Melbourne residents, only just recovering from the mass taxi driver stripathon late last month which led to the city's cabbies having their list of demands approved by the State Government, have again had to endure an eyeful of flesh, with another bunch of protesters who figure a shirts off approach to demonstrating is the best way to get their point across. Hands up those of you who have been secretly longing for Family First spunk Stephen Fielding to get his gear off? It's your lucky day!

Photo: Angela Wylie

Angry pensioners and a Family First senator have stripped off and stopped traffic on one of Melbourne's busiest intersections in a protest against a lack of support for seniors in this week's Federal Budget.

Up to 200 elderly people stood at the corner of Swanston and Flinders Streets this morning.

It was inspired by topless taxi drivers who won safety concessions after a city centre protest rally two weeks ago, was organised with the backing of Family First senator Stephen Fielding.

Mr Fielding stripped off his shirt in support of the protest, while two elderly women wore only their bras.

Highlights of the sexy but serious protest include -

- 'John', 69, who ran off into the intersection and stripped off to his underpants, said the budget was a "slap in the face" for pensioners.

- Another woman stripped down to her bra and longjohns during the protest.

According to the article, "traffic returned to normal after about 15 minutes" - but the visual picture will no doubt stay with witnesses for the rest of their lives.

Where oh where is Todd McKenney? That was the question for the braying pack of press types outside Downing Centre Local Court when the Mix 106.5FM breakfast host failed to turn up to face charges of possessing GHB. Why he's even having to appear in front of a judge over this issue is beyond me, the man explained quite clearly that a playa hater planted $400 worth of drugs on him in a fiendish plot to bring down the McKenney empire, and that explanation is good enough for me.

McKenny was on air this morning for the 5am-9am breakfast shift and interviewed Australian Idol judge Marica Hines but did not make it to court for his appearance which was listed at 9.30am.

His no-show meant McKenney did not have to face the large media pack waiting for him at the court.

The general manager of Mix 106.5 owner Australian Radio Network, Anthony Fitzgerald, would not comment on why McKenney was running late.

I'm no Columbo, but I'll take a punt and guess that he was late to his scheduled 9.30am court appearance because he was nattering away with Marcia Hines until 9am. Traffic at that time of day is a real bastard, and Sydney Buses can be a little unreliable, so it's unlikely he'd have made it from the studio to Liverpool Street in under half an hour. Still, someone should check the parks just to be on the safe side. Those haters just won't give up sometimes!

Remember when we did this back in early March? Good times! So let's turn to the People's Encyclopedia once more and learn something new, eh?

Today's subject of interest is Stephen Baldwin - specifically, his religious conversion.

Baldwin gave his life to Christ, "becoming a Christian" shortly after the September 11 attacks. Since converting, he has sought to evangelize young people through projects such as The Breakthrough Ministry which involves skateboarding and extreme sports, Christian rock concerts, laser light shows and fireworks. He talks frequently about his conversion experience, which involved a middle-aged Brazilian housekeeper.

Oh, of course. Of course your conversion to Christianity involved a middle-aged Brazilian housekeeper, Stephen. No, no - don't give me any more details. I am fairly sure I can draw my own conclusions about what happened because hey, it's pretty cliched, you know? The ol' middle-aged Brazilian housekeeper converts C-grade Hollywood actor to Christianity after devastating terrorist attacks tale. Oldest story in the book.

Sadly, no further information regarding the middle-aged Brazilian housekeeper appears on the Wikipedia entry, but rest assured I am Googling my bot-bot off and I WILL update you when I learn more... more about Stephen Baldwin's conversion experience at the hands of a middle-aged Brazilian housekeeper after the 9/11 attacks. Yes.

Now, let's go listen to Creed or some shit!

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHH! This is so terribly exciting and romantic! Guy Sebastian and long-time love Jules Egan are due to get hitched tomorrow, which means tomorrow night is gonna be the love bomb for the Assemblies Of God sponsored pair!

