(As part of our ongoing Eurovision coverage, penned with effortless brilliance by our Euro Correspondent Will, we proudly present Part Two of Will's report on the second semifinal. Part one is available here...)

THE BAD.

1. Malta missing out!! This is Morena with "Vodka":

I thought this performance had everything perfectly calibrated - mirrorball boots, a song about a drink enjoyed by citizens of most of the countries that seem to control Eurovision voting, cossack dancing, generally strong stage presence - but it was overlooked! I'm not really fussed but it's a bit surprising that Iceland took and this one didn't (though the French commentators noted that Morena "really annoyed" them).

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(As part of our ongoing Eurovision coverage, penned with effortless brilliance by our Euro Correspondent Will, we proudly present Part One of Will's report on the second semifinal.)

THIS IS OFFICIALLY GETTING RATHER EXCITING: Some half-baked notes on Eurovision 2008 Semifinal number 2

Now then. This semi was something of a litmus test for the new semifinal voting system (intended to prevent the regional bloc voting that has plagued the results of this contest during the past decade), and on the basis of the results, it seems to have worked to some extent (if "working" means "each of the 5 Scandinavian nations qualifying"). In fact I am EXTREMELY HAPPY with 80 per cent of the entries that qualified, if a bit surprised. This is a nice counter to my usual "IS THIS A JOKE" reaction to previous Eurovision semifinals, is it not? People will probably bitch now about how the Balkan voting bloc has been replaced by a seemingly all-powerful Scandinavian one, but being a gay fond of a key change and a wind machine, I am far more comfortable with a Nordic balance of power than a Slavic one. It is also worth noting that, as with the previous semi, one of last night's 10 finalists was jury-selected, rather than voted through by the frequently moronic viewers. But we don't know which one!

SO WHAT HAPPENED THEN.

I am so glad you asked.

THE GOOD

1. Sweden qualified - thankfully Charlotte's increasingly terrifying GIANT FOREHEAD OF DEATH didn't put off the viewers too badly. The French broadcaster's commentators I was listening to made a point of noting that Charlotte is a walking advertisement for aesthetic surgery, which seems a bridge further than Terry Wogan would have taken things.



Oh it's GOOD this song isn't it! Look out for the laser spazz-out bit in the last minute. She is just a very strange looking woman.

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Ha! I very much enjoyed the following story sent in by Defamer Australia reader Elmo. It seems our Prime Minister likes Motley Crue, or at the very least, is open to the idea of reading the infamous book "The Dirt" and learning more about them.

We were at a taping of Q&A at the ABC last night, waiting in the audience for our Blessed Leader to arrive. So I was reading my friend's copy of the Dirt while we were waiting, just to bone up on the issues of the day. We nyukked about how funny it would be to get KRudd to sign it for us. It took two tries, but he dutifully did, out on the street in front of the ABC.

Thus earning our buddy Alex the coveted title of Everyone's Personal Hero.

"Have you read it?", she asks.

KRudd glances at cover.

"Ah. No. But I will."

"It's really very good."

So if it could be arranged for a copy of Motley Crue's autobiography to be
sent to the Prime Minister's office, that'd be tops.

There was a sign early in the piece that he'd be up for it - he wears Blundstones.

Rock on, PM. Rock on.

Ahh, David Bowie in tight pants...

DANCE, MAGIC, DANCE!

