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Universal Smolder
Posted by Seth at 11:38 AM on June 7, 2008
· Universal's backlot goes up in flames. King Kong doesn't make it. And we're left with a few burning questions.
· We brave Mike Myers' silicone nipples to bring you the greatest 2008 MTV Movie Awards Liveblog (as typed on a laptop from their yellow carpet and a cramped seat inside the Gibson Amphitheater) you're ever likely to read.
· Werner Herzog demands to know: Who is this Abel Ferrara you keep speaking of? A Defamer Exclusive!
· Clint Eastwood, meanwhile, demands to know why Spike Lee can't shut his stupid face. Says Spike: "Sal, how come you ain't got no brothers up on your Oscar mantle?"
· The Week in Misunderstood Genius Manoj Shyamalan: When is an ego not an ego? The Crapening: The Penis Part 2.
· $55,700,000 buys you a crapload of Blahniks.
· What we want to know is, how come we never get to indulge in any high-end Hollywood dinner-party gossip like the one about Gina Gershon getting nailed by Bill Clinton on Ron Burkle's Big Bunny. Who cares if it's not true!
· Star of Paper Moon nabbed filling her Glass Pipe.
Phew—that was a close one.
· Angelina WombWatch: Is someone feeding ET phony tips? Or is this a massive maternitywear coverup?
·Lindsay Lohan is bringing home the bacon, one lesbian tell-all and fake-pregnancy-comedy paycheck at a time.
·The producers of the I Spit On Your Grave remake are wondering how to up the shock-factor, to which we have two words: real castrations.
·The only thing Jodie Sweetin is addicted to now is love! For her child!
·Lily Beckinsale and Brooklyn Beckham will never work out, because he's a notorious commitmentphobe and not ready for kids.
·Ed McMahon finally runs out of sidekick-dollars.
· There's whispers the Olsen twins might not be getting along, when they can remember which of the Olsen twins they are.
· Is Whitney Port going to anchor MTV's latest enhanced-reality sensation, Deep Valley: The Real Van Nuys? Stay tuned!
· And finally, Choke's anal beads.
With the possible exception of a Double Double with Animal Style fries, nothing goes down better after a long work week like a heaping Dirt Sandwich. Even better? You don't have to wait in line! Much like the ole In-N-Out, Molly McAleer uses nothing but the freshest ingredients when preparing each week's Dirt Sammy. Whether it's watching a makeup-less Tatum O'Neal get carted away by the cops or breathlessly awaiting to find out the outcome of what happened when Universal Studios explodes into flames with Steven Spielberg in the middle of the inferno (!), we guarantee that this week's Dirt Sandwich will satiate your weekly cravings for mental junk food. As always, enjoy!
Sure, things may seem to have gotten quiet on the Vin Diesel front, but that doesn't mean Hollywood's Biggest Action Hero Bargain hasn't been keeping busy. He's currently shooting The Fast and the Fourious, the 
Poor Ryan Phillippe. First, he earned a reputation as a shameful cheating husband who hurt the precious piece of Oscar-winning apple pie that is Reese Witherspoon, then 
Less than 24 hours after a mildly grumpy Clint Eastwood 
The Olsen Twins have been attached at the bony hip since first entering our living rooms as the painful-to-watch double duo of Michelle Tanner on Full House, during which they spent most of their first six years staring blandly into the camera and earning thigh-slapper after thigh-slapper off the laugh track. And right up until now, days before turning 19, both Mary Kate and Ashley have remained one seemingly inseparable force, designing their Row line together, co-operating Dualstar and even cohabitating in their 
We can say with complete confidence that we have never been more confused, astonished, entertained, and oddly turned on by a music video than we are today, when we witnessed the magic of Willie Nelson's "You Don't Think I'm Funny Anymore." What sounds incredibly boring turns out to be a tasty Southern stew featuring cameos from Owen Wilson, Luke Wilson, Woody Harrelson, Jessica Simpson, and Dan Rather. The casting kind of makes sense (Luke did that 
Of all the Hills characters deserving a spin-off series, 
