Remember Jamie Fawcett, the celebrity snapper who ended up tangled up in court with Nicole Kidman for reasons I am still attempting to decipher? His name has come up again this week after Mischa Barton called him a "pervert" and, in a vaguely Austen-esque moment, said she'd "never abhorred anyone more" after shots of Barton lounging in Queensland made their way into NW accompanied by the usual "OMG CELLULITE!!" coverage.

Well, as though holding one of the world's most hated job titles wasn't enough, Fawcett's now trying to clear his name by telling us all that he's actually a really nice dude and - get this! - he actually tried to save Barton from the inevitable indignity.

Chivalry isn't dead, ladies!

"We spoke to each other on the island, and that's when I showed her my camera and I hadn't taken any shots of her topless," he said. "I did warn her it was a public place, and if she wanted privacy she shouldn't be there.

"But it is a shame that publications tend to highlight an issue that is not fair to a young girl, and I wouldn't seek to publicly embarrass her with nudity or health issues or body image issues.

"However, sometimes these are the things that sell pictures."

"A shame"? Man, who knew the paparazzi were such sensitive creatures? You might think all that hiding in bushes while gripping ridiculously phallic telephoto lenses business makes them the scum of the earth, but I guess you were wrong, huh?

But wait, Jamie wants to tell you about some of his other humanitarian efforts:

"I once saw Keanu Reeves dancing in the nude on a balcony with a girl, and just decided not to shoot them, as I didn't think at the time that anyone would run those pictures."

What a guy! However, being a modest dude, he decided to leave his SNAG credentials at that - though I can confirm that Fawcett later went home to his mountain lair, but not before saving a Coles bag full of kittens from drowning and then helping an old lady across the street.

How do I know this? Because I am the old lady. I haven't felt that cared for since the woman across the street sent her son to give me a Hallmark card.