Due to wed his sweetheart Jules Egan in Sydney tomorrow, original Idol Sebastian flew home to Adelaide last weekend to celebrate his last weekend as a single Guy.

The loved-up couple will marry in a lavish ceremony this weekend - Egan flanked by no less than six bridesmaids - with the big day exclusively covered by a women's magazine.

But what about the big night? Who has the rights to that, huh - Woman's Day or New Idea? A better investment than Wayne Carey's "Oh, she walked into my wine glass, accidents do happen!" cover story, if you ask me. I know I'll be lining up to purchase my copy of the nuptials coverage.

Alright, so this happened on Wednesday night's Daily Show but I couldn't bring myself to write about it until today because I overdosed on Big Brother in the wee hours of Wednesday morning during Carson's brief time in the house. The housemates were sitting outside enjoying a nice meal, and Rebecca delivered what appeared to be the kind of whimsical comedy stylings one might expect from Jerry Seinfeld - if Jerry Seinfeld had been booked to perform at the One Nation Christmas bash.

"I hate how Asian people say one dolla, two dolla, forty five dolla! It's DOLLARS!"

WHAT'S WITH ASIANS, LOL?

Yes, Rebecca has really raised a valuable point about folks for whom English is a second language not quite hitting the mark conversationally. I can only hope that one day she takes her skimpy barmaid skills overseas to a country where English is not the mother tongue, and is mocked in a similar manner by frustrated locals.

In a Friday feel good story which is sure to warm the cockles of even the iciest heart, the papers are reporting today that Shannon Noll has officially kissed and made up with comedian Wil Anderson over Anderson's disastrous comic jab directed at Shannon Noll's dad a few years back.

After admitting his jibe about Shannon Noll's late father was "the biggest regret of my career", Wil Anderson finally got to kiss and make up with the Australian Idol product live on air yesterday.

But the fisticuffs were shelved for a studio love-in when Noll rolled up to Triple M headquarters to finally receive the hyped apology he has been expecting for more than two years.

In between the many "mates" and the handshakes, the tension which has long simmered between the pair dissipated as Anderson sincerely admitted to having been a "total dickhead"

Wait, was that last bit a general apology? If so, we accept. I won't even pop on my beret of cynicism and put this entire thing down to an attempt to boost ratings/distract folk from the infamous Pissed At The Snowy concert. I'm glad you're mates again, you handsome Aussie bastards.

· OK, we think we can officially say we're excited about a new fall show: That would be Opportunity Knocks on ABC, Ashton Kutcher's contribution to the, "Hey—let's throw a block party game show!" genre. So much to love here, from the kid-sister diary hunt, to the whack-a-pottery challenge, to the identify-your -infant-brother's -screams quiz round. And just think how awesome it will be when they pack up the show and move it to the ghetto! [TV Week]
· Why yes, we do think we've seen this halo-effect used to great success on previous comedy one-sheets. [/Film]
· Jessica Alba radiates the unmistakable, bird-flipping glow of a woman nearing childbirth. [celebslam]
· An anonymous bidder paid $15 million for Takashi Murakami's jizz-vortex manga sculpture: someone who sounded a whooooole lot like Kanye West affecting a matronly British accent. [Gawker]
· Want to kill a few hours? Thighs Wide Shut collected the mother of all Indy ephemera link dumps, including a listing of every person ever really named Indiana Jones. (They were all born in the 19th century.) [thighswideshut.org]
· Stumble along with the ANTM finalists as they attempt to plug CoverGirl's new Blashtlashtlashblahsshsblashssplash! (Congratulations, Whitney.) [B-Side Blog]

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Huuuuge thanks to the adorable Samantha for sending this clip in - it is ten kinds of awesome and made me want to start jiving to the Prodigy instead of doing any real work today.

As a friend said when I forwarded it to her, "how the fuck did they cut that video together? it's flawless" and she's right, it is flawless. Enjoy!

