Post-9/11, aircraft passenger demands to see the pilot would probably be met with a nice pair of handcuffs, but "back in the day" Elton John was free to speak to whomever he damn well wanted, even if his urge to banter occurred midflight.

To honour this innocent cocaine-fuelled time in music - and continuing our celebration of Forgotten Pop Gems Of Yesteryear - let's revel in the bouncy goodness that is Elton John's 'Take Me To The Pilot'. I can't find an official clip to save my life, so here's Reg performing it live in 1992.

Peter Andre and his missus Katie 'Jordan' Price - officially the world's most amazing couple (seriously, read Peter Andre's autobiography and you'll laugh your arse off/fall in love/smash your head against the nearest available brick wall) - are taking their riveting dynamic to "a whole new world"... the world of DANCE, MOTHERFUCKERS, DANCE.

Katie Price and Peter Andre are to star in the next season of Strictly Come Dancing.

The couple are reportedly in advanced talks with TV producers, who have been trying to sign them up since the ballroom-dancing show kicked off four years ago.

How I wish we were able to watch this program in Australia. Still, there's always YouTube.

Also, let's take a moment to marvel at the duo's resilience.

It was revealed last week that Katie and Pete's ITV2 chat show was axed, but they will return with Katie and Peter: The Next Chapter.

Brilliant. You get axed, you dust yourself off and come back with "The Next Chapter". I approve heartily.

In conclusion, because it's a tradition around these parts whenever I write about the Price-Andres...

(Via Seriously? OMG! WTF?)

Today's Clip Of The Day comes courtesy of Defamer Australia reader Phoebe, who sent me a very nice email and will now be invited to my next birthday party, should I ever have one again.

I am having a flashback to eating soggy Weetbix while watching cartoons before school.

It seems inevitable that a little Kiwi culture should soak in as I frolic across the Tasman, and so I'd like to present to you a video clip from a Noo Zulland band known as The Hot Grits which I happened to stumble across whilst channel surfing last night.

I think it's cute as hell, but apparently it's been banned by TVNZ. The song sounds a little Los Lobos to me, and I enjoy it.

So there you go.

Could it be that after years of acting like complete twonks, The Footy Show are starting to feel the effects of their knobbishness where it hurts - in the ratings?

Evidently viewers are deserting the show, particularly in Sydney, where dismal ratings are adding to Nine's already especially dire annus horribilis. Can anyone say "suck on it"?

The unexpected decline has been concentrated in the past three weeks, with the show struggling to top ABC1's political debate program Q&A - and being beaten by it in key periods.

While producers are at a loss to explain the sudden desertion, the show's founding executive producer believes the similar opinions of panel members Paul Vautin, Matthew Johns, Paul Harragon and Laurie Daley was turning the show "a little beige".

"They're very careful what they say about players and I understand why, but I don't think that necessarily helps out television," Gary Burns - now Nine's Event TV executive producer - said.

[...]

The Footy Show's Sydney audience fell to 186,000 viewers after Origin game three, a record low beaten last week when the audience plummeted to 166,000.

That's down from an average 271,000 viewers in March.

Goodness, beaten by an ABC political chat show! Perhaps the whole "Ha ha, this (disabled) guy is totally blind drunk!" debacle was the straw that broke the camel's back, ratings-wise?

Then again, that would suggest that NRL fans have a conscience.

So, er, in that case, top work, Tony Jones!

After numerous "OMG TOO YOUNG" scandals in the modelling world over the past year (most recently Polish teenager - like, a fourteen year old teenager - "Jak" posing in a swimsuit in the bathtub), it seems David Jones are keen to cover their arses in advance of their Summer Collection parades. In other words, they've introduced an '18 and over' policy for their runway models.

"It is a really good thing, and terrific David Jones has gone on the front foot," Kathy Ward from Sydney-based modelling agency Chic management said last night.

"It will be a disappointment to some of the girls because they are so keen and being on the catwalk for someone like David Jones is a fantastic experience," she said.

"However it is a positive move and one that is good for the industry."

Ms Ward said she would have to inform some of her models who had already auditioned for this season's catwalk that they would no longer be eligible.

"I only found out myself yesterday and they will be let down.

"But it's a good thing. The girls have to be mature and finish school and I see nothing negative in DJ's move."

Yes, it's very sad for the poor little baby models and everything, but seriously? FINALLY! I for one am sick of children selling me adult clothes - at least 18 year olds are somewhat more equipped to shop in the grown-up section at DJs, which is what the Summer (and Winter) Collection parades are advertising!

Stupidly handsome (seriously, he makes me swoon and I should know better) celebrity boyfriend Jake Wall seems to have been bitten by the film bug after appearing in the flick Cedar Boys.

The former chippie and model will soon be seen as a hard-core crim after filming scenes in Maitland jail for the upcoming Cedar Boys flick last week.

