Monday, May 26, 2008
Defamer Australia’s Slightly Belated Eurovision Wrap Up
8:59PM Jess McGuire | (Praise be! Euro Correspondent Will has just sent in the last part of his Eurovision coverage, a delicious wrap up of the final. As Bruce McAvaney might say, truly special stuff…)
ON THE EUROVISION 2008 GRAND FINAL
Please excuse my slight delay in filing this report but I am still feeling quite numb after what has to be the least deserved win in this competition since Estonia took it out in 2001. An ugly iceskater? Inexplicable gurning? A turgid, overblown ballad? These things, to me, are not ingredients for Eurovisional delight. Still, let’s look at it for a time perhaps:
When this qualified for the final, it seemed fairly certain to win – people love Dima Bilan and they also love voting for Russia. So I can’t say I’m surprised. Moscow 2009 is not a terrible prospect and Russia do deserve success in this contest – just not with this song. I suppose they will host it well, given how badly they wanted it, and I always like it when countries win ESC that have never won before. REGARDLESS – this was all a bit of a downer and I am actually quite disappointed and confused as to what would motivate people to vote for such a celebration of all things ill-judged.
Let’s accentuate the positive instead.
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More On Bill Henson…
3:37PM Jess McGuire | Apparently he lives in an area of Melbourne which has a couple of live music venues, and he used to complain about the noise.
YOU CAN’T COMPLAIN ABOUT ART, BILL! WHERE WILL IT END? THE CONFISCATION OF INSTRUMENTS? MADNESS!
On Friday night I nearly tried to gather some pitchforks and torches and start a pack of righteous vigilantes dedicated to bringing the street justice, but then I realised I couldn’t be bothered leaving the bar and walking all the way down the road simply to hate on some art certain folks don’t like.
Oh, and guess what else I heard? Apparently he had “mature aged trees” transferred into his backyard! Using noisy trucks and cranes!
MATURE AGED TREES, BILL? AT LEAST YOUR TASTE IN HORTICULTURE WON’T LEAVE CHILD ADVOCATES FOAMING AT THE MOUTH WITH RAGE.
Fin.
Actually, wait. Let’s add a LiveJournal feel to this post.
LISTENING TO: “Yours Truly, Angry Mob” by Kaiser Chiefs
PS: Here is a real article with some actual insights.
More » We’ll Tell You What We “Believe”, Dima Bilan – We “Believe” We Can See Your Testicles Under That Safety Helmet.
2:24PM Jess McGuire | Congratulations to Russia’s Dima Bilan for winning this year’s Eurovision competition with his Timbaland produced ditty “Believe”. Beautiful stuff, even though we were secretly rooting for Pirates Of The Sea’s tune “Wolves Of The Sea”.
Here at Defamer Australia HQ, we’re hoping our Euro Correspondent provides us with a suitable round up of his thoughts regarding the final, but until then, you’ll have to make do with a sexy photo of Dima Bilan – after the jump!
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YouTube Clip Of The Day
10:46AM Jess McGuire | Anyone who knows me well would be aware I love dreadful things (a few of you newspaper reading types are no doubt waiting excitedly for my upcoming autobiography “Everything I Love Is Shit… Who Knew? The Jess McGuire Story”), and one of my favourite idiotic enjoyments is YouTube video tributes to the love between two celebrities.
Therefore, I proudly offer you this AMAZINGLY HILARIOUS ode to Portia and Ellen.
Genius. More » Why Are They Getting So Mad At That Dude From The Muppets? We Thought Kids Loved Him?
9:13AM Jess McGuire | Let us touch briefly on the current brouhaha (always a great Monday morning when I get to use that word) surrounding the exhibition of photographer Bill Henson. His photographs featured images “of early pubescent girls, in particular a 13-year-old whose picture, naked from the waist up, adorned the opening night invitation” and the subsequent outrage from the moral majority over his work led to police raiding a Sydney gallery and seizing the particularly offensive images.
