RSS Feeds
'G.I. Joe' Movie Gets Three Teaser Posters, Porny New Subtitle
Posted by Defamer Hollywood at 4:05 AM on June 27, 2008
As we bide our time waiting for the inevitable $200 million feature adaptation of Captain N: The Game Master (Zac Efron, call your agent), Paramount has unveiled new details on its latest strip-mining of 80's nostalgia: G.I. Joe. Directed by failing-upward Stephen Sommers (Van Helsing), Joe is all set for a summer 2009 release, but that doesn't mean it's too soon to reveal three new teaser posters and a new, utterly superfluous subtitle: G.I. Joe: Rise of Cobra. Sadly, none of the teaser posters show off the film's most curious bit of casting — Joseph Gordon-Levitt as Cobra Commander — though the film's new subtitle seems to hint that Cobra won't be donning his live-action costume until everyone's bullshit detectors receive a proper workout. Posters (and reactions) after the jump!
At left, we have Step Up star Channing Tatum as audiences are most used to seeing him: buried under several layers of clothes. Next to him is Snake Eyes. Though he looks reasonably cool, ninjas didn't help cartoon adaptation Speed Racer any. One suggestion to Sommers to avoid ninja ignominy: add more ninjas. And finally, at right, there's Sienna Miller uncomfortably slumming as Baroness. Coming so soon after Cate Blanchett's Eastern-accented Indiana Jones villainess, we can only hope that Miller, too, gets a chance to fight off CG monkeys while driving a Jeep.
- G.I. Joe Promo/Teaser Poster! [Latino Review]
Comments (AU Comments · US Comments)
There are currently no AU comments for this post.
Guadalahonky
Posted 5:06 AM 27/6/08
@guitarsnob: @Benovite: I see more Olivia Wilde.
Guadalahonky
doubletalk
Posted 5:05 AM 27/6/08
Ugh. I'll pass on this lastest live-action adaptation of a so-so toy. What's next? Etch-a-Sketch, the movie?
doubletalk
MisterMuggles
Posted 4:54 AM 27/6/08
As a child of the 80s, I can say with confidence that if this has (a) Destro (b) Snake eyes vs. Storm Shadow and (c) Scarlett, I will be there. Bonus points if the end credits contain a helpful PSA on how to safely flush an eyelash from one's eye. Because as any military Special Ops can tell you, knowing is half the battle.
MisterMuggles
Benovite
Posted 4:43 AM 27/6/08
Very cool. At least the marketing looks right so far.
I'm getting a Sheryl Crow vibe from the Baroness poster.
Benovite
AmazonRedheadedUberVixen
Posted 4:35 AM 27/6/08
Who's playing Barbie? Because when I was a kid, GI Joe and Barbie always ended up going at it like jackrabbits.
AmazonRedheadedUberVixen
BowlingForDollars
Posted 4:29 AM 27/6/08
@guitarsnob: Ooooh, good call.
BowlingForDollars
guitarsnob
Posted 4:15 AM 27/6/08
I'm looking for Sienna Miller in that poster but all I see is Jennifer Connelly.
guitarsnob
NoGrumpys
Posted 4:13 AM 27/6/08
I'll provide Joseph Gordon-Levitt my Kung-fu grip for a heavy-duty j/o session
NoGrumpys
BowlingForDollars
Posted 5:31 AM 27/6/08
@doubletalk: Unless Universal gets their version of "Easy Bake Oven" to the silver screen first.
BowlingForDollars
DrFeelgood
Posted 5:31 AM 27/6/08
Ditto on the "more Ninjas" comment.
You can never have too many ninjas.
DrFeelgood
Sleepyhead
Posted 6:00 AM 27/6/08
@Guadalahonky: I could have sworn it was Uma.
Sleepyhead
TenTimesFiltered
Posted 6:00 AM 27/6/08
@MisterMuggles: Destro's in it, but he doesn't have his mask. Probably not until the end of the movie, where it's *SPOILERZ* formed from nanobots or something.
TenTimesFiltered
CourageousCoward
Posted 5:59 AM 27/6/08
@guitarsnob: @Benovite: @Guadalahonky: I get an Axe Body Spray vibe from the ad. The chick? She looks like what's her name? You know, the one who dated David Spade briefly and was the chick on the X-Files that was body-scanned for the video game that was killing players in real life...
CourageousCoward
el smrtmnky
Posted 5:55 AM 27/6/08
@Guadalahonky: yes!!
el smrtmnky
TurdBlossom
Posted 5:53 AM 27/6/08
Duke had better go shirtless at least once, or have a gratutious shower scene.
TurdBlossom
AmazonRedheadedUberVixen
Posted 5:51 AM 27/6/08
@BowlingForDollars: I'm pretty sure it's gonna be a while before that gets to theaters, since it takes forever for that little light bulb to develop even a single frame of film.
AmazonRedheadedUberVixen
CourageousCoward
Posted 7:03 AM 27/6/08
@mcgeorge: Steve, hey. This is Miyagi orver at Ninjas R Us. We got a requisition here for 1,000 ninjas. Did you want regular ninjas or giant fucking ninjas?
CourageousCoward
mcgeorge
Posted 6:40 AM 27/6/08
Um, high this is Steve down on set. Yeah, can you tell Tracy I need some more ninjas? Yep. I'd say about a thousand more ninjas. Yes, one thousand. OK... Well, just-- Now, wait a-- Well, I'm sorry she's going to flip, but I'm trying to tell an epic tale about the eternal fucking struggle of good and evil AND I CAN'T VERY WELL FUCKING DO THAT WITHOUT MORE FUCKING NINJAS, NOW CAN I?!?! (wait for it...) Now who do I gotta skull-fuck around here to get one thousand ninjas?!
mcgeorge
mcgeorge
Posted 9:39 AM 27/6/08
Do the giant fucking ninjas have the swivel arms? I can't have swivel arms, Miyagi, the sound guy says they make too much noise. I need 1000 freaking giant ninjas without swivel arms, and they'd better not be fucking SAG cause then we're fucked. And don't leave messages on my cell phone.
mcgeorge
JacobFreeze
Posted 4:01 PM 27/6/08
What this project really needs is a big black "hum bar" in the middle of the screen.
JacobFreeze
TheQuestion
Posted 4:44 AM 28/6/08
@TheQuestion: sorry, that should read INVERSE ninja law.
TheQuestion
TheQuestion
Posted 4:25 AM 28/6/08
@CourageousCoward: Krista Allen.
@DrFeelgood: no, no, no, no, no! More ninjas means risking violating the reverse ninja law that says the more ninjas you have the easier they are to beat, and Snake Eyes needs to kick major ass or the only good thing in this thing will be Scarlett's skintight uniform!
TheQuestion
kylo4
Posted 8:01 AM 28/6/08
I've already surmised this movie will be bad solely based on the fact that Stephen Sommers is directing it. Van Helsing was all CGI and nothing else.
kylo4
mmstk101
Posted 3:24 AM 29/6/08
I think I disapprove of the baroness poster.
She used to be kinda hot but with glasses so you knew that she was also smart (in the cartoon glasses means you're smart). The movie baroness just kinda looks like a whore.
p.s.: i'm very excited for this movie. Snake Eyes all the way!
mmstk101