, at a funeral...

Defamer Australia is right behind you on this very important issue, Jordan.

*VALE SOPHIA PETRILLO

Variety reports today that 20th Century Fox and Hallmark have reached a landmark licensing agreement granting the greeting card giant exclusive use of the studio's library. While Hallmark has already issued cards for properties like Napoleon Dynamite and has its eye on major titles including Futurama and The Sound of Music, Defamer wrangled a hold of mockups for Hallmark's "Turbulence at Fox '08" line — a selection celebrating the beauty and joy of life through Fox's bumpy year at the box-office. Follow the jump for a glimpse at warm greetings to come by way of Manoj Night Shyamalan, Eddie Murphy, The X-Files and others, and feel free to suggest your own heartfelt pairings as well.

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During my sojourn in Wellington last week, I happened to be joined for a couple of days by my dear former housemate Born Dancin', who was coincidentally sent there for work at the same time.

In between experiencing the somewhat underwhelming earthquake simulator at Te Papa (cheers, though, to the reader who suggested it as an activity!) and being embraced by the windy city's homosexual community (hello, all fourteen members we met after stumbling into Wellington's only gay bar! Thanks for the shots of Frangelico!), Mr Dancin' told me about the following video, stating it was the funniest thing he'd seen in an age.

He was right. This has thrilled me beyond belief.

Beloved Australian actress Rebecca Gibney recently had to move to Sydney in order to film her role in the Channel 7 drama Packed To The Rafters, but as Tasmanian newspaper The Mercury gleefully notes, she's not really enjoying her time in the Emerald City, and longs to return to more southerly digs.

The star, with artist husband Richard Bell and son Zac, 4, packed up her fresh-air Tassie farm in the Tamar Valley for the big smoke in February to begin shooting new Channel 7 drama Packed to the Rafters, which hits screens after the Olympics.

Now Gibney can't wait to get back to her rural retreat after filming on the first series wraps in two months.

"Sydney is a beautiful city, and it has been fun to have everything at your fingertips, but we have been constantly sick up here for the past four months," Gibney said.

"There have been bouts of pneumonia, the flu, it's definitely a sign to return to the country.

And possibly a sign that health officials need to investigate where exactly Gibney's been spending her time in Sydney, as it sounds dangerously as though the World Health Organisation need to step in and issue an early warning of some kind. I can only hope Sydney's most recent visitors, the Papalpalooza Massive, made it out of town free of illness.

For a guy who proclaimed back in 1999 that he only had one second of his fifteen minutes of fame left, Mark McGrath has proven to be a resilient feature on the entertainment circuit (and our weekly Dirt Sandwich) for well over a decade now. Sadly, though, it looks as if that streak may be coming to a close. Today's New York Post reports that the brass at celebrity infotainment staple Extra are looking to salvage the ratings-challenged show by axing both McGrath and his comely blonde co-host, Dayna Devon. Reports have these roles possibly being filled by Bayside High's most successful alum, secret chest shaver Mario Lopez. [NY Post]

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Good god, this is pretty much the worst thing I've ever heard - and it was only yesterday I learned from Jeff Kennett that all homosexuals like to molest children! Australia's Sweetheart TM and cancer survivor Delta Goodrem has been outed as a smoker by gossip blogger-turned-Famous-mag-columnist Perez Hilton.

Introducing himself to the magazine's local readers, Hilton huffed about seeing her puff during a recent visit to Goodrem's temporary Los Angeles home.

"I went around for tea at my fave Aussie Delta Goodrem's place the other day. She is the cutest thing, she's even learning sign language-- she's like Miss Perfect!," he wrote. "Although she does have one little flaw - she smokes and I hate cigarettes!"

Given the singer's clean image and cancer battle, Goodrem's mum was quick to say her daughter "had never touched a cigarette in her life".

"Perez has got that wrong. That's never been the case and never will be. It's just not Delta," Lea said.

"Even prior to (battling cancer) she wouldn't even consider smoking. She's a singer and values her voice. Some people around her smoke, but not Delta. She doesn't smoke, doesn't drink. It's just not her thing."

Doesn't drink, doesn't smoke, eh mum? This reminds me of when an Aussie gets busted with drugs overseas and their parents insist in the media "He/she wouldn't even take a Panadol when they had a headache!" and it later emerges said saintly young person's nickname in social circles is Three Pills McGillicutty, and they hold the local drug den's record for Most Near Fatal Overdoses (Heroin) and Best And Fairest (Dividing Cocaine Into Equally Sized Lines).

A hearty congratulations to Delta's publicist though, who has not only refuted Perez's claims, but has done so whilst slyly referencing one of Delta's hit songs - GENIUS!

A publicist for the singer also butted out the cigarette claims, stating the pack Hilton saw must have belonged to the singer's hair and make-up artist. She said "it was a case of mistaken identity".

