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Billy Ray Cyrus's Touching Loyalty To Daughter Miley Underscored By Poignant Poop-Stomping Metaphor
Posted by Seth at 2:10 AM on June 18, 2008
Billy Ray Cyrus, virtue-hoarding father and achy-breaky-svengali to cultural tween phenomenon Miley Cyrus, appeared on The Today Show this morning, where for the first time he was made to address the now-infamous Virgin Miley study that recently graced the pages of Vanity Fair. An unwavering Meredith Vieira was determined to figure out where he was as photographer Annie Leibovitz crouched beneath a lighting umbrella, pressing two index fingers to her lips as she spitballed aloud, "For the next one, maybe lose the clothes, clutch that sheet to your chest, and give me your best 'Got Milk?' face."
Billy Ray Cyrus, virtue-hoarding father and achy-breaky-svengali to cultural tween phenomenon Miley Cyrus,
Cyrus responded with a bitter recollection that underscores the sorry current state of Hollywood flackism, explaining that he left the set feeling "everything was in control...Her publicist was there." Pressed for his reactions to the photo, Cyrus then offered a series of increasingly inscrutable downhomeisms—beginning with a relatively low-difficulty poop-stomping metaphor, and eventually working his way up to one involving turkey-neck-lengths that our dull urbanite brains never fully managed to grasp.
Comments (AU Comments · US Comments)
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mothrafairy
Posted 3:34 AM 18/6/08
"Daddy, when I grow up, can I be a whore?"
"Why, darlin', you can do that before you is growed up!"
mothrafairy
CluelessElaineLui
Posted 3:12 AM 18/6/08
@mexiback:
He is suffering from the same obliviousness, isn't he? He is too busy living his second 15mins through his daughter that he doesn't get it.
Apart from the VF picture, why not ask him why his 15 year old daughter keeps posting silly pictures on her MySpace only to tender an apology when called on it. Miley is so desperate not to be seen as clean cut that it stopped being funny 30mins ago!
CluelessElaineLui
kookla
Posted 3:09 AM 18/6/08
Great. How much you want to bet he comes out with a single called "Poop Stomping Metaphor?"
kookla
bittergreen
Posted 3:05 AM 18/6/08
If we are going to bust Billy Ray's balls for not adhering to down-home family values, I demand that he build held accountable for schtupting Justin Theroux's wife in Mulholland Dr.
bittergreen
TurdBlossom
Posted 3:05 AM 18/6/08
I thought the rant here on Defamer summed it up best. The picture makes members of the Mini-van majority admit that teens have sex, this makes them uncomfortable and they go on the offensive, attacking the kid in the picture rather than their own unrealistic ideals about being a teenager.
TurdBlossom
dutchtreat
Posted 3:00 AM 18/6/08
Why would people shoot at turkeys with the longest necks? I would prefer that my Thanksgiving bird had larger breasts, longer legs or plumper thighs.
dutchtreat
mothrafairy
Posted 2:55 AM 18/6/08
Surely their Malibu mansion is propped on cinderblocks.
mothrafairy
NoWireHangers
Posted 2:47 AM 18/6/08
"Meredith, you can't do the Texas two-step in a pile of cow manure, but you can boot-scoot-boogie yourself back into spotlight by line dancing with your daughter on the Disney channel. If the royalty checks ever dry up it'll break my achy breaky heart, and remember, I had a hit song for a few weeks in 1992."
NoWireHangers
tbolt
Posted 2:38 AM 18/6/08
+ Watch video
It is what it is.
tbolt
Werrick
Posted 2:32 AM 18/6/08
I don't get the big deal...
I mean, I can see the sexualization of a minor... but I'm not sure it's gross in this regard.
When I look at this picture I'm not thinking "that's sexy", I'm reminded of just how young she is and how vulnerable she is. It reminds me that even kids in show biz are still kids and still need to be protected.
Werrick
mexiback
Posted 2:29 AM 18/6/08
This guy is so becoming the male country Dina Lohan.
mexiback
inkydinkydo
Posted 2:22 AM 18/6/08
"The more you stomp in poop the worse it stinks?"
How does BRC know that? How'd his deddy know that? Must be all them long-necks.
inkydinkydo
CourageousCoward
Posted 2:19 AM 18/6/08
Note to Hillary: It may take a village to raise a child, but you obviously can't trust the villagers.
Bob Dole's response: "... with all due respect, I am here to tell you, it does not take a village to raise a child. It takes a family to raise a child."
Conclusion: Billy Ray, it's your own damn fault.
CourageousCoward
William Mize
Posted 4:29 AM 18/6/08
Take off your f*cking sunglasses, it's 7AM, you douchebag.
William Mize
mexiback
Posted 6:15 AM 18/6/08
@CluelessElaineLui: In their deluded, self-important world, EVERYONE is an asshole, except them.
Also, did he had to bring up so blatantly that he was a one-hit wonder in the nineties?
mexiback