Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Bang Bang, You’re F–ked Again: Nine Greenlights ‘Underbelly’ Prequels
12:04PM Clem Bastow | Evidently Channel Nine is hoping to create another star-studded drama serial that they won’t be able to show in Victoria, so they can spend a few more dollars on court costs, because network head honcho David Gyngell has given the “make rocket go now” nod to an Underbelly “prequel” series.
Provided it involves lots more swearing/killing/punching on/boobs, we’re happy!
Speaking exclusively to Confidential yesterday, the ironically media-shy boss said that he was “really excited” about the 13-episode series scheduled to begin production in September.
“The best television drama always warrants a second season and Underbelly is no exception,” he said.
“It was the best television many of us have seen in a very long time.”
Involving most of the stellar cast from the first gangland epic series – with a heavy focus on Vince Colosimo’s character Alphonse Gangitano – the prequel will converge on building the background to the colourful characters.
And it will show their involvement in the Melbourne underworld before the arrest of Carl Williams in 2004.
But will the real life Carl Williams write sooky letters to his mother from jail about how this one makes him look like a “dickhead”? Will Roberta Williams take her top off again? Will we still enjoy mimicking Vince Colosimo’s hilarious Lygon Street twang as we yell “I’M ALPHONSE GANGITANO!” at no one in particular?
Only time will tell! More » 
Ian Thorpe Disappoints All By Dating A Lady
11:10AM Clem Bastow | After Melbourne’s Herald Sun Confidential made it clear that the hopes of the nation (i.e. their hopes for a brand new gay icon) were resting on the shoulders of Ian Thorpe, the Thorpedo has gone and dashed their hopes on the craggy rocks of heterosexuality. He is, it seems, dating a woman.
Can’t you just feel their disappointment?
Former swimming champion Ian Thorpe has nudged one step closer to diving into the deep end of his famously private love life.
But it may not create the splash most were anticipating.
After quitting his swimming career to get a life and lessen the intense media scrutiny, the Thorpedo has once again created ripples after last week announcing he was in love with “a special someone”.
After initially refusing to reveal the gender of his “newbie” love, the master of suspense yesterday announced it was indeed a female who has caught his eye.
“I am in a new relationship and I am very happy … except she lives on the other side of the world,” Thorpe told Woman’s Day.
It’s surprising to think that the Confidential crowd haven’t gotten over the idea that a man who likes fashion and tanning and occasionally wears pearl necklaces isn’t necessarily gay, but there you have it.
It’s okay, Confidential, call LifeLine or something. More » 
Four-Legged ‘Big Brother’ BJ Monster Spotted In Broad Daylight!
11:02AM Seth | When did they let this moaning, twitching, four-legged freak-creature (two white legs, two black with socks on) into the Big Brother 10 house? Look away! It’s positively monstrous! [Arguably NSFW.] [B-Side Blog] Ben Silverman told TCA today that the Amy Poehler is actually starring in a completely separate project from that Office spinoff. In other Poehler news, Lorne Michaels said that her departure from SNL will be a “big loss.” (Rifling around frantically for our Kristen Wiig doll…There you are. Hugggies.) [THR, LAT] Patrick Swayze looking surprisingly hunky for someone with inoperable pancreatic cancer. Go get ‘em, Bodhi! [Daily Mail] The poster for Alan Ball’s True Blood makes us quiver with antici. (Count to three.) Pation. [Slashfilm via AICN] Remember that time you were thinking to yourself, “If only I had a visual dictionary of a wide variety of baby animals.” Well, today is your lucky day. Even Four-Legged BJ Monsters are cute when they’re babies! [Baby Animal Alphabet] More »This Is One Of The Best Rock Star MySpazz Blog Entries I’ve Ever Read
10:50AM Jess McGuire | Dave McCormack love continues here at Defamer Australia. Just had a squizz at my new BFF’s MySpazz blog and laughed my arse off at this entry.
Cooking and health on the road……
Current mood: hungry
Category: Food and Restaurants
Being a hugely successful rock star and media identity means a lot of travel. And travelling means grabbing whatever food you can, whenever you can. Over the years, I have developed many handy tips and tricks for eating right and feeling good on the road. After a sweaty gig and with a belly full of booze, it is tempting to head for the nearest kebab or burger or pizza or cheesecake. Instead, why not head straight back to the hotel room. Every hotel room contains all we need for a fully fledged rock and roll kitchen; a hairdryer, a jug for boiling water and an iron. With these handy implements and a bit of forethought, a tasty, nourishing midnight meal is only seconds away.
