Wednesday, July 2, 2008

Amazingly Dodgy Blind Item!

1:56PM Jess McGuire | I’ve been saving up the blind items for a rainy day (and let me tell you, I have quite the collection of vaguely defamatory tales), but since I’ve been sick for weeks and am only now able to get my brain back to its normal functionality, I can’t see why we can’t bang one out now. I cannot back the following item up at ALL, but it was left as a comment on a Defamer Australia post – even if it’s not true, the way it’s written is hilarious. From someone calling themselves ‘[REDACTED] is a sex boy’, we learned… [REDACTED] is a liar, hes not a virgin anymore.. this is from [REDACTED - NAME OF SEX BOY'S FAMOUS GIRLFRIEND] email, my friend knows her password. quote: [REDACTED] “i love making love to u, i can’t believe i get to make love to u, and when we make love its so explosive” Arf. If Sex Boy really did email the line ‘when we make love its so explosive’ to his little lady, then there’s nothing we can do but quietly chuckle – and perhaps feel thankful that no one has been left untouched in this situation. More »

Belinda Neal Shoots Straight To The Top Of Our ‘Do Not Mess With’ List

1:28PM Jess McGuire | Man, next time I go out for a bender, I’m taking the delightfully feisty Federal MP Belinda Neal with me. Now there’s a woman who knows how to get what she wants, and isn’t afraid to (allegedly) spit in someone’s face to get it. It seems Belinda Neal just had a wee scuffle with the folks from A Current Affair, and the police were called. Ben Fordham, the “reporter” whose important job requires him to have deft skills when it comes to stairwell mustering, has given some ace quotes to the media about what happened. “I threw some questions at her when she got out of the car. The same sort of questions I suppose that the police want answered at the moment (< -- ED: WORK IT, BEN!), and it developed into quite an angry confrontation.” “So the police have turned up. It’s quite ironic – these are the police who would really like to be sitting down and quizzing her.” (< -- ED: IT'S A GOOD JOKE BEN, WORTH USING TWICE. EXCELLENT ALANIS MORISSETTE-ESQUE GAG! EIGHTY THUMBS UP!) Anyway, if it all goes wrong for Belinda Neal and she ends up booted from the Labor Party, may I suggest she investigate the world of bouncing? Even a quick glance at her picture makes me want to straighten up and behave properly lest I cop an earful of spirited abuse (amongst other things)… Ben Fordham’s lucky he escaped with his life! More »

Susie Maroney’s Baby Name Battle

12:42PM Jess McGuire | Swimmer and Fidel Castro favourite Susie Maroney gave birth to her first child a few weeks back. Unfortunately, the happy occasion is somewhat ruined by the news the child’s father, Maroney’s estranged husband Robert Daniels, has turned to solicitors in order to fight the name Susie chose for their bub. What was the name, I hear you ask? Paris Seana Maroney. Surprisingly, he’s not arguing about the boganesque ‘Paris’ bit, it’s the lack of Daniels in the name that has him peeved. Robert Daniels, Maroney’s estranged husband, has engaged a solicitor to fight for his daughter’s right to bear his surname. Daniels, 30, was advised of his child’s birth by Sutherland Hospital staff soon after her delivery on June 19. The bank worker was later told by a colleague of his wife’s plans to name the child Paris Seana Maroney, after the birth was announced on radio. Daniels reluctantly told Confidential yesterday he was determined to have a relationship with his daughter and have his family name recognised on her birth certificate. “My daughter is the most important thing in my life and that is not negotiable,” he said. “(Excluding my name) is very disappointing for me and my entire family.” The best bit of the article is this part. Maroney, who moved out of the couple’s marital home in Caringbah in April, named her first child Paris, after the French capital. I love how the French connection needs to be specified. Is there a whole generation of young girls being named after Paris Hilton, do you think? More »

Memo To Big Brother!

