Erm, just in case I'm not the only one out there watching this (and the odds are, I'm not - IPL Twenty/20 Cricket? Thank you, but no...), I'd just like to point out how hilarious Trinny and Susannah's po-faced approach to grabbing random British women's tits and talking about the crime of appallingly fitted brassieres as though they were discussing atrocities in Sudan is - and by 'hilarious', I mean 'slap worthy'.

Kelsey Munro is right on the money by saying -

If you're doing this kind of television, at a bare minimum you should be funny. Trinny and Susannah come across as the sort of delusionally self-involved fashionistas that Absolutely Fabulous used to parody, except they are screamingly unfunny. This is one hour of your life you'll never get back.

You're right, Kelsey. You're right.

I've never craved an hour of Patricia Arquette's adorably plump screen daughter's precociousness more. I miss you, Medium! Come back, all is forgiven!

You can pretty much put Amy Winehouse in the bucket along with Pete Doherty when it comes to drug busts and arrests these days. Evidently as soon as word went out that Winegums had been busted for crack, she's been bailed.

Who can keep up in the fast-paced and exciting world of wasted talent and obliterated minds? It's FUN!

Scotland Yard said that "around 1pm (11pm AEST) today a 24-year-old woman from the Camden area attended a London police station by arrangement and was arrested in connection with the alleged possession of a controlled drug."

"This is in connection with an investigation connected to footage passed to the Metropolitan Police on January 22."

Winehouse was not named, in line with force policy, but a spokesman for the singer said: "Amy Winehouse voluntarily attended a London police station today by appointment.

"She was arrested in order to be interviewed and is co-operating fully with inquiries. The interview relates to a video handed to police earlier this year."

Scotland Yard said later she was released on bail.

Said video features Winegums apparently smoking crack, snorting coke and ecstasy, and presumably saying things that would make the combined editorial staff of The Sun and The Daily Mail spontaneously combust with excitement.

At this rate, the day she actually records something or releases new material, will anyone even notice? Perhaps that's all part of her master plan.

A bit of a bland missive from Jodhi Mail central this week, mostly consisting of tears and sooks and nothing much else.

The girls were forced to "face their fears" in a live modelling 'performance' featuring their worst phobias, which led to the extremely entertaining sequence in which Leiden had a total meltdown over her phobia: Edward Scissorhands. Seeing Jonathon Pease patting her on the back while she wheezed and sobbed, saying, "Don't worry, babe, he's not here", was the highlight of the night.

It was mostly downhill from there...

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Metromix L.A. posted an angry—and justifiably so, we'd say—response to a NY Times piece from earlier in the week about the movement to save L.A.'s beloved taco trucks, currently endangered thanks to new city ordinances that would limit where they can do business. (The article begins, "Los Angeles, loath to rally cohesively around a local cause, has joined hands around tortillas," and continues to paint a portrait of an apathetic community who only manage to rally when the fate of their al pastor-access is in danger.) Decries Metromix:

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Never let it be said that the extended Defamer Australia reader community isn't a caring, sharing bunch. Earlier in the week we put out the call for anyone who might be able to help us/James Blunt KEEP UP THE CATS at his live gig, and look what - wait for it - the cat