As Larissa Dubecki in The Age notes -
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Australia’s Next Top Model 4 Round-Up: Brief Thoughts On Episode Five, Aka Wake Me When It’s Over
9:11AM Clem Bastow | Okay so I was totally slack in updating the Next Top Model round-up this past week, mainly because Episode Five was SO. BORING.
Seriously, I know they have sponsor tie-ins and all that, but what was the point of the ‘U’ tampons/pads ad, really? If models end up in ads (rarely), they either don’t speak (á la Miranda Kerr in the shopping trolley for Veet Warm Wax Strips), or they’re actually half decent at reading a script (the omnipresent Melanie Jade Nethercliffe).
In any case, dear, batty old Alamela was booted after her U ad ended up sounding more like a bit for Australian Pensioner’s Insurance than a sassy feminine products ad. However, in her final goodbye interview, I finally realised just what had been niggling at me about her voice and manner. Hop over the jump to compare and contrast… More » Patti Newton In ‘Law & Order: The Fashion Capital’
9:02AM Clem Bastow | Well, it seems you learn something every day.
Here I was thinking all that happened at Chadstone Shopping Centre (aka “The Fashion Capital”) was amazing bargains and, occasionally, Trinny and Susannah accosting suburban mums to tell them their shiny shell suit could perhaps do with a style update – when it seems that, in fact, the place is a hotbed of CRIME!!
At least, that’s what you might think after hearing Patti Newton’s impassioned pleas for the return of her handbag, nicked by a bag thief while she was shopping at Chaddie.
Ms Newton told reporters today she had gone to a bank at the Chadstone Shopping centre, in the city’s southeast, on May 16 where she withdrew cash as well as taking jewellery from a cash box that belonged to her mother.
She said while she and her daughter Lauren were having coffee they noticed a man and a woman paying particular attention to them.
Police say the woman, described as Caucasian and of average build and height, aged between 35 and 50, started a commotion with staff and while attention was drawn to the row, her male companion stole Ms Newton’s bag.
“I am very angry that somebody has those things because they mean so very much to me,” Ms Newton said.
For shame, organised criminals of the outer suburbs!
Who wants to place bets on the robbers actually turning out to be Matthew Newton and Gracie Otto, making an edgy short independent film but without telling Ma Newton she’s in it, to, like, keep it gritty and “real”? More » Amy Winehouse Round-Up: They *Didn’t* Try To Make Me Go To Rehab
8:55AM Clem Bastow | Reports have been circulating over the past week or so that Winegums was about to jump back into “hardcore” detox in Israel (of course!) before beginning her third album/the new James Bond theme, but it appears – like most Winehouse-related rumours – to be a tale, told by an idiot, etc.
As a spokesperson from Winegums HQ explains, there’s no truth to it. Which is a good thing, right? Amy doesn’t need to go to rehab! Good one, guys!
“These are just old rumours,” her spokesperson told the Telegraph. “She’s going back in the studio and has absolutely no plans to go abroad for treatment.”
Well, that’s all settled then.
After all, Winegums is looking totally awesome lately; that diet of lollies, fish and chips, beer, fags, crack, cocaine and Pete Doherty is just what the doctor ordered. More » Combining Jude Law, Maths & Rhyming Slang: The Sun Shows You How!
8:45AM Clem Bastow | As the Daily Mail continues to slide ever further into a slimy pit of sexist, racist hysteria (particularly their not pregnant enough/too pregnant celeb coverage) under the guise of a serious newspaper, at least competitor The Sun has the guts to more or less admit they’re shit.
To wit:
That’s right, it’s a scientific graph detailing Jude Law’s slide down the dating scale. Really, this makes sucking up tiresome celebrity goss all the more enjoyable, like those pop music pie charts.
Because, let’s face it – some of these celebrities are a bit cracked-record-esque in their behaviour. At least now we all know what to do next time Shane Warne acts up again – put it in an educational and entertaining PowerPoint presentation! More » 