May want to get those innocent eyes checked, Perez.

Astonishing as it is, Miley Cyrus — the little tween queen ofsexy "private" pictures that keep somehow keep becoming public — is currently at the centre of three separate scandalous stories. Last week, the 15-year old Jesus-loving and shirt-eating mini-millionaire not only accidentally (of course!) found herself the victim of an iPhone hacker who published naughty wet t-shirt shower photos of her on the web, in addition to being the provacateur of a YouTube revenge video against Disney rival Selena Gomez. But there is so much more! Not only has Miley instructed her publicist to apologise for her role in said video, but the belly-baring icon of all young Christians has just been targeted as Lifestyles Condoms' newest spokeswoman because a brand rep feels she's "relatable to the afflicted set," and another clever blogger has unveiled yet another borderline-scandalous series of photos featuring the husky-voiced star getting hot and heavy with yet another ex-boyfriend — and we can't help noticing just how well-timed this particular "leak" is with regard to enemy Gomez' recent hook-up to that man-boy in the middle of their rift, Nick Jonas:

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After an intense period of debate, stroppy siren Keira Knightley has reportedly rejected Paramount Vantage's request to digitally enhance her breasts in publicity photos for its fall drama The Duchess. It's a devastating blow to what remains of the studio's thinning clout, what with pink slips subbing for napkins in the cafeteria, its Oscar legacy threatened by a genre-mediocrity torrent to come, and one of its biggest stars steadfastly refusing to be... well, one of its biggest stars. It's not like there's not precedent here, however. Follow the jump for more, including a glimpse at Knightley's previous brush with the 'brush.

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After last year's Ryan Seacrest-in-the-round extravaganza, today comes more exciting news about a significant shakeup in the Emmy Awards format: This year's ceremony, scheduled for September 21 at the roomy Nokia Theatre, will be presided over by the five nominees in the new category of best reality host. (The shape of the stage is still under wraps, but we hear ABC is toying with an M.C. Escher-inspired endless staircase design that will provide raked seating for days!) Seacrest, nominated for his hosting duties on American Idol, will be joined by Survivor's Jeff Probst, Dancing with the Stars's Tom Bergeron, Deal or No Deal's Howie Mandel, and Project Runway's Heidi Klum. We've run promotional photos of all five hosts through our Defamer Combine-O-Tron 2000 (patent pending; any similarities to Late Night's If They Mated completely coincidental) to see what the host would look like if they melded them into one. The result? A not-particuarly-telegenic überhost, and distant cousin of the rare and wonderful pigkey!

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Mary Lynn Rajskub, 36, has given birth to her first child: a son, named Valentine Anthony. The father is her man-candy gym-trainer boyfriend Matthew Rolph, 28. Congratulations to both parents. We know we'll sleep a lot easier knowing the 24 star will no longer be visited by cravings of putting a hollow-point bullet in the world's skull. [People]

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· HBO prosthesiscore drama Tell Me You Love Me has abandoned its second season, with series creator/Jodie Foster tabloid companion Cynthia Mort releasing a statement explaining the creative team was "unable to find the direction of the show for the second season," blaming in part "the considerable amount of time" since the first season aired. Translation: "None of us could recall what any of our whiny characters were fighting about, and the shock of a set of slapping latex balls has sort of worn off." [Variety]
· Ellen Barkin, Ving Rhames and Rob Corddry have begun shooting on indie spy comedy Rogues Gallery—de facto work stoppage be damned! [Variety]
· Gilmore Girls' Alexis Bledel will star in The Good Guy, a romcom also starring Andrew McCarthy, Anna Chlumsky, and several other of your formative crushes. [THR]
· Studio, a show about Studio 54 and set in that cokeopolis's heyday, is coming to Showtime, with Bryan Singer in talks to direct the pilot "if his schedule permits." We have a feeling it'll permit. [THR]
· Family Guy showrunner David A. Goodman will adapt Last Blood—a comic about "human survivors of a zombie massacre who find themselves protected by a band of vampires who need their blood to survive"—into a feature. ("That reminds me of the time we feasted on Zsa Zsa Gabor at Frank Sinatra's house in Palm Springs. [Cue flashback].") [THR]

A memorial rummage through the Siskel and Ebert At the Movies archives over the weekend turned up a never-before-seen clip making their program's recent dissolution all the more lamentable. To wit, behold the critical duo in their prime, debating the merits of the then fledgling MTV series The Hills. "The movie paints a tragic picture of mindless, aimless, violent and destructive behavior," Ebert notes, nevertheless endorsing the saga as a trenchant read of contemporary youth culture. His late partner Gene Siskel concurred, clearly challenged by the "hyperrealism" of its internecine 20-something Hollywood warfare and Spencer Pratt's complex douchebaggery; in their squirms and haunted eyes, the two bring an emotional resonance likely to stop miles short of new At the Movies hosts Ben Lyons and Ben Mankiewicz. And so what if Siskel and Ebert's insights sound suspiciously like those from their 1995 review of Kids? Greatness makes its own coincidence. [Songs About Buildings and Food via Fimoculous]

