Ahhh, 1981 in Australia... a blissful, innocent time. A period where a man could compliment a woman's legs without fear of reprimand, and when ladies flashed their knickers with impressive regularity.

To celebrate, let's watch the following advertisement from "back in the day".

Awesome.

Today's YouTube Clip Of The Day was submitted by Tim C in response to our Sime Nugent gig competition yesterday. As a reward, Tim will find himself on the door (plus one) at Friday night's festivities at The East Brunswick Club.

East Coast living Defamer Australia readers should stay tuned, as we have tickets to give away for what should be an awesome July tour featuring two beloved Australian artists. Let's just say if you're a fan of Custard and/or Frente, and have a healthy admiration for the lead singer of each band's solo works too, then you'll be WELL PLEASED with what we have to offer you next week.

I've been saving up the blind items for a rainy day (and let me tell you, I have quite the collection of vaguely defamatory tales), but since I've been sick for weeks and am only now able to get my brain back to its normal functionality, I can't see why we can't bang one out now.

I cannot back the following item up at ALL, but it was left as a comment on a Defamer Australia post - even if it's not true, the way it's written is hilarious.

From someone calling themselves '[REDACTED] is a sex boy', we learned...

[REDACTED] is a liar, hes not a virgin anymore.. this is from [REDACTED - NAME OF SEX BOY'S FAMOUS GIRLFRIEND] email, my friend knows her password. quote: [REDACTED] "i love making love to u, i can't believe i get to make love to u, and when we make love its so explosive"

Arf. If Sex Boy really did email the line 'when we make love its so explosive' to his little lady, then there's nothing we can do but quietly chuckle - and perhaps feel thankful that no one has been left untouched in this situation.

Man, next time I go out for a bender, I'm taking the delightfully feisty Federal MP Belinda Neal with me. Now there's a woman who knows how to get what she wants, and isn't afraid to (allegedly) spit in someone's face to get it.

It seems Belinda Neal just had a wee scuffle with the folks from A Current Affair, and the police were called. Ben Fordham, the "reporter" whose important job requires him to have deft skills when it comes to stairwell mustering, has given some ace quotes to the media about what happened.

"I threw some questions at her when she got out of the car. The same sort of questions I suppose that the police want answered at the moment (<-- ED: WORK IT, BEN!), and it developed into quite an angry confrontation."

"So the police have turned up. It's quite ironic - these are the police who would really like to be sitting down and quizzing her." (<-- ED: IT'S A GOOD JOKE BEN, WORTH USING TWICE. EXCELLENT ALANIS MORISSETTE-ESQUE GAG! EIGHTY THUMBS UP!)

Anyway, if it all goes wrong for Belinda Neal and she ends up booted from the Labor Party, may I suggest she investigate the world of bouncing? Even a quick glance at her picture makes me want to straighten up and behave properly lest I cop an earful of spirited abuse (amongst other things)... Ben Fordham's lucky he escaped with his life!

Swimmer and Fidel Castro favourite Susie Maroney gave birth to her first child a few weeks back. Unfortunately, the happy occasion is somewhat ruined by the news the child's father, Maroney's estranged husband Robert Daniels, has turned to solicitors in order to fight the name Susie chose for their bub.

What was the name, I hear you ask? Paris Seana Maroney.

Surprisingly, he's not arguing about the boganesque 'Paris' bit, it's the lack of Daniels in the name that has him peeved.

Robert Daniels, Maroney's estranged husband, has engaged a solicitor to fight for his daughter's right to bear his surname. Daniels, 30, was advised of his child's birth by Sutherland Hospital staff soon after her delivery on June 19.

The bank worker was later told by a colleague of his wife's plans to name the child Paris Seana Maroney, after the birth was announced on radio. Daniels reluctantly told Confidential yesterday he was determined to have a relationship with his daughter and have his family name recognised on her birth certificate.

"My daughter is the most important thing in my life and that is not negotiable," he said. "(Excluding my name) is very disappointing for me and my entire family."

The best bit of the article is this part.

Maroney, who moved out of the couple's marital home in Caringbah in April, named her first child Paris, after the French capital.

