What’s the Last Thing You’d Say if M. Night Shyamalan Killed You Off?

From last week’s revelations about his new “90-minute paranoia film” The Happening to his latest disclosure to USA Today that the movie is “terrifying,” M. Night Shyamalan is full of surprises for the first time in years, The concept, that is — not necessarily the execution. And as usual, his enticements have us asking all kinds of questions from the womb-like remove of our Manoj-free sanctum:

“It is an extremely scary movie. This is meant to scare you,” the Indian-born director told reporters Monday. … Mark Wahlberg plays a schoolteacher on the run from a natural disaster that threatens the entire world.

“The emotional centre of the movie is if you knew you were going to die — that was a fact — what would your conversation be like? What would be the last thing you would say to your loved one?” Shyamalan said.

Indeed — what would be the last thing you would say to your loved one if you faced certain death in a M. Night Shyamalan movie? The mind positively reels with options: Maybe, “At least it’s not Lady in the Water.” Or maybe, “I’m gonna get my SAG card for this one.” Or maybe, “Not me, God! Not in Philadelphia!” Or maybe on this one, “Wait, this isn’t the cock from Boogie Nights.” Or, if you’re Robert Downey Jr, you just ball the script up, throw it at the director and start from scratch. The horror! What would you say?

• Shyamalan: ‘The Happening’ is terrifying [USA TODAY]