Tracey Spicer Reviews ‘Boned’

We told you some time ago about the anonymous “novel” that had Channel Nine quaking in its collective Windsor Smiths, Boned; well, it’s finally on the shelves, and given its uncanny similarities to the career paths (and ends) of many female newsreaders, our friends at the Daily Telegraph have had the foresight to get a female newsreader to review it.

Enter stage left, Tracey Spicer! Cue not-so-hilarious gags from the Tele subs to the tune of “Tracey Spicer gets boned”!

Fortunately, Tracey’s review of the book is actually quite hilarious and biting:

What 40-something television presenter devours coffee, cigarettes and Red Bull for breakfast? More like an egg white omelette, herbal-tea- for-my-complexion then Botox for brunch.

Somehow she manages to have a “generous curve of the hips” AND a “pilates-honed butt”, the result, no doubt, of some bizarre genetic engineering involving Jennifer Lopez and Madonna.

Apparently, women viewers find Kate “intimidating” because she is single and childless. So I guess there’s no hope for Sandra Sully, Tracy Grimshaw and Liz Hayes, all single, childless and hugely popular.

And what self-respecting, hard-hitting current affairs presenter reads the horoscope? “Oh, I think we should do a story this week on Hezbollah launching an offensive on Israel because Jupiter is in Sagittarius.”

Tracey! Who knew she entertained Dorothy Parker-esque critical aspirations? Then again, I guess there’s only so much snark that can be fit into her magazine, Out And About With Kids.

As for Boned, I’ll either a) read it half-heartedly next time I’m killing an hour at the airport, or b) wait (probably not for a very long time) until it hits the $4.99 book sales.