We take a moment now to honour the memory of the two biggest bitches in Hollywood history—that would be Bette Davis and Joan Crawford—whose man-swiping, lesbian-overture-rebuffing, Oscar-campaign-sabotaging exploits provided the behavioral template for generations of shock starlets to come. Today's Daily Mail provides a highly engrossing and detailed account of their lifelong rivalry, its poisonous roots stemming of course over ownership of a man—in this case, actor Franchot Tone. (He might not look like much, but trust us—this guy was totally the Joel Madden of his day.) It all came to a head on the set of the 1962 sleeper thriller that would offer both women not only an unlikely comeback, but all the near-fatal accident-rigging they could handle:

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There's no shortage of sleazy surprises in the world of baby picture pimping. Today, TMZ reports that soon-to-be-dad Matthew McConaughey and his model girlfriend Camila Alves have hired an actual agent to auction off photos of their upcoming newborn's visage to the major glossies. And the "brand agent" in question, Todd Shemarya, has quite a record — he's the man behind Brangelina's record-setting deal with People, and Christina Aguilera's far less pricey cover with the same weekly. As disturbed as we are that such a man exists, we're more saddened to learn that former nude bongo player and hairy beach hippie McConaughey would cash in on his first kid. We're actually starting to miss the hobo doing push-ups outside a trailer we'd grown accustomed to. Then again, the $1MM that he's reportedly been offered by three separate spawn-obsessed mags can buy a lot of t-shirts. [a href="http://www.tmz.com/2008/05/15/mcconna-spawn-to-bring-in-big-bucks/">TMZ

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At this point in Jessica Simpson's sad, sad career, it's become clear that her only chance of making headlines is by sleeping with a new guy, getting dumped by that new guy, or whining over one of the many guys who've dumped and/or slept with her. As we learned this week, her most recent conquest — QB Tony Romo, who Jessica called "her future husband" in Glamour's March issue before admitting that "this article could come out and Tony and I could be broken up" — rid himself of the Game Day Curse just as her ex-fling John Mayer was popping up all over the weeklies swapping spit with Jennifer Aniston and her fembot nips. Naturally, Jessica reacted by drinking herself silly and, we presume, making several late-night calls to her Dadager, Papa Joe, requesting her next romantic PR stunt stat. So the question is: which lucky bachelors will Joe pay off set her up with this time to guarantee continuous coverage of his darling daughter? Our suggestions, after the jump.

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It was cute way back yesterday when we heard that Werner Herzog and Nicolas Cage are remaking Bad Lieutenant for a new generation of prurient cinephile wonks, but the novelty of Herzog's random-arse pairings requires a certain period of recharging to retain maximum effect. Which is perhaps why the potency of his other forthcoming, newly announced collaboration with David Lynch (!) on "a horror-tinged murder drama" doesn't have us positively reeling with anticipation.

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I'm popping my head in briefly from my secret holiday bunker to discuss this week's AusNTM episode. I actually watched it a week or so ago and was quite shaken by it. By now if you aren't aware, the bulk of the episode depicted - in excruciating detail - the reign of terror inflicted upon poor Alamela by a pack of bullies led by Demelza (who, in a delicious basket of ironing, once had to move schools as she was the victim of intense bullying).

At the time of watching the episode I was pleased to see Charlotte Dawson fly off the handle at them come elimination time (her calling them the "Dapto dogs" was particularly thrilling), but it seems I am not the only one now wondering if there shouldn't have been further action taken, with this week's evictee (and Alamela ally) Belinda Hodge speaking out:

Hodge claimed Rowan had come close to a nervous breakdown over the bullying and was "honed in on from day one" by a few of the contestants who called themselves the "bitch-keteers".

