Saturday, July 26, 2008
The Night Is Darkest Before The Dawn
11:15AM Mark Graham | If it weren’t for Dark Knight news, there wouldn’t have been much news at all. After dispatching the Joker, Batman took on his toughest foe to date, the deranged Momzo The Clown (specialty: extortion). Batman denies all of the charges, which is just fine with new Oscar frontrunner Aaron Eckhart. · NBC announced that Jay Leno will be abdicating his Tonight Show throne on May 29, 2009 while a disguised Jay Leno sat in the audience cracking wise. Meanwhile, Jimmy Fallon will be spinning his wheels online for a few months before they let him loose on air. · Miley “Slut!” Cyrus took to the YouTubes to wage war on her new rival, Selena Gomez. · If you come within 1,000 yards of Brangelina’s test tube babies, Brad Pitt will beat you to a pulp. · We finally learned what Judd Apatow’s favourite season of The Wire was. · Surfer dude Matthew McConaughey cashed a $3 million check from OK! for baby pictures of young prince Levi. · Maybe it’s just us, but Lyons & Mankiewicz doesn’t quite have the same ring as Ebert & Roeper (let alone Siskel & Ebert). · Cuts at Vantage and Netflix made it another tough week for indie film. · Fer sure, fer sure, we counted down our favourite Valley Girls. · Don’t bother with MapQuest, NPH can tell you how to get, how to get to Sesame Street. · And finally, the passing of Estelle Getty affected everyone, from teary YouTube eulogists to our own Molly McAleer. The saddest part? None of the Golden Girls made it to the funeral. Nevertheless, the memory of Sophia Petrillo will always live on.
Kelsey Grammer Brings The ‘Tonight Show’ House Down
11:00AM Seth | · Kelsey Grammer dropped by The Tonight Show to talk about what it feels like to have a near-fatal heart attack, and the devastating cancellation of Back To You, and the phone call to his hospital bed telling him to clear his Fox offices, and the death of his dog, and the death of his mother. Happy weekend, everyone! [The Tonight Show] · Just a little taste of what you’re missing at Comic-Con. (Warning: May contain traces of bespandexed nutsack.) [Wired] · The final Britney/K-Fed verdict is in. She has to pay him $20,000 a month in ridiculous-watch-game upkeep fees. [Reuters] · A rundown of what Comic-Con visitors saw at today’s The Wolfman panel included some footage and an eerie tagline—”The power of Satan to change men into beasts”—that we’re almost positive was used in a Paris Hilton fragrance campaign. [AICN] ·And finally, we proudly present one of God’s Mistakes: The pigkey. [BWE.tv] More »
Nothing Neil Patrick Harris Can Say On ‘The View’ Will Dissuade Us From Reporting That Britney Spears Has Eight Heads
10:45AM Seth | With two days of dog-hair-flinging and abortion confessionals throwing The View set into chaos, the impish presence of noted slingback sprite Neil Patrick Harris came as a welcome relief. Of course, the panel went straight in for the Britney kill: Harris was open about the experience of hosting the troubled singer’s two-episode guest arc on How I Met Your Mother, noting that she was “out of her element,” but that it was “cool” and that “she’s looking better now.” Still, burned before, he acknowledged that anything he said would likely be twisted beyond recognition by a scandal-hungry celebrity media machine. He then insinuated, with nothing more than a cocked eyebrow and sidelong glance to Whoopi Goldberg, that Britney propositioned the five series regulars with a celebratory wrap orgy. More »
If It Weren’t For Those Silly No-Smoking, No-Cursing Rules, Katherine Heigl Would Totally Go Mormon
10:30AM Molly Friedman | Katherine Heigl has never failed to shock us, whether she’s yapping about her highly tuned gaydar or wearing dresses made out of The Darjeeling Limited’s costume leftovers. But her latest comments on her childhood spent growing up Mormon suggest that, on top of burning Emasculated Husband Joshua Kelley’s pinky finger and forcing him to wait until the very second her biological clock beeps “Procreate!” to have kids, she may even make the poor guy raise said kids Big Love-style. As she recently told a British tab: “I’m not as disciplined about it was I once was, but I hope to find my way back as I get older and a little less selfish…I’m ashamed to say that I’ve just got very lazy about it. I satisfy my vices instead of fighting them.”