A gritty low-budget thriller set in the western suburbs, the film is set to turn Wall's public profile - as Hawkins's other half - on its head.

"I really enjoyed playing that type of character, something totally opposite me," Wall told The Daily Telegraph.

You mean you're not a hard-core crim, Jake? Good lord. This makes your work on Cedar Boys sound dangerously close to acting.

In a refreshing display of honesty, Jake reveals he is well aware his dabbling in the world of showbiz would not have been possible were it not for the fact he is in a relationship with Jennifer Hawkins, the former Miss Universe who, due to Australia's adorable ability to give even our most feminine of icons blokey nicknames, is occasionally referred to as Hawko.

"I don't deny that a few of the opportunities that I've had wouldn't have been there if I wasn't with Jennifer, but hopefully I have made the most of those opportunities.

"But it's definitely not hard being her boyfriend. She's supportive of whatever I do. And I'm supportive of what she's doing, so it's all good."

Oh, go and make beautiful babies already, you two. You're making me sick.

· Rainn Wilson fulfilled a lifelong fantasy Friday, and reported the weather on CNN. It's about as thrilling as it sounds. [CNN via BWE.tv]
· Portuguese soccer star Cristiano Ronaldo has been hanging around WeHo while he recovers from knee surgery, apparently with Scary Spice's legs on loan until he's back in tip-top shape. [Just Jared]
· Michael Bay isn't trying to reinvent the kickass Transformers teaser wheel here, folks: Get your "Even Gianter Fucking Robots Are Coming" Transformers 2 T-shirts while they're hot! [Slashfilm]
· Here's how to hack a Chuck E. Cheese animatronic house band with terrible Usher music, to much YouTube acclaim. [detnews.com]
· Good news, lesbians! You can keep calling yourselves that. [BBC]
· We'd hate to leave you without photos of adult-contempo cretin James Blunt partying on some yacht with Coachella casualty Gary Dourdan and a bunch of randy birds. [Daily Mail]

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After many months spent posing topless in glossies, making out with girls, and staging her very own wet t-shirt photo shoots, Miley Cyrus is finally giving up on that whole innocent tween image perfected by Disney and is officially turning into Lindsay Lohan. As MSNBC reports, Cyrus is supposedly "really interested" in nabbing a role in Undiscovered Gyrl, a screen adaptation of an as-yet-unreleased novel written by Naomi Watts' ex-fiancé. So what does the role of "Gyrl" entail? The plot of the novel revolves around an 18-year old blogger whose interests include alcohol abuse, sleeping around with as many men as possible, and reckless partying. Naturally, a part like this will require several nude scenes, meaning the 15-year old belly dancer and tween icon would finally get paid for revealing her naughty bits this time around, should she get the part. But stripping down and playing bad girls on-screen isn't the only sign that Miley is Lindsay 2.0 — thanks to her newfound (nudity-based) fame, the underage millionaire has already launched a nasty war of words against her competition, morphing into a real-live Mean Girl overnight:

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Despite Her Blake Incarcerated remaining, well, incarcerated for the forseeable future (27 months, to be exact), apparently Amy Winehouse's biological clock has started ticking (or it could be the egg timer she ate mid-crack-binge, thinking it was a delicious apple, but that's anyone's guess).

Not only that, but she wants FIVE children with her No Good™ husband. Now that's a life goal if ever I heard one!

In an interview published today Miss Winehouse talked of the couple's plans for a large family.

'I want at least five kids,' she said. 'I want twins. Blake is gonna be the most amazing dad.' She said the couple wanted identical twins.

But Fielder-Civil will not be released until at least December after admitting beating up a pub landlord and attempting to pervert the course of justice.

Incidentally, when I first skimmed the headlines this morning, I misread that piece's title as "Amy wants five children JAILED WITH Blake".

Which, honestly, is probably just as likely to be true as the real headline is, when you think about it. After all, there was a time when Blake looked as though he feasted on the blood of virgins every full moon, so maybe it's time for him to start again - and Amy just wants to give him the gift that keeps on giving!

Frankly, I don't need to know much more about the Big Brother finale after party than this.

With the bubbly and beer flowing, BB winner "Nana" Terri Munro and fellow housemate Dixie Crawford were spotted riding toy ponies around the party room at the Surfers Paradise Marriott.

Bitches know how to roll.

It was the Blockbuster Scandal That Ate the Morning! There it was, splashed across the pages of every paper from The Gotham Times to the Gotham Mirror: Batman was behind bars for allegedly attacking his own sister and mom—in a sense turning him into the very kind of societal ill he'd committed his life to ridding using a wide variety of bat-shaped objects. Out on bail and charged with no crime, Bale's lawyer told reporters the accusations aren't true:

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First the 21st birthday debacle and now this - Nikki Webster's heartache at a recent split with a fellow has been splashed all over Facebook, although it's Nikki who is doing the splashing...