I love how the French connection needs to be specified. Is there a whole generation of young girls being named after Paris Hilton, do you think?

Things that would have been better than making the housemates think there has been a spy amongst them from the beginning.

i) Actually putting a spy in there from the beginning.
ii) Putting an eel in the spa.
iii) Cutting off Rory's dreadlocks.

Also, after watching Australia's Next Top Model finale last night, I'm convinced you need to give the show a rest next year, and then come back in 2010 with one decent host, not two bumbling idiots whose career success continually provides the public with irrefutable proof there is no god. May I suggest...

MIKE GOLDMAN?

NO!

Charlotte Dawson. She has a sense of authority, the ability to talk to the viewer without her eye twitching, and she's just A THOUSAND TIMES BETTER THAN KYLE AND JACKIE O.

Defamer Australia's Associate Editor is the queen of all things Australia's Next Top Model related around here. I've never seen an episode due to constantly conflicting schedules/complete and depressing lack of cable television in my life.

However, last night something strange appears to have happened. While Clem was unable to watch the finale, I managed to pop into the right house at the right time on the way home from hosting trivia and watched my first ever episode.

So here are my views on the final - bearing in mind that I am a complete ignoramus when it comes to everything to do with this show.

- Why is Jodhi Meares being employed as the host of a television show she's too frightened to actually host?

- Why did Jodhi Meares love Demelza so much?

- Is Jonathan Pease dating th winner, or what? Yes, I think the nation managed to pick up on the fact for you it's all about Demelza, Jonathan.

- Jonathan Pease versus Alex Perry = WINNER IS ALEX PERRY

- Why did the programme show clips of the infamous bullying which barely featured Demelza, and instead made it look like Alex played a role in it?! As someone who had never watched the show before, I was slightly puzzled until my friend Kerry hissed "This is all bullshit, they're trying to make Demelza look good!"

- Charlotte Dawson is quite good as a host, isn't she? Way less "I'm going to stab you, and then cry myself to sleep. YAY!" than Natalie Bassingthwaite.

- Although her right boob looked like it might go rogue at any point in that tight Alex Perry creation.

- If Alex is a nicer person, with a better figure, and someone who picked up more modeling jobs during fashion week, and an all round wiser selection for the world of international modeling than someone who is perhaps better suited to the era of mid-nineties Dolly Magazine cover girl competitions... then how the HELL did Demelza win?

- Obviously Napoloeon Perdis' taste is to be trusted rather than that of an actual Vogue editor.

All in all, I highly enjoyed the finale even though the result was confusing and plain wrong, and I look forward to having bloody Foxtel by the time next year's program starts so I never have to miss out on a thing.

Yours truly,

Your Slightly More Switched On Editor.

The infamous Vogue Forums have been ablaze (320 pages and counting!) with rants about Demelza Reveley's AusNTM win last night, with Voguettes threatening to cancel their Vogue subscriptions because of the 16-year-old's bullying behaviour during this Cycle of the show.

As was mentioned previously, Vogue Editor In Chief Kirstie Clements did not vote for Demelza - and to calm the forums down (or likely inspire exactly the opposite), she has posted an official announcement on the topic:

Part of Reveley's prize is a shoot in Vogue Australia's September issue, with the magazine under a contractual agreement with Australia's Next Top Model to feature the winner on eight pages, but don't expect the amateur model to appear on the cover like last year's winner Alice Burdeu. "Alice was such an exceptional case," Clements says. "It was clear from the very beginning that she had the makings of an international model."

Demelza, you might have won on a technicality (that "general public" vote, pfft), but you just got served.

They just don't make celebrity family feuds like they do in the UK!

Kerry Katona's mother recently hit the headlines when it was announced to have signed a six-figure book deal to tell family secrets like, er, the time she tried to seduce Kerry's ex-husband Brian "Potato" McFadden.

Well, unsurprisingly, now it's Chipshop's time to fight back at Mommy Dearest! Anyone want some of this mega bucket of popcorn?

