When last we left the Hogan family (though can we leave them if they won't go away?), parents Hulk and Linda had split up, and it wasn't pretty. Daughter Brooke accused the Hulkster of piledriving one of her friends, while cougar Linda fell into the arms of the 19-year-old pool boy. What's next for an estranged, straw-haired couple bored of screwing their children's dopplegangers? Elaborate, imaginary crimes:

Brooke Hogan is fightin' mad after her mother, Linda, accused estranged hubby Terry (Hulk) Hogan of violating a restraining order and stalking her. Linda recently told police that as she was leaving her house, she saw Hulk driving toward it and called 911.

"I know for a fact that the accusations made against my father are completely false," said Brooke. She's right: Miami cops found no evidence of a restraining order.

Well, there's that. Still, what kind of country have we become where you can no longer persecute people for violating imaginary restraining orders? Is celebrity jurisprudence now so out of hand that the mere idea of a legally binding document — issued, no doubt, by Snuffleupagus himself — is somehow found lacking? Pity poor Linda Hogan, undone by a judicial loophole despite a powerhouse team of lawyers led by Phoenix Wright. If they can't beat the (imaginary) system, what hope have we?

[Photo Credit: Getty Images]

• Hulk's daughter slams her mom [New York Daily News]

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