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· Fox's fall schedule announcement introduces only two new shows: a comedy called Do Not Disturb (formerly The Inn), and J.J. Abrams's new series Fringe, which will air Tuesdays at 9 after House. Details on Fringe are being kept under close wraps, but based upon a slew of promotional images over at TV Week, we think it revolves around a conspiracy discovered by a quality control technician at a menthol cigarette factory, played by Joshua Jackson. Joss Whedon's Dollhouse, meanwhile, and new animated shows Sit Down, Shut Up and The Cleveland Show won't air until mid-season. Executed: Back to You, Canterbury's Law, K-Ville, Nashville, New Amsterdam, The Next Great American Band, The Return of Jezebel James and Unhitched. [Variety]
· Daniel Day-Lewis may be taking over the role vacated by Javier Bardem in Rob Marshall's movie on the musical Nine. Bla bla milkshake jazz-hands bla bla. [Variety]

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We've had a thing for Bill Murray since the first time we saw clips of his pity-me-but-look-at-me skits on SNL right up until his sad lonely guy role in Lost In Translation, when his grey hair and inability to smile deflated our crush ever so slightly. But unlike actress Greta Scacchi, who blabbed to a London paper about the night he innocently asked for her number and was harshly rejected by her and the too-cool group of Eurotrashy friends she rolls with, we'd never resort to the level of cattiness the Italian quasi-star did today:

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Though celebrities dropping trou for the glossies has proven both controversial in Miley Cyrus' case, and "artsy" in Lindsay Lohan's, both of these spreads were intelligently shot behind closed doors. But when GQ decided to photograph Entourage's Emmanuelle Chirqui fully exposing her curves in the bright light of day, controversy didn't come by way of conservative media pundits. It arrived in the form of the LAPD's official nudity-watch squad, who interrupted the shoot to get a closer look make sure all was okay on set. As Chirqui recalls, one pervy fed stepped in as art director and instructed the crew "Could you make sure that her areolas aren't showing?" See what all the fuss was about for yourself after the jump:

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On last night's splendiferous, Sayesha-ejecting American Idol results show—like nasty walnut chunks in maple ice cream, she was utterly ruining our pure, David-savoring experience—third season Idol winner Fantasia Barrino stopped by the Karoakedome to perform. And yet "perform" seems not quite the sufficient term in this instance—rather, she seemed literally belched from some fiery, subterranean afterworld miles beneath CBS Television City, accompanied by a chorus of winged backup-demons. The audience—many of whom were still enjoying the pleasant, torpor-inducing effects of David Archuleta singing about "fishes in the ocean"—reacted as though they had just been smacked against the side of the head with a hooker's club foot.

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The pandas have been euthanized and Sean Penn is still lighting up despite you on the first full day of the Cannes Film Festival, which we continue to study from our vantage point in the salt mines. We continue to wince at the reaction to the opening-night film Blindness, whose bad buzz we were nervous about back when the festival waited forever to announce its selection. Variety's Justin Chang piled on this morning — "Blindness emerges onscreen both overdressed and undermotivated, scrupulously hitting the novel's beats yet barely approximating, so to speak, its vision" — with an only slightly happier James Rocchi following suit at Cinematical.

Then there's the anticipation for Indiana Jones and Whatever the Fuck, whose anxious makers are taking precautions to dodge the lynch-mob on their own tail:

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Here we go again: Nikki Finke is reporting that production on David O. Russell's Nailed has shut down once more as IATSE brass pulled members off the set over "payroll irregularities." "Friday was supposed to be the deadline set for the crew to get paid since there was a promise of a loan being made by then," Finke writes. "But IATSE apparently lost its patience with all the smoke-and-mirror promises so today the union ordered its crew to walk off the production." No word yet from Capitol Films chief and noted yacht renter David Bergstein, who attributed SAG's earlier walk-off to dodgy bridge financing that he insisted had since been resolved. We hear that Russell, meanwhile, still smarting from Cookiegate and his previous work stoppage, is spending his day off calling around for quotes on jinx insurance. [DHD]

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Variety has laid their eyes on what could be the most anticipated Sarah Jessica Parker film in history—that's right, Sex and The City: The Movie—and printed their review. [This would be a good time for anyone who wants nothing spoiled and/or rained upon to slide their fingers in their ears, stare up at the ceiling, and start humming the opening notes of its theme. "Da-DA-dada...da-DA-da! I can't hear you!"] Verdict: They're just not that into it. Highlights follow after the jump.

