Evidently Channel Nine is hoping to create another star-studded drama serial that they won't be able to show in Victoria, so they can spend a few more dollars on court costs, because network head honcho David Gyngell has given the "make rocket go now" nod to an Underbelly "prequel" series.

Provided it involves lots more swearing/killing/punching on/boobs, we're happy!

Speaking exclusively to Confidential yesterday, the ironically media-shy boss said that he was "really excited" about the 13-episode series scheduled to begin production in September.

"The best television drama always warrants a second season and Underbelly is no exception," he said.

"It was the best television many of us have seen in a very long time."

Involving most of the stellar cast from the first gangland epic series - with a heavy focus on Vince Colosimo's character Alphonse Gangitano - the prequel will converge on building the background to the colourful characters.

And it will show their involvement in the Melbourne underworld before the arrest of Carl Williams in 2004.

But will the real life Carl Williams write sooky letters to his mother from jail about how this one makes him look like a "dickhead"? Will Roberta Williams take her top off again? Will we still enjoy mimicking Vince Colosimo's hilarious Lygon Street twang as we yell "I'M ALPHONSE GANGITANO!" at no one in particular?

Only time will tell!

After Melbourne's Herald Sun Confidential made it clear that the hopes of the nation (i.e. their hopes for a brand new gay icon) were resting on the shoulders of Ian Thorpe, the Thorpedo has gone and dashed their hopes on the craggy rocks of heterosexuality. He is, it seems, dating a woman.

Can't you just feel their disappointment?

Former swimming champion Ian Thorpe has nudged one step closer to diving into the deep end of his famously private love life.

But it may not create the splash most were anticipating.

After quitting his swimming career to get a life and lessen the intense media scrutiny, the Thorpedo has once again created ripples after last week announcing he was in love with "a special someone".

After initially refusing to reveal the gender of his "newbie" love, the master of suspense yesterday announced it was indeed a female who has caught his eye.

"I am in a new relationship and I am very happy ... except she lives on the other side of the world," Thorpe told Woman's Day.

It's surprising to think that the Confidential crowd haven't gotten over the idea that a man who likes fashion and tanning and occasionally wears pearl necklaces isn't necessarily gay, but there you have it.

It's okay, Confidential, call LifeLine or something.

· When did they let this moaning, twitching, four-legged freak-creature (two white legs, two black with socks on) into the Big Brother 10 house? Look away! It's positively monstrous! [Arguably NSFW.] [B-Side Blog]
· Ben Silverman told TCA today that the Amy Poehler is actually starring in a completely separate project from that Office spinoff. In other Poehler news, Lorne Michaels said that her departure from SNL will be a "big loss." (Rifling around frantically for our Kristen Wiig doll...There you are. Hugggies.) [THR, LAT]
· Patrick Swayze looking surprisingly hunky for someone with inoperable pancreatic cancer. Go get 'em, Bodhi! [Daily Mail]
· The poster for Alan Ball's True Blood makes us quiver with antici. (Count to three.) Pation. [Slashfilm via AICN]
· Remember that time you were thinking to yourself, "If only I had a visual dictionary of a wide variety of baby animals." Well, today is your lucky day. Even Four-Legged BJ Monsters are cute when they're babies! [Baby Animal Alphabet]

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Dave McCormack love continues here at Defamer Australia. Just had a squizz at my new BFF's MySpazz blog and laughed my arse off at this entry.

Cooking and health on the road......

Current mood: hungry
Category: Food and Restaurants

Being a hugely successful rock star and media identity means a lot of travel. And travelling means grabbing whatever food you can, whenever you can. Over the years, I have developed many handy tips and tricks for eating right and feeling good on the road. After a sweaty gig and with a belly full of booze, it is tempting to head for the nearest kebab or burger or pizza or cheesecake. Instead, why not head straight back to the hotel room. Every hotel room contains all we need for a fully fledged rock and roll kitchen; a hairdryer, a jug for boiling water and an iron. With these handy implements and a bit of forethought, a tasty, nourishing midnight meal is only seconds away.
First thing to do is to get your hands on a nice leg of lamb. We all know lamb has been a celebrated dish for centuries - lamb is served at weddings in the Middle East, Jews love it for Passsover and it has been a Christian Easter favourite for longer than I can remember. Avoid mutton if possible. Good quality lamb is available all year round and you should have no problem getting a leg or two from the 7-11 as your drive back to the hotel in your Tarago after the gig.