Keep your insulin handy while having a look at the first trailer for Marley and Me, the screen adaptation of John Grogan's tearjerking best-seller about "live and love with the world's worst dog." Moreover, keep your eyes peeled for Owen Wilson and Jennifer Aniston, clinging to their bit-playing, beach-trotting pride as the namesake puppy's owners — helpless against its mischief, impossible cuteness and promotional star power. Look for the first teaser posters to follow shortly, with the A-listers and their names but specks below the pooch and Marley's 300-point tagline: WATCH THE DOG YEARS FLY BY. We can't wait for Christmas! [Fox via 
David Letterman and Julia Roberts were reunited on last night's Late Show, and it didn't feel so hot. The self-exiled Most Powerful Actress in Show Business seemed to us unnecessarily hard on the host and gushing dad, who was trying to make some point about celebrity baby-math (something about exponential levels of household chaos, not the old adage about knocking $5 mil off the opening weekend for every pregnancy). He was swiftly made to look the buffoon by the Charlie Wilson's War star and her rigidly literal-minded interpretation of family-sizes. And no one makes Dave look the buffoon—well, except maybe Julia. [
It's either the best or worst idea in the history of television, but it's no doubt the most contradictory: Set for CMT this fall, Hulk Hogan's Celebrity Championship Wrestling features competitors vying for some kind of reality-show supremacy in the wrasslin' arts, whose tactics they'll apparently learn from judges like Hogan and coaches including former pro stars Brutus "The Barber" Beefcake and Brian Knobbs. But then we had a look at the participants, and really, we wonder if CMT even has to buy insurance for this show:
Longtime readers of Defamer no doubt recall the days when our corporate campus was limited to a fifty-acre plot on the Eastside. True, we had all the razor scooters and air hockey we ever dreamed of, but, unfortunately, we were also solely reliant on the unstable intertube-accessing services of Time Warner Cable. This led to frequent outages, requiring the entire editorial department to wander, laptops in hand, from Silver Lake coffee house to coffee house in a desperate search for a working connection—where we'd inevitably be greeted with hastily posted signs. Why rehash the wounds of the past, you ask? Well, 
Screw the oil market — look no further than the flagging fortunes of American icon Ed McMahon for an uncanny barometer of our nation's volatile economy. The man whose face in your mailbox once reflected decades of surging domestic wealth has 
Whether it's the work of just one Manosh-targeting vandal or a number of copycat subway saboteurs, the one thing we know about The Happening adbusting is that we find it fucking hilarious. After New York public transit patrons were left wondering what twist and turns lay at the end of 
The Guardian runs an outrageously satisfying interview with Clint Eastwood today, in which he was asked to address comments made at Cannes by his perennially malcontented, bullhorn-wielding peer, Spike Lee. In them, Lee suggested Eastwood ignored African-Americans' contributions to the Allied cause in Flags of Our Fathers. (The exact quote: "There were many African-Americans who survived that war and who were upset at Clint for not having one [in the films]. That was his version: the negro soldier did not exist. I have a different version.") And while "a guy like him should shut his face" will undoubtedly emerge as the rant's most pull-quoted phrase—and deservedly so, being eight perfectly chosen syllables that manage to encapsulate everything we love about the shoot-first, dump-the-body-later Eastwood mystique—there's much else to savor in 
Welcome back to Defamer Attractions, your regular cheat sheet to what's new, noteworthy and/or doomed among the week's movie releases. Today we break down the hand-to-hand combat between a violence-prone bear and an equally vicious Israeli hairdresser, determine which also-ran will look on pitiably from the sidelines, suss an underdog for the multiplex-allergic among you, and review the best and brightest new DVD's. As always, our opinions are our own, but in keeping with the spirit of this week's Big Two, they are also reliable and brutally precise. 
