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Angelina Jolie Rumour Mill: Heroin Babies, Prosthetic Bumps, And Chosen Preemies?
Posted by Molly Friedman at 3:45 AM on June 28, 2008
Only when we accidentally stumble upon Ted Casablancas and his long-winded, sinewy blind items do we realise how sorely we've missed them. The painfully obvious hints, the ridiculous nicknames - and today, one of the first blind items we've read in a while that doesn't out any closeted actors:
"Ms. Ferocity knows damn well if she keeps up the drugs like most of her addicted colleagues have, she'll say buh-bye to everything she's nabbed... that is why Fake à la employs some of Hell-Ay's fanciest docs, their specialty being weaning famous folks off drugs via synthetic goodies that'll make anybody's bad day a tad more doable."
Though Ted makes it crystal clear that Ms. Ferocity is the busting-at-the-seams Angelina Jolie, the idea that Jolie would risk turning the Chosen Two into heroin babies seemed out of the question until we heard yet another rumour that (gasp!), the cherubs not only have already been pushed out, but are holding on for dear life:
As we all fondly remember, People egregiously reported that the Chosen Two had been born an entire month ago, only to backtrack and look like idiots. But that hasn't stopped other gossip outlets from looking like idiots! As the NY Daily News reports today, "the premature infants are being secretly cared for in a French hospital. 'They're waiting till the babies are bigger and stronger before they allow anyone to take their picture,' contends a source." Coupled with Ted's seemingly too-sordid-to-be-true story, the idea that Jolie's couplet would be born a wee bit early due to "fancy docs" filling her up with meds to ward of 'drawls, the silly rumour becomes slightly easier to swallow. Until of course we hear the NYDN source's explanation for very recent photos showing Jolie still looking very pregnant: "Maybe it's a prosthetic tummy." Right. Jolie is high on horse tranquilizers, tending to sick infants in a hospital, and somehow found the time to custom-order a prosthetic Chosen Two bump. Colour us cynics, but we remain unconvinced.
[Photo Source: Getty Images]
- NOT SO BLIND ITEM? [ONTD]
- BRANGELINA TWINS IN HIDING? [NYDN]
Comments (AU Comments · US Comments)
There are currently no AU comments for this post.
Crinkelbert_Fishtybuns
Posted 4:49 AM 28/6/08
Why can't it be Nicole Richie?
Crinkelbert_Fishtybuns
Losin_it
Posted 4:46 AM 28/6/08
@WGARefugee: A lot of men probably think like me that a pregnant woman can be even more beautiful than before. I don't care for Angelina Jolie much usually, but she looks incredible in the above picture.
The only person that I know that decries pregnancy is my mother. Supposedly, the world lost one of the hottest girls in the history of our planet because she wound up giving birth to me. Or so I am constantly informed.
Losin_it
Mabimab
Posted 4:46 AM 28/6/08
@WGARefugee: I never heard of a pregnant woman referred to as "repugnant," but I think that would be really mean, yes.
Mabimab
elanmilo
Posted 4:42 AM 28/6/08
Is it wrong that I sort of want this to be true?
elanmilo
Juancho
Posted 4:38 AM 28/6/08
@WGARefugee: pretty much all blind item lingo is infantile. Not to mention Variety.
Juancho
gwendemarco
Posted 4:37 AM 28/6/08
Still, has anyone seen or photographed her lately? Girl loves the juice. Allegedly.
gwendemarco
WGARefugee
Posted 4:33 AM 28/6/08
Is it just me or is all of the lingo that people use for pregnancy and birth, like bump, popped, dropped, squirt, repugnant and, well, infantile? (present company excluded) Taken as an aggregate, it seems pretty clear that the governing concept behind this verbage is that pregnancy is envisioned as some sort of disfigurement, like a boil, that thwarts men's desires and fantasies. Okay, I'm going to revert back to my politically incorrect self now.
WGARefugee
Scoregasm
Posted 4:19 AM 28/6/08
@Mabimab: Hell, I'm fluent in rambling and incoherent, and even I have no goddamn clue what he's babbling about.
Scoregasm
Little Mintz Sunshine
Posted 4:18 AM 28/6/08
Does anyone ever, you know, care about being right anymore?
BUT...Angie could have easily kept the prosthetic baby bumps she wore in "Taking Lives"...
Little Mintz Sunshine
Dave J.
Posted 4:18 AM 28/6/08
If she had indeed had those kids when reported, they would have been popped at 26 weeks, which is scary, crazy early. You really don't want to go before 30 weeks, though I know someone who had a baby at 28 weeks, but that kid needed months and months of intense NICU care. I can't stand Angelina, but I have to believe she's a good enough mom that if she had two premature babies born at 26 weeks, she wouldn't be already walking around with a fake tummy to throw off the press.
Dave J.
Mabimab
Posted 4:13 AM 28/6/08
IMHO, I think it's Madonna. Not Angelina. I don't speak Casablancanese, though...
Mabimab
CourageousCoward
Posted 3:59 AM 28/6/08
Swinging for the fences with this one, aren't they?
CourageousCoward
encinoman
Posted 5:43 AM 28/6/08
In the current issue of Playboy (yes, I read it for the articles) Dr. Drew Pinsky says "I'm interested in what's really going on with Angelina Joie. I've never seen someone remit heroin completely...Is she still using something? Is she in recovery?"
encinoman
LLH
Posted 5:33 AM 28/6/08
@Crinkelbert_Fishtybuns: or britney spears?
i just can't see Angelina Jolie putting on a fake bump. that's so "Kate" Holmes don't you think. AJ seems like the type to not give a fuck what anyone thinks about her.
