RSS Feeds
Blowin' In The End: Jason Castro's Craptastic 'Idol' Final-Stretch Performance
Posted by Seth at 6:00 AM on May 8, 2008
If we can rely on American Idol for one thing, it's to witness some of our favourite pop and rock standards get mutilated in increasingly graphic and elaborate ways, like some nubile brunette exchange student wandering unwittingly into an Eli Roth movie. It was Jason Castro who delivered last night's purest moment of armrest-clutching terror, an aural torture in two acts that first required him to channel Bob Marley's "I Shot the Sheriff," apparently as interpreted by a special-needs monkey. Predictably, the performance inspired some extra-vicious critiques from Simon Cowell. (We were a little surprised, however, that none of the take-downs involved the term "dredful," or his envy of the sheriff's sweet, silencing fate.)
If we can rely on American Idol for one thing, it's to witness some of our favourite pop and rock standards get mutilated in increasingly graphic and elaborate ways, like some nubile brunette exchange student wandering unwittingly into an Eli Roth movie. It was Jason Castro who delivered last night's purest moment of armrest-clutching terror, an aural torture in two acts that first required him to channel Bob Marley's "I Shot the Sheriff," apparently as interpreted by a
But were that all! For, in what will all but certainly go down as the lyric-forgettingest season in Idol history, Castro's second "Bob" homage saw him blank on the lyrics to a Dylan song your mother probably knows the words to. (It was "Tambourine Man," as much as we wanted to see someone sing, "The answer, my friend...is...uh..." in front of 30 million people.) Luckily, the season's dependable shaved-koala brought his A-game, wowing the judges with heartfelt (you know this because he squints his eyes and nods!) takes on "Stand By Me" and "Love Me Tender," both smothered in extra Archie sauce.
Comments (AU Comments · US Comments)
There are currently no AU comments for this post.
derby
Posted 7:10 AM 8/5/08
still... cook's version of 'bab o'reily' had to have made pete towneshend ill. it was awful. just awful.
derby
Richard
Posted 7:07 AM 8/5/08
Seth. "Shaved koala" is really perfect.
Richard
NoWireHangers
Posted 7:03 AM 8/5/08
@NoWireHangers: bath? hmmm. My dirty mind must be due for cleaning.
NoWireHangers
Whiteboyfunfark
Posted 7:01 AM 8/5/08
All respect to Michael Feinstein, but nice teeth and continuous mugging to the audience do not a singer make. Sideshow Bob Jason was long overdue to exit, although the voters have been trying to kill Syesha for weeks. Either Archuleta unleashes the minions of Miley for the ultimate victory of cute over substance or we're stuck with wannabe-rockstar-bad-goatee David Cook--the guy that actually believes 'Hungry Like the Wolf' belongs in the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame. On the up side, Paula actually seemed coherent until the halftime commercial break.
[en.wikipedia.org]
Whiteboyfunfark
NoWireHangers
Posted 6:58 AM 8/5/08
Both Paula and Castro seemed to leave their usual AI prescription drugs at home, the result being that neither was nearly as much fun to watch. Well, I take that bath. "I Shot the Sheriff" was pretty hilarious.
I like to think of Archuletta as a Care Bear: shitting lollipops and shooting rainbows out of his belly and into the heavens where his Mormon brethren rule as gods on foreign planets. His only redeeming quality is that his ambiguous sexuality will bubble to the surface in a few years, hopefully finding release in a North Carolina hotel room with a ginger-hued Idol alum.
NoWireHangers
Molly McAleer
Posted 7:35 AM 8/5/08
@derby: He gave that song the wire coathanger treatment if I've ever seen it. So sad that they are even allowed to cover such great songs.
Molly McAleer
Whiteboyfunfark
Posted 7:34 AM 8/5/08
Townshend. Sorry, Pete.
Whiteboyfunfark
Whiteboyfunfark
Posted 7:30 AM 8/5/08
@derby: As I told the room last night: he does the Towhshend guitar-strum-arm-circle-thing just ONCE and I turn off the set.
Whiteboyfunfark
kookla
Posted 7:29 AM 8/5/08
This is the type of stuff that confirms what tripe this show is. That being said, if Dread Full goes home tonight, then that means that this show is completely rigged.
Like him or hate him, oddly enough, he has a fan base.
kookla
itmustbeken
Posted 9:47 AM 8/5/08
Jason brought that '6 Flags Theme Park' feel we have been missing.
The weeks he's been clearly high are so much better for him. I hope he does a small bowl before his exit performance tonight.
itmustbeken
mugczar
Posted 10:57 AM 8/5/08
@Richard: Presumably a riff of this comment over on your home blog.
mugczar
Seth
Posted 3:24 PM 8/5/08
@mugczar: Actually, a riff on my own comment of a month earlier. Presumably.
Seth
rev2002
Posted 5:04 PM 8/5/08
trust me on this: David A. will win--but he will have no career and sadly will die an early death. Don't know how or why--I just have this feeling...
David C. will go on to a career that will be huge for a few years. But since he is a huge cheese tool--any one that bought into the career will disown it as soon as it begins to shred.
rev2002
LittleMissPartlyCloudy
Posted 10:45 PM 8/5/08
How in the hell has Ricky the Monkey not been made into a CW sitcom?
LittleMissPartlyCloudy
Benny
Posted 4:18 AM 9/5/08
@rev2002: You will eat your words when he is the next Justin Timberlake in a few years.
Benny
Whiteboyfunfark
Posted 2:29 PM 9/5/08
I think I'd eat my ears if we have to put up with another Justin Timberlake.
Whiteboyfunfark