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Crisis Averted: Jessica Simpson Defuses Rumour that Poppa Joe Fit Her For Training Bra
Posted by Defamer Hollywood at 5:30 AM on June 25, 2008
In a wide-ranging radio interview conducted before literally tens of adoring fans, Jessica Simpson seized the opportunity to clear up some outlandish rumors: namely, that stage father Joe Simpson is a little more hands-on than necessary. Said the newly-styled country singer to K-FROG (via Us Magazine):
"There have been stories that are ridiculous," Simpson said. "Like my father really fit me for a training bra. Like, who believes that kind of thing!?"
Seriously, you guys! How could you even think such a thing about Poppa Joe? The man is a former Baptist minister who would never, ever cross an inappropriate sexual line with his daughters.
Oh, wait:
Some girls get sheepish when their dads talk about their periods, boyfriends, or accidental walk-ins, but when your dad is Joe Simpson and he goes to GQ talking about your jubblies, it can affect your sanity--and your career. The quote, in case you're the last person on earth to hear it: "Jessica never tries to be sexy. She just is sexy. If you put her in a T-shirt or you put her in a bustier, she's sexy in both. She's got DOUBLE Ds! You can't cover those suckers up!"
And he would know, since he totally didn't fit her for a training bra or anything. Still, we encourage Jessica to relax; if there's anything we've learned from our two days as guest editor, it's that inappropriate family sexytime is more than condoned in Hollywood — it's encouraged! In the spirit of the new Arrested Development movie, we encourage Jess to kick back with a DVD of Les cousins dangereux, a bottle of wine, and an embrace of her new country music street cred that money can't buy.
- Jessica Simpson Denies Her Dad Fit Her for Bra [Us Magazine]
Comments (AU Comments · US Comments)
There are currently no AU comments for this post.
WGARefugee
Posted 8:15 AM 25/6/08
@ColbertNation: Of course she loves you. Unless she's, like, you know, Judy Dench, or something.
WGARefugee
rtisovec
Posted 6:35 AM 25/6/08
Joe associates double D's as meaning that he's pretty sure she hasn't lost one of them to breast cancer. And he'd know, what with his monthly exams and all...
rtisovec
laura23
Posted 6:29 AM 25/6/08
Can we please never hear about her or her family again? Please?
laura23
ColbertNation
Posted 6:20 AM 25/6/08
My mom has never complimented me on my dick size. Does she really love me?
ColbertNation
NoWireHangers
Posted 6:17 AM 25/6/08
Other rumors about Jessica Simpson that you've never ever heard, but she felt the need to emphatically deny:
-her father gives her a full body massage once a week
-her father oversees her bikini wax
-her father plans to videotape the birth of her first born (only if it's a girl)
NoWireHangers
WGARefugee
Posted 6:17 AM 25/6/08
Jubblies? WTF are jubblies? Didn't they have a tv show in Britain? It's not bad enough when men reduce female sexuality to some kind of infantile fixation?
WGARefugee
Pay_Me_Or_Pay_Me_No_Attention
Posted 6:07 AM 25/6/08
I heard from a very reliable source that Dane Cook has/had inducted this lovely lass into the "Valtrex Club" without informing her that he was a card carrying member at said time of copulation(s).
Now this tainted hotness has inducted Adam Levine and Tony Romo into the Valtrex club. And they all have the itchy owies...
What's the lesson kids?
"Dane Cook is a square scumbag that sucked dick for his gigs!!!!"
No, we already know this...
Try Again.
"What's the quickest way to get herpes everybody?"
Everybody:
"FUCK A WORKING ACTRESS!!!"
DING! DING! DING! DING! DING!
Pay_Me_Or_Pay_Me_No_Attention
DorothyZbornak
Posted 5:56 AM 25/6/08
Yeah, I'm certain my father has no idea what my cup size is. But, then again, we're not Baptist.
DorothyZbornak
kookla
Posted 5:54 AM 25/6/08
But Jessica didn't deny that it was Papa Joe that assisted her with her first tampon.
kookla
Old No.7
Posted 5:53 AM 25/6/08
And for the record, let it be known that she hasn't had sex with Tony Romo, she's only french-kissed him (But her daddy says she's the best at it).
Old No.7
raincoaster
Posted 8:56 AM 25/6/08
Well, technically she's right, because if it's a D-cup, it's not a training bra.
raincoaster
badhatharry
Posted 1:18 PM 25/6/08
I know I'm in the minority here, but if she needs help, I'll fit her for a training bra.
Yeah, I know -- I should make those jokes over at fleshbot.
badhatharry