May 30, 2008

 

Beeb Audiences Not Amused By Bill Oddie's Insect Porn

Australian Post Posted by Clem Bastow at 11:53 AM on May 30, 2008

bill_oddie.jpgJust more proof that the UK does televisual "scandals" better than any country, this time in the natural history unit: Bill Oddie has been howled down by BBC2 viewers who weren't impressed with his, how you say, raunchy treatment of the voiceovers on his latest wildlife programming effort, Spring Watch.

Evidently the Goodie turned ornithologist and natural history presenter was a little hasty in deciding that BBC2 viewers might, you know, have a sense of humour. Apparently they would rather watch scenes of animals mating in uncomfortable silence while listening to their own heavy breathing.

The first moment of controversy on Tuesday night's show came when 66-year-old Oddie spotted the amorous antics of a couple of sparrows.

He told viewers: "The female is asking for it - and getting it basically.

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Absolut Hunk Explains Why 'SATC' Tracks So Weakly On Mars

Posted by Seth at 11:25 AM on May 30, 2008

· Leave it to the unlikely arena of a TRL interview with Jason Lewis for a probing analysis of the lopsided gender-divide among SATC fans. (To Lewis's credit, he never once utters the phrase, "Cause they're, like, old and not hot.") [MTV]
· It's the Burn After Reading red band trailer! We think we just witnessed the Coens' greatest work since really-gay-sounding Anton Chigurh chilled us to the very core. [/Film]
· Celebrity Bogus-Rehab-Excuse Theatre now continues with Steve Tyler's shocking admission that his recent stint was only to give his aching tootsies a chance to heal. Yeah, right. Maybe from the needle marks between their toes! [Reuters]
· All-purpose furry-footed fantasy creature James McAvoy is rumoured to be favoured for the lead in The Hobbit. [theonering.net]
· At celebtags.com, you look at a photo of a celebrity, then submit the first word or phrase that comes to your mind, then can glance at a tag cloud mapping what everyone else submitted. It sounds pointless, but it's kind of addictive. Look out for the billboard-sized word used to describe Sarah Jessica Parker. Meanies! [celeb tags]

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What?! Naomi Campbell Charged With Assault? Has The World Gone Mad!

Australian Post Posted by Clem Bastow at 11:25 AM on May 30, 2008

Heeeeere's Naomi!.pngHere's something from the totally shocking news department: Naomi Campbell has been charged with assault!

And here I was thinking she'd been spending her days looking after orphaned crippled children and playing with defenseless little kittens in a field full of daisies and baby animals under a pretty rainbow in Candy Land near the Sea Of Happiness.

I guess we all get misinformed sometimes.

Campbell, 37, was taken off a British Airways plane by officers on April 3 after she boarded a flight to Los Angeles in the United States and was told before takeoff that one of her bags was missing.

She is charged with five offences - three counts of assaulting a constable, one of disorderly conduct likely to cause harassment, alarm or distress and one of using threatening or abusive words or behaviour to cabin crew.

Campbell will appear in court in west London on June 20, her lawyer Simon Nicholls said, after she answered bail at Heathrow's police station.

If found guilty, she could face up to six months in prison and/or a fine of several thousand pounds.

So what does Naomi Campbell do when she's arrested as far as her 'one phone call' is concerned? Do they stick two Glad-Wrap core rolls to the phone (one for the ear, one for the mouth) and keep her handcuffed so she can't pick it up and throw it at someone?

Surprisingly, American 'Kath & Kim' Adaptation Misses The Point

Australian Post Posted by Clem Bastow at 11:06 AM on May 30, 2008

Well, isn't this a big shock to everyone involved! After the news that Kath & Kim would be being given the questionable American makeover treatment in the midwestern malls comes word that Sex & The City stylist and House Of Field designer Patricia Field will be the show's "stylist".

Yes, you read that correctly: a stylist for the foxy morons.

Confidential believes Field has signed to be the stylist on the soon-to-be produced series.

Field was last week in Australia, before flying out for the New York premiere of Sex and the City.

Kath and Kim sources said Field was hand-picked by producers to create the right look for the American series.

Hmm... I love Field (particularly her "Lookin' C--ty" items), but the best thing about Kath & Kim was the - ahem - particularly Deborah K/Seven Angels/Best & Less aesthetic that the show's costume designers were able to come up with; this interview with costume designer Kitty Stuckey is great on that topic.

Kath and Kimmy don't need a stylist, their lack of style is the point of the show! Gosh!

Mercedes Corby To Channel Seven: Ner Nerny Ner Ner!