The self-styled "gay icon" has had a recent run of bad luck having split with her mystery boyfriend and endured a nightmarish lost luggage incident. As a result the former Olympic Games princess has been pouring her heart out on her Facebook page.

Nothing wrong with that! Isn't it what social networking sites are for? Spilling your guts and picking up virtual strangers?

I loved this piece of Anthony Robbins-esque inspiration one of her Facebook chums left on her wall, too.

But Nikki, who describes herself as "looking for a relationship" on the site, has been flooded with messages of support following the break-up: "I'm sure whoever that mean boy is is wishing for your sweet, SWEET strawberry kisses Nikki," writes one Facebook friend.

Note to self: add Nikki Webster as a Facebook friend, and then make countless Strawberry Kisses based gags on her wall.

I had no idea Nelly was even around anymore because I am not totally switched on when it comes to all things youth and hip hop, but it appears the man who singlehandedly tried to turn BandAids into facial accessories is not only alive, but dating Joss Stone! Yes, he's allegedly "diggin' on" the British soul princess.

British soul singer Joss Stone is reportedly dating Amercian rapper Nelly.

The British star has been on several secret dates with the 33-year-old US rap star - who is 12 years her senior - and is said to be smitten with him.

A source revealed: "Joss and Nelly have been out on a few dates. It's early days but Joss is really happy. It's great that she has met someone as successful as she is and who understands the pressures of being a performer."

This means that Joss no longer has to carry through with her threat of becoming a lady-diver.

The music star - who recently performed at a Hollywood awards ceremony for the Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation - quipped: "Every girl my age wants to be in a relationship, but I haven't had one for two years. I think I'll have to turn lesbian!"

That's pretty much how the whole gay thing works, so I understand. Can't find a good man, nestles between the comforting legs of a female acquaintance, finds some sort of happiness to pass the time until the menfolk resume interest, rinse, repeat.

As THR reported recently, MGM is planning a musical remake of the cult classic Valley Girl, which became the epitome of everything the magical land of acrylic nails and gum chewing addictions stood for in the early `80s. However, the remake is ruffling the feathers of many an industry insider, mainly because the brains behind this project are less interested in revisiting the infamous twang and mall headquarters associated with girls from the Valley, a group the film arguably captured better than any successor. Instead, the epic soundtrack will serve as the reincarnation's primary subject. But whether or not the idea tanks, we're just happy to have the chance to round up our five favourite on-screen Valley Girls to ever gag us with a spoon:

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Today, friends, is one that brings us deep concern for the ladies of The View. First, we learned that outspoken pro-life activist Sherri Shepherd "had more abortions than I would like to count." (How many, we wonder, would she have had no problem with counting?) Then came this uncomfortable exchange between veteran nutjob Shirley MacLaine—who, let's face it, hasn't been playing with a full Mah Jong set since somewhere around the Hoover administration—and Elisabeth Hasselbeck:

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PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our millions of Defamer operatives. We'd like to remind you that this feature is powered by you, so if you want to see more installments of PrivacyWatch, then all you've got to do is to send us your sightings. Submit yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line so we don't lose them) and tell everyone about the time you saw Adrian Grenier getting ready to Diving Bell the Butterfly out of "some model looking chick."

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We're hearing today that Madonna might not be the only entertainment interest Alex Rodriguez reportedly plans to get into: According to The Wall Street Journal (via ESPN), the Yankees slugger and bachelor-to-be inked a deal with William Morris "in an attempt to extend his brand beyond the baseball diamond." A-Rod joins Dwayne Wade, Serena Williams and Kevin Garnett among WMA's athlete clientele, an affiliation he and manager Guy Oseary are hoping will nudge him deeper into commercials, endorsements, video games, self-help literature, yoga tutorials, reality-TV dance competitions, and, most importantly, an IMDB headshot and STARmeter ranking that won't embarrass the shit out of his rumoured paramour. Yes, A-Rod, we agree — it's time. (Click the image for a larger view.)

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· Sony Pictures Classics is close to picking up Synecdoche, New York, Charlie Kaufman's sprawling directorial debut spanning 40 years in the life of a guy who tries to mount the greatest play of all time. It began as a real-time project, but has since been whittled down to a far more digestible two hours, four minutes. [THR]
· Nia Vardalos's long-awaited follow-up to My Big Fat Greek Wedding, My Life in Ruins, will be distributed by Fox Searchlight. In it, she plays a travel guide who gets her groove back while touring through Greezzzzzzzzzz. [THR]
· The Wiffler: The Ted Whitfield Story, is an "indie baseball mockumentary" set in the world of competitive wiffleball during the 1994 MLB strike. [Variety]
· Christian "Fierce™" Siriano will design all the looks for the young title character of Eloise in Paris, trying his best not to make the famed Plaza Hotel resident not look like some hot French tranny hooker mess. [Variety]
· From the people who brought you American Pie 2: Michael Vartan and David Cross will play "bitter tire store rivals" in Demoted. [THR]

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Unless it results in an extra getting thrown off the set of Transformers 2 for lunch crimes against Michael Bay, we're not generally in the blog-comment monitoring business. But some flame wars are so spectacular (and some news days so implacably slow) they defy ignoring — especially when obvious intoxication is involved, and especially when the offending party himself is the only one around to catch fire.