· LA Ink star and flaming Star of David tattoo-conceptualizer Kat Von D stopped by Jimmy Kimmel Live! with her mum and new boyfriend, Nikki Sixx, in tow. Above, she proudly displays the love note Sixx drunkenly etched upon her right shoulder. Oh well—a growling panther head should cover that up nicely. [Jimmy Kimmel Live]
· The pregnant transgendered man has sold his life story, working title Love Makes A Family: A Memoir of Hardship, Healing and an Extraordinary Pregnancy, to St. Martin's Press. We already have some casting ideas for the inevitable movie: No, not Cillian "Peacock" Murphy, he's too obvious. We're thinking Gyllenhaal! (Both of them.) [HuffPo]
· "What happened to that guy?! 'Cause if that guy came back he could totally put it in me." No truer words have ever been spoken, Livejournal user fatherleary. [ONTD]
· Thomas Dekker: The Sashay Chante Chronicles, Part Deux: "You think you own me, left half of my zip-up sweater? Just. You. Watch." [Just Jared]
· Everyone wins on this season's American Idol—even the never-rans: Josiah Leming, the emo kid runaway who lived in his car and saw his dreams smothered by a heartless, Paula-led tribunal, gets signed by freaking Warner Bros. Records. [Reuters]

Where to even start when discussing a documentary about Lemmy Kilmister, the legendary Motorhead frontman and apparent subject of a forthcoming film appropriately enough titled Lemmy? Even the fucking co-directors don't even know, with filmmaker Greg Olliver telling Billboard today: "Shooting Lemmy is like filming dangerous wildlife. He never does what you expect him to do, and he never does anything you want him to do." Olliver's partner, Wes Orshoski, agreed: "Lemmy never ceases to surprise me. ... You think you know who Lemmy is, but you have no idea. If you think you have Lemmy all figured out, trust me. You don't!" Actually... we think we might.

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The latest celebrity said to be jumping on the nudie pregnant pictures bandwagon is Nicole Kidman, who was seen yesterday attending a "top secret" modelling session for a potential cover shoot with Frenchy photographer extraordinaire Patrick Demarchelier. While he's no Annie Leibovitz, and it's unknown which magazine this shoot was for, Demarchelier is a monthly contributor for Allure, Vogue, and Demi Moore's old knocked-up-while-nude stomping grounds, Vanity Fair. So whether or not Nicole is looking to appear on an upcoming cover of VF as Demi's successor is still unknown, but we took a look back at some classic big-bellied celebrity appearances in the past to see some glossy examples of what Kidman will be competing with in the Nude And Pregnant Hall of Fame:

[Warning: What follows is NSFW, and in the case of one Lisa Rinna shot, NSFLunch.]

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The fallout from Sam Newman's hilarious mannequin stunt on the Footy Show continues to ripple through the industry, with word that other major advertisers could join ANZ in pulling their funds from the Show's ad breaks.

Women's Forum Australia, a national lobby group, is - understandably - pressuring major advertisers to take a stand against the Footy Show's dark ages sexual politics.

The director of Women's Forum Australia, Melinda Tankard Reist, said a wider boycott would have broad support.

"This is definitely worth us doing," she said. "The program has caused a great deal of hurt to a lot of women and if The Footy Show can't respond in a proper manner, then maybe they will respond when they start losing money."

The group, led by a Canberra-based board of female academics, doctors and welfare experts, will consider the issue at a board meeting next week. Advertisers or sponsors on the show include Nissan, Mitre 10, Safeway, Mazda, Arnotts, Telstra and Toyota. Current advertisers McDonald's, Foxtel and adidas ruled out a boycott.

Basically whatever happens through all this, it would just be nice to have it end with Sam Newman eating shit his words and being made to make a formal apology - on the day The Footy Show is cancelled for being irrelevant and is replaced by Straughnie.

So there was this legendary rock producer? And he was a real weirdo who lived in a castle and was obsessed with guns and hating women? And this B-movie actress working at House of Blues went home with him? And her head was blown off? And the producer walked out with the gun in his hand and told his driver, "I think I just killed somebody?" Anyway, there was a trial, but the jury was hung, and so now there's going to be another. It's set for September. [Reuters]

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It was only a matter of time 'til everyone's collective inside joke about Sex And The City sounding a whole lot like Sex And The Shitty accidentally escaped from one talking head's mouth. And of all the people to do it, we couldn't be happier that fuzzy ol' Dave Letterman was the one to (oops!) say this particular darndest thing out loud. Because how exactly can sweet-as-sugar Kristin Davis get mad at sweet-as-butterscotch Dave? Sure, we could all get irritated at Paul seizing the blooper as an opportunity to get all curse-happy up on the set, but when Dave pulls out the passive aggressive jab at the Most Important Movie Of All Time, even its soberific star has to laugh along. Even when he goes so far as to bypass any discussion of the shitty film whatsoever.