LLH
Magnakai Haaskivi
Posted 5:31 AM 28/6/08
@Dave J.: I had two daughters born just shy of 28 weeks (two years apart, at that; pregnancies aren't my wife's forte); at 26 weeks, Jolie's kids would probably weigh about a pound and a half. Twins do tend to have a better go of it, but it's not something you do for fun...they'd need at least a two-three month hospital stay just to get up to the standard four pound discharge weight.
Magnakai Haaskivi
kookla
Posted 5:22 AM 28/6/08
Casablahblah lost me at Ms. Ferocity.
kookla
MCU
Posted 5:08 AM 28/6/08
"Jolie is high on horse tranquilizers, tending to sick infants in a hospital, and somehow found the time to custom-order a prosthetic Chosen Two bump. Color us cynics, but we remain unconvinced."
Are you asking us to pick who to believe? Because I can't choose. I really can't.
MCU
WGARefugee
Posted 6:17 AM 28/6/08
@encinoman: I just look at the pictures so I didn't notice this--very interesting! As a long-time Loveline listener, I have to say Dr. Drew is seldom wrong.
(was it just me, or were all of the reply to commenter buttons turned into mailto buttons a minute ago?)
WGARefugee
Effington_Post
Posted 5:57 AM 28/6/08
@Effington_Post:
Well... ok... I suppose she does still work so, perhaps she does have "addicted colleagues". Brain.Was.Not.Engaged.
Effington_Post
Effington_Post
Posted 5:52 AM 28/6/08
"Though Ted makes it crystal clear that Ms. Ferocity is the busting-at-the-seams Angelina Jolie...." Really? Do we believe she has a lot of "addicted colleagues" any more? It's very common for twins to come early. A non-drug-addicted friend of mine gave birth to twins at around 28 weeks also. Teeny tiny and almost didn't make it. Alas, they are live and well and five. Must be somebody else. Hmmmmmm. Who could it be?
Effington_Post
Allie Anne
Posted 6:47 AM 28/6/08
I thought Dr. Drew's recent comment about AJ was very interesting and he DID seem to get it right (and pretty early on, too) about Owen Wilson. Dr. Drew DOES know his celebrity addiction!
Anyway, whether she's on drugs or not, I have a definite feeling that there's something not right with the babies. I hope I'm wrong but "Entertainment Tonight" never retracted their birth story and "People" is known for its sunny outlook (and for being a publicist's best friend) while the rest of the magazines usually just follow "People"'s lead.
Allie Anne
el smrtmnky
Posted 6:47 AM 28/6/08
of course, she's always on her high horse so that's easy to confuse
el smrtmnky
el smrtmnky
Posted 6:46 AM 28/6/08
@Mabimab: funny, that's who i was thinking of, too.
el smrtmnky
Bon Jour, Pee Wee
Posted 6:37 AM 28/6/08
Silly me, I thought it was Amy Winehouse.
Bon Jour, Pee Wee
CourageousCoward
Posted 7:05 AM 28/6/08
@Allie Anne: Of course he got it right. Unlike other so-called "doctors" (Dre, PHIL) he's a real doctor specializing in this sort of thing.
CourageousCoward
raincoaster
Posted 7:52 AM 28/6/08
Being on smack does not increase your likelihood of giving birth prematurely. It isn't good for the babies, of course, but there's no correlation there as far as I know (and I would know, trust me).
The thing that makes me think she may actually have given up heroin completely (and I have seen it done; I know people who've been clean for decades) is that she's always so busy. A junkie ends up getting a rep like Keith Richards, because s/he can never be on time or get it together. Burroughs was a very famous example of a complete mess who managed to make money and blunder through, but he couldn't have kept up an Angelina Jolie schedule.
raincoaster
strega
Posted 8:27 AM 28/6/08
Sorry, I think this is Nicole Kidman, Ted has made snarky remarks about NK having prostethic baby bump and even said that on his internet television show.
Jolie ain't that dumb anymore, besides she's fessed up to her drug addictions and I can't see her damaging the kids. If anything she's turned into a devoted mother -
strega
Desk_hack
Posted 8:15 AM 28/6/08
@Dave J.: That's assuming that her due date was August-whatever. I think that ET was right, that she was due in June. She's been looking HUGE and ready to pop for a while, even taking into account that she's having twins. And don't discount the fake tummy; this is the same woman who went to f-ing Namibia to have her first kid just to try to escape the press.
@Crinkelbert_Fishtybuns: Yeah, I thought that, too, but what has she really "nabbed" lately, other than her own baby?
Ok, back to the snark. Where's Heigl?
Desk_hack
Trixie from Toronto
Posted 8:05 AM 28/6/08
@raincoaster: For some reason, I remain convinced that she's a junkie who kicks it every now and again and then starts using again. She was scarily skeletal until she got pregnant again, and it kept getting blamed on her mother's death. But Pitt looked pissed off and pained in every photo during that period.
She was a junkie before, when she was with Billy Bob ... I think she struggles to stay off it and then goes back on.
Trixie from Toronto
WGARefugee
Posted 9:09 AM 28/6/08
Health-wise, compared to being addicted to Billy Bob Thornton, heroin is like Jamba Juice.
WGARefugee
SomnambulantHobbit
Posted 11:27 PM 28/6/08
I would think if the babies were premature and struggling for life, AJ and Pitt would milk the press for all it was worth. Not hide it. Maybe thats a poor not-had-my-coffee-yet cynical outlook.
SomnambulantHobbit
jrhys
Posted 6:04 AM 29/6/08
@Dave J.: But wouldn't shielding the babies from the press with a fake tum make her a BETTER mommy? Guess we'll all have to wait for the Maddox tell all in 2025.
jrhys