12:30PM Jess McGuire | Things that would have been better than making the housemates think there has been a spy amongst them from the beginning. i) Actually putting a spy in there from the beginning. ii) Putting an eel in the spa. iii) Cutting off Rory’s dreadlocks. Also, after watching Australia’s Next Top Model finale last night, I’m convinced you need to give the show a rest next year, and then come back in 2010 with one decent host, not two bumbling idiots whose career success continually provides the public with irrefutable proof there is no god. May I suggest… MIKE GOLDMAN? NO! Charlotte Dawson. She has a sense of authority, the ability to talk to the viewer without her eye twitching, and she’s just A THOUSAND TIMES BETTER THAN KYLE AND JACKIE O. More »

Australia’s Next Top Model Finale – Thoughts From Your Editor

12:08PM Jess McGuire | Defamer Australia’s Associate Editor is the queen of all things Australia’s Next Top Model related around here. I’ve never seen an episode due to constantly conflicting schedules/complete and depressing lack of cable television in my life. However, last night something strange appears to have happened. While Clem was unable to watch the finale, I managed to pop into the right house at the right time on the way home from hosting trivia and watched my first ever episode. So here are my views on the final – bearing in mind that I am a complete ignoramus when it comes to everything to do with this show. - Why is Jodhi Meares being employed as the host of a television show she’s too frightened to actually host? - Why did Jodhi Meares love Demelza so much? - Is Jonathan Pease dating th winner, or what? Yes, I think the nation managed to pick up on the fact for you it’s all about Demelza, Jonathan. - Jonathan Pease versus Alex Perry = WINNER IS ALEX PERRY - Why did the programme show clips of the infamous bullying which barely featured Demelza, and instead made it look like Alex played a role in it?! As someone who had never watched the show before, I was slightly puzzled until my friend Kerry hissed “This is all bullshit, they’re trying to make Demelza look good!” - Charlotte Dawson is quite good as a host, isn’t she? Way less “I’m going to stab you, and then cry myself to sleep. YAY!” than Natalie Bassingthwaite. - Although her right boob looked like it might go rogue at any point in that tight Alex Perry creation. - If Alex is a nicer person, with a better figure, and someone who picked up more modeling jobs during fashion week, and an all round wiser selection for the world of international modeling than someone who is perhaps better suited to the era of mid-nineties Dolly Magazine cover girl competitions… then how the HELL did Demelza win? - Obviously Napoloeon Perdis’ taste is to be trusted rather than that of an actual Vogue editor. All in all, I highly enjoyed the finale even though the result was confusing and plain wrong, and I look forward to having bloody Foxtel by the time next year’s program starts so I never have to miss out on a thing. Yours truly, Your Slightly More Switched On Editor. More »

Australia’s Next Top Model 4 Round-Up – Update!

11:50AM Clem Bastow | The infamous Vogue Forums have been ablaze (320 pages and counting!) with rants about Demelza Reveley’s AusNTM win last night, with Voguettes threatening to cancel their Vogue subscriptions because of the 16-year-old’s bullying behaviour during this Cycle of the show. As was mentioned previously, Vogue Editor In Chief Kirstie Clements did not vote for Demelza – and to calm the forums down (or likely inspire exactly the opposite), she has posted an official announcement on the topic: Part of Reveley’s prize is a shoot in Vogue Australia’s September issue, with the magazine under a contractual agreement with Australia’s Next Top Model to feature the winner on eight pages, but don’t expect the amateur model to appear on the cover like last year’s winner Alice Burdeu. “Alice was such an exceptional case,” Clements says. “It was clear from the very beginning that she had the makings of an international model.” BIZZAM! “Amateur model”! “Contractual agreement”! Drawing impossible comparisons with the Divine Miss Burdeu! Demelza, you might have won on a technicality (that “general public” vote, pfft), but you just got served. More »

