Poor booted Bianca :(

(Bianca) Benigno from Queensland, who was evicted from the Network Ten series last night, says she's still upset that contestants were tricked into thinking there was a "mole" in the house, and told they must find out who it was.

"I cannot see the benefit for us for doing that task, it completely mentally tortured us for three days," Benigno said today.

Maybe I was wrong, Big Brother. Maybe it was better to totally mess with their heads and turn them against each other for no reason? MY APOLOGIES.

Still think you need to ditched Kyle & Jackie O and bring in Charlotte Dawson, though. Jackie's on stage asides - like last night's conversational "Oooh, I don't know what's going on between Brigitte and her boyfriend, something's not quite right there..." - doesn't come off as particularly insightful for some reason, just strangely unprofessional. I can say this without fear of hurting Jackie O's feelings as the Sunday Life profile on her the other week revealed Jackie can laugh at criticism now.

Good for you, babes.

Throughout the whole "OMG Jodhi Meares!" fiasco following her Australia's Next Top Model finale no-show, news.com.au have been doing what they do best - peppering articles about her with "Read More" and tenuously relevant "Gallery" links.

The latter led to this particular gallery, Jodhi Meares: the Packer years. So far, so pointless - until you get to photo #8:

You're right, eagle-eyed model experts, that is Erica Baxter modelling the-then-Mrs Packer's wares.

The caption reads:

Designer Jodie Packer (right) with a model as she prepares for her Australian Fashion Week parade for her new swimwear label Tigerlily, 2000.

A perhaps more appropriate caption, in light of events between 2000 and 2008, might have been "Designer Jodhi Meares with her future-ex-husband's future wife."

How did they not pick up on that!? (Although the misspelling of her name looks like it may contain some clues as to the "on it"-ness of the photo and sub-editors, she was in fact "Jodie" until 2002.)

In any case, I believe this is checkmate, Jodhi Meares. Actually, checkmate everyone.

God, sometimes I love nerds so much I just want to eat them up - and this is one of those instances. The current season of Doctor Who had its finale this past weekend, which was cause enough for excitement and debate amongst the Who fans as it was - 10 million viewers tuned in - but approximately 2500 of them found something else to get het up about.

In short: they were angry that a mobile number that appeared on screen numerous times during the cliffhanger was not a direct line to the TARDIS.

More than 2,500 fans - whipped into a frenzy of anticipation after a cliffhanger ending in which it appeared that star David Tennant might be leaving as the Doctor began regenerating - dialled it before the last episode aired on Saturday.

One fan complained: 'They showed that number so many times, as if they were asking for it to be called.'

But their attempts to contact their hero on his personal number - 07700 900461 - came to nothing when they discovered that it would not connect-Writing on the BBC's website, one disgruntled viewer said: 'Grrr - I phoned the Doctor's phone number but there was just an annoying network message.

'What's the point in showing a phone number if you're not gonna use it?!'

Ofcom, the TV industry watchdog, said the number was simply one reserved for use in television dramas.

A spokesman added: 'It wouldn't have cost anything to call these numbers because they are not real.

Oh god, it's almost too much! "Grr - I phoned the Doctor's number"!

It's like the bit in Galaxy Quest where the nerds find out that the show's universe was real after all - except here, it isn't real. Damn you, BBC!!

Even though in the past few years I've made the permanent switch, more or less, to Home & Away, the dull suburban living rooms of Neighbours and Ramsay Street's inhabitants will always have a special place in my heart - as such, I always like to keep tabs on what's up in the land of Lassiter's.

So you can imagine my dismay at hearing about Libby Kennedy aka Kym Valentine's mid-air health crisis, en route to home from her New York holiday!

After boarding the aircraft, Valentine told staff she was unwell but her condition rapidly deteriorated during the long-haul flight, to the point where cabin crew were forced to administer oxygen.

Sources told Confidential that staff became hugely concerned for Valentine's wellbeing as she began drifting in and out of consciousness.

The actress was rushed to hospital after the flight landed in Melbourne on Saturday morning, and was immediately diagnosed with pneumonia.

It is understood actor Vince Colosimo was yesterday by Valentine's bedside in hospital, where she is expected to stay for several days recovering from her ordeal.

"It was a chest infection that was exacerbated by being on the plane and she became sick quite quickly," Valentine's manager Jacinta Waters said.

"She is following doctors' orders and is in the best possible place."

Defamer Australia sends its most full-strength Butter Menthol wishes to Kym and sings the "get well, get well soon" song from Seinfeld.

But what's that, you didn't realise she was going out with Vince? Indeed, the pair are a couple - which has apparently caused on-set "tension" with Colosimo's ex-wife, Jane Hall (who plays... someone on Neighbours whose character's name I can't remember. Rebecca? Something? It's all about Summer Bay, I told you). But mostly we know they are a couple because of this amazing bit of Photoshop work whipped up by the Tele and news.com.au earlier in the year:

Totally convincing, isn't it? It's like they really are standing/sitting next to each other in the very same tear in the space/time fabric!