Kerry told Heat magazine: 'I wouldn't be surprised in the slightest if she did. I'd be more surprised if she hadn't slept with him [McFadden].

'She did sleep with one of my boyfriends while I was going out with him.'

The former Atomic Kitten singer also admitted in the interview with the magazine that in the past she had considered ending all her troubles, by committing suicide.

[...]

She added: 'I've watched my mum over the years, trying to kill herself countless times, and to me it's a coward's way out and it made me feel unloved and unworthy.

'So I could never dream of doing that to my children.'

Can we get a quote on how much it would cost to FedEx a gilt-framed print of Philip Larkin's This Be The Verse to both Katona women, post haste?

· The Bachelorette producers must hate DeAnna Pappas. That's the only reason we can come up for airing this gag reel that reveals her softer belching and English-butchering sides. [The Bachelorette]
· Goldenfiddle compiles some of the best Wanted bad reviews into one hilariously satisfying read. [Goldenfiddle]
· This wound itself around the internets late last week—Jezebel ran a full transcript—but in case you haven't yet heard it, we now proudly present: The Douchiest Phone Message In History. (By the way, we have the perfect backup-Olga for you, Dmitri: DeAnna! She's Greek, too!) [Holytaco]
· The familiar punim of Rastajewian superstar Rogen graces the new Pineapple Express one-sheets. [TrailerAddict.com]
· And finally, we turn to the only man who can properly assess the Bear Freaking A Tree video currently eating the web alive: Defamer editor-at-large, Mark Lisanti. "Oh, my naive little friend: Clearly, once properly aroused by massaging his back on the tree, he's unleashing the full fury of his engorged bearcock on a quivering knothole. Sure, the splinters are a bitch, but such is the price of ursine erotic satsifaction." [Lisanti Quarterly]

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Evidently our "C'mon Tiny Mouth!" campaign to get Alex across the line in the Australia's Next Top Model finale fell on deaf ears, because - thanks to the public vote after a split judges' vote - Demelza Reveley is the Cycle 4 winner.

She did not have Kirstie Clements' (Editor In Chief of Vogue Australia) vote, which means we can all look forward to finding Demelza in an advertorial shoot stuffed up the back of the magazine near the stockists' list. No cover for you, Demelza!

And, hmm, I wonder what the press thinks about the result? A sampling of headlines:

Teen bully Demelza Reveley wins Next Top Model

'Bully' 16-year-old takes out Next Top Model final

'Bitchketeer' Demelza Reveley wins Australia's Next Top Model

Unfortunately I can offer no thoughts on the finale as I wasn't even within a 10km radius of anyone with a) Foxtel or b) a VCR and b.i) a courier helicopter, so can only go on what is reported in the papers and what was relayed to me via SMS.

And on the latter topic, the bulk of the SMSes were along the lines of "OMG WTF no Jodhi?" - evidently Ms Meares has a fear of live television (and sent well wishes to the finalists via video link). So, er, doesn't that mean she's a pointless choice as a host, if the "Live Finale" is the glittering jewel in the AusNTM crown?

Give the gig to Charlotte Dawson!

Did you watch the finale? Did you press your big red button and vote for Demelza?

You know that school Will Smith opened up in Calabasas? The one people are saying is a big front to indoctrinate children into the ways of Scientology? Well, we here at Defamer hate to pass judgement without at least a tiny bit of research. That's why I spent a few minutes skimming the new Village Academy's website. Surprisingly, there were no classes called "Worshiping Overlord Xenu" or "Releasing Your Inner Engram." But they do really stress building robots. In fact, the Educational Philosophy section of the site, mentions robots no less than 4 times!

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Just when you thought you'd heard the last of the Wayne Carey saga, we're all reminded that - oh yeah! - he's still in the midst of a legal battle in the States for that alleged assault in Miami, leaving him on felony charges of battery.

And in bad news for the Troubled™ ex-AFL star, the US prosecutor doesn't look to be in a particularly sympathetic mood when it comes to Carey's celebrity standing in his home country.