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Where are the big spenders this year at Cannes? After a 2007 buying spree that topped out with Universal snagging We Own the Night for a whopping $11.5 million, only one distributor has made any considerable investment in the current crop of selections — IFC Films, which made news Wednesday by acquiring the acclaimed Irish drama Hunger, its seventh buy in as many days. And even its other deals — an international mash-up including A Christmas Tale (France), Chaser (S. Korea) and the American indie The Pleasure of Being Robbed — are slated for minimal theatrical play as they funnel into IFC's day-and-date on-demand circuit.

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We can think of any number of uses for the special talents of James Van Praagh, co-executive producer of The Ghost Whisperer, bestselling author and psychic medium to the stars. On one hand, the news of his recent consorting with Heath Ledger's ghost has us surmising that he might just be another facet of Warner Bros. viral marketing machine for The Dark Knight. Reading on between the lines, however, our own Spidey-sense tingled upon perceiving the true implications of Van Praagh's power:

CY: Have you ever come across any celebrities that have crossed over like a Heath Ledger for example and asked them how they are?

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Oh, what's to be done with Denise Richards and Charlie Sheen. They may bicker incessantly and claim they can't stand the sight of one another, but deep down, you just know they're hoping the other contracts feline AIDS. With her E! reality series set to premiere on Memorial Day, Richards has been hitting the talk show circuit harder than Richie Sambora in a bathroom stall at the LAX wrap party. This included some face-time with fossilised CNN grand inquisitor Larry King, where she explained that the show comes directly out of need; not, surprisingly, the need to be on TV, but rather the need to feed and shelter her two children, abandoned by their father to follow his tween-outfitting, trampoline dreams. Now, a "Sheen insider" tells Page Six that Richards' claims are absurd, as the actress is regularly greeted by the beeping sound of a Hollywood Alimony Services dump truck backing into her driveway to release that month's child support payment:

But, "Denise gets $52,000 a month tax-free in child support," a Sheen insider fumed. "Most people in America can figure out how to live on that, but Denise can't?"

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And we're off! At the stroke of midnight, Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull began screening on 4260 U.S. screens, and 12,000 more around the planet.

With a 4-day opening weekend poised to topple all previous box office records, we thought we'd celebrate the iconic treasure seeker's historic return with an Indy PlunderWatch gross earnings projections clock. Using a complex algorithm that carefully calibrates screen count, market research, other openings, and hyperbole divided by fanboy prattling, our calculations* suggests that the sequel has in just nine short hours of release already laid waste to current title-holder Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End's $US137 million take by well over nine-and-a-half trillion dollars.

*Margin of error: +/- 9.5 trillion.

• 'Jones' eyes box office bonanza [Variety]

Just a week after Britney Spears' rumoured sex tape forced us to envision bald celebrity sex, Cameron Diaz is flouncing around the set of her new movie wearing a fitted baldie cap for the role. And screaming at us from the newsstands about how much she loves sex. And making out with her co-stars. All of it burning images into our heads we'd really rather erase for life. Because Diaz isn't only making us picture her hairless visage rolling around the sheets with Jason Patric — we're now forced to imagine what it looked like when the Coneheads stripped down and got it on. More pictures after the jump.