Australian Post Posted by Clem Bastow at 10:48 AM on May 30, 2008

Mercedes Corby.jpgFar be it for everyone to have expected Mercedes Corby to behave in a gracious and mature manner when it was revealed her defamation case against Channel Seven had come good.

The sister of Schappelle essentially ran around the room yelling "WE MILKED YOU!!!" before hanging out at Channel Seven's house, making them cry.

Well, maybe not so much, but at the very least she was thrilled by the verdict.

After beating Channel Seven in her defamation action, Mercedes Corby dropped by the Today Tonight studio and waved to the host Anna Coren mid-broadcast.

Coren, one of six defendants found guilty of defaming Ms Corby, looked up through the window of Seven's studios in Sydney's Martin Place and continued delivering her story.

"There she is!" Ms Corby said, jumping into the air.

Then she marched away, with her team of lawyers, led by Stuart Littlemore QC, to celebrate with French champagne.

Earlier, after a trial marked by sneaky entrances and swift departures, she stopped on the Supreme Court steps and said: "I'm really happy. I've still got more to do. But I'm really happy."

Right on, sister - it looks like Corby will make about $250,000 from the ruling, which is fair enough, really. As that article goes on to note, she was more or less painted as a bong-huffing drug smuggler with little to no regard for the law, so she must be pleased to have had the law come out on her side in this instance.

Coren didn't seem to be moved by Corby's antics, however; probably because they forgot, Teddy Ruxbin style, to insert a different emotion cassette in her back in time to catch Corby's wave. Oh well, c'est la vie.

Defamer Pledges Allegiance To A Recently Departed Harley Korman

Posted by Seth at 10:27 AM on May 30, 2008

Sadness on top of sadness, as the AP has confirmed the trickle of e-mails informing us that Harvey "Hedley" Korman has passed on. In his memory, we include one of his most momentous screen speeches: the rapist-rallying monologue from Blazing Saddles, which never fails to make us laugh no matter how many times we watch it. Goodnight, sweet prince—it's time to be reunited once and for all with your beloved Froggy.

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Is Hollywood's Favourite Cemetery Bankrupt Forever?

Posted by Seth at 9:58 AM on May 30, 2008

Hollywood Forever Cemetery—that beloved local necropolis where in one visit you can pay your respects to Don Adams and Mel Blanc, have a picnic, then catch an outdoor screening of Shampoo with a couple thousand of your closest friends—is in jeopardy, friends. Noting that the atmosphere has become significantly less relaxed for visitors in recent months, LAist did a little further digging, and learned that Brent and Tyler Cassity, the charismatic brothers from Missouri who rescued the celebrity graveyard from years of neglect, are now under investigation for suspicious business transactions involving prepaid burials at their Midwest locations. From the St. Louis Dispatch:

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Kirsten Dunst's Pants Are On Fire

Posted by Molly Friedman at 9:40 AM on May 30, 2008

Everyone's favourite tipsy greaser Kirsten Dunst is reportedly claiming her month-long stay at rehab center-to-the-stars Cirque Lodge was just a quick fix for feeling down in the dumps. As the actress recently told E! Online, she was not in a state of Natasha Lyonne meth-face madness, nor was she popping pills or playing the Brits' favourite party game of Booze Snorting — she was just depressed! But when we gave the Cirque Lodge's admission guidelines a quick once over, we found no mention of specific plans aimed at those suffering simply from depression. So we decided to place a call to the Cirque Lodge today to see if our dear Kirsten just might be telling the truth. Sadly, as the Magic 8-Ball might say, "Outlook Not So Good." Here's what the spokesperson we spoke to today told us:

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Ladies Of 'The View' Pander Shamelessly To Lesbian-Friendly Emmy Voters

Posted by Seth at 9:15 AM on May 30, 2008

Asked to assess their Daytime Emmy chances, straight-talking Gay and the City Mario Cantone pointed out for the ladies of The View that voting traditionally favours the lesbian nominee, effectively shutting them out of the race. Still, it wasn't too late to mount an 11th hour, for-your-team-swapping-consideration campaign; before long, the proceedings had devolved into a shocking, four-way sapphic hug-in orgy, the likes of which daytime TV hasn't seen since New Jersey Disney Channel-watchers accidentally glimpsed a portion of Anal Gang Bang Co-Ed Sluts #19. [The View]

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Donald Sutherland Thwacks Hillary Clinton in Web's Least-Essential Political Commentary

Posted by Defamer Hollywood at 8:55 AM on May 30, 2008

Presidential politics is but a blip on our radar most days at Defamer HQ, but every now and then a ping so rattles us from our afternoon stupor that we can't help but take notice. Today's wake-up call comes from angry activist and sometime actor Donald Sutherland, who just joined the stirring realms of downmarket punditry at The Huffington Post:

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Does Declaring Danny McBride The Next Big Thing Doom Him To Making Movies Like 'Semi-Pro?'

