· Last night's Farmer Wants a Wife—which we're told actually exists and is not an elaborate 30 Rock joke—was the most! shocking! ever!, as contestant Ashley, a "catering sales manager," dropped a few f-bombs on the lonely Missouri field worker. (Who, it bears mentioning, we're almost positive we saw go-go dancing in nothing but a tuxSpeedo at last night's gay marriage rally at The Abbey). [The CW]
· We're going to go out on a limb and guess Ice-T is a breast-man. [flisted]
· Janice Dickinson's 8-week-old Chocolate Lab puppy is missing. Run, Hershey! Run! [TMZ]
· This is just a travesty: The Hockey Night in Canada theme is in jeopardy. Help us, Don Cherry. You're our only hope. [Reuters]
·Hey—Zebricorns! [greywolf]

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If there was ever a doubt that Oliver Stone's land-speed record production of W would be anything but a broad political satire of our outgoing president, let it now be allayed with Lionsgate's first teaser poster for the film. Combining eye-chart aesthetics, lexicographic precision and a surplus of malapropisms and other stupid shit George W. Bush has said over the last eight years (our favourite here: "I can press where there needs to be pressed; I can hold hands when there needs to be ... hold hands"), the one-sheet suggests that Stone's lugubrious, self-serious stabs at presidential folklore from JFK to Nixon are in fact over, and his more lilting, equally self-serious Natural Born Killers vein is set to bleed once again over an election-year popular culture. We eagerly await the official one-sheet; if Lionsgate has any sense, they'll use this as inspiration. [/film]

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Oh dear. After reading this article about Dean Geyer - highlights include 'Skype has kept our love alive!' (not a direct quote) - I'm starting to feel a little guilty.

Geyer is a widely publicised virgin because of his Christian beliefs but said he and Origliasso sometimes found the attention about it hurtful.

"I came out with that like two years ago and the fact that people still haven't got over that the fact that that's who I am, is a little bit annoying," he said.

A quick gallop through the archives of Defamer Australia proves beyond a doubt we're guilty of turning Dean Geyer into a one-virginity-based-note joke, and for that - we're sorry, Dean. Saving your handsome face and unsullied doodle for The Veronicas someone you love is an admirable thing and the Assemblies Of God youth of the country could have no better ambassador. To Gloria Jeans for a celebratory Tim Tam iced chocolate!

The Reverse Cowgirl blog points us towards us a tidbit buried in a Daily Texan interview with Fight Club author Chuck Palahniuk, regarding the bold marketing efforts being undertaken by Fox Searchlight to promote their screen adaptation of his novel Choke:

I guess I've been bumped up the publicity ladder...20th Century Fox is gearing up to publicize "Choke," so they have all these Chinese factory anal beads. It was all of these things coming together.

UPDATE: A photo of the actual Choke anal beads swag after the jump!

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Held last night in New York and scheduled to air next Thursday, Bravo's A-List Awards are billed as a night celebrating "the best in Food, Fashion, Beauty, Design and Weatherman Lap-Dance Dispensation." BravoTV.com has already started building buzz by leaking highlights online, including Lauren Hutton acceptance speech for a "beauty icon" award. In it, she first admits to having been "up for 46 hours," before launching into a stream-of- sleep- deprived-consciousness which encompassed, in no particular order, her thoughts of guacamole-preparation, the ozone layer, and the promiscuity-engendering properties of testosterone. So confounding was her monologue that during the commercial break, it took the combined efforts of Tom Colicchio, Santino Rice, and Carson Kressley just to pry apart the paralyzed furrows in a deeply perplexed Tim Gunn's brow. [BravoTV.com]

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Look out, world - Danni Minogue, after years of constantly being thought of as Kylie's less successful little sister, is kicking some career goals and putting the haters to shame.

Taking home the trophy for top TV personality of the year at London's Glamour magazine awards yesterday wasn't the only prize Dannii Minogue pocketed - she also scored a $1 million pay rise.

And although I've never found her overly charismatic during the thirty second snippets of Australia's Got Talent I've managed to catch, it seems her particular brand of variety show judging - from what I can gather, it involves going absolutely nuts for anything remotely 'rainbow', which goes to show the woman knows and appreciates her audience - might lead to exposure in the States poor Kylie could only dream of.

Using her X-Factor ties with creator Simon Cowell, UK sources say she's in line for a guest spot on the next American Idol.

It really pays to be in Simon Cowell's good books, doesn't it?

"Yes." - Leona Lewis

Noted.

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Now you, too, can get in on the ground floor of a major Hollywood investment opportunity: Deposed New Line kingpins Bob Shaye and Michael Lynne are coming back! Maybe! That's where you come in, according to Nikki Finke:

At one point very early on, the duo were talking about starting another New Line (and Ted Turner offered to put up some money), but I've since been assured they have given up on that dream/nightmare. Since they pocketed an extremely generous payout from [Jeff] Bewkes (unlike all those other axed NL'ers penny-pinched by Time Warner), that's what is being used to fund the new operation for the moment. But even though Bob and Michael are centi-millionaires, they're still intent on using that tried and true Hollywood formula to fund their new operation: Other People's Money.

