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Of Scientology, Herbal Boner Remedies And Wango Tango
Posted by Mark Graham at 8:25 AM on May 10, 2008
The following email, which was sent to me by Intrepid Defamer Videographer™ Molly McAleer, arrived in my inbox sometime during the middle of last night. That is all the context you need at this point:
The following email, which was sent to me by Intrepid Defamer Videographer™
Grambone,
Last night I wanted to film the To Do's outside of the Celeb Centre, so me and my friend rolled up around 12-something AM to stand in front of the sign and do my bit. We were there for all of two minutes maybe, just figuring out the lighting and stuff when a Scientology bike cop rolled up to us and was all "What are you doing?" and we were all "Taking a picture" and he was all "Why are you doing that?" and then we were like "'Cause of celebrities and stuff." And then he came back with "Are you guys celebrities?" and then I reality checked myself and I was all "No, but this is a popular place for them to hang out". So he was looking at us like we were insane at that point, and honestly, I wasn't exactly hitting grand slams with my lies, I was trying to play up the whole "I'm in town from Yeehaw Junction! I don't know any better!" vibe, but let's face it, I radiate "Old Pro", you know what I mean? So then he's looking at us and he just says "Well, ya know, people don't normally do that" and I was just all "Well, we didn't realise it was off limits. I apologise for worrying you" and then we walked off down the street like "Whatevskis" but he was totally on our tail the whole way down the street.
Basically, this is a long-winded way of saying two things:
1) I wound up buying male sex stimulant at 7-11 and attempted to give myself a boner.
2) If I don't come into work on Monday, it's because I'm dead. Please send someone to collect my dog and hide my pot before my mum gets here to send my mortal possessions back to Boston.Thanks,
Molls
After that introduction, how could you NOT want to watch the video for this weekend's To Do's?
FRIDAY
·The Lost Plays of Tennessee Williams at the LA Gay and Lesbian Center.
· Freak Dance: The Forbidden Dirty Boogaloo @ UCB.
·Kids in the Hall at the Orpheum.
SATURDAY
·3D @ Cinespace.
· Slick Rick @ The Roxy.
· Wango Tango @ Verizon Wireless Amphitheater.
SUNDAY
· Blood & Glitter @ Bandini Art.
· Scene Monkeys @ The Improv.
· The Warlocks @ Alex's Bar.
Tags: boners | to do | wango tango
Comments (AU Comments · US Comments)
There are currently no AU comments for this post.
heidiho
Posted 8:43 AM 10/5/08
It was nice knowing you, Molly. I am very sorry about your impending "suicide."
heidiho
fembot
Posted 8:40 AM 10/5/08
like a iowa based drew barrymore
fembot
Calraigh
Posted 9:21 AM 10/5/08
I swear to GAWD, someone put you in a movie, quick.I'd go see it EVERY DAY!!!!
Calraigh
el smrtmnky
Posted 9:12 AM 10/5/08
why can't i find a guy like Molly?
el smrtmnky
emberglance
Posted 9:45 AM 10/5/08
how about another one from the bathtub please?
sorry.
emberglance
shag_carpet_bomb
Posted 9:34 AM 10/5/08
I am old and I live 1000 miles from LA, but if I didn't, I would like to try to be friends with Molly, but she would probably roll her eyes at me and be all like, whatever.
shag_carpet_bomb
MartyPants
Posted 9:33 AM 10/5/08
Cheers to your Lady Boner, Molls! That's all kinds of awesome.
MartyPants
Molly McAleer
Posted 10:20 AM 10/5/08
@GeorgeClooneysGirlfriend: You must be confusing me with Tupac.
No worries, happens practically every time I leave the house.
Molly McAleer
GeorgeClooneysGirlfriend
Posted 10:02 AM 10/5/08
Molly, if this is you trying to fake you're death again, just say so (or don't, *wink. I got your back.)
GeorgeClooneysGirlfriend
Whiteboyfunfark
Posted 10:55 AM 10/5/08
Great video, with a few notes: 1. Billy Eckstine was the black Clark Gable. 2. Top Gun Sexual Stimulant may help Tom Cruise fake it with the Stepford Wife, but we can be pretty sure that 'massive' boner would be a gross overstatement. [Maybe fact check this with $$$ Hollywood hustlers?] 3. Two words: math book. Every teenboy's lifesaver.