Posted by Seth at 8:25 AM on May 30, 2008

A little-known Hollywood antitrust ruling from the early 1900s—passed to prevent Fatty Arbuckle from an abuse of monopoly power—proclaims that every 15 months, a Next Big Funny Thing must be announced. That coronation is immediately followed by the casting of the new cat's whiskers in every humorous screenplay in existence, where he'll be called upon to play a variety of subtly tweaked takes on the same buffoonish character. Previous beneficiaries of the Doughy-White-Comedian Competition Law include Adam Sandler, Mike Myers, and Will Ferrell, and now, the star of Sundance breakout hit The Foot Fist Way, of whom an LAT headline demands to know, "Is Danny McBride the next comedy superstar?"

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Reflective Barry Diller Laments His City of Inbred Spawn

Posted by Defamer Hollywood at 7:25 AM on May 30, 2008

After decades of sprinkling his virile mogul seed on lots all over town, cultivating muscular sprouts along the lines of Jeffrey Katzenberg, Dawn Steel and others, inveterate media pollenator Barry Diller offered these wrenching words about Hollywood at this week's D6 Technology conference in Carlsbad: "It's a community that's so inbred it's a wonder the children have any teeth." Ouch. He must have forgotten about decidedly toothless Sahara director Breck Eisner, whose father Michael got his start under Diller during his years at ABC. That said, we weep for the third generation, whose inability to type or mouse-click with their beflippered limbs will sink Diller's digital empire once and for all. [Fortune, Photo Credit: Getty Images]

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'Public Enemy of All Mankind' Sharon Stone Regrets Mixing Human Rights With Geology

Posted by Defamer Hollywood at 6:45 AM on May 30, 2008

Mere days after scientists assured her that "karma tectonics" was most certainly not responsible for the devastating May 12 earthquake that killed nearly 70,000 people in China, Sharon Stone revised her earlier geological lecture to include a direct apology to the Chinese people for suggesting as much in the first place. "Due to my inappropriate words and acts during the interview, I feel deeply sorry and sad about hurting Chinese people," Stone said in a statement released through Christian Dior, which is dropping the actress from its ads in China. "I am willing to take part in the relief work of China's earthquake, and wholly devote myself to helping affected Chinese people."

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Lindsay Lohan And Samantha Ronson Officially Make Lesbianism Chic

Posted by Molly Friedman at 6:15 AM on May 30, 2008

Our favourite moment from the first episode of Living Lohan was when a giggly Ali Lohan said "I wanna be like Lindsay" in a very rehearsed, gun-to-her-head sort of way. Whichever puppet master that yanked her strings successfully managed to pull the transformation off, but not in the way we'd hoped. Rather than passing out in SUVs and borrowing some of Lindsay's many cokepants for a quick crash and burn, little Ali appears to be moving in on Lindsay's girl. As the Lohan/Ronson romance spread their tattooed and hickey-scarred wings to New York yesterday, the gruesome twosome turned into an even more gruesome threesome, as Ali joined the honeymooners on shopping trips and lunch dates. But Ali may not gain entrance into the private club of two — you see, the psychic geniuses at the NY Post have already gone ahead and prepared for Lindsay's official coming out. Their case for Lohan As Lesbian, plus sources' details on the fact that "they're definitely dating," after the jump.

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Month Of May Latest Victim In 'Caspian' Finger-Pointing Volley

Posted by Seth at 5:55 AM on May 30, 2008

· Excuse-making for the lackluster Prince Caspian rides all the way up the corporate flagpole, with Disney president Bob Iger blaming the month of May. Sure, Bob—blame lunar cycles! Those made your movie suck. [THR]
· Live Nation has signed a deal with Facebook that will allow users to purchase concert tickets directly through their social networking site, with bonus features that allow you to status update ("...is loving the Stones despite Keith's left arm just falling off,") right from the event. [Variety]
· The search for America's Next Street-Smart Business Mogul is on, and 50 Cent will be your Tyra. Ooh, look everyone! Fitty Mail! [Variety]

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Easy-Meal Jihadist Rachael Ray Promised 72 Extra-Virgins In Paradise

Posted by Seth at 5:35 AM on May 30, 2008

When leading fried-treat purveyors Dunkin' Donuts hired Rachael Ray to represent their brand, they had no way of knowing the white-trash-cooking guru would use that platform to further her own take on the United States of America as a Satan-loving nation that wallows like a pregnant desert jackal in a cesspit of its own making. Unfortunately, that was exactly the message delivered by her Middle Eastern-influenced accessorizing choices, and the internet ad featuring Ray wrapped in a keffiyeh and sucking thirstily on a cruller-flavored latté has since been pulled from their site. Yes, Ray's extremist leanings are shocking, but should come as no surprise to regular The Rachel Ray Show watchers who found it nearly impossible to come up with the "blood of a thousand Zionist filth-dogs" component of her Extra Chee-Z Shells n' Cheese recipe, no matter how many specialty markets they searched in.