The signs, as they say, were there. A rough-and-tumble kid from the hard streets of Echo Parque, Shia LaBeouf traded in tubesteak and greasepaint as a child, raised by hot-dog-vending clown parents. (A profession, if the lessons of Momzo are to teach us anything, which can frequently lead to movie star delinquency.) It would not be long before his magnetic screen presence and deft improvisational skills would catch the eye of a Hollywood in a desperate search for its next everyman superstar. But while he seemed up to the tasks of blockbuster movie-making—whether sexing a hyperdeveloped co-star on the hood of an anthropomorphic Camaro, or getting thwacked in the balls by jungle vegetation—it was off-screen that LaBeouf began developing a reputation for recalcitrance. Shia, they whispered, was capital-t trouble.

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Madonna broke into the public consciousness not because of her vocal talents, but because of her catchy tunes, dance fever, and suggestively nymphomaniac tendencies. But now, the nearly-50-year old has finally morphed into the modern day Britney Spears: she's forcing unwilling male stars to pull down their pants, she's making headlines mainly due to a messy divorce, rumoured affairs and plastic surgery rumours. Just as the British tabs begin to accuse the failed director/actress of going under a very sharp knife, it seems as though the exercise addict has used her seduction technique of shooting B-12 shots into hunky acquaintances' butts. But this time around, unlike the soaring success story that was Justin Timberlake's energizing vitamin-equipped ass, her second attempt on quasi-ex-husband Guy Ritchie's newest leading man, Gerard Butler, left the poor man's Clive Owen "severely ill." Butler's tale of Madge's terrorist attack on his "little bum," plus the allegations being made about how the extremes the Yankee doodler's "grueling" beauty regime have affected her oddly sharp cheekbones and "popping veins," after the jump.

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"You're a Bush! Act like one!" So begins the heartwarming teaser for W., Oliver Stone's lighting-round satire of George W. Bush's trajectory from hard-partying Texas schlub to dynastic political ringleader. And if we ever doubted the likelihood this would be a satire, one run through the casting roll call — a montage of furrowed brows and hammy smiles clearly drawing from the influential opening credits of Benson — all but confirms the variety-show flavor of the administration's antics. From Truman Capote as Karl Rove to Thandie Newton making her best law-circumventing face as Condoleezza Rice, this is shaping up to as the shrewdest political comedy of the season. NB: If our make-up looked as half-assed as Jeffrey Wright's does here as Colin Powell, we probably would have overturned the wrap party, too. Go easy on him, Shreveport. [via First Showing]

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We left you Friday with Kelsey Grammer's Job-like test of faith, in which he detailed for Jay Leno the steady onslaught of tragedy and near-death experiences to befall him in recent months. Now comes news the Swing Vote star has canceled four TV appearances, hospitalized for an irregular heartbeat after "feeling faint." [ET Online]

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How To Tell If You've Been Partying Too Hard: A Defamer Quiz
1. How many alcoholic drinks did you consume this weekend? Less Than 3 ( ) Between 3-7 ( ) More than 7 ( ) More than 150 ( )
2. Did you operate a motor vehicle while under the influence of alcohol? Yes ( ) No ( ) I can't remember ( )
3. Were you arrested? Yes ( ) No ( ) I have no comment at this time ( )
3B. If yes, what was the charge? Felony DUI ( ) Misdemeanor DUI ( ) Drugstore loitering ( ) Other ( )
4. Did you require surgery as a direct result of your drinking? Yes ( ) No ( ) Ow My Balls ( )
5. Did your partying directly or indirectly lead to the shutting down of production on a major studio tentpole? Yes ( ) No ( ) Back off. Gianter Fucking Robots Are Coming, OK? ( )

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A sweeping profile of Endeavor hit The NY Times on Sunday, placing the agency's arduous climb to power in a welcome new perspective. By virtually all accounts, ETA has "grown up" — from a puckish, oversexed boys club to a puckish, oversexed employer of Jodie Foster's rumoured lesbian paramour (and more than a half-dozen female partners, up from zero just a few years ago). But despite all Ari Emanuel's progressive brio, he still can't outrun CAA or his own choppy past — Michael Ovitz gets a fun body-blow in by the eighth paragraph, Ari not-so-strenuously deflects those nagging sale and/or merger rumours, and, for those who missed it, there's a recap of Endeavor's somewhat experimental sexual/ethnic chemistry:

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