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Estelle Getty, best known for playing The Golden Girls's stroke-disinhibited Shady Pines-escapee Sophia Petrillo, has passed away at 5:30 a.m. after a long bout with Lewy body dementia. She was 84. Her son told reporters earlier today, "She was loved throughout the world in six continents, and if they loved sitcoms in Antarctica she would have been loved on seven continents. She was one of the most talented comedic actresses who ever lived." That sounds about right. We leave you now with this Sophia anecdote, and encourage you to leave your own in the comments:

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Feel like crying today? Great! Thanks to Natalie Portman, queen of bizarre short films that never fail to please, a new music video collaboration with her homeless-but-hot folk singer boyfriend Devendra Banhart will bring on the tears. Whether they're from fits of laughter or rage, we can't say for sure. What we do know? This acid trip of a video starring Natalie as Princess Carmensita and Devendra as her "ratty-assed Compadré," whose impressive Harry Potter treasure trail peeks out from various loincloths, might just be the best short Natalie has ever been in. Sure, her Gangsta Rap on SNL was epic ("All the kids lookin' up to me can suck my dick!"), her bare butt saved Hotel Chevalier from putting us to sleep, and the best short film from Paris, Je T'Aime featured Natalie in one of the most romantic visions of Paris we've seen to date. But can any of these compare to killer snakes flying out of her eyes, demon avatars best viewed while stoned, or watching Natalie transform herself into an octopus, whose tentacles Devendra "entangles himself in"? Watch this truly bizarre video after the jump.

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Always on the lookout for the next bushy-stashed, swarthily complected foreigner to add to his comedic repertoire, Sacha Baron Cohen has attached himself to a comedy pitch snapped up by Fox Atomic. From Bruno co-writer Peter Baynham, the movie is based on those ubiquitous billboards and DASH ads you've likely idled behind in traffic countless times before. Yes, Accidentes, the adventures of "el mejor abogado," is coming to a cinema near you:

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Monday's news that Roger Ebert and Richard Roeper officially ended their eponymous film-review show might have presaged a dark, thumbless era of criticism, but we're learning today that all is not lost. The higher-ups at Disney are reportedly set to relaunch At the Movies with unique incestuous flava for a new generation, inviting E! fluffer Ben Lyons and ex-Young Turk/current TCM host Ben Mankiewicz aboard for all the middlebrow, multiplex-ready chatter America can stand. And to hear the guys tell it after the jump, they can't wait to get started:

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At NBC's TCA press conference yesterday, network co-chairs Ben Silverman and Marc Graboff confirmed their plans to eject Jay Leno from The Tonight Show via jerry-rigged catapult device on May 29, 2009. That gives them only three rushed days to erect a new set and change the dressing room door names from "Kevin Eubanks" to "Masturbating Bear" for the premiere of replacement host, Conan O'Brien. There to press the executives on the questionably motivated decision to fire the highest-rated name in late night (Graboff insisted they'd like to keep Leno at NBC Universal, but give us a break): Leno himself, disguised in a bald wig, goatee, and glasses:

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The unstoppable Dark Knight Dark Publicity&trade campaign—what Terry Gilliam describes as a "great white shark which devours whatever it can"—continues to feed hungrily on bad-news chum. We're still waiting for more specific details on what Christian Bale did, exactly, to his mother Jenny, 61, and sister Sharon, 40, that led the two to file assault charges against the actor, ultimately leading to his arrest today at London's Dorchester Hotel. As The Sun first reported, the actor, in town for the European premiere The Dark Knight, "lashed out" at the family members at the hotel Sunday night. Both lodged a complaint yesterday, but officials apparently held off for Bale to attend a series of press conferences and last night's premiere in Leicester square. A police spokesperson would only offer: "A 34-year-old man attended a London police station on Tuesday by appointment and was arrested in connection with an allegation of assault. He currently remains in custody."

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If it's true that he who laughs last laughs loudest, then we can hear M. Night Shyamalan this morning cackling all the way from his exurban Philadelphia enclave. Less than two months after his beleaguered The Happening hurdled billboard vandals and epidemic critical loathing on the way to wallet-fattenting coup, Cash-Machine Manoj announced a deal with financiers Media Rights Capital to develop and produce a slate of films through 2011.

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