Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Celebrate Kylie’s 40th Birthday In The Gayest Way Possible!

2:39PM Jess McGuire | Never have I wished I was back in Sydney more than when I received an email informing me of the gigantic celebration for the birth of Minogue The Elder being thrown by SameSame.com.au and STONEWALL. SameSame.com.au is throwing a big birthday party for her in Sydney called Minogue Mansion tonight – there’s three levels of Kylie goodness, including Kylieoke (Kylie karaoke), The K-Hole (Kylie remixes all night long) and celebrity DJs including Nikki Webster, 2DayFM’s Geoff Field and Courtney Act playing their fave Kylie songs. It’s going to be a full-on Kyliefest. Kids, that’s a good time by anyone’s standards. Nikki Webster! Dance with your handbag and impress her! Sing along to your Kylie favourites! I’ve been listening to Wouldn’t Change A Thing on repeat as a tribute to Kylie and her forty years of fabulous life, but I’d much rather be listening to it with a glass of champagne in my hand, one arm around Nikki Webster and the other around the fabulous Courtney Act. More »

‘Ellen’ Assistant Quits Job To Ride Rollercoasters

11:20AM Mark Graham | · As anyone who has ever done it will attest, there are few feelings more liberating than quitting one’s job. The following video is of an assistant on the Ellen show who found himself teetering on the brink of sanity until he up and quit his job on May 20. He describes the decision on his blog as being “an exciting stupid move to prove to myself that I need to keep moving toward my dreams… Every time I’ve made a major move to pursue my dreams I have lost something (2 girlfriends both 3year relationships) but I’ve gotten a step closer. This time around I don’t know what I have to lose… as I look at it right now I have nothing to lose, and those seem to be pretty good odds. If I never do anything, don’t ever say that I didn’t try.” Good luck making your Hollywood dreams come true, Delbert. [Delbert Shoopman] · Finally, a device for those of you who prefer your exercises in misogyny to sound crisp and lifelike! [Videogum] · A few months ago, we told about the disastrous first screening for Will Ferrell‘s Step Brothers. Our operative described it as being “less entertaining than Two And A Half Men.” From the looks of this preposterous red-band trailer, that description might end up actually being a compliment. [/Film] · While we’re having a hard time fathoming why on earth Kill Bill billboards are still up in New Zealand, the simple fact of the matter is that this is our third favourite billboard of all-time (behind Angelyne and Vincent Gallo’s Brown Bunny blowjob). [Copyranter] More »

Which ‘Rotund Thespian Beast’ Was Relunctantly Mounted By A Coked Up Waiter?

10:45AM Molly Friedman | Who doesn’t adore blind items? True, many are snoozy (“Which unmarried local newscaster is totally making out with his assistant!?!”), but when the sneaky item involves “rotund actresses,” “cocaine-fuelled romps,” and name-calling on the level of “this beast,” we are all over it. In today’s NY Daily News, those lovable married gossips Rush & Molloy serve up one of the juiciest Just Askings we’ve seen in some time: More »

Blame France for the New Screenwriting Diddy

10:25AM Defamer US Edition | He can rap! He can act! He can produce (music AND plays)! He’s the dapperest of gentlemen ever to be accused of assault, bribery, shootings, sweatshop labour, a fatal stampede and making coats out of dogs! And now Diddy has a new occupation: screenwriter. According to the always reliable entertainment news service WENN, Diddy was “so inspired” by this year’s Cannes Film Festival that he decided to venture into feature writing. But wasn’t the festival like two days ago, you ask? Yes, yes it was. Apparently, Mr. Puffycombs wastes no time making his brand new dreams come true. More »

Kirsten Dunst Is Sad, Especially When She’s Not Drinking

10:00AM Defamer US Edition | For quite some time now, Kirsten Dunst has been just as well known for her rumoured drug and alcohol issues as she has been for her film career (Wimbledon, anyone?). But after years of media accusations about her alleged issues with substance abuse, Dunst confided to E! chatterbox Marc Malkin that her trip to rehab a few months ago had nothing to do with booze or blow and everything to do with suffering from depression. More »

Super Eddie McGuire To The Rescue!

9:55AM Clem Bastow | As Channel Nine [insert 'what a shit year they're having over at Channel Nine, eh?' style anecdote here], their latest woes involve struggling in the ratings battle for Friday night supremacy. It seems the brains at Nine HQ have put their heads together and decided that the best thing to do to topple Seven’s hold on the ratings is to thaw out Eddie McGuire from his cryo-sleep capsule in the mountain lair, and have him cast Level 400 Ultimate Ratings Storm over those puny druids at Channel Seven. Or something like that. McGuire, noticeably absent from our screens in 2008, will be back on air from June 6 as host of his game show 1 v 100. The move has been prompted by Nine’s mauling at the hands of Seven’s Better Homes and Gardens and AFL coverage. While Nine in Sydney runs a rugby league double-header from 7.30pm on Fridays, the network has failed miserably in Melbourne with Commercial Breakdown, Just for Laughs and movies. Last Friday, the Johanna Griggs-hosted Better Homes and Gardens boasted 434,000 viewers in Melbourne. But Commercial Breakdown managed 223,000 and Just for Laughs 163,000. Friday movie Sweet November pulled in just 151,000 viewers. Well, were they really surprised? “She’s dying of a terminal illness” weepies starring pre-Monster Charlize Theron and Keanu “Whoa” Reeves went out of favour with the viewing public before they even made the film; which genius decided that was appropriate Friday night viewing? Tuesday at 1.30pm viewing, more like! At this rate they’ll be showing Jonathan: The Boy Nobody Wanted at 7.30pm on a Sunday next! Go team Nine! More »

