Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Guess The Beautifully ‘Tanned’ Chest!
1:22PM Jess McGuire | Flicking (well, clicking) my way through the very enjoyable, if not vaguely hysterical, pages of the UK’s Daily Mail, I was thrilled to see a particular showbiz favourite of mine strolling shirtless on a beach, displaying the kind of holiday colouring reminiscent of a lobster… or should I say, Lobster Thermidor?
Can you guess who this charming chest belongs to? Find out after the jump. More » 
Dina Lohan, Mother Of The Century: ‘Hef’s Girlfriends Are Very Pretty.’
10:40AM Molly Friedman | In the grainy land of reality show famewhoring, sometimes a pair of boobs will come together and a cable miracle is born. And that’s exactly what happened last night when we saw our maternal icon, Dina Lohan, meet our paternal icon, Hugh Hefner. On the latest edition of television’s most reliable guide to parenting, Dina taught us some highly unique strategies in order to effectively downsize your son’s balls, fake your way to the fountain of youth via Me-Time, and prove to your tweenage daughter just how insanely awesome and superior you are by making her choose between “Mr. Hot” and a career in music best left for those with actual talent. The newest lessons learned from Living Lohan, below: More »
Miss Universe Australia Does Alright, Eh, Eh!
10:15AM Clem Bastow | While I wouldn’t normally consider a beauty pageant newsworthy (you know, unless it’s one of those ones held in a transsexual hard labour prison), I guess this is relevant to someone’s interests: Miss Universe Australia Laura Dundovic and her “interesting” dress have made it to the Top Ten of the storied feminist sweepstakes.
Predictably, she was shocked and delighted:
Miss Universe Australia national director Deborah Miller, who was in Vietnam, said the 21-year-old impressed everyone with her natural charm.
“I think the organisers liked her because she is intelligent and she would represent the competition well at official engagements,” Ms Miller said.
“She has natural beauty.”
She said Ms Dundovic had been “blown away” by how well she had done.
“She was in shock,” she said.
“She is so down to earth that I don’t think she had realised how well she would do.”
Countdown to a Postcards appearance starts now, and once that countdown reaches liftoff, the countdown to a Zoo Weekly expose of “I was young and needed the money” photos will then begin. Synchronise watches, everyone. More » 
Why You Don’t Care About Eddie Murphy
10:15AM Defamer Hollywood | We needed a little time today to digest our feelings after the miserable box-office showing of Meet Dave, whose free-fall over the weekend resulted in the ugliest opening of Eddie Murphy’s career. Not having seen it, we have to assume that $5.1 million gross aside, the film is at least superior to Norbit (not to mention Vampire in Brooklyn, Pluto Nash and a sprinkling of other Murphy misfires over the years). We’d even venture to say it’ll be better than Beverly Hills Cop IV, the PG-rated abomination to which Murphy and Brett Ratner are attached for Paramount. Certainly it’s better than The Love Guru, whose own beleaguered comic icon Mike Myers had flowers and a thank-you note on Murphy’s porch by sometime Sunday afternoon. More »
Defamer Australia On ‘The Dark Knight’: Duh, It’s Incredible
10:14AM Clem Bastow | Thanks to the fine and wonderful people of Village Roadshow, I was able to pass myself off as a member of the MySpace Generation (here’s the science bit: I wore skinny jeans) and attend yesterday’s “OMG first in Australia” Black Carpet screening of The Dark Knight.
After having read Peter Travers more or less wett ing his pants over the film in Rolling Stone, and Time’s Richard Corliss do much the same, not to mention the extensive viral marketing and ear-bleeding levels of pre-release buzz, it would be an understatement to say that expectations were at an all-time high. More » 
Fulfilling Our Quarterly ‘Aussie! Aussie! Aussie!’/Sports Coverage Quota
10:04AM Clem Bastow | Unless it pertains to Wayne Carey doing something sinister or Shane Warne sending a hilarious text message, you’ll notice that we’re not exactly sports mad here at Defamer Australia. However, at least in the case of your Associate Editor, I do make exceptions for the Tour De France, and feel it’s only right to bring you the news that local lad Cadel Evans (pictured with a special friend) has pulled on the Yellow Jersey in the famous road race. Anything else would be practically un-Australian.
In other words, those of you who don’t follow cycling, go make your coffee now:
Cadel Evans became the fifth Australian to claim the Tour de France leader’s yellow jersey after finishing eighth in the 10th stage in the Pyrenees won by Leonardo Piepoli (Saunier Duval), of Italy.
In a spectacular display of courage after sustaining severe cuts and bruises to his left side in a high speed clash in Sunday’s ninth stage, Evans (Silence-Lotto) now leads the Tour by the smallest margin.
