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Hollywood 2: Dawn Of The Ladies
Posted by Seth at 2:30 AM on June 3, 2008
The Brazilian wax you scheduled to coincide with your Sex and the City opening night party may have now given way to the discomforting condition known as a Bolivian rash—but luckily for you there exists no better topical salve than the weekend's boffo numbers:
1. Sex and the City - $55.7 million
Wow. Wow, wow, wow. Take a moment to gaze up at that big, shimmering, fuscia number for a moment, and see if your heart doesn't race just a little bit. From coast to coast—from giddy Wall St. traders having the Sex quartet tattooed onto their backs, to Chicago area tollbooth workers handing out free Cosmos and relationship advice, to Las Vegas tourists running for their lives as four towering Sexbots, manned by what remains of New Line's Special Events and Promotions department, trampled cars and small businesses beneath their eight-foot-high Jimmy Choos—there really was no escaping Sex and the City this weekend.
And people managed to find the time to see the movie, too—$26.9 million's worth on Friday alone, and more than enough to make Sex the Highest Opening Ever for an R-Rated Comedy™. Its 85% female audience instantly metamorphosed into a fearsome nation of gender-inversed fanboys, queuing up for repeat screenings in highly specific costume ("I'm recently-dumped-by-Post-It Carrie!"), and arguing that the Samantha anal-sex subplot was handled to far greater effect in Season 4's "tuchus-lingus" episode. The game, as they say, has changed.
2. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull - $46 million
While alien-shaped candy bowls with mystical, Russian-detonating properties have given way to massive Manhattan apartments with walk-in closets as moviegoers' supernatural MacGuffin of choice, Steven Spielberg and George Lucas's prairie-dog-riffic ruination of a beloved franchise only managed to drop "a respectable 54%" in its second, regrettable weekend at the box office.
3. The Strangers - $20.707 million
A lesser triumph was Rogue Pictures' execrably reviewed The Strangers, which both succeeded in greatly exceeding box office expectations, while ushering in the next chapter of Liv Tyler's once-promising, now-slumming- with-Scott Speedman-in-B-horror-movies career.
4. Iron Man - $14 million
As Ben Stiller's nephew Carl pointed out on last night's MTV Movie Awards, for the traditional fanboy wanting top-tier entertainment, Iron Man is still the only game in town—at least until Dark Knight comes out, and which point Iron should be pooping nuts and bolts.. In the meantime, enjoy this encore of the Soldered One kicking Kung Fu Panda, who's already getting on our nerves, in the panda-nuts.
5. The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian - $13.016 million
An additional 43% decline to a puny third week take elicited yet another statement from Disney head Robert Iger, who blamed, "the days of Saturday and Sunday, traditionally the most overcrowded leisure time of the week—full of swimming pool, barbecuing, and sports-watching alternative options" for cutting into the sequel's receipts.
- WEEKEND BOX OFFICE May 30-June 1, 2008 [Box Office Mojo]
Comments (AU Comments · US Comments)
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Sweet Panda Love
Posted 3:28 AM 3/6/08
@CourageousCoward: I had a box of banana walrus wafers while watching SatC, a steal at 79 cents.
Sweet Panda Love
raincoaster
Posted 3:17 AM 3/6/08
@TheStarterWife: You're right. Jimmy Choos were just hitting big when the series was in full stride, and that was too late in the loop for the writers to figure it out.
But thank god for small mercies: the series predated handbag fetishism. Sure, there was that one in LA where one of them bought the fake Prada clutch, and the one where Samantha scammed a Birkin, but nothing like the tiresome treadmill it's since become. Handbag bores should only date watch bores, I think. But that series would have been ALL OVER that mess, had it lasted longer.
Now, a series that features insane hats as its trademark, that I could support.
raincoaster
TheStarterWife
Posted 3:16 AM 3/6/08
Yes... Choos are a part of the show, but Blahniks, they're the soul.
(No pun intended.)
TheStarterWife
Seth
Posted 3:14 AM 3/6/08
@TheStarterWife: Wait, are you telling me Jimmy Choos are not a style of shoe featured prominently on SATC? Why are they on the [gonyc.about.com] SATC tour, then?
Seth
BowlingForDollars
Posted 3:10 AM 3/6/08
Huh. Who woulda thunk that 40something women could rule the box office.