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As we noted yesterday, Jack Black took the liberty of announcing that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are expecting twins during a pre-taped interview on The Today Show, which we all got to see for ourselves this morning. One would think Black's blooper would ruffle Jolie's feathers, but as this clip shows, Jolie handled the situation with breezy laughter and an amicable Oh Well! shrug. And as it turns out, Black wasn't the only Kung Fu Panda co-star to fill everyone in on The Chosen Two's glorious impending arrival. Once again for no apparent reason, fading funny man Dustin Hoffman decided to reveal the twins' due date during the same segment. When Brangelina is expecting and which nationality Jolie has selected for her next soccer team members, after the jump.

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Whatever's going on between Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer has thus far had all the standard Summer Fling ingredients: making out in pools, sunset dinners, word that psychopathic ex-girlfriends are drowning in tears and booze, and so on. But last night, the cougar and cad took their lovey dovey tour to New York, doing the double date thing at celebrity haunts and hiding out in cloudy cigar bars, leading onlookers to believe the new Demi and Ashton are having more than just fun in the sun. However, reports that John is "bored" already, combined with Jennifer's alleged "clingy" and starstruck groupie behaviour at one of his gigs have us worried that Aniston will be yet another tear-soaked ex on the crooner's widdled down bed post...

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DING-DONG! DONG-DING! The rainbow-coloured smoke has emerged from the chimney atop the California Supreme Court. The Court bells, each recently adorned with a giant portrait of Dave Beckham and Posh Spice, are sounding. For it's official! Same-sex couples in our glorious, seaside state have the right to be wed! We know you have questions, so we went directly to the Defamer special correspondent on Legal Fine Print Accompanying Totally Fabulous Rulings to answer all your burning questions:
Defamer: So what does this mean?

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As we touched upon briefly on our way out the door last night, actress Anne Heche, whose ugly divorce and custody battle last year aired out all manner of crazy-scented laundry, was back in court to argue that since the cancellation of her ABC series Men In Trees (hey Heche fans: where's the nut-delivery campaign for that one?), she no longer had the financial means to make the $15,000-a-month in emasculatory alimony payments to ex-husband, Coley Lafoon. People.com reports:

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It's almost impossible to conceive of a publicist earning a legend these days for much beyond sexuality crisis management or the degree to which s/he lies to Page Six. All the more reason to miss Warren Cowan, one of Hollywood's original Power Flacks who passed away Wednesday at the age of 87. After founding his seminal firm Rogers & Cowan with his mentor Henry C. Rogers in 1950, Cowan went on to make his name as the press agent for everyone from Frank Sinatra to Elizabeth Taylor to Paul Newman to Audrey Hepburn to Ronald Reagan. He never fully retired, either, selling R&C in 1988 and later launching another influential firm, Warren Cowan and Associates, which further capitalized on his earlier revolutions in Oscar campaigning.

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Most sex tape rumours involving Britney Spears are either too good to be true (Colin Farrell!) or too gross to convince us to want to see them at all (K. Fed). But the latest story from the tabloids is filled with details so plausible (especially considering the then-manic Package's mental state) that we're not so sure it's just another fairy tale. As the National Enquirer is reporting (again, don't judge a supermarket tab's creds by its cheap cover):

[Adnan Ghalib] is shopping around a sex tape that was filmed during their trip January trip to Mexico...[the tape] will go down as the highest selling porn tape of all time, out selling even Paris Hilton's.

So what could Britney possibly do in the bedroom to top her fellow Bimbo Summit member's green-eyed appearance in nightmare-vision? The eerily realistic details after the jump.

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A range of problems persist this morning for movie distributors large and small, with the Weinsteins predictably suffering the karmic retribution for Fraggle Rock: The Movie and another round of threats, invective and spin making the rounds elsewhere. As such, we're spending a little time this morning cleaning up our Imploding Film Industry Scorecard. Tell us if your results vary:

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