In venting his frustration, the prosecutor, Matthew Baldwin, pointed to the 11 male and female shackled prisoners in bright orange jail issue jumpsuits sitting at the side of the crowded Miami-Dade County Court room and 18 other defendants, facing a mix of heroin, cocaine, assault and domestic abuse charges, waiting in the public gallery for their cases to be dealt with.

Baldwin told Judge Rosa Rodriguez that Carey might be a celebrity in Australia, but he should not receive special treatment.

"He's facing felony charges," Baldwin said.

"The fact he is a celebrity somewhere else doesn't mean he does not have to appear in court like everybody else in the court room."

Radar reports that our favourite box office trailblazer, Josh Hartnett, has finally given up hope of nailing zingers on 30 Rock or appearing in a mildly successful movie and moved on to simpler pursuits: the London theatre. In a role that will certainly pay homage to Tom Cruise's former career as an actor, Hartnett will appear as Rain Man's Charlie Babbit opposite a less-heartthrobby Brit filling Dustin Hoffman's pigeon-toed shoes. Most interesting of all? Hartnett manages to say, "It has always been my intent to work on the London stage," without laughing. But the bigger question remains (ahem, Katie Holmes): why do movie stars assume tackling the theatre will be a breezy little side-job guaranteed to build acting cred? The track records of Julia Roberts, Denzel Washington, and David Schwimmer beg to differ, after the jump.

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In news that will likely have twice-dumped Cleo Bachelor Of The Year Jason Dundas crying into his Weet-Bix, former title-holder Andrew G has tied the knot!

The perma-tanned and questionably moustachioed/hair-styled [V] and Idol host married his long-term girlfriend, Israeli actress and model Noa Tishby (they were an item when he was Bachelor Of The Year, in fact), and we'll get to gawp at the pics in one of the glossies next week.

For the time being, here's the blushing bride's take on it all:

"We're bringing in people from all over - Australia, LA, London, Switzerland and Amsterdam," Tishby told The Jerusalem Post, before the marriage ceremony over the weekend.

"We're going to schlepp them all over the country - Jerusalem and Yad Vashem and the Old City, then the Dead Sea, Masada, then the Kinneret and the North," she said.

"Andrew's been here many times and he's obsessed with Israel - it was very important for us to have (the wedding) here and use the opportunity to show people the country."

Defamer Australia sends its warmest congratulations to the happy couple, and would like to let G offsider and pal James Matheson that we are still single!

A long time ago in an entertainment galaxy far, far away, we told you that Selma Blair had been cast as Kimmoyyy in the American, mall-set remake of Kath & Kim (Molly Shannon is taking on Kath Day Knight duties).

Well, it seems Selma is not too keen on Australia's concerns that like, say, The Office and Wife Swap, Kath & Kim may be another thing that our American cousins just can't do quite as well as the original.

"Some people are really protective and horrified that we're doing it in the United States," Blair said.

"It's a case of, 'How could you? Oh my god, you might ruin it'. But what's to ruin? You're still going to have your great show in Australia - we're just paying homage to it. Nothing takes away from the original."

Blair, 36, revealed the US version, which was originally set in Phoenix, Arizona, was now set in the sprawling suburbs of Florida.

"We're middle-class, celebrity-obsessed, tabloid-crazy and kind of superficial," she said. "We think we are so fabulous and we're not really, at all.

"My mum Kath (played by Shannon) is wonderful and perky and positive and I'm a complete downer."

AND YES, YOU HEARD ME RIGHT, SELMA! Ahem, sorry, I'm not sure what came over me then.

Let's say you're a dude and you're looking for a way to make your undercarriage feel "so fresh and so clean." Then do what Puff Daddy and Jay-Z are doing and get yourself a Brazilian wax. That's right, two of our most famous rap stars have admitted to—how can we put it delicately?— applying molten wax to their nuts and arse cracks and having the hair ripped out of the follicle. Ladies have been doing this forever, and it's about time men started sharing their pain.

