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Gwyneth Paltrow 'Owes It To Humanity' To Spawn Again
Posted by Molly Friedman at 9:15 AM on June 5, 2008
It has been many, many moons since Gwyneth Paltrow and Brad Pitt broke it off, but that doesn't mean that Gwyneth is immune to the jealousy that Angelina Jolie and her multi-national brood of infants inspires. In the new issue of Harper's Bazaar, Paltrow tells the mag that, "I may force myself to [get pregnant] one more time because the result is so worth it...And also my [late] dad said to me that his only regret in life was that he had only two children and he didn't have more." Though we doubt Coldplay frontman Chris Martin finds these loving words inspiring when it comes to slipping into the sheets with his hooker-heeled wife, Paltrow seems to feel the Apocalypse will officially begin if he doesn't. You see, she's just the best mother in the whole world (aside from Dina Lohan, that is), and "owes it to humanity" to produce another spawn. Also? Her late father was reincarnated as her hair,and chopping it off made her go "...aaah!" An explanation, after the jump:
As Gwyneth explains, "I was very, very attached to my hair. I grew it when I was pregnant. I still had hair from when my father was alive. I made it like a talisman. And then I was ready to let go of it, and so I chopped it off and ... aaah!" Anyone else find the dichotomy between explaining that your loved and adored father was somehow represented in your long stringy Rapunzel-like hair, and that one day you were just kind of like, "Eh! Guess it's time to say buh-bye" very, well, very Gwyneth Paltrow? But getting back to the case of her Jolie-envy, it seems that Martin may not even have to roll around with Paltrow after all — she's "open" to adoption just like every other famous woman in Hollywood, and seems to be implying that choosing not to adopt is pretty much like giving the middle finger to all the starving infants out there.
Tags: angelina jolie | chris martin | coldplay | gwyneth paltrow
Comments (AU Comments · US Comments)
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Old No.7
Posted 6:33 AM 5/6/08
Gwinny's inspiration for having another child was due to the fact that she walked through the produce section at Whole Foods.
Old No.7
mattymcd
Posted 6:24 AM 5/6/08
@Midge: However Richards mother's dying wish was for her to have a reality show, a far nobler cause.
mattymcd
Midge
Posted 6:17 AM 5/6/08
She's like the friend who gets all drunk and obnoxious one night and then the next day when confronted says, "My mom just died two years ago."
Denise Richards uses the same playbook.
Midge
KrisP
Posted 6:09 AM 5/6/08
Jeezus.. her smugness knows no bounds does it?
KrisP
Fama Est
Posted 7:03 AM 5/6/08
If anything is owed to humanity, it's she not produce any more blindingly white offspring. I'm no geneticist but can only assume that somewhere there's some high-tech food-coloring or Easter-egg dye that can be mixed with Father Coldplay's semen before its injection into the pasty chasm.
Fama Est
misterdirk
Posted 7:03 AM 5/6/08
Look, misterdirky loves me a little Gwynnie-bashing, but my inner snarky-meter isn't going off on this one. She wants another kid. Her haircut was a catharsis. AM I LOSING IT? Oh, shizz...
misterdirk
gwendolyn
Posted 7:39 AM 5/6/08
@gwendolyn: that's narcissistic, gwen dear...get it together, ok?
gwendolyn
gwendolyn
Posted 7:37 AM 5/6/08
@misterdirk: I gotta go with you. Nothing Ms. Paltrow-Coldplay has done THAT I AM AWARE OF (disclaimer) even begins to match the kind of narcissicist and exploitive shit Ms. Ciccone-Crappy Brit Ganster Movies and Ms. Love-Those Weren't My Fingerprints On That Hunting Rifle have committed in the name of sacred motherhood.
And as long as Dina Lohan lives, we have a permanent monument to Bad, Bad Mothering made of silicone and botox to snark on for always...
gwendolyn
kookla
Posted 8:12 AM 5/6/08
@Midge: Better than blaming it on the dog (see Tatum O'Neal).
kookla
TwiceShy
Posted 8:07 AM 5/6/08
"Hooker-heeled" really? I'm gonna just go with you have some wide feet and you're just jealous you can't pull them off.
TwiceShy
Midge
Posted 8:30 AM 5/6/08
@kookla: She saves that for when she farts.
Midge
gwendemarco
Posted 12:32 PM 5/6/08
Forcing yourself to do something that has positive results and that your deceased father will be disappointed in you if you don't do is a topic for your therapist dear, not your obstetrician.
gwendemarco
Little Mintz Sunshine
Posted 2:06 PM 5/6/08
It's a good thing there aren't any more semi-orphans out there waiting to be adopted. Just think of all the "losing the baby-weight" talk we'd be deprived of...
Little Mintz Sunshine
StevieRayHalen
Posted 6:04 PM 5/6/08
"I still had hair from when my father was alive. I made it like a talisman."
And where was this Talisman during "Sky Cpt. & the
World of Tomorrow?"
umm, you owe me $...oh that's right, i got it FREE...
StevieRayHalen