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Record Vowel-to-Consonant Ratio Not The Only Exciting Thing About 'Ouija' Movie

Posted by Defamer Hollywood at 5:15 AM on May 30, 2008

Congratulations to William Morris, which upped Hollywood's client-packaging stakes to dizzying levels Wednesday with the announcement of a film based on Hasbro's board game Ouija. But the manufacturer hardly matters as much as its WMA partners in the deal, including Elf screenwriter David Berenbaum and Mich... Mi... Christ, we can't even write it. Here, just take it from Borys Kit:

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Breaking: Clay Aiken Pregnant!

Posted by Seth at 4:30 AM on May 30, 2008

We have good news. Strike that—we have unbelievably good news. What's the difference? Unbelievably good news is good news you once thought impossible—like a live-feed from Mars, or Robert Downey Jr. dominating the summer box office. Or Clay Aiken becoming a dad. TMZ reports:

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Adam Sandler Wins MTV Award For Best Actor with A Movie Opening Next Week

Posted by Defamer Hollywood at 4:05 AM on May 30, 2008

MTV announced Wednesday that this weekend's Movie Awards show would recognise Adam Sandler as its Generation Award winner, apparently the highest accolade an actor can receive at the annual festivities. Don't call it synergy, though; such shameless dovetailing is the last thing on the network's mind, with Sandler's market-cornering man-child apparently towering over the imminent opening of You Don't Mess With the Zohan five days later:

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Divorce Filing Contains All The Stuff You'd Rather Not Know About Bill Murray

Posted by Seth at 3:45 AM on May 30, 2008

There really is no pleasant way to spin a story in which one the great American comedy icons is accused in a court filing of chronic infidelity and physical abuse (save your comments—Charlie Sheen is far from an American comedy icon), so we'll leave it to The Smoking Gun to fill you in on the ugly details of the Bill and Jennifer Murray divorce:

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Posted by Defamer Hollywood at 3:25 AM on May 30, 2008

As if Page Six's blind items weren't problematic enough, NY Post film critic Lou Lumenick last week offered a fun one from Cannes that found our refined hunch-dar betraying us. "Members of the press were lining up at the entrance to the announced venue well more than a hour before [Two Lovers] began," he wrote. " 'I'm not going to wait an hour for f—-ing James Gray,' one major U.S. film critic declared, before storming off, of the film's American director, who is much more popular among critics in Europe than he is in his native country." There's a pretty short list of "major U.S. film critics" these days anyway, but the anecdote provoked visions of the NY Times' Manohla Dargis protesting to the Cannes overlords. However, as Dargis assured us this morning, "storming" is not her style; she indeed waited an hour just like everyone else for fucking James Grey. So it's back to the blind-item drawing board for us, alas. Was Rex Reed at Cannes? [Defamer]

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Vegas Bartendress Fails To Tame Bucking Bachelor Bronco George Clooney

Posted by Seth at 2:45 AM on May 30, 2008

Call us incurable romantics, but something about the pairing of Hollywood elder statesman George Clooney and Sarah Larson—the Phish-loving, sandworm-emulating Ginger to his Fred—seemed to us more than your standard, fly-by-night arm-candy operation. This was a girl who inspired in George acts of chivalry previously thought not possible—on one occasion requiring him to come nearly to fisticuffs with a physically imposing margarine-spokesman just to protect her privacy. Yes, we naively predicted these two crazy kids would find a way to muddle through, in road rash and in health. We were wrong:

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Seven Reasons Why 'Beverly Hills Cop 4' is a Better Idea Than it Sounds

Posted by Defamer Hollywood at 2:00 AM on May 30, 2008

It looks like there's nothing anybody can do to stop a fourth installment of the Beverly Hills Cop franchise, which Paramount is reportedly pushing to a 2010 release date and which should finally fulfil that looooong-standing global demand for an Eddie Murphy/Brett Ratner collaboration. But as hammy, craven and sadistic as the project seems at a glance, and although it's likely bound for a dispiriting PG-13 script, we find our tortured souls compelled to give this one a chance; follow the jump for a half-dozen reasons why we could think of worse news to wake up to on a Thursday. Feel free to add your own; we need all the reassurance we can get.

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