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Yesterday, we unveiled a short excerpt from Vanity Fair's exciting "Fresh New Hollywood Faces Of Tomorrow Today or Whatever" issue, in which Superbad breakout-sidekick Christopher Mintz-Plasse was made to answer a series of revealing multiple-choice questions. ("Coffee, tea, or me? Boxers or Lethal Injection?"). Accompanying the interview was a stunning black-and-white portrait, in which Mintz-Plasse teetered on a tree limb next to three comely up-and-comers: Zoë Kravitz (Lenny's kid), Superbad co-star Emma Stone, and Olivia "Honest to Blog" Thirlby. What the bucolic photograph successfully managed to hide, however, was that it was taken in the middle of a heavy downpour.

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This probably won't come as a surprise to anyone who witnessed her seemingly hating every minute she spent pregnant, but new mum Jessica Alba has joined that elite niche of stars who lost all their baby weight at insanely rapid speeds. But the methods some celebrities have confessed to using when it comes to accelerating the path towards reclaiming their old figures don't sound entirely sane. From suffering through cabbage soup diets to dropping $50,000 on gym equipment in an effort to slim down at paces up to 14 days after giving birth, the likes of Jennifer Lopez, Gwyneth Paltrow, Nicole Richie and others have some highly unique and scary track records. Which stars drunk themselves into wine-induced oblivion and trusted online blood tests to reach their goals, after the jump.

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So, the other day on Fox News, amidst a rant about Obama's support from the liberal Hollywood elite, the decidedly un-elite Stephen Baldwin told Laura Ingram that he'll leave the country if Barack gets elected. Obviously, the knee-jerk reaction here is to say, "Then we'd better do our best to make sure that happens." You can see it on Baldwin's face right after he makes his statement. He knows he's gonna get murdered in the blogsphere. But that's not happening here. Not today. I like Baldwin, and I'd be sad not to have him as a citizen of our country.

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It's a crappy world out there. The economy is in the pooper, oil is a million dollars a barrel, fires are raging out of control, and don't even get me started on other countries. But just when you think things are too bleak for words, life provides you with a little nugget of awesomeness. And today that nugget is the New Kids on the Block recording a song with New Edition! "But how can this be?" you ask. "I checked my watch and it's not the 1980s!" Well, thanks to the magic of reunions, the two reigning boy bands of our youth have joined forces and are making sweet music together (tragically sans Bobby Brown).

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We'll admit we've been avoiding addressing the big, white, internet-clip-consent-seeking elephant in the room, so let's just get this out of the way: Today is Tuesday, July 1, 2008. Ring any bells? Yes, it's Canada Day, but the celebration of the day Nova Scotia, New Brunswick, Ontario and Quebec fused into one maple-syrup-slurping nation isn't important right now. Rather, today is SAG-contract-expiration day. The AMPTP made their final offer—"worth more than $250 million" said they—and lusciously coiffed SAG-head Alan Rosenberg announced the union would be taking the day to look at all 43 of its sumptuous, residuals-detailing pages. Some characterize the mood as calm—perhaps "eerily calm," suggests the NY Times, as not a single network executive has doused themselves in gasoline and lowered a lit Zippo to their heads in slow motion, mouthing, "But weeee were jusssst makinnng gains in Girrrrls 9-15 demooooo..." before erupting into a ball of skin-searing flames. We turn now to blogger newbie Peter Bart for his showbiz veteran's take on the highly precarious situation:

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Any way you slice it, Gossip Girl star Blake Lively is having one helluva year. Not only is her show a big hit (online, that is), but she's starring in the anticipated sequel to Sisterhood Of The Travelling Pants, she got to spend a few minutes flirting with David Letterman and she landed herself on the cover of the new issue of Vanity Fair (and didn't even have to pose with McLovin to do it!). One would think all would be well in Blake Lively's world. However, one would be wrong. You see, there's this pesky problem issue of people getting her confused with Paris Hilton that is, like, so frustrating and stuff to her! As she explains in the new issue of Seventeen:

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A brief refresher course in what's currently going on in the wild world of the Lohans: Lindsay's dad, Michael, apparently banged some woman when he was separated from Lindsay's mum. The lady he banged had a child. Yesterday, Michael took a paternity test to see if the child is his. We're still waiting on that verdict, but stop the presses ... OK! Magazine has the first photos of Lindsay's potential half-sister Ashley!