SMH Blogger’s Terrifying Brush With Death

9:28AM Clem Bastow | “Adventure tourism” is a concept that I never really ‘got’, to be honest; if I’m going to have a holiday, chances are I’d rather spend it vegetating than risking death in a small sardine tin while being pelted down a waterfall in the middle of tornado season (or whatever). However, when it comes to travel writing about adventure tourism, I appreciate the need to create a sense of danger, excitement, and living on the edge, maaan. Perhaps that’s what happened to SMH blogger Sam De Brito when he went on a shark dive – in a tank. Recently, I had the opportunity to swim with the man-eaters at Mooloolaba’s Underwater World and it ranks as one of the most surreal, challenging half hours of my life. If you’ve ever been paddling or surfing in the ocean and spotted a nearby shark, you’ll know it’s about as chilling a feeling as you can experience; every fibre of your being screams “GET OUT OF THE WATER, NOW!” To voluntarily induce this meeting of man and fish thus runs counter to millions of years of evolution. Much like skydiving or driving very fast, your body knows you shouldn’t be doing it and to cope, coughs out primal chemicals which provide that rush adrenaline junkies hunt for. Sinking into the busy blue of the Underwater World aquarium and seeing an eight foot shark cruising towards me put a lot of things in perspective. Whatever stresses and concerns I had prior to entering the water disappeared the moment I looked into the completely remorseless eye of a sand bar whaler. Sounds scary and edgy, right? What a chill he must have experienced when he looked into that “remorseless eye” of that “man eater”. Except for one thing: unless the sandbar shark thought Sam was a mollusc, it actually probably would’ve been pretty remorseful after all. Underwater World’s own PR describes the dive experience as featuring “large but docile grey nurse sharks, sandbar whaler sharks, wobbegongs and bamboo sharks”, while according to the clearly learned people at the International Shark Attack Files, sandbar sharks have been responsible for “a total of 7 recorded attacks since 1580 with no deaths”. Now, I’m no mathematician, but 7 attacks in the last 428 years sounds like pretty wide odds to me. But then again, “I had the opportunity to swim with the bottom-dwelling-fish-eaters” doesn’t really cut it in the adventure travel writing stakes, does it? More »

No Handjob is Too Small For Last-Minute ‘Sex and the City’ Premiere Tickets

9:25AM Defamer US Edition | To our readers on the East Coast with a cash surplus, a self-esteem deficit and/or the impulse to sacrifice your Tuesday for a movie you can see on Friday for much, much less, a round-up of available Sex and the City premiere-pass deals just appeared online this afternoon. Don’t hesitate to get in on the fun while Craigslist buyers and sellers trade souls (and, more than likely, at least one sexual favour) as we speak. More »

Tracey Spicer Reviews ‘Boned’

9:19AM Clem Bastow | We told you some time ago about the anonymous “novel” that had Channel Nine quaking in its collective Windsor Smiths, Boned; well, it’s finally on the shelves, and given its uncanny similarities to the career paths (and ends) of many female newsreaders, our friends at the Daily Telegraph have had the foresight to get a female newsreader to review it. Enter stage left, Tracey Spicer! Cue not-so-hilarious gags from the Tele subs to the tune of “Tracey Spicer gets boned”! Fortunately, Tracey’s review of the book is actually quite hilarious and biting: What 40-something television presenter devours coffee, cigarettes and Red Bull for breakfast? More like an egg white omelette, herbal-tea- for-my-complexion then Botox for brunch. Somehow she manages to have a “generous curve of the hips” AND a “pilates-honed butt”, the result, no doubt, of some bizarre genetic engineering involving Jennifer Lopez and Madonna. Apparently, women viewers find Kate “intimidating” because she is single and childless. So I guess there’s no hope for Sandra Sully, Tracy Grimshaw and Liz Hayes, all single, childless and hugely popular. And what self-respecting, hard-hitting current affairs presenter reads the horoscope? “Oh, I think we should do a story this week on Hezbollah launching an offensive on Israel because Jupiter is in Sagittarius.” Tracey! Who knew she entertained Dorothy Parker-esque critical aspirations? Then again, I guess there’s only so much snark that can be fit into her magazine, Out And About With Kids. As for Boned, I’ll either a) read it half-heartedly next time I’m killing an hour at the airport, or b) wait (probably not for a very long time) until it hits the $4.99 book sales. More »

Amy Winehouse Round-Up: She’s A Big Kid Now

9:12AM Clem Bastow | There was a veritable smorgasbord of Amy Winehouse material to work with today – from confused university students asked to write essays comparing Shakespeare to Winegums, to Amy’s hot new skin condition – but I think there’s one clear winner: is Amy wearing nappies? Germany’s Bild raised the alarm, and in a doubly grand story opportunity, we get to make the laughs with the internet’s favourite translation device, Babelfish. Here’s what the Deutsch say about Winegums’ latest scandal: That Amy Winehouse dresses unusual, are we used – however do them have to carry now also still for diapers? When the singer wanted to visit its husband Blake falling the civil in the prison on Monday, she granted strange views under her flower dress. To the appearance came something, which looked suspicious like a diaper. A cloth, an opened Body, which hangs there only for a Stofffetzen between Amys legs…? Is safe: Amy Winehouse was refused the admission to the prison. Accordingly frustrated the pop star returned home – and became palpable. As the British newspaper reports „telegraph “, Winehouse is to have taken the camera from a photographer away and push it. Ts ts ts… Then ging’s fast home – probably to diapers change… Putting aside the obvious hilarity here (“the ging”, “an opened body”, “strange views under her flower dress”…), the photos are fairly worrying. If it isn’t a nappy, then it’s the world’s largest pad with wings. Apparently the whole ‘ultra thin’ thing hasn’t translated to the UK feminine products industry yet. More »