Simply grab the lamb and push it neatly into the electric jug until it is in far enough to close the top. The lamb should make a tender squelching sound and be soft to the touch when it is fully enclosed. Turn the jug on and then run yourself a nice hot bath. By the time you pull your wrinkly soaked body from the tub, your lamb will be done to perfection. Feel free to chuck a few sprigs of rosemary and a bit of garlic in there with it for extra seasoning.

For those with a sweet tooth, simply grab some vanilla beans, some ripe figs, 3 tablespoons of cream and about 100ml (enough to cover a small baby's head) of Cognac or Armagnac. Get yourself a hotel pillow case (discard the pillow itself for now) and throw in all the ingredients. Lift the bulging sack above your head and swing it round like a helicopter rotor blade. When fully combined, open the end of the pillow case and give it a blast with the hairdryer (make sure it is set to maximum) for about 10 minutes. Allow to sit for 30 minutes and you will have a tradition rock and roll "soggy pillow" dessert. If you don't like the texture of uncooked figs, use poached figs. Nice.

Finally, for a meal in a second, grab some squid, 2 large tomatoes and some vermouth or white wine. From the cupboard, extract the ironing board and the little folder of information that you find in every hotel room. Remove some pages and spread the ingredients out, placing another page on top, a bit like a sandwich. Vigorously iron the mixture for about 5 minutes. Once again, the iron must be on maximum. Taste and adjust seasoning, sprinkle with parsley. Serve with sliced sourdough bread.

So there you have it. Using a little bit of knowledge and ingredients readily available from service stations, truck stops, adult novelty stores and convenience stores throughout the land, you will be the envy of all your band mates and fans.

Remember, cook responsibly.

Love,

David

The man is a genius.

Perhaps to our discredit, we had long ago relegated disgraced fashion designer/tacky Web-site proprietor Anand Jon Alexander to the quiet corners of our minds where accused serial rapists like him (59 counts, at last check) await trial. Sharon Waxman, meanwhile — who extensively interviewed AJ and pored over eight volumes of grand jury transcripts for an article in the new issue of Los Angeles — acknowledges that the testimony of the aspiring models he allegedly assaulted is both "damning" and "extremely weak in places," implying that Alexander's case may not be as open-and-closed as we'd suspected once it goes to trial in September. "Anand Jon does not appear to be a nice guy," she writes. "But that is not a crime in any state."

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Just two weeks after Matthew McConaughey had his first child, he's already lost the pregnancy weight. If that's not reason enough to hate him, there's also this trailer for Surfer, Dude (if you're confused by that comma, just wait until you watch the the video!), a stoner comedy for people turned off by Pineapple Express's high production values and ability to elicit laughter. What's going on here? Well, several famous weed-enthusiasts (Woody Harrelson, Willie Nelson) have contributed their talents to a project seemingly conceived not to send up McConaughey's reputation, but rather to enable it: The entire thing seems like it was shot in short bursts between surfing runs and rent-a-car hotboxing opportunities, by the very same P.A.s who sauntered up to McConaughey in Malibu with tar-stained outline in hand, pledging, "We'd throw paparazzi down for you, brah."

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Man, it's getting to the point where I wonder if I even need to report on the likelihood of the NBC remake of Kath & Kim sucking, since it's such a scientifically proven inevitability.

The latest is that a thinktank of sorts has been convened in order to sex up the show.

Yes. They want to make it sexier. Really, why did they even bother? Hey NBC, I have another amazing Australian TV show for you to remake - it's called A Country Practice!

The production is rumoured to have had a major shake-up in recent days, with a number of key crew - including the director, director of photography, the hair and make-up team and editor - apparently being replaced.

The first episode, which is due to go to air on NBC on October 9, is understood to be undergoing heavy reworking and may even be reshot.

NBC has invested heavily in the show, giving it prime placement in its Thursday evening comedy line-up. But sources say executives have asked the show be "more highly stylised".

"Think CSI: Comedy. They want to de-Kath & Kim it a bit," the industry insider said.

"CSI: Comedy"? They want to de-Kath & Kim it?? Why don't they just call it "Kath & Kim", but have it be about a wisecracking goldfish who provides relationship advice for a fat, lonely comic-book writer who lives in downtown Brooklyn?