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What better way to annul your time spent in rehab than by pulling the old "It was just research!" card? That's what Eva Mendes is allegedly claiming, pegging her January stay at Le Cirque in Utah to an upcoming role in Queen Of The South where she'll play a female drug lord or, as some have termed the character, "the female Scarface." At the time, so-called insiders came forward saying Mendes was everything from a "closet drinker" to a prescription drug addict. Though it's a nice thought that Mendes' month-long stay alongside real-live drunk Kirsten Dunst was just a hush-hush effort to really feel like a druggie, we took a look at the timeline coupled with Mendes' past, and find the excuse weak at best:

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We still can't figure out why, but the tiny former child stars-turned-designers Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen remain terribly convinced that they are very important. So important, in fact, that they treat their various Manhattan apartments like Bel Air mansions and generally shit all over their neighbours. As one next-door resident put it, "you'd think the President was living here." Sure, if Dubya got decked out in shiny skirts and pounds of jewellery before partying til the wee hours and coming home soaked in vintage wine and memories night after night (which, by all means, he might). More on what kinds of trouble the little rascals are rousing in their downtown party casa after the jump.

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It's that time of the month year again! Oprah Winfrey, frequent flier on the countless and very public weight watching rollercoaster, has decided to turn her oft-used diet switch into On mode one more time. And the newest attempt at shedding pounds may be her kookiest plan yet, which Oprah says was inspired by a book called Quantum Wellness in addition to online sessions with a motivational speaker. Yes, these days those loud-mouthed mood boosters can motivate you without having to actually speak at all! So how will Winfrey rise to the get-slim-quick occasion this go-round? With tasty delights like mouth-watering tempeh and positively sinful wheat-free crepes:

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One tiny, loaded word pretty much summed up Wednesday at Cannes: Che. Steven Soderbergh's two-part, four-hour-plus biopic premiered last night to a sprawling range of reactions, most of which seem to embrace the challenging film (and particularly Benicio Del Toro's performance as the title revolutionary) even while doubting the film would ever again screen again in its current version. Soderbergh and star Benicio Del Toro were only slightly defensive when it came time to face the press:

"I find it hilarious that people always complain about movies being the same, and then when something different comes along — a film that deals the cards in a different way — they say why isn't it more conventional?" [Soderbergh said.]

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Where to even begin with last night's American Idol Results Show Grand Finale Spectacular? While it may not have provided the knee-buckling rush of emotion that accompanies a shot of a moist-eyed David Hasselhoff witnessing the coronation of his prematurely graying Soul King, there were more than a few unmistakable moments of true poignancy: from George Michael's haunting "Praying For Time," to David Cook's landslide victory lap, to the Jonas Brothers' heartfelt plea on behalf of the Aging Sibling Pop Star Fund, with every dollar pledged earmarked for famine-relief among surviving members of The Jets, DeBarge, Hanson, and the like.

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· After a season of slumping ratings, Idol's finale matched last year's, pulling in an estimated 31.7 million viewers—roughly the same number of people who revisited their own gag reflexes upon hearing Mike Myers's pedophilic suggestion the David Archuleta would soon sprout "hair in weird and wonderful places." [Variety]

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To add yet another unlikely wrinkle to the Wesley Snipes Totally Fucking Insane Tax-Avoidance Trial of the Century, artful Uncle Sam-dodger Wesley Snipes has convinced a judge (and, we suspect, unabashed Murder at 1600 fanatic) to release the actor on bail pending an appeal to his three-year sentence for accidentally forgetting in which shoe box he placed the IRS's $38 million cheque:

Snipes had been set to surrender to federal prison authorities during the first week of June to begin serving his sentence, and prosecutors had earlier vowed to oppose any request to allow him to remain free pending an appeal.

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Who among us wasn't reduced to a useless, blubbering pile of lady-lovin' shmaltz upon learning from groom-to-be Ellen DeGeneres that she had asked for Portia de Rossi's hand shortly following the California Supreme Court's landmark same-sex marriage ruling? On today's show, presumptive Republican Party nominee John McCain stopped by to court its audience of all-important swing-dancers, and quickly found himself squarely in the crosshairs.

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