First thing to do is to get your hands on a nice leg of lamb. We all know lamb has been a celebrated dish for centuries – lamb is served at weddings in the Middle East, Jews love it for Passsover and it has been a Christian Easter favourite for longer than I can remember. Avoid mutton if possible. Good quality lamb is available all year round and you should have no problem getting a leg or two from the 7-11 as your drive back to the hotel in your Tarago after the gig.
Simply grab the lamb and push it neatly into the electric jug until it is in far enough to close the top. The lamb should make a tender squelching sound and be soft to the touch when it is fully enclosed. Turn the jug on and then run yourself a nice hot bath. By the time you pull your wrinkly soaked body from the tub, your lamb will be done to perfection. Feel free to chuck a few sprigs of rosemary and a bit of garlic in there with it for extra seasoning.
For those with a sweet tooth, simply grab some vanilla beans, some ripe figs, 3 tablespoons of cream and about 100ml (enough to cover a small baby’s head) of Cognac or Armagnac. Get yourself a hotel pillow case (discard the pillow itself for now) and throw in all the ingredients. Lift the bulging sack above your head and swing it round like a helicopter rotor blade. When fully combined, open the end of the pillow case and give it a blast with the hairdryer (make sure it is set to maximum) for about 10 minutes. Allow to sit for 30 minutes and you will have a tradition rock and roll “soggy pillow” dessert. If you don’t like the texture of uncooked figs, use poached figs. Nice.
Finally, for a meal in a second, grab some squid, 2 large tomatoes and some vermouth or white wine. From the cupboard, extract the ironing board and the little folder of information that you find in every hotel room. Remove some pages and spread the ingredients out, placing another page on top, a bit like a sandwich. Vigorously iron the mixture for about 5 minutes. Once again, the iron must be on maximum. Taste and adjust seasoning, sprinkle with parsley. Serve with sliced sourdough bread.
So there you have it. Using a little bit of knowledge and ingredients readily available from service stations, truck stops, adult novelty stores and convenience stores throughout the land, you will be the envy of all your band mates and fans.
Remember, cook responsibly.
Love,
David
The man is a genius. More » 
Accused Rapist Pitches Jail Ordeal as Stephen King-Meets-M. Night Shyamalan
10:40AM Defamer Hollywood | Perhaps to our discredit, we had long ago relegated disgraced fashion designer/tacky Web-site proprietor Anand Jon Alexander to the quiet corners of our minds where accused serial rapists like him (59 counts, at last check) await trial. Sharon Waxman, meanwhile — who extensively interviewed AJ and pored over eight volumes of grand jury transcripts for an article in the new issue of Los Angeles — acknowledges that the testimony of the aspiring models he allegedly assaulted is both “damning” and “extremely weak in places,” implying that Alexander’s case may not be as open-and-closed as we’d suspected once it goes to trial in September. “Anand Jon does not appear to be a nice guy,” she writes. “But that is not a crime in any state.” More »
‘Surfer, Dude’ Confirms Matthew McConaughey’s Schtick Not So Cute When You’re Required To Pay For It
10:20AM Seth | Just two weeks after Matthew McConaughey had his first child, he’s already lost the pregnancy weight. If that’s not reason enough to hate him, there’s also this trailer for Surfer, Dude (if you’re confused by that comma, just wait until you watch the the video!), a stoner comedy for people turned off by Pineapple Express’s high production values and ability to elicit laughter. What’s going on here? Well, several famous weed-enthusiasts (Woody Harrelson, Willie Nelson) have contributed their talents to a project seemingly conceived not to send up McConaughey’s reputation, but rather to enable it: The entire thing seems like it was shot in short bursts between surfing runs and rent-a-car hotboxing opportunities, by the very same P.A.s who sauntered up to McConaughey in Malibu with tar-stained outline in hand, pledging, “We’d throw paparazzi down for you, brah.” More »
US ‘Kath & Kim’ Continues To Miss The Point
10:18AM Clem Bastow | Man, it’s getting to the point where I wonder if I even need to report on the likelihood of the NBC remake of Kath & Kim sucking, since it’s such a scientifically proven inevitability.
The latest is that a thinktank of sorts has been convened in order to sex up the show.
Yes. They want to make it sexier. Really, why did they even bother? Hey NBC, I have another amazing Australian TV show for you to remake – it’s called A Country Practice!