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· Who wants good news? We do! Us too, please! Hollywood business is up 4% from last year. Isn't that fantastic?! Go ahead, major studios—spend some of that extra money on something nice for yourselves. You've earned it. [Variety]
· X-Files 2: You Had Me Until The Anal-Probe Business star Gillian Anderson will produce and star in a biopic about Martha Gellhorn—not that girl from 6th grade who made your life a living hell, but "a trailblazing female war correspondent who covered conflicts from the Spanish Civil War to Vietnam." [Variety]

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Newly homeless thin Colin Farrell has reportedly been keeping his new girlfriend hidden from the press for six whole months, and now that she's been outed by the British tabs, we understand why. No, not because she lacks "stereotypical movie star" looks as the Daily Mail readily informs us, nor because she can't remember to rip those silly plastic party bracelets off after downing free booze. It seems his "true love" is a little bit famous herself, in a Bridget Jones sort of way. Author Emma Forrest is the author of two novels, which in itself is not exactly shameful, but the titles (Namedropper and Cherries In The Snow: A Novel Of Love, Lust, Loss And Lipstick), along with her history of wearing "DITCH HIM!" message tees and telling reporters that interviewing Brad Pitt was the "best thing" she's ever done, are! More on the girl responsible for greying Colin's hair and sobering him up, after the jump.

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Here's something no one's talking about: those pesky high gas prices. But while other, more "reputable" news sources are ignoring this pressing issue, we here at Defamer have decided to tackle it head on. So, what's a guy gotta do to pay less at the pump? Well, we tried invading an oil-rich country and that didn't work out. We could always drill in Alaska, but that would anger the extremely powerful Eskimo voting block. So the latest solution to come down the pike is to focus on the oil we have right here in our backyard. And since this is Los Angeles, our backyard includes that place Weezer sings about... Beverly Hills.

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A little over a month ago, typically dependable celebrity-water-breaking newssource ET reported that Angelina Jolie had birthed conjoined-lifemate Brad Pitt's second batch of genetic progeny. But just as the world prepared to deliver a thunderous "Hazzah!" for Chosen Ones Numbers 2 through 3, the story was debunked, and a low moan of disappointment rolled across the land. Still, she can't hold on to those little messiahs forever—they'll eventually want out. In fact, one French publication called Closer (a brief look at their website suggests they cater to that lesser-sophisticated segment of France's population who demand access to exclusive photos of Really Skinny Colin Farrell) claims they are already here! From HuffPo:

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UPDATE (11:31am): Looks like we've been pap'd! If only Ashton Kutcher could've come up with a ruse this elaborate, maybe Pop Fiction wouldn't have been unceremoniously dumped after 3 episodes. Instead, we got Audrina Patridge tattoos! Oh well, it was fun while it lasted...

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The good news about this blind item in today's NY Daily News? So many clues! Details and hints abound, from gender to marital status to what the estranged stars claim they "do" for a living. The bad news? Even when a blind item seems so specific and easy to see through, the gossip itself just doesn't make sense. Case in point:

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But what of little David Banda? For whatever reasons, that was our first reaction to rumors that the marriage of conical-bra-popularizer Madonna to lad-flick director Guy Ritchie was all but over. Well, when we actually stop to think about it, we can figure out the reasons: Lourdes and Rocco are half Ciccone--meaning their DNA is hardwired to withstand just about anything life could throw at them. What's more, were there a divorce, the two elder siblings could access their respective biological dads at virtually any moment with little more than an international mobile calling plan. But not little David: His known world would be splintered apart, one parent flouncing off to the country of hot dogs and baseball, the other staying put in bangers-and-cricket land. His real dad, meanwhile, was a world away, catching glimpses of the domestic unrest in his local Malawian celebrity tabloid, and second-guessing all the while his decision to sell his son to the global pop icon for a year's salary and a signed copy of "The Immaculate Collection." We prayed--oh, how we prayed!--that somehow these two would make it work. Clearly, God hates us:

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