Trouble in ‘Nottingham’: Is Ridley Scott’s Robin Hood on the Rocks?
10:10AM STV | A note slipped over the Defamer transom this afternoon hints that all is not well in Nottingham, Ridley Scott’s reimagining of the Robin Hood legend which was set to begin shooting with Russell Crowe and a really, really, really excited Sienna Miller sometime next month. But we’re hearing now that the film — which twists Crowe’s Sheriff of Nottingham as the hero against Robin Hood’s ruthless thief — is postponed indefinitely. SAG strike fears, as Miller alluded to in June? Unavailable historical background on Maid Marian’s merkin? Inquiries to Universal (which last year paid seven figures for the script) and Scott’s pals at Imagine Entertainment weren’t immediately returned, leaving us in the lurch for a long weekend to come. Alas, we’ll always have Costner. More »
Why Keira Knightley’s Newest Rival Will Never Be ‘The Next’ Pout-y Princess
9:50AM Molly Friedman | The Brits are always fond of reminding us of just how many stars they’ve discovered, sent our way, and watched dominate the last decade’s Best Actress Oscar pool. And Keira Knightley is certainly one of their most notable success stories. But as much as they love gushing over their own born-and-bred A-listers, whenever a newer, younger little Brit with potential comes along, they love yanking that shiny crown off the last pout-y superstar and placing it atop the unknown’s pretty-ish head. Which leads us to 16-year-old Georgia “The Next Kiera Knightley” Groome, the upcoming star of the irresistibly-titled Angus, Thongs, And Full-Frontal Snogging, hailed by The Daily Mail as Bridget Jones for teenagers. But after reading more about the film and its quirky dialogue (imagine a script co-written by Diablo Cody and Anthony Burgess), not to mention its leading lady’s disturbing ignorance on all things Johnny Depp-related, we came up with three reasons why Georgia will have a hard time filling Keira’s impossibly narrow shoes:
Secrets From The Mum Of Seacrest
9:30AM Mark Graham | That familiar feeling is washing over us all again. It’s the same feeling that we get at the end of each and every work week. You know what we’re talking about. Your brain is tired, your stomach is empty and you’re ready for it just to be the weekend already. Well, before you head home to tip back a few root beers, make sure you get a good base going by grabbing hold of this week’s Dirt Sandwich with two hands and tearing into it with reckless abandon. Nothing gets the weekend started like Molly McAleer’s exquisitely crafted, open-faced look at the wonderous world of celebrity infotainment program. From Christian Bale’s arrest for assault to James Blunt’s orgy off the isle of Ibiza, you can bet that all of your cravings will be (at least temporarily) satisfied once you let the glory of the Dirt Sandwich wash over you. Enjoy! WATCH VIDEO More »
And Now Your Friday Downer: No ‘Golden Girls’ Made It To Estelle Getty’s Funeral
8:50AM Seth | Uh-oh—don’t let that crying kid on YouTube see this, lest we prepare for a tsunami of waterworks that could very well short-out the entire internet: None of the surviving Golden Girls showed up to Estelle Getty’s funeral. Not even her own daughter. Inside Edition tracked down two of the three to find out where they were: More »
Today in Comic-Con Hell: Rose McGowan Fellates Knife, Benicio Del Toro Stays Awake
8:25AM STV | As noted here yesterday, we missed the Fox PR Caravan to San Diego Comic-Con, but that shouldn’t suggest we don’t (or you shouldn’t) care about the geek gangbang unfolding as we speak. To the contrary, we’ve actually managed to find a handful of highlights worth passing along, from Rose McGowan’s overactive tongue to Benicio Del Toro’s narcolepsy to an all-Lego Batman — and more! It’s the next best thing to not being there, we promise!