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We've been wondering for a while now when all these obsessed-over spawns of celebrities would finally grow up and start canoodling already. With all the "wombwatching" and "bump" updates screaming at us from the newsstands, all we really want to know is when Lourdes is going to start dating James Wilkie Parker Broderick (oy), or when Suri will link eyes with the matching-haircut, age-equivalent Maddox. But thank the pervy Hollywood heavens above, the wait is now over. As the NY Daily News reports today, two youngsters with very famous A-list parents are currently "dating," and "poised to take Hollywood by storm...and they have a combined age of 18!" Well! That's slightly disgusting but also beyond intriguing! The new hot couple on the schoolyard revealed, after the jump.

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Exciting news indeed, as America's Little Career-Squandering sweetheart Lindsay Lohan has—we repeat has—secured an honest paycheck, and one that doesn't require her to climb onto a hotel diving board before a swarm of paparazzi, shouting, "Mom! Mum over here! Watch me suck some serious face with my best-friend-with-benefits, Samantha Ronson! Mooooom! You're not waaatching!!!" Fake-pregnancy comedy Labor Pains has managed to avoid the on-again, off-again fate of another Capitol Pictures-financed production, David O. Russell's Nailed, reports Variety:

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We've already admitted that the Real World series lost us more than a few years ago. We grew especially despondent after that Las Vegas: Reunion idea, and hardly noticed when the current Hollywood-set season began. Then one recent Lazy Sunday, we found ourselves flipping through the channels and spotting a young man named Greg. You see, Greg is Puck, Irene, Trisha and Coral all meshed into one handsome package. He steals panties. He cries in the confessional. He's violent. He doesn't clean up. His heart breaks. He punches walls. And last night, the producers decided to eject Greg from the current pack, claiming he hadn't been putting enough effort into his "job." But after taking a look back at the long list of past Real World ejections, we're dumbfounded as to why MTV has made a habit of kicking off some of the most charismatic, entertaining and (warning: cliché lies ahead) "real" people on the show. A clip of the brutal send-off from last night, plus a recap of the top three most erroneous ejections pre-Greg after the jump.

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· The 24th day of negotiations brings us no closer to SAG-deal closure, as the actors' union refuses to endorse the AFTRA deal signed last week. (And that despite all the sexy progress AFTRA made in negotiating "online clip consent and jurisdiction over low-budget made-for-Internet productions!") Meanwhile, time is running out for SAG to petition its 120,000 members for strike approval in time for the June 30 deadline. [Variety]
· Ben Silverman shoots, he scores! The Stanley Cup finals score NBC a second-place finish, inspiring the gimmick-happy network head to his greatest idea yet: The Biggest Loser on Ice! [Variety]
· Former House of Blues president Joseph C. Kaczorowski will partner with Grosvenor Park, a film financing company which offers pre-sale, gap, tax financing, and several other services that instantly render us glazed over with boredom. [Variety]
· It's a light-ethnic-stereotyping showdown at the box office this weekend, as Kung Fu Panda and You Don't Mess With the Zohan face off for your mindless-summer-moviegoing dollars. [THR]
· Jimmy Smits will join Season 3 of Showtime's Dexter, playing Miguel Prado, an "ambitious, charismatic assistant DA" who nevertheless suffers from the same stultifying inability as the rest of the cast to tune in to Dexter's highly damning, V.O. narration. [THR]

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Among those sniveling, rodent-like, British sorts who follow the weight fluctuations of actresses who look inarguably healthy, Catherine Zeta-Jones's current "condition" is approaching near-scandal levels of alarm. For example, the Daily Mail today cites a not-harrowing new collection of photos supposedly suggesting Zeta-Jones has suffered a perilous loss of curvature and, well, stone:

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For any of you out there who still don't "get" Kathy Griffin, we now present you with a single clip that will effectively prompt a lifelong love affair with the red-headed, fast-talking, Scientology-bashing spark plug of an entertainer that she is. On the Today Show this morning, giggly Al Roker had the pleasure of speaking with Kathy about her upcoming hosting job of Bravo's inaugural A-List Awards and not-so-innocently asked her if there was really anything she wouldn't do on camera, considering her reputation as a truthiness-telling comedienne who never holds back. What followed was a delicious and epic moment in television history, during which Roker was given a lap dance, off-screen staffers were overheard gasping, and images of a Roker/Matt Lauer/Halle Berry threesome in "the big bed" were thrust into our collective imagination.

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As we mentioned yesterday, the cover of the current issue of People magazine bears the image of Jodie Sweetin—famous for being a former meth addict, star of Full House, and host of a waist-down exotic dancing competition, in that order—holding proof positive of a God that believes in second chances: Zoie, her 7-week-old baby daughter. (Who, contrary to an erroneous rumour floating around the internet, was not named for a two-headed pygmy rabbit who'd frequently appear after several sleepless nights on the pipe, offering Sweetin companionship and life coaching whenever it could.)