I love that it SATC's box office take is a big ol' "fuck you" to Hollywood.
BowlingForDollars
NoWireHangers
Posted 3:04 AM 3/6/08
I saw SATC on Saturday afternoon foolishly thinking I had missed the rush of rabid stilleto-wearing fans. How wrong I was. At the Grove, we soon learned that we'd have to wait outside in a ridiculous long line, our public shaming proving to be the true to test to how badly we wanted to see the movie. Soon we were just another fag and hag in line for SATC; how stupid we were to think we could just duck into the darkness of the theater, and hide our shame. Leeza Gibbons was behind us in line, and won me over when she acknowledged what a spectacle it all was. I have to admit that while the movie was bad candy, I ate it up--I lapped up every ridiculous fashion montage, and cackled all the way.
NoWireHangers
TheStarterWife
Posted 3:02 AM 3/6/08
DAMN HTML -
Don't make me threaten to burn down the blog again.
(And a moment of silence for the genius of that three year old post to reference He's just not that into you!. Who knew then that book would be the trailer shown right before SatC.)
TheStarterWife
bess marvin, girl detective
Posted 3:01 AM 3/6/08
"second, regrettable weekend at the box office."
ha seth, tell us how you really feel.
bess marvin, girl detective
TheStarterWife
Posted 3:00 AM 3/6/08
BLAHNIKS! The shoes of the show are Manolo BLAHNIKS!
(Don't make me threaten to )
TheStarterWife
Juancho
Posted 2:44 AM 3/6/08
Dammit, is July 18th here yet?
Juancho
CourageousCoward
Posted 2:41 AM 3/6/08
"the Soldered One kicking Kung Fu Panda, who's already getting on our nerves, in the panda-nuts."
To paraphrase Opus, I for one cannot support Panda abuse.
CourageousCoward
gaycurmudgeon
Posted 3:55 AM 3/6/08
"Tuchus-lingus": my new favorite word.
gaycurmudgeon
Xylo
Posted 3:54 AM 3/6/08
Sure, 26 million on Friday, but then 17.9 on Saturday and a measly 10.9 on Sunday. Seems backwards to me.
Xylo
cardboardbelt
Posted 3:50 AM 3/6/08
@BowlingForDollars: Really not sure how an endlessly advertised, 65 million dollar major-studio produced cash-in is a 'fuck you' to hollywood.
cardboardbelt
Juancho
Posted 4:21 AM 3/6/08
@cardboardbelt: At that price, it's practically an indie.
Juancho
BowlingForDollars
Posted 6:45 AM 3/6/08
@cardboardbelt: True, but even the box office pros didn't predict this large an opening.
BowlingForDollars
hitchenaride
Posted 7:35 AM 3/6/08
@raincoaster:
Actually, it was a fake Fendi clutch....wow, how gay am I?
hitchenaride
raincoaster
Posted 7:51 AM 3/6/08
@hitchenaride: Omigawd, you're right. I must have blocked it out because the Fendi bags are so hideous it ripped a hole in my mind's eye. Seriously, they look like the genitalia of woolly mammoths, trimmed with rhinestones.
raincoaster
gwendolyn
Posted 8:24 AM 3/6/08
@Xylo: The boys, as Debbie Reynolds would have said on 'Will & Grace', were too hung over to make it to brunch, much less a Sunday afternoon showing.
The total did indeed surprise me. But my skill at misguessing (?) box office potential goes back to 1983 when I saw a commercial on this new-fangled MTV thingy about a movie called 'Flashdance' and I thought to myself 'Self, that piece of crap will last about three weeks in theaters'.
gwendolyn
Huge Tracts of Land
Posted 9:02 AM 3/6/08
The compulsive nerdgirl in me really wishes Indy 4 had won the box office horse race this weekend instead of this vagina-based horrorfest of woman troubles, high heels and frilly dresses. PS I have a vagina so it's okay for me to say this? PPS The phrase "horse race" is not meant to be an editorial on the content of the winning film.
Huge Tracts of Land
Kois
Posted 2:10 AM 4/6/08
Look, it's a full day later, but Jesus do I love Seth's box office posts.
Kois
JeeWilakers
Posted 3:45 AM 3/6/08
I saw a man propose to his girlfriend in line at the Saturday 12:45am show in a three-piece suit. She said yes.
JeeWilakers