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Kate Hudson Teaches 'Boobies Obsessed' Son Why Everyone's Always 'Rubbing Up Against Each Other'
Posted by Molly Friedman at 10:30 AM on June 11, 2008
After seeing Kate Hudson's appearance on Conan last night, we have a feeling that her surfer-haired son Ryder is destined to be quite the Hot Perv On Campus. Apparently that whole birds and bees discussion that every parent dreads has not only started far earlier at Casa Hudson than most households, but little Ryder is already pursuing an advanced degree in female anatomy by studying his mom's breasts. And after hearing what life was like for Kate as a kid living with kooky king and queen of long-term unmarried celebs Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell, we're not surprised that the 9-year old Ryder is already "obsessed" with things like boobies and the all-important, very profound question of why everyone "rubs up against each other." The premature nympho chatter around Kate's house makes perfect sense — Goldie and Kurt were those kinds of parents. Hear for yourself after the jump.
After seeing Kate Hudson's appearance on Conan last night, we have a feeling that her surfer-haired son Ryder is destined to be quite the Hot Perv On Campus. Apparently that whole birds and bees discussion that every parent dreads has not only started far earlier at Casa Hudson than most households, but little Ryder is already pursuing an advanced degree in female anatomy by studying his mom's breasts. And after hearing what life was like for Kate as a kid living with kooky king and queen of long-term unmarried celebs Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell, we're not surprised that the 9-year old Ryder is already "obsessed" with things like boobies and the all-important, very profound question of why everyone "rubs up against each other." The premature nympho chatter around Kate's house makes perfect sense — Goldie and Kurt were those kinds of parents. Hear for yourself after the jump.
You see, when Kate was just a wee one herself, Kurt and Goldie's idea of maintaining an "honest household" was to blab and on about how incredibly awesome their sex was. Oddly enough, picturing the young and horny Goldie and Kurt going at it is far less disturbing than trying to figure out how Ryder knows so much about this "rubbing" business. Is Kate leaving the door open during her dalliances with rumoured paramour one ball wonder Lance Armstrong? Has Owen Wilson reenacted the events which led to his Butterscotch Stallion nickname? Either way, we have a feeling that we'll be seeing young Ryder wreaking havoc on the Young Hollywood dating scene in no time flat.
Comments (AU Comments · US Comments)
There are currently no AU comments for this post.
WGARefugee
Posted 11:12 AM 11/6/08
I can't get over how much she resembles Kurt, especially her facial expressions, as she gets older. She could be the female R.J. MacReady when the hackmeisters remake John Carpenter's "The Thing."
WGARefugee
MartyPants
Posted 11:10 AM 11/6/08
I think I'm going to make Goldie's answer - You were born because we had sex and it was awesome! - my new default answer to birds-and-the-bees queries. That's pretty cool, honest, and the opposite of hang-up-inducing.
Now, I just need to have an awesome time and try to make some new question askers.
MartyPants
SunnydaZe10
Posted 10:50 AM 11/6/08
"I want my four year old to stop thinking about boobies so I wore this dress on national television."
Wow! Does Conan's hair go higher in the presence of a sexy woman, or what? It's like a hair erection!
SunnydaZe10
Fama Est
Posted 11:25 AM 11/6/08
Does Conan's wardrobe person think they're in LA already?
Fama Est
mockingbird
Posted 11:23 AM 11/6/08
Um, Molly, her son is 4, not 9. Big difference. Can't decide if it makes it more or less normal, though.
mockingbird
Benovite
Posted 11:17 AM 11/6/08
Can you imagine what the kid would be going through if she actually had tits?
I guess at his age he's basically mocking her man boobs.
Benovite
dutchtreat
Posted 11:49 AM 11/6/08
@WGARefugee: Weird 'cause she's not Kurt's daughter.
At least Ryder was appropriately named I suppose.
dutchtreat
hummingpenguin
Posted 12:27 PM 11/6/08
Okay, yeah, I want Goldie for a mother-in-law because mine? Not so helpful.
hummingpenguin
SunnydaZe10
Posted 12:24 PM 11/6/08
Hey, don't knock teacup sized breasts! It's all about the nips, man!
(My God, what have I become?)
Personally, I think Benovite was still in shock after watching the Molls to-do list. Those man-boobs were still burned onto the back of his eyelids.
SunnydaZe10
mothrafairy
Posted 12:15 PM 11/6/08
@Benovite:
Man boobs? A purty low-blow, but you know this thought has crossed the minds of Others, totally against Their will, of course. The "non-implanted" of this earth obviously need our prayers.
@mockingbird:
Tough call. That being said, if little Ryder isn't suckling the (apparently man-boobish) Teat of Nepotism and demanding his own publicist by age 6, we'll have genuine cause for alarm.
mothrafairy
WGARefugee
Posted 12:06 PM 11/6/08
@dutchtreat: Yeah it's weird watching her talk, sneer, toss her head, and squint at the same time just like her old (step) man. There would be some awkward moments if we were dating: "what--why are you stopping?"
"It's nothing, really, well except okay I'm a little freaked out right now..."
WGARefugee
Losin_it
Posted 1:43 PM 11/6/08
Those of us who were once boys can understand Ryder 'cuz, uh, we had a definite curiousity about certain....um. Attributes that our mothers, possessed and...
Forget it. There's no way this comes out sounding good.
Losin_it
WGARefugee
Posted 2:12 PM 11/6/08
@SunnydaZe10: We all used to have dreams. And then, somehow, we all wound up here. At Defamer. Hoping a washed up actor falls off a trapeze. The horror...
WGARefugee
Calraigh
Posted 11:40 PM 11/6/08
@WGARefugee: ...the 'orror....
Calraigh
A Pimp Named DaveR
Posted 12:55 AM 12/6/08
@Calraigh: /kills ox
A Pimp Named DaveR
Calraigh
Posted 1:05 AM 12/6/08
@A Pimp Named DaveR: ...aaand masturbates furiously.
Wait...what?
Calraigh
Benovite
Posted 3:15 AM 12/6/08
@SunnydaZe10: I'll need further treatment for sure. O_o
@mothrafairy: I was originally thinking something along the lines of 'tits like a sparrow' or 'she's got her mother's tits' or 'I thought pasties were supposed to cover, not used in lieu of' or something more original than 'man boobs' but .. Molly's video threw off my creativity.
DAMN YOU MOLLY! *shakes fist
Benovite
spanktastic
Posted 5:57 AM 12/6/08
This kid is gonna need a good therapist.
spanktastic
elanmilo
Posted 5:32 AM 12/6/08
Anyone thinking of sending their child to Crossroads should be locked in a room with Kate Hudson for a week. DON'T LET THIS HAPPEN TO YOU.
elanmilo
TheQuestion
Posted 7:09 AM 12/6/08
@Benovite: @SunnydaZe10: I gotta say, my first thought as well was that the kid's obsessed with boobies because Mommy's kind of lacking. Sorry, Kate, but its true. Want proof? Re-watch Almost Famous.
TheQuestion
SunnydaZe10
Posted 7:46 AM 12/6/08
You realize what we have done here?
From now on, when any actress goes on Conan (or any public appearance, really) she will nervously pray to herself -
"Please, don't let the Defamers comment endlessly about my tits. And, Lord, if you are listening, please, OH PLEASE, let me never be the subject of a Molly Friedman post!"
SunnydaZe10
ccwii
Posted 11:30 AM 11/6/08
@SunnydaZe10: ah, the hairection, good times.
ccwii