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As EW spoiler kingpin Steven Daly might have hinted they would, shutterbugs recently got a glimpse of Tom Hanks reprising his role as coiffure-challenged Da Vinci Code symbologist Robert Langdon on the Rome set of Angels & Demons. Everything was going appropriately by-the-numbers when the chronic anguish of complacency rocketed into the Oscar-winner's pinky, requiring a brief stoppage of production as medics attended to the finger. "What ees eet, Tohm?" they were heard to ask.

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It's been a while since The Incredible Hulk lumbered into a completely fabricated media controversy, a drought no doubt prompting the LA Times to report today's scandal that... that... Sweet Jesus, we can't even write it. John Horn, would you please step in?

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We have a feeling that, were there a group of deadbeat dads out in Glendale (a la those Dina Lohan-lovin' freaks out East) who got drunk enough one day to form a Totally Awesome Dads Association (TADA!), they would most likely celebrate their first-year anniversary by handing out their Bud Light-drenched award for Father Of The Year to Papa Joe Simpson. Why? Well, as we already know, the former minister-turned-dadager managed to pimp out a few mind-numbingly boring exclusive wedding pictures featuring most annoyingly faux-punk new marrieds on the planet, Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz, to People a few weeks back. But what we didn't know was that, at the same time, Simpson was allegedly attempting to sell off his other daughter Jessica — not to the tabloids, but to then-boyfriend Tony Romo. See the astonishing managing skills this guy has? But he reportedly wasn't stopping at selling off his daughter — he was also said to be pressuring the quarterback to sign a client/manager agreement and become one of the magically successful Simpson Family Players:

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In a virtuosic performance that recalled Brett's Angry Dance from Flight of the Conchords for its brute strength, physical prowess, and sheer, exhilarating artistry, 25-year-old contestant James Davis of Crossville, TN rendered So You Think You Can Dance's judging panel stunned virtually speechless with a two-minute, 100% irony-free tribute to the Great Solo Movie Dance Sequences of the 1980s that lacked nothing save perhaps an overturned bucket of water and some backlighting. Stunningly, he was not moved on to the next level of competition, but his newly expanded fanbase can take heart, as Davis is still thrilling hungry, Curtain Call Dinner Theatre audiences eight times a week in an all-white production of The Last Dragon: The Musical.

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Lest you thought that literally everyone with access to a modem was piling on the ever-accelerating M. Night Shyamalan/Happening Backlash-Wagon, we have found one defender of the faith — one deeply committed Shyamaphile whose allegiance to the beleaguered filmmaker manifests itself today in a pro-Manoj screed so penetrating it could cut glass. Or maybe lick the glass. But don't take our word for it; after the jump, Brad Brevet has what may be the final word on the myriad misunderstandings trailing The Happening to its June 13 release.

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Angelina Jolie wasn't kidding when she went on (and on) about über-husband, highbrow architect and sometimes-actor Brad Pitt's obsession with home design in this month's Vanity Fair. As we noted on Tuesday, Jolie spent much of the VF cover story gushing about Pitt's ability to design and teach her how to make the light look just right in all seasons (side note — are we the only ones who find this incredibly unsexy? Hell, it's Brad Pitt. Nevermind). But on a recent jaunt to Switzerland, he dropped hundreds of thousands of dollars on in an effort to furnish upcoming Chosen Two Perfection Facility with furniture that is high on style but low on comfort. From scratchy aluminium rugs to chairs that do not look suitable for any variety of chair sex (wild or otherwise), we took a closer look at Brad's shopping spree after the jump.

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Congratulations are in order this morning for Wayne McClammy, the first director ever to parlay a pair of unprintably named viral videos into a movie deal at a major studio. McClammy, whose Variety-redacted, Sarah Silverman-starring I'm Fucking Matt Damon and Jimmy Kimmel follow-up I'm Fucking Ben Affleck blew up earlier this year, was handed the reins for the Fox comedy Cool School, about "ad executives in their early thirties who are sent back to high school to learn how to be cool again." We'll reserve judgment for the time being — the script isn't even finished, and any way you slice it, it could be worse: At least Kevin Smith didn't wind up with a feature deal tied to that ill-advised Elizabeth Banks parody I'm Fucking Seth Rogen. What? He did? All right, well, no pressure, McClammy! No, literally — no pressure at all. [Variety]

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ABCNews.com has noticed that practitioners of Hollywood's dirty little secret—same-sex love—have become increasingly emboldened in recent months, perhaps spurred on by Supreme Court rulings and increasingly desperate shock-starlets hoping to nudge up their per-staged-paparazzi-op asking prices. Their investigative team have therefore taken it upon themselves to blow the lid wide open on the distressing, "gay celebrities leading their lives openly and happily" trend currently plaguing the industry.

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