It’s okay, it’s over now. Thus endeth (unless he wins) Defamer Australia’s official coverage of the Tour De France.
Breathe, you made it. Let’s hold each other for a bit…
…Wanna make out a bit, too?
No, I didn’t think so. More » 
Pope Benedict XVI’s Visit Sparks LOLPOPE Fever In Photo Editors
9:52AM Clem Bastow | As Defamer Australia’s fearless leader noted yesterday, Pope Benedict XVI’s visit to Australia for World Youth Day has induced intense excitement in the Catholic/Christian community – but it seems that the photo editors of the nation just can’t get enough of that Papal goodness, either! Here are a sampling of today’s efforts.
First we have this rather subtle, blink and you’ll miss it offering:Pope Benedict hearts you!
And then there is this equally subtle, yet slightly confusing and disorienting number:It reminds me of the bit in Mortal Kombat where the dude’s head pops up, shouting “TOASTY!” And the Peter Cundall reference – why??
But the front page of today’s Herald Sun website saves the best ’til last:Truly, as I once read an anonymous forum sprite exclaim after seeing a particularly good animated GIF, “Guys, I am standing up and applauding right now – this is the greatest party for my eyes.”
Top work, everyone! May the Papal fever never be cured!
More » 
Sunday Rose Round-Up
9:43AM Clem Bastow | As predicted, little Sunday Rose Kidman Urban continues to be a source of incredible non-news, whether it be Nic and Keith – OMG! – leaving the hospital to go home, or Sunday Rose burping, or Keith Urban going to the kitchen for a Milo and a Milk Arrowroot, we’re sure to be updated on every minute detail of her young life.
So, I give you this “source”-based news, via about twenty different actual news sources:
The new mum and her singer husband are undecided whether to release a photograph of the newborn tot, but if they do it will be for free, reports The Sydney Morning Herald.
A source said, “They don’t think it’s appropriate to make deals. They are still deciding how they feel about (it) – if and when they will release a photo at all. But they realise there is enormous interest from the public and they are grateful and appreciative of that.
“Nicole and Keith have been enjoying their first few days at home with their firstborn tot – Nicole is thinking about things like breastfeeding right now.”
Mmm, substantialicious!
Seriously, though, the whole Sunday Rose hysteria did lead to at least one bit of notable journalism – News Ltd blogger Jack Marx whipped up a very funny post beating the unimaginitive punning subeditors of the world to the punch with a lifetime of Sunday Rose-related headlines. My favourites are:
What A Difference A Day Makes
A sure Walkley winner should it accompany photos of Sunday laughing along with Nicole’s publicist, Wendy Day.
Mostly Stormy But A Cool Change Sunday
Should suit a series of paparazzi pics showing Sunday in a dreadful mood then, at last, smiling coyly for the cameras.
Go to it, you’ll lose less brain cells than you will reading the women’s mags. More » 
YouTube Clip Of The Day
9:30AM Jess McGuire | KISS versus Michael Jackson. But of course.
As reader Elmo (the spunky lass who sent us the clip) so nicely puts it, “WHAT IN THE SHIT IS THIS?” More » 
Jodhi Meares Will Not Be Leaving ANTM, Charlotte Dawson Stocks Up On Voodoo Dolls
9:22AM Clem Bastow | Bad news for those who were hoping Charlotte Dawnson and her sassypants would snatch the Australia’s Next Top Model hosting spirit stick from Jodhi Meares after her, er, underwhelming (i.e. nonexistent) performance in the role come grand finale time: Foxtel sez Meares isn’t going anywhere.
Somewhere in the suburbs of Sydney, Charlotte Dawson is contacting Fiona Horne to see how she can make a Wiccan career spell out of a pile of Tigerlily samples and a can of kerosene.
The pay-TV channel’s CEO Brian Walsh slammed reports claiming executives on the model contest were “furious” after Meares pulled out of the live decider over stage fright.
“Nothing could be further from the truth. I rang Jodhi on Friday and reiterated the fact she has our full support and apologised for the media circus it’s become,” Walsh told Confidential yesterday.
“We won’t be discussing contracts (for next year) until next month, but I told her to go have a holiday and forget about it.”
Blah blah, whatever, but what’s most exciting is that at the very least, as the piece goes on to note, it looks as though big things are planned for Dawson anyway:
Walsh had good news for Dawson too, revealing the Foxtel femme had been “earmarked” to host a major new series for the network next year.
“I haven’t talked to her about it yet but it has a big live component with a studio audience and I think she’d be great,” Walsh said.
And, rumour (read: The Vogue Forums) has it that Dawson and Alex “Tiny Mouth” Girdwood will be muscling in on Demelza’s Vogue shoot, which would be amazing and create hilarity for all.
So you see? All is well with the world. More » 