Further to our earlier mention of Bjork in our amazing piece of investigative journalism which bravely explored British pop singer Adele's burning desire to make the beast with two backs with the Icelandic singer's son Sindri (read: Adele mentioned to a British tabloid that she thought Sindri was "buff"), here's a Bjork themed clip.

In the following slice of YouTube, we are shown around Bjork's Icelandic home by the pixie queen herself...

Lovely.

In this short but incredibly informative article in UK tabloid The Mirror, we learn two things about Chasing Pavements singer Adele. Firstly, she's now a homeowner, having bought a pad in Notting Hill. Secondly, she thinks Bjork's son is hot.

"I met Bjork's son Sindri because Bjork and I have the same record label." Adele said of the 22-year-old: "He's buff."

And there you have it.

WOULD YOU 'TAP THAT'?

Here's a tiny clip from YouTube featuring the aforementioned Sindri.

And there you have it (again).

Well, not really. I think I only managed to cross off around 30 of the following things from the New South Wales Office of Liquor and Gaming's list of signs of drunkenness over the weekend.

1. Slurring words
2. Rambling or unintelligible conversation
3. Incoherent or muddled speech
4. Loss of train of thought
5. Not understanding normal conversation
6. Difficulty in paying attention
7. Unsteady on feet
8. Swaying uncontrollably
9. Staggering
10. Difficulting walking straight
11. Cannot stand or falling down
12. Stumbling
13. Bumping into or knocking over furniture and people
14. Lack of co-ordination
15. Spilling drinks
16. Dropping drinks
17. Fumbling change
18. Difficulty counting money or paying
19. Difficulty opening doors
20. Inability to find one's mouth with a glass
21. Rudeness
22. Aggression
23. Belligerent
24. Argumentative
25. Offensive
26. Bad tempered
27. Physically violent
28. Loud or boisterous
29. Confused
30. Disorderly
31. Exuberance
32. Using offensive language
33. Annoying or pestering others
34. Overly friendly
35. Loss of inhibition
36. Inappropriate sexual advances
37. Drowsiness or sleeping at a bar or table
38. Vomiting
39. Drinking rapidly

At times it appears to be in chronological order (overly friendly, loss of inhibition, inappropriate sexual advances), but then you see 'vomiting' followed by 'drinking rapidly' and you've gotta hope and pray points 38 and 39 don't involve the same receptacle.au,

If you've been hankering to see Roberta Williams unleash her jugs on the public, then you're in luck as the former wife of infamous imprisoned gangster and inexplicably popular Facebook identity Carl Williams has just opened her blouse for the lucky readers of Zoo Weekly.

Incidentally, I suspect most readers of Zoo wouldn't know what to do with a real live girl if they managed to put away the tissues and lubricant long enough to actually get their hands on one, but what do I know? Perhaps they are dedicated, passionate love makers who aim only to please their ladyfriends in the bedroom and I shouldn't condescendingly assume that a liking of Zoo Weekly automatically means they are somewhat sexually retarded? I shall ponder this dilemma in my "quiet time"...

Back to the article!

Shocking few other than her crime baron ex-husband Carl Williams, Roberta has un-zipped her tracksuit in the latest bid to cash in on her underworld infamy. Not surprisingly, the Zoo Weekly shoot and the accompanying A Current Affair behind-the-scenes segment, to air tonight, was brokered by 2Day FM shock jock Kyle Sandilands before Roberta split with his management company King Kyle last month.

...

While the convicted drug dealer and mother-of-four thinks she looks "fantastic" in the shots, her ex-hubby apparently had his concerns. "He was shocked at first cos I'm a nerdy person. He didn't think I'd do it," she told the magazine.

You sure showed him, babe. Thanks Roberta - and Kyle Sandilands!

As you can see, the snaps of Roberta Williams are very sexy, almost dangerously so... something which may not actually be true (depending on your tastes) but does segue quite nicely into this story - Roberta's also earning a buck or two dealing with safety!

Williams, her partner and three children will be flown to the Gold Coast for four days ahead of her appearance at a breakfast for the Foundation of Public Safety Professionals.

The organisation is made up of SES, ambulance and fire brigade officers from around Australia, except Victoria.

Foundation spokesman Kyle Watson said Williams had media experience and first-hand dealings with emergency services.

Wait, do they mean the police? Nice!

Fiery know-it-all Bianca has been kicked out of the Big Brother house after last night's eviction. Once the obligatory post-Big Brother nightclub appearances are over with, she can no doubt go back to prancing around in tight tops and holding large books in an effort to look more intelligent than anyone else in the world.

From what I can tell (despite her constant attempts to gain attention through sulky temper tantrums) this excerpt from the Big Brother site's article on her eviction is the most interesting thing about Bianca.

Bianca also made Australian BB history by being the first Housemate to be given a watch as part of the secret Moon Monks task. As Head Monk, she had to recruit and train new members of the Secret Order without the other HMs detecting her confidential extracurricular activities. After a few close shaves, they passed the task successfully.

