Friday, May 30, 2008

Ladies Of ‘The View’ Pander Shamelessly To Lesbian-Friendly Emmy Voters

9:15AM Seth | Asked to assess their Daytime Emmy chances, straight-talking Gay and the City Mario Cantone pointed out for the ladies of The View that voting traditionally favours the lesbian nominee, effectively shutting them out of the race. Still, it wasn’t too late to mount an 11th hour, for-your-team-swapping-consideration campaign; before long, the proceedings had devolved into a shocking, four-way sapphic hug-in orgy, the likes of which daytime TV hasn’t seen since New Jersey Disney Channel-watchers accidentally glimpsed a portion of Anal Gang Bang Co-Ed Sluts #19. [The View] WATCH VIDEO More »

Donald Sutherland Thwacks Hillary Clinton in Web’s Least-Essential Political Commentary

8:55AM Defamer Hollywood | Presidential politics is but a blip on our radar most days at Defamer HQ, but every now and then a ping so rattles us from our afternoon stupor that we can’t help but take notice. Today’s wake-up call comes from angry activist and sometime actor Donald Sutherland, who just joined the stirring realms of downmarket punditry at The Huffington Post: More »

Does Declaring Danny McBride The Next Big Thing Doom Him To Making Movies Like ‘Semi-Pro?’

8:25AM Seth | A little-known Hollywood antitrust ruling from the early 1900s—passed to prevent Fatty Arbuckle from an abuse of monopoly power—proclaims that every 15 months, a Next Big Funny Thing must be announced. That coronation is immediately followed by the casting of the new cat’s whiskers in every humorous screenplay in existence, where he’ll be called upon to play a variety of subtly tweaked takes on the same buffoonish character. Previous beneficiaries of the Doughy-White-Comedian Competition Law include Adam Sandler, Mike Myers, and Will Ferrell, and now, the star of Sundance breakout hit The Foot Fist Way, of whom an LAT headline demands to know, “Is Danny McBride the next comedy superstar?” More »

Reflective Barry Diller Laments His City of Inbred Spawn

7:25AM Defamer Hollywood | After decades of sprinkling his virile mogul seed on lots all over town, cultivating muscular sprouts along the lines of Jeffrey Katzenberg, Dawn Steel and others, inveterate media pollenator Barry Diller offered these wrenching words about Hollywood at this week’s D6 Technology conference in Carlsbad: “It’s a community that’s so inbred it’s a wonder the children have any teeth.” Ouch. He must have forgotten about decidedly toothless Sahara director Breck Eisner, whose father Michael got his start under Diller during his years at ABC. That said, we weep for the third generation, whose inability to type or mouse-click with their beflippered limbs will sink Diller’s digital empire once and for all. [Fortune, Photo Credit: Getty Images] More »

‘Public Enemy of All Mankind’ Sharon Stone Regrets Mixing Human Rights With Geology

6:45AM Defamer Hollywood | Mere days after scientists assured her that “karma tectonics” was most certainly not responsible for the devastating May 12 earthquake that killed nearly 70,000 people in China, Sharon Stone revised her earlier geological lecture to include a direct apology to the Chinese people for suggesting as much in the first place. “Due to my inappropriate words and acts during the interview, I feel deeply sorry and sad about hurting Chinese people,” Stone said in a statement released through Christian Dior, which is dropping the actress from its ads in China. “I am willing to take part in the relief work of China’s earthquake, and wholly devote myself to helping affected Chinese people.” More »

Lindsay Lohan And Samantha Ronson Officially Make Lesbianism Chic

6:15AM Molly Friedman | Our favourite moment from the first episode of Living Lohan was when a giggly Ali Lohan said “I wanna be like Lindsay” in a very rehearsed, gun-to-her-head sort of way. Whichever puppet master that yanked her strings successfully managed to pull the transformation off, but not in the way we’d hoped. Rather than passing out in SUVs and borrowing some of Lindsay’s many cokepants for a quick crash and burn, little Ali appears to be moving in on Lindsay’s girl. As the Lohan/Ronson romance spread their tattooed and hickey-scarred wings to New York yesterday, the gruesome twosome turned into an even more gruesome threesome, as Ali joined the honeymooners on shopping trips and lunch dates. But Ali may not gain entrance into the private club of two — you see, the psychic geniuses at the NY Post have already gone ahead and prepared for Lindsay’s official coming out. Their case for Lohan As Lesbian, plus sources’ details on the fact that “they’re definitely dating,” after the jump.

Month Of May Latest Victim In ‘Caspian’ Finger-Pointing Volley

5:55AM Seth | Excuse-making for the lackluster Prince Caspian rides all the way up the corporate flagpole, with Disney president Bob Iger blaming the month of May. Sure, Bob—blame lunar cycles! Those made your movie suck. [THR] Live Nation has signed a deal with Facebook that will allow users to purchase concert tickets directly through their social networking site, with bonus features that allow you to status update (”…is loving the Stones despite Keith’s left arm just falling off,”) right from the event. [Variety] The search for America’s Next Street-Smart Business Mogul is on, and 50 Cent will be your Tyra. Ooh, look everyone! Fitty Mail! [Variety] More »

Easy-Meal Jihadist Rachael Ray Promised 72 Extra-Virgins In Paradise

5:35AM Seth | When leading fried-treat purveyors Dunkin’ Donuts hired Rachael Ray to represent their brand, they had no way of knowing the white-trash-cooking guru would use that platform to further her own take on the United States of America as a Satan-loving nation that wallows like a pregnant desert jackal in a cesspit of its own making. Unfortunately, that was exactly the message delivered by her Middle Eastern-influenced accessorizing choices, and the internet ad featuring Ray wrapped in a keffiyeh and sucking thirstily on a cruller-flavored latté has since been pulled from their site. Yes, Ray’s extremist leanings are shocking, but should come as no surprise to regular The Rachel Ray Show watchers who found it nearly impossible to come up with the “blood of a thousand Zionist filth-dogs” component of her Extra Chee-Z Shells n’ Cheese recipe, no matter how many specialty markets they searched in. More »

Record Vowel-to-Consonant Ratio Not The Only Exciting Thing About ‘Ouija’ Movie

5:15AM Defamer Hollywood | Congratulations to William Morris, which upped Hollywood’s client-packaging stakes to dizzying levels Wednesday with the announcement of a film based on Hasbro’s board game Ouija. But the manufacturer hardly matters as much as its WMA partners in the deal, including Elf screenwriter David Berenbaum and Mich… Mi… Christ, we can’t even write it. Here, just take it from Borys Kit: More »

Breaking: Clay Aiken Pregnant!

4:30AM Seth | We have good news. Strike that—we have unbelievably good news. What’s the difference? Unbelievably good news is good news you once thought impossible—like a live-feed from Mars, or Robert Downey Jr. dominating the summer box office. Or Clay Aiken becoming a dad. TMZ reports: More »