Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Special Eurovision Report (Part Four)

7:19PM Jess McGuire | More AMAZING Eurovision commentary from our Euro Correspondent Will – ED GREECE TO WIN, THE OTHERS CAN PACK UP AND GO HOME NOW, or, MEASURED REMARKS ON THE FIRST SEMIFINAL FOR EUROVISION 2008 Here are my faintly hysterical thoughts on some of the finalist countries that qualified via last night’s first semifinal: 1. Greece! AMAZING! This little scamp is Kalomoira, a North American of Greek extraction who, failing to realise success in the music industry in the US and Canada, promptly packed her bags for the “land of her people” where she is a giant, if supremely irritating, star. Highlights of her campaign to represent her country so far include publicly alleging that the Greek national broadcaster ERT had sought to undermine her performance and chances of winning by providing faulty wind machines at the Greek national final (entertainingly, this resulted in Kalomoira being informed by ERT that she was not to give any more interviews without an ERT representative present). When I heard this song for the first time several months ago, my immediate reaction to a song called “My Secret Combination” was that the staging should involve a giant combination safe, which the delightful Kalomoira would have to be released from – perhaps by the dancers – USING HER “SECRET COMBINATION”. Oh, I entertain myself so. Anyway, I grudgingly admit that the presentation of this song was far better than anything I could have come up with myself. This was by far the strongest performance last night. Basically, Bitch. Tore. It. Up. This performance also contains the best dancing in a Eurovision entry that I can remember in the past 10 years. More »

YouTube Clip Of The Day

4:47PM Jess McGuire | The other day, Clem posted the now infamous video of Amy Winehouse and Pete Doherty shooting the shit whilst fondling newborn mice (an aside – as someone who used to own mice when I was a kid, isn’t that a quick way to ensure the bubs are rejected by their ma and promptly eaten?). It’s since been taken down, but you can enjoy a nice remix clip below. More »

Talking To Sebastian Bach!

1:11PM Jess McGuire | Whoa, dudes. Yesterday I interviewed former Skid Row frontman Sebastian Bach, and he was awesome. Really fun and happy to have a laugh, and he talked about Gilmore Girls, Axl Rose, the reality shows he’s been on, Jermaine Jackson, his new record, and – perhaps most excitingly of all – we’re starting a band called Fists Of Love. The whole interview will be played tonight on RRR’s I’d Rather Jack (ie: the cult – if by cult, you mean ‘not all that many listeners but those who do tune in are usually slightly unbalanced, like the guy who rang in to say he’d fed his cat some meds and they were both enjoying the program…’ – radio show I present) from midnight. You can listen, if you’re in Melbourne, on 102.7FM, or you can stream it from rrr.org.au. ANYWAYS. The whole interview was magic as Sebastian and yours truly are both professionals (cough) but I can’t be bothered transcribing it all, so after the jump you can have a little taste of it and then you’ll have to tune in for the rest. More »

Special Eurovision Report (Part Three)

12:39PM Jess McGuire | And more from our Eurovision Consultant! I really should have included the Andorran entry in my previous wrap-up – it’s Gisela with Casanova – a highly jaunty Europop ditty that harks back to the Eurovision of yore (ie before the tedious Eastern Europeans joined with their insufficently gay ethnic dirges). Tonight (European time) is crunch time for poor Gisela, who is being savaged as I type at the dress rehearsal for tonight’s semifinal, due to her poor costuming, by the bloggers at leading Eurovision website oikotimes.com, in the most humourous ESL manner available. To wit: Oikotimes on Andorra’s first dress rehearsal on 19 June: “Gisela and the Andorran delegation once again suicided on the Eurovision stage with their clothes, having in mind the mistakes they did the last years as well. … Now on my personal view, I don’t want this song to proceed because the presentation is insulting for my taste.” More »

Special Eurovision Report (Part Two)

12:08PM Jess McGuire | Continuing on from his passionate assessment of Sweden, our Euro Correspondent Will now takes on a couple more Eurovision entries… Next, we have Bosnia and Herzegovina. It’s Laka, with Pokusaj. See here: This is some rather entertaining socialist performance art isn’t it! They initially sought to have a live chicken on the stage but the EBU forbade it unfortunately. I am pleased to announce that I saw them do this live in London last month at the Eurovision promotional party and it was a definite crowd favourite. They are brother and sister too, Rachel and Sufjan Stevens style, which I always like to see. Anyway, I think you will find this bonkers and delightful. Also, you must have a look at France (after the jump). More »