The bookies were right - lovable slightly racist grandmother Terri took out this year's Big Brother crown, leaving Rory and Ben in her wake. But thankfully, given her age, not at her wake*.

Grandmother Terri has taken out the eighth and final series of Big Brother.

The 52-year-old retail worker from NSW edged out bricklayer Rory and law student Ben to win the competition and $250,000 cash.

Terri is the oldest contestant in the Channel Ten show's history.
The Pauline Hanson-supporting housemate burst into tears when the announcement was made.

After seeing footage of herself Terri said she couldn't believe she had made it onto the program.

"How did this ugly, old lady get on the show?'' she said.

Bless her.

As I missed the finale (being in New Zealand where, shockingly, the general populace appears to not give a damn about the goings at Dreamworld), I must ask you, belved readers - any highlights, embarrassments, etc in the final show I should know about?

I can't believe I miss the last show, you know. Sort of gutted. Anyone got it taped?

*Kidding, fifty-somethings! She's sprightly and has at least another forty years in her!

Ha ha ha, I love it when Amy Winehouse's No Good™ husband Blake Fielder-Civil has to suck eggs, and since she seems to be mostly over him (or at least just too wasted/demented to remember she has a husband) these days, that means I get to enjoy it with delicious regularity.

In this instance, Amy forgot to show up at Blake's sentencing! But his girlfriend did!

Tell 'er what she's won, Joe - a beautiful marriage!

Amy Winehouse didn't turn up to see husband Blake sentenced today but his reported girlfriend was in floods of tears outside the court.

Blonde German model Sophie Schandorff, 21, was obviously distraught after the hearing, which saw Fielder-Civil sentenced to 27 months in prison today for grievous bodily harm and perverting the course of justice.

Schandorff caused a stir at court in April when she was in Winehouse's usual place to support Fielder-Civil and the couple were seen to mouth 'I love you' to each other.

Awesome, sounds like everyone's getting along well, then!

Anyway, looks like Fielder-Civil will spend another four or so months in jail, if he behaves himself (and I have to say, he does look surprisingly healthy in his most recent mugshot), though he's been sentenced to 27 months, yadda yadda yadda. WIN!

After pulling out of the Australia's Next Top Model finale (citing a reason to the tune of "I don't do live television"), and then fleeing to the beach when the probing questions got too much, and then having the Foxtel boss say she wasn't going anywhere, it seems Jodhi Meares has decided to set the record straight.

She has done this by, er, giving a rather evasive interview in which she kinda sorta maybe says she won't be hosting the modelling show next year.

"It's not something that I ever agreed to do, or would ever agree to do," Meares told Grazia.

"I am not an entertainer, I don't aspire to handle crowds of that level. I said that upfront and Foxtel were totally fine about it."

[...]

Meares called police to fend off reporters at her Sydney home last week before fleeing to Hamilton Island.

And any plans to salvage her Foxtel contract are off the agenda, with Meares saying she does not expect to stay in the media.

"I don't see it as something I will need to manage in the future," she said.

Well, as much as I think the whole fracas dissolved into a bit of a farce, I have to say I'm not going to mourn her departure (you know, if she does depart); her hosting duties have been, how you say, actually a bit shit.

Aside from the fabulous Charlotte Dawson, who else would make a good AusNTM host? Mink? Miranda Kerr? Jeannie Little?

At long last, Dina Lohan has figured out a way to put all those rumours about her fictional former career as a Rockette to rest. In a clever and trademark bout of not-so-subtle child manipulation, Dina arranges for the always-bored Cody to publicize her very own Vegas show starring Dina, her jazz hands, and a pair of leggings that look suspiciously like a knock-off of Lindsay's blow job-ready version. With Ali's career at its inevitable standstill, Dina decided to show her little ones how a real stage star gets the job done: con your child into playing PR boy for your otherwise blip on glitter-dusted Vegas' star-studded radar, and feign shock and scorn for the cameras after Cody's adorable promotional fliers are hung all over town. And still, amidst all the excitement of Dina's return to solo stardom, we viewers learned yet another essential trifecta of lessons on how to belittle your son, blow off pony-tailed Carlos Leon-wannabes who just want a piece of your delicious arse and, of course, dance like it's 1989:

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Tireless, chin-mole-free multi-hyphenate Sarah Jessica Parker is donning yet another hat, and this one you'll be pleased to hear contains not a single twig-sculpture or lepidoptera specimen. Rather, she'll be executive producing a new Bravo reality competition from Project Runway/Top Chef studio Magical Elves. The discipline? Like, art:

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Paul Thomas Anderson enthusiasts, take note: Word from the Largo mailing list (via /Film) has a PTA-scripted performance by Maya Rudolph and Fred Armisen going off Aug. 5-6 at the club's new space at the Coronet Theater. Organizers are keeping mum about everything but the price — $25 — and that tickets are available now. As the second home of Anderson's frequent composer Jon Brion (who maintains a regular Friday gig) and other collaborators including Michael Penn and Aimee Mann, Largo seems a reasonable stopover for the filmmaker, though it hardly seems right that Fred Fucking Armisen unofficially inherits Daniel Day-Lewis's leading-man mantle in the "mad, beautiful" continuum that is the PTA canon. Rudolph though? OK, sure, we can see it. [Largo via /Film]

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Whenever a long-standing couple like Sarah Silverman and Jimmy Kimmel hit the skids, we feel the need to play Emma and set the lovelorn kids up with someone new ASAP. And since we were the ones who debunked the news that Jimmy had already rebounded with one of his writers, we feel like we should continue our tradition of suggesting a few paramours for the pair of funny people. See our suggestions after the jump.

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· Fergie has joined the ever-growing cast of the Weinstein Co.'s Nine. In her first role in a major motion picture, she'll play "Saraghina, a lusty woman who introduces [Daniel Day-Lewis's character] to the world of sexuality" by lowering her drawbridge, extending a long straw, and sucking down the frothy contents of his simmering desire. In some ways you could almost say that she'll drink his manshake—she'll drink it up! (Forgive us.) [Variety]
· Mad Men endured another critic-derived facial, being named TCA's program of the year, best new program, and best drama. [Variety]
· British actor James Purefoy close to signing on as the lead in The Philanthropist, an NBC series about "a renegade billionaire who uses his wealth to help people in need no matter the risks or costs" that's loosely based on Donald Trump's life. [THR]
· Selma Blair's new sitcom Kath & Kim will take 30 Rock's 8:30 p.m. Thursday slot, with 30 Rock pitching camp in the far MILF-friendlier environment of 9:30. [THR]
· High School Musical: Get in the Picture underperformed for ABC, curtailing that network's plans for spinoffs High School Musical: My First Internet Photoscandal and Being Miley: The Search for America's Next Virgin Slut. [Variety]

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One of the most stirringly batshit films we've seen this year, Heidi Fleiss: The Would-Be Madam of Crystal debuts on HBO tonight after a successful premiere run at last month's Los Angeles Film Festival. We've tipped you previously to some of the harrowing dynamics herein: Ex-madam Heidi Fleiss nabs a land deal in Pahrump, Nev., where she'll attempt to make her comeback with an all-male brothel for women. Civic outrage, meth relapses and an inheritance of tropical birds conspire to scuttle her dream. Hilarity decidedly does not ensue.

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A movie set can often be a busy place—so many people! Doing so many different things!—so a hardworking actress like Rosie Perez can be forgiven if she occasionally slips up on a makeup girl or AD's name. But what about, say, shitting the bed when crediting the star of her current movie, who also happens to be to the writer, on a national TV appearance? Wait—we're not done yet. Now, let's say she doesn't just mispronounce it, but replaces it entirely with a popular men's hair-restoration product. What then? We're torn, ourselves. On the one hand, Perez is just about cute enough to get away with it. On the other, did you really think his name is Seth Rogaine, Rosie? Like, really? Are we next to hear about your exciting guest arc on The Bad Mother's Handbook starring Propecia Silverstone?

