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Blame France for the New Screenwriting Diddy
Posted by Defamer Hollywood at 10:25 AM on May 28, 2008
He can rap! He can act! He can produce (music AND plays)! He's the dapperest of gentlemen ever to be accused of assault, bribery, shootings, sweatshop labour, a fatal stampede and making coats out of dogs! And now Diddy has a new occupation: screenwriter. According to the always reliable entertainment news service WENN, Diddy was "so inspired" by this year's Cannes Film Festival that he decided to venture into feature writing. But wasn't the festival like two days ago, you ask? Yes, yes it was. Apparently, Mr. Puffycombs wastes no time making his brand new dreams come true.
While no studio or production company affiliations have yet been announced, Diddy already knows what actress he wants: Sienna Miller or Angelina Jolie. Both are beautiful, captivating and emotive women. Oh, did we mention this is a comedy? Not to fear, though, since Diddy plans to land Eddie Murphy as his star. A cinch!
Before he gets too far, someone better tell Diddy that he can't "sample" screenplays, or Murphy might find himself talking about pork belly futures and women from Queens all over again.
- Combs Turns Screenwriter [WWTI]
Comments (AU Comments · US Comments)
There are currently no AU comments for this post.
CourageousCoward
Posted 12:49 AM 29/5/08
Great. Like we needed another reason to hate France...
CourageousCoward
Tiger_Tanaka
Posted 3:30 PM 28/5/08
What do you mean you can't "sample" screenplays? You just steal them and slap your name on them. A tradition as old as time.
Tiger_Tanaka
el smrtmnky
Posted 1:38 PM 28/5/08
@uncle_wiggly: inspired by is the new sampling, yo: Citizen Danity Kane
el smrtmnky
uncle_wiggly
Posted 1:27 PM 28/5/08
This will end up as well as his acting debut in Raisin in the Sun. Maybe he can just hire someone to write him a screenplay and he can put his name on it.
uncle_wiggly
Victor Ward
Posted 12:22 PM 28/5/08
@misterdirk: I'll consider it, but only if Michael Bay is involved.
@WGARefugee: I'm sold if Pixar gets involved, Jack Black plays the fat meerkat, and the rapping suddenly bursts in to a chorus of Foreigner's Juke Box Hero, the sole scene used for all promotional trailers.
Victor Ward
WGARefugee
Posted 12:05 PM 28/5/08
@Victor Ward:Found Gangsta Blind in fax machine this am. Long story short Harvey says you had him at Pauline but would like Justin Timberlake be run over by a train while masturbating. Also, the president of Iran is on the train lecturing reporters on america's lax moral standards. Then the train derails in slow motion, intercut with Ricci's pointless and ironic striptease on the hood of a Maybach reflected in C Note's dark glasses. Harvey feels this would give the picture a moral center. Also, he wants you to think about making all of the characters meerkats. When's the last time you saw a gangster rap film with meerkats? Never, right? Call us!
WGARefugee
misterdirk
Posted 11:30 AM 28/5/08
@Victor Ward: Victor, you're hired. Please contact 40 Acres & A Mule Productions in Brooklyn. Must work on the ending, more like Dirty Mary & Crazy Larry - the Secret Service must funnel them towards a high speed train. End shot of smoldering gold teeth straddling a double yellow line.
misterdirk
Benovite
Posted 11:25 AM 28/5/08
I'm sure attending the Cannes film festival can inspire a quadruple amputee to write, but that.. no wait a minute..
Benovite
Victor Ward
Posted 10:57 AM 28/5/08
Gangsta Blind
by Sean Diddy Combs
Angelina Jolie plays Pauline, a pastor's daughter in a desolate, conservatively Christian town in the midwest. She works at the lunch counter at a greyhound bus stop where a blind rapper/gangsta/pimp named C Note Evil takes her under his wing.
She falls in love and, when her arms break escaping a bigot sherrif named Bubba, guides C Note as he drives, blindly!, the getaway car to Memphis, where they lay down a track and tie Christina Ricci to a radiator. Justin Timberlake shows up for no apparent reason and has a hardcore, full frontal, fifteen minute masturbation scene (a boy can dream).
PaulE (as she has now been christened) and C Note run out of money and concoct a crazy! scheme. They infiltrate the White House and manage to sell a shitload of coke to George W Bush.
Then she takes off her shirt for a full five minutes.
The end.
This shit writes itself.
Victor Ward
WGARefugee
Posted 10:49 AM 28/5/08
Diddy is about to learn a new dance called the slow no.
WGARefugee