Special Eurovision Report (Part One)

One of the best things about having a Gay Consultant is that you are always well-informed regarding the careers of the Minogue sisters, and come Eurovision time, you are practically an expert on the Belgian representative’s patented knee-swing/the Moldavian dancers’ hotness/etc. We’ve turned to my personal Gay Consultant and Defamer Australia’s Euro Correspondent Will to give us all the lowdown on this year’s Eurovision – enjoy!

Dearly beloved. The Eurovision week is upon us and the French are resultantly in a complete frenzy, if “frenzy” is to be understood as “a state of being faintly cognisant that something is in fact happening regarding a sing-off between 45 nations”. This time of year is so exciting for me and so I find the Gallic disinterest annoying and instead choose to engage myself in La Fete de Chanson de Trois Minutes in a more vigourous manner, akin to the ardour of the newer countries to the Eurovision fold, whose enthusiasm cannot be contained. For instance, DO YOU REALISE that this is the first year that Azerbaijan will be participating? Nothing more should really be said about that country’s entry, though, due to it being an appalling misreading of the Eurovision “brief”. It’s also exciting to welcome San Marino this year for the first time, a fact notable not so much due to their song but more because this is a tiny nation land-locked by Italy – who continue to refuse to participate in Eurovision after storming off in a strop several years back.
Remember that SBS will be screening BOTH semi finals this week, I think Wednesday and Friday? PLEASE CHECK THIS, THE DEFAMER EDITORS CAN YOU? And the final will of coruse be screened on Sunday night. You should get in the week long Eurovision mood if at all possible. In fact, during this week, I am determined that you will enjoy a selection of the numerous nations’ works that are on offer this year. Perhaps we should commence now that with a thrilling mix of three countries’ highly varied songs for this year. Travel with me.

First, I ask that you consider the song from Sweden – Hero, by Charlotte Perrelli. Here is the clip:

Charlotte Perrelli is a terrifying plastic surgery-loving woman. Doesn’t she look like a cat! But never mind because this is a MASSIVE song no matter how you look at it and deserves a spot in the final. I think it will definitely qualify. Please note in particular the amazing laser pointing bit just before the key change. This bitch won Eurovision for Sweden back in 1999 and there is a LOT of expectation here. She need not fuck it up or else her country will probably lynch her, particularly after The Ark’s poor showing last year. Here is a nice picture of Charlotte.