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In light of some breaking hair-related news involving future fugitive Katie Holmes, we must admit that we've underestimated the Scientology prisoner. As the Daily Mail reported over the weekend, Broadway's least-alluring celebrity rookie recently chopped off even more of her already chin-grazing bob, and even dared to pull out those hair curlers in what could be the beginning move in a new strategy to finally flee the Knights of Hubbard. Though Kate's "boyish" cut may backfire, it's a clever plan nonetheless. Below, we provide five of the best examples of drastic 'do-caused catastrophes directly linked to highly publicized breakups, from Jennifer Aniston's self-conscious bob that led to Brangelina, to Cameron Diaz's unfortunate goth dye job that failed to inspire any future sex or love sounds from Justin Timberlake:

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We bring sad news from the ongoing Film Critic Death March: In a broken-down negotiation that we like to imagine at one point contained the exchange, "You're asking for how much money?! You think you two are the only Ebert and Roeper out there? Someone get me a Chicago phone book and I bet I'll find you an Ebert and Roeper with an opinion about movies. Even a monkey (who happens to be named Ebert and/or Roeper) could do your job!" the two star critics have pulled out of their show At The Movies With Ebert & Roeper, with legendary opinion-haver Roger Ebert hinting at disastrous creative changes to come:

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In a landmark decision for bodice rippers and the networks who love them, a trio of federal judges today threw out the FCC's $550,000 fine against CBS for the Super Bowl "wardrobe malfunction" that exposed Janet Jackson's right breast in 2004. The damning decision resulted in a miserable spoof by Justin Timberlake at last night's ESPY Awards and, worse yet for the FCC, essentially wiped out the upgraded decency standards implemented after the broadcast — at least for live shows, which required the judges to buy CBS's defence that the nip slip was an "accident."

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We now have a better idea of how long Jimmy Fallon will be made to spin in an NBC.com hamster wheel before his big network debut: The Leno/O'Brien passing of the not-entirely-thought-out-torch will occur at the end of May 2009: "Jay Leno will sign off as host of The Tonight Show on May 29, 2009, with Conan O'Brien taking over the storied franchise on Monday, June 1, 2009." Asked for comment on this Jeff Zucker-hunch gone awry (that comes with a reported $40 million penalty fee to O'Brien should they pull out), NBC co-chair Marc Graboff told the TCA, "We made our decision and I'm happy with it. NBC will continue to dominate late-night." [TV Week]

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Maybe it came out of concerns over his tepidly reviewed performance at Just For Laughs, where the straight-faced-challenged former SNL star delivered on the audience's darkest fears with groaner ditties like "You Spit When You Talk" and "Car Wash For Peace." In any case, the strange talent-shuffle scheduled at NBC late night —ratings-leader Jay Leno ejected from his Tonight Show job, Conan O'Brien shuffled in to take his place, and Jimmy Fallon ushered into the post vacated by O'Brien—has become just that much stranger. Dark Canadian comedy overlord Lorne Michaels announced Fallon would cut his teeth with a web-based mini-show leading up to his big gig:

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Relief swept Defamer HQ today as we can finally close the book on the long, tortured saga of Fanboys, the terminal-cancer by-way-of-Skywalker-Ranch buddy comedy whose scissoring (and presumed dumping) at the hands of Harvey Weinstein provoked such authentic fanboy outrage last spring. But now a press release from Darth Weinstein himself announced that Fanboys will receive a second premiere this week at San Diego ComicCon — now with fans' "extensive feedback" added to the final cut.

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I had been looking forward to Glow all week and arrived at the Pacific Palisades Park giddy with anticipation. Perhaps, though, I should have taken this overheard comment as a fair warning: "Omigod," said a girl as she passed me by Saturday night, "Nothing is glowing."

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We heard from plenty of friends and acquaintances who were tragically shut out of The Dark Knight's opening-weekend Bat-magic; having procrastinated on purchasing IMAX tickets, it was a tough week to be a casual moviegoer and partake of history's biggest smash. Thank God for Craigslist, we suppose, where at least if you can withstand the Joker-costumed throngs queued up around the block for their fourth viewing, a deal awaits — if you call $60 for two ducats a "deal":

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You look nervous. Is it the scars? You wanna know how we got 'em? Come here. Look at us. One night, we couldn't sleep, so we turn on QVC. They're pushing something called the Facial Flex Facial Exercise and Toning Kit. We figure, "Why not? Our jowls could use some tautening." So it comes in the mail, see—but the first time we use it, something goes wrong. Very, Very wrong. Now we always see the funny side! We're always smiling! Hey—who's up for box office numbers! HAHAHAHAHA!

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The Dark Knight's record-breaking opening left us entranced by not only its tsunami of cash, but also by the news, commentary and other unclassifiable phenomena we spotted in its wake around the Web. For your Monday morning convenience, here's a glimpse at what the biggest three-day box-office weekend in history will get you:

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