Whiteboyfunfark
Molly McAleer
Posted 11:43 AM 10/5/08
@Whiteboyfunfark:
And an even better example, from "I Own America":
"The black Clark Gable leave you numb
Every single one, frontin on your label is a bum
Let me slow it down, that's enough of that
This I have to say, to you nothing other rapper cats"
and I'm done.
Molly McAleer
Molly McAleer
Posted 11:38 AM 10/5/08
@Whiteboyfunfark: Excuse me? Here are some lyrics from Rick's album "The Art of Story Telling..." from the song "I Run This"
"The fact is, mack caught cable in an actress
And really is the Black Clark Gable of the rap biz"
Molly McAleer
hellodarling! (KΔ)
Posted 3:24 PM 10/5/08
Molly? Is my hero(ine).
hellodarling! (KΔ)
raincoaster
Posted 4:03 PM 10/5/08
Correction, Molly: you ARE a celebrity
raincoaster
pureblarney
Posted 4:47 PM 10/5/08
Move to NYC, Molly, plzkthx. I can has snugglez with Wagandstuff?
pureblarney
random_play
Posted 6:10 PM 10/5/08
I am now a regular Defamer reader, thanks to Molly.
Also, I just went out and bought a packet of Top-Gun Sexual Stimulant for Men. I now have a massive boner. I also have an uncontrollable urge to watch Tom Cruise dancing in underwear. Over and over. Antidote?
Also also, you should tag all these videos or post them under Molly's account or something so it's easy to pull up just the vids with Molly and not, say, Jack Nicholson's Nipples. (Which I now find strangely appealing. Seriously, where's the antidote for this shit?)
+ Watch video
random_play
Hez
Posted 6:28 PM 10/5/08
Molly, please feel free to use my expression for getting a ladyboner... "pitching a clit tent."
Hez
Whiteboyfunfark
Posted 7:21 AM 11/5/08
[images.amazon.com]
[www.theage.com.au]
Whiteboyfunfark
MartyPants
Posted 8:07 AM 11/5/08
@Hez: Hey! You're alive! She's alive!
MartyPants
Karmasucks
Posted 2:02 PM 12/5/08
I left for a while after the great departure ...but MOLLY you are like catnip gurl!!! I am so back!
Karmasucks
jonpaul
Posted 11:03 AM 12/5/08
[i97.photobucket.com]
Check this shit out! Oh wait. Nevermind.
jonpaul
lojofosho
Posted 10:14 AM 12/5/08
dear whiteboyfunfark what's your personal stake in this black clark gable thing?you are not going to win this one.do you really think defamer wants the person putting the to do list for hip things to do in L.A. culling their references from the 1950's?
lojofosho
lojofosho
Posted 11:14 AM 10/5/08
also wanted to applaud your use of TOO CLOSE for the song snippet today.it's my ringtone.can't hear it enough.loved all your music selections this week
lojofosho
lojofosho
Posted 10:16 AM 10/5/08
For the old person who lives 1,000 miles from molls and wants to be friends.take heart.i happen to know she has a predilection for the old and the midwestern
lojofosho
Angstone
Posted 9:49 AM 10/5/08
Hmmm. Looks like someone just got her Diablo Cody Jr. attitude kit and just couldn't wait to try it out, huh?
Angstone
bignickus
Posted 9:08 AM 10/5/08
No way Fembot, she's a next generation janeane garofalo with bettie page hair. She's so cool that Molly. so cool.
bignickus
Molly McAleer
Posted 4:42 AM 13/5/08
@Angstone: For the record, I haven't even seen Juno. I barely know a thing about Diablo Cody.
But for the record, I hate me too.
Molly McAleer
Molly McAleer
Posted 4:45 AM 13/5/08
@Angstone: For the record, for the record, for the record.
Also, props on signing up for a Defamer commenter name just to insult me. Bold move, Governor.
Molly McAleer