The production is rumoured to have had a major shake-up in recent days, with a number of key crew – including the director, director of photography, the hair and make-up team and editor – apparently being replaced.
The first episode, which is due to go to air on NBC on October 9, is understood to be undergoing heavy reworking and may even be reshot.
NBC has invested heavily in the show, giving it prime placement in its Thursday evening comedy line-up. But sources say executives have asked the show be “more highly stylised”.
“Think CSI: Comedy. They want to de-Kath & Kim it a bit,” the industry insider said.
“CSI: Comedy”? They want to de-Kath & Kim it?? Why don’t they just call it “Kath & Kim”, but have it be about a wisecracking goldfish who provides relationship advice for a fat, lonely comic-book writer who lives in downtown Brooklyn? More » BB08: And With The Nanna’s Triumph, It’s All Over For Big Brother
10:09AM Jess McGuire | The bookies were right – lovable slightly racist grandmother Terri took out this year’s Big Brother crown, leaving Rory and Ben in her wake. But thankfully, given her age, not at her wake*.
Grandmother Terri has taken out the eighth and final series of Big Brother.
The 52-year-old retail worker from NSW edged out bricklayer Rory and law student Ben to win the competition and $250,000 cash.
Terri is the oldest contestant in the Channel Ten show’s history.
The Pauline Hanson-supporting housemate burst into tears when the announcement was made.
After seeing footage of herself Terri said she couldn’t believe she had made it onto the program.
“How did this ugly, old lady get on the show?” she said.
Bless her.
As I missed the finale (being in New Zealand where, shockingly, the general populace appears to not give a damn about the goings at Dreamworld), I must ask you, belved readers – any highlights, embarrassments, etc in the final show I should know about?
I can’t believe I miss the last show, you know. Sort of gutted. Anyone got it taped?
*Kidding, fifty-somethings! She’s sprightly and has at least another forty years in her!
More » 
Amy Winehouse Round-Up: Blake Fielder-Civil Edition
9:59AM Clem Bastow | Ha ha ha, I love it when Amy Winehouse’s No Good™ husband Blake Fielder-Civil has to suck eggs, and since she seems to be mostly over him (or at least just too wasted/demented to remember she has a husband) these days, that means I get to enjoy it with delicious regularity.
In this instance, Amy forgot to show up at Blake’s sentencing! But his girlfriend did!
Tell ‘er what she’s won, Joe – a beautiful marriage!
Amy Winehouse didn’t turn up to see husband Blake sentenced today but his reported girlfriend was in floods of tears outside the court.
Blonde German model Sophie Schandorff, 21, was obviously distraught after the hearing, which saw Fielder-Civil sentenced to 27 months in prison today for grievous bodily harm and perverting the course of justice.
Schandorff caused a stir at court in April when she was in Winehouse’s usual place to support Fielder-Civil and the couple were seen to mouth ‘I love you’ to each other.
Awesome, sounds like everyone’s getting along well, then!
Anyway, looks like Fielder-Civil will spend another four or so months in jail, if he behaves himself (and I have to say, he does look surprisingly healthy in his most recent mugshot), though he’s been sentenced to 27 months, yadda yadda yadda. WIN! More » 
Jodhi Meares Might Be Leaving ‘AusNTM’. Maybe.
9:47AM Clem Bastow | After pulling out of the Australia’s Next Top Model finale (citing a reason to the tune of “I don’t do live television”), and then fleeing to the beach when the probing questions got too much, and then having the Foxtel boss say she wasn’t going anywhere, it seems Jodhi Meares has decided to set the record straight.
She has done this by, er, giving a rather evasive interview in which she kinda sorta maybe says she won’t be hosting the modelling show next year.
“It’s not something that I ever agreed to do, or would ever agree to do,” Meares told Grazia.
“I am not an entertainer, I don’t aspire to handle crowds of that level. I said that upfront and Foxtel were totally fine about it.”
[...]
Meares called police to fend off reporters at her Sydney home last week before fleeing to Hamilton Island.
And any plans to salvage her Foxtel contract are off the agenda, with Meares saying she does not expect to stay in the media.
“I don’t see it as something I will need to manage in the future,” she said.
Well, as much as I think the whole fracas dissolved into a bit of a farce, I have to say I’m not going to mourn her departure (you know, if she does depart); her hosting duties have been, how you say, actually a bit shit.
Aside from the fabulous Charlotte Dawson, who else would make a good AusNTM host? Mink? Miranda Kerr? Jeannie Little? More » 