SHE GOT TO WEAR A WATCH? FOREVER IN OUR HEARTS, BIANCA!

I don't loathe her that much. She just made me get all narky whenever I was eating dinner and she appeared on the telly with that surly expression (you know, where she'd pout moodily and her mouth resembled a slug dropped in a bowl of salt*).

She is probably a really lovely person in real life, blah blah blah, but anyone who makes me root for Corey makes me feel a bit weird, and it's best they leave my television screen.

*Description courtesy of Brendan Shanahan's column in the Daily Telegraph years ago regarding Vanessa Amorosi's facial expression after she failed to win a single ARIA - despite, like, eight thousand nominations - at the awards ceremony back in 2000. I've never forgotten it (although I may not have quoted it correctly - there's no online reference to it anywhere, alas). God bless you, Brendan.

Oh, this is wonderful. We were promised a doll version of Defamer Australia's favourite rap star Bindi Irwin, and the toy gods have delivered... Well, the doll won't be available until September (and that's in the US), but at last we can see a photo of the gift I'm praying will be waiting for me under the Christmas tree during the last week of December.

Lacking in the crimp factor, hair-wise, but all in all a pretty good likeness.

In the talking version of the doll, Bindi uses phrases such as, "Crikey! Let's go help wildlife", and, "You can make the world a better place", the Plain-Dealer newspaper reported in Cleveland, Ohio.

That's not enough to give me nightmares! What happened to Bindi's favourite saying "LOVE IT DON'T HURT IT"? Did someone send the toy company a polite email pointing out that a shrieking Bindi Irwin replica quoting lines which sound like excerpts from a Law & Order: SVU script might be really fucked up? I'm gutted.

I'm still gonna get a "Love It, Don't Hurt It" tattoo though. And also, a tattoo of my safety word - in capitals, bold font, right on the tramp stamp section of my back.

It should be noted that I recently watched two seasons worth of Law & Order: SVU on DVD over a period of 48 rapey perp-catchin' hours. My head's in a weird place right now.

DUNH-DUNH!

(rocks back and forth in vaguely psychotic manner)

Shane Warne is kicking goals (or should I say 'bowling poker opponents out for a duck'?*) at the World Series Of Poker tournament in Las Vegas. Go Shane!

Says the big blonde man himself...

"I was going really well after the first break - I had $25,000 in chips - but then I lost one big hand of $10,000,'' he said. Half an hour later his luck returned, with the 38-year-old winning a monster $29,000 pot five hours into play.

Warne said he was surprised by how mentally sapping the first day of play had been. The cricket legend has been relying on music from his iPod to keep his energy levels high.

"I'll probably collapse tonight - I'm exhausted,'' he said.

What I'd give to know the songs featured on Shane's poker winning playlist... I'm sensing some Cold Chisel, and I'd bet all the money I have in the world - all seven dollars! - on Bon Jovi's Livin' On A Prayer making an appearance too.

But the iPod wasn't Shane's secret weapon during the comp, it would seem.

The sports star donned reflective sunglasses to hide his eyes.

Booyah! And check out how amazing Warney looks in those sunnies!

I hope he can manage to read text messages while wearing those. Still waiting on a reply, Shane - I am totally okay with letting you kick my puppy!

* No, no I shouldn't...

Praise be! I was upset to learn that Ada Nicodemou's nether regions were put in harms way recently after a theatre attendee fell on top of her during a performance of The Vagina Monologues, but the Daily Telegraph quickly put my mind at ease with their assurance the actress and her vagina are hunky dory!

Nicodemou was catching a recent performance of The Vagina Monologues in Sydney when a fellow audience member collapsed and landed on the diminutive star.

Confidential hears fortunately neither of the actresses - or their anatomies - were injured in the fall.

Thanks for keeping us in the loop, gang! VIVA ADA'S GINEY!

From my favourite guilty pleasure Celebrity Babies (what - can't a 27 year old underachiever with a penchant for late night shindigs and partying hard get a little clucky and dream of a life full of cupcake baking and bairns and expensive baby accessories from time to time?) I present a picture that has haunted me for some time...

Ladies and gentlemen, former 90210 star Jennie Garth, husband Peter Facinelli, their brood, and an impressive collection of multi-coloured crocs which make me feel scared inside when I look at the snap for too long.

I dress like a blind shoplifter who has gone on a five-finger discount spree at St Vinnies, but even I know those shoes are wrong.

Good morning, and happy Monday tidings to you all,

Just a quick note to let you know that our wonderful Associate Editor Clem "Clam Bestof" Bastow has established a Facebook page for this very website, because we are always looking for ways to "embrace the web" and something something 2.0.

So if you're on Facefuck and feel like telling the world "Yes, internet chums, I have nothing much to do during the day and thus spend far too much time on a pop culture obsessed blog, often only logging off when my eyes begin bleeding and I start having nightmares about Nikki Webster!" then click on this link and become, as they say, "a fan".

Your humble Editor,

Jess