More Highlights From The Kerry Katona V Sue Katona Prizefight

11:32AM Clem Bastow | They just don’t make celebrity family feuds like they do in the UK! Kerry Katona’s mother recently hit the headlines when it was announced to have signed a six-figure book deal to tell family secrets like, er, the time she tried to seduce Kerry’s ex-husband Brian “Potato” McFadden. Well, unsurprisingly, now it’s Chipshop’s time to fight back at Mommy Dearest! Anyone want some of this mega bucket of popcorn? Kerry told Heat magazine: ‘I wouldn’t be surprised in the slightest if she did. I’d be more surprised if she hadn’t slept with him [McFadden]. ‘She did sleep with one of my boyfriends while I was going out with him.’ The former Atomic Kitten singer also admitted in the interview with the magazine that in the past she had considered ending all her troubles, by committing suicide. [...] She added: ‘I’ve watched my mum over the years, trying to kill herself countless times, and to me it’s a coward’s way out and it made me feel unloved and unworthy. ‘So I could never dream of doing that to my children.’ Wow, how much dirtier can this fight get? It’s like they’re ex-BFFs, not mother and daughter. Can we get a quote on how much it would cost to FedEx a gilt-framed print of Philip Larkin’s This Be The Verse to both Katona women, post haste? More »

The Bachelorette Is Even Dumber Than We Ever Imagined

11:10AM Seth | The Bachelorette producers must hate DeAnna Pappas. That’s the only reason we can come up for airing this gag reel that reveals her softer belching and English-butchering sides. [The Bachelorette] Goldenfiddle compiles some of the best Wanted bad reviews into one hilariously satisfying read. [Goldenfiddle] This wound itself around the internets late last week—Jezebel ran a full transcript—but in case you haven’t yet heard it, we now proudly present: The Douchiest Phone Message In History. (By the way, we have the perfect backup-Olga for you, Dmitri: DeAnna! She’s Greek, too!) [Holytaco] The familiar punim of Rastajewian superstar Rogen graces the new Pineapple Express one-sheets. [TrailerAddict.com] And finally, we turn to the only man who can properly assess the Bear Freaking A Tree video currently eating the web alive: Defamer editor-at-large, Mark Lisanti. “Oh, my naive little friend: Clearly, once properly aroused by massaging his back on the tree, he’s unleashing the full fury of his engorged bearcock on a quivering knothole. Sure, the splinters are a bitch, but such is the price of ursine erotic satsifaction.” [Lisanti Quarterly] More »

Australia’s Next Top Model 4 Round-Up: Demelza Takes Line Honours

11:03AM Clem Bastow | Evidently our “C’mon Tiny Mouth!” campaign to get Alex across the line in the Australia’s Next Top Model finale fell on deaf ears, because – thanks to the public vote after a split judges’ vote – Demelza Reveley is the Cycle 4 winner. She did not have Kirstie Clements’ (Editor In Chief of Vogue Australia) vote, which means we can all look forward to finding Demelza in an advertorial shoot stuffed up the back of the magazine near the stockists’ list. No cover for you, Demelza! And, hmm, I wonder what the press thinks about the result? A sampling of headlines: Teen bully Demelza Reveley wins Next Top Model ‘Bully’ 16-year-old takes out Next Top Model final ‘Bitchketeer’ Demelza Reveley wins Australia’s Next Top Model And so on. They make a good point – with the focus on bullying, cyber bullying and harassment in the media currently, what message does it send to young girls? That you can bully your way to the top? That it’s okay to be a bully if you have a pretty face? Unfortunately I can offer no thoughts on the finale as I wasn’t even within a 10km radius of anyone with a) Foxtel or b) a VCR and b.i) a courier helicopter, so can only go on what is reported in the papers and what was relayed to me via SMS. And on the latter topic, the bulk of the SMSes were along the lines of “OMG WTF no Jodhi?” – evidently Ms Meares has a fear of live television (and sent well wishes to the finalists via video link). So, er, doesn’t that mean she’s a pointless choice as a host, if the “Live Finale” is the glittering jewel in the AusNTM crown? Give the gig to Charlotte Dawson! Did you watch the finale? Did you press your big red button and vote for Demelza? More »