Special Eurovision Report (Part One)

10:50AM Jess McGuire | One of the best things about having a Gay Consultant is that you are always well-informed regarding the careers of the Minogue sisters, and come Eurovision time, you are practically an expert on the Belgian representative’s patented knee-swing/the Moldavian dancers’ hotness/etc. We’ve turned to my personal Gay Consultant and Defamer Australia’s Euro Correspondent Will to give us all the lowdown on this year’s Eurovision – enjoy! Dearly beloved. The Eurovision week is upon us and the French are resultantly in a complete frenzy, if “frenzy” is to be understood as “a state of being faintly cognisant that something is in fact happening regarding a sing-off between 45 nations”. This time of year is so exciting for me and so I find the Gallic disinterest annoying and instead choose to engage myself in La Fete de Chanson de Trois Minutes in a more vigourous manner, akin to the ardour of the newer countries to the Eurovision fold, whose enthusiasm cannot be contained. For instance, DO YOU REALISE that this is the first year that Azerbaijan will be participating? Nothing more should really be said about that country’s entry, though, due to it being an appalling misreading of the Eurovision “brief”. It’s also exciting to welcome San Marino this year for the first time, a fact notable not so much due to their song but more because this is a tiny nation land-locked by Italy – who continue to refuse to participate in Eurovision after storming off in a strop several years back. More »

Angry Message Board Rant Accuses Billy Bob Thornton Of Cyberstalking And Cocaine Abuse

10:40AM Molly Friedman | The sister of Billy Bob Thornton’s fourth wife, Pietra Cherniak, is coming forward with a lengthy and more than “adequite” online attack against the actor, who she claims has been stalking and harassing her for almost 10 years. In an email sent out to various gossip sites, Elysabeth Cherniak accuses the formerly entertaining, recently quiet Thornton of not only bugging her phone lines and sending vicious emails, but physically abusing her sister during their marriage and manipulating her father into prescribing him drugs. Speaking of drugs, Cherniak also claims Thornton has been dabbling in cocaine use over the past year. Though the actor’s rep is using the old “Billy Bob doesn’t know how to use email” excuse, this is one actor whose word we don’t automatically value more than their seemingly vindictive accuser. Details on Cherniak’s claims, and her email in its entirety after the jump. More »

Woody Allen’s Seething Hatred For Ryan McStupidface Reynolds May Have Led To Scarlett Johansson’s Cannes Absence

10:20AM Seth | There’s now another take on the story circulated yesterday by the Daily Mail claiming Scarlett Johansson’s diva-like demands ultimately resulted in the actress failing to appear at the premiere of Woody Allen’s new movie. From the LAT:

Jamie Durie Incurs The Fiery Wrath Of Prince Philip In The Middle Of A Field Of Pretty Flowers

10:03AM Clem Bastow | Jamie Durie – who I should briefly congratulate for winning gold at the Chelsea Flower Show for his garden created with pal and nurseryman Wes Fleming – has learned that despite all his hilarious malapropisms and gaffes, Prince Philip can apparently turn his sense of humour on and off at will. Mr Queen was inspecting the Flower Show, and expressed particular fondness for a bushy plant in the midst of Durie’s winning exhibit. Which is probably where the Royal-loving Brits would’ve left it, but Durie just had to go and open his dirty colonial mouth… The prince’s reaction stunned Mr Durie, who had just spent a pleasant few minutes showing the Queen around his garden. “It was my first experience of Prince Philip,” he said. “He said to me, ‘I do like your tree fern’. I said, ‘Actually, it’s not a tree fern, it’s a member of the cycad family. It’s a Macrozamia moorei.’ “And with that, he walked off. As he was walking away he said, ‘I didn’t come here to get a lesson’ under his breath. “I didn’t hear him say it, one of the boys heard him. I thought, ‘Well, you did ask.’ I was trying to be as courteous as I could and give him the right information.” Poor old Jamie, all that time spent doing backflips and wearing g-strings has obviously numbed him to such monarchist niceties. But I say give the old duke what for – he’s spent too long getting away with calling anyone who isn’t white “savages” and probably having a go at “poofs” and still looking askance in the forests for “Jerry” or “Charlie”. I daresay old Liz was probably glad to have someone else set him straight for a chance. More »