Is “Will Tara Reid Save Dancing With The Stars” A Rhetorical Question?

It’s probably safe to say that when your celebreality franchise is on the blink and the person you look to as your ratings saviour is Tara Reid, to borrow a phrase from Tilda Swinton’s Angel Gabriel in Constantine, you’re fucked.

Because that seems to be precisely what Dancing With The Stars is looking into, now that Daryl Somers has drifted off, chasing the great microphone in the sky, and the series is not feeling as fresh or edgy as it once did, mainly because, well, they’re running out of “stars” to dance with.

Hoping to amp up interest in the tried and tested formula, production company Freehand are keen to snare an international name to compete on the show after taking over producing rights from Granada.

But following rejections from sizzling UK chef Gordon Ramsay and US style guru Carson Kressley, the calibre of potential celebrity contestants is dropping faster than former host Daryl Somers’s overnight exit from the show last year.

Freehand has been sounding out managers ahead of compiling a list of stars interested in dancing, with desperate C-lister Tara Reid the latest name to be asked to slip into the sequins.

More body-for-hire than on fire, the surgically enhanced blonde accepted as little as $3500 to turn up to parties while visiting Australia to host the tastefully named Hookers costume ball earlier this year.

Ooh, only $3500 to turn up to a crap party! What a cheap whore! Seriously, if someone offered me $50 to come to the Hookers & Deviants Ball, or even $15 to stand outside my local 711, I’d probably take it.

I’m aware that Tara Reid is not the best example to use here, but surely the measure of talent and/or personal value in instances like this is something other than whatever celebrities get paid to appear at things? Or are we all just commodities these days?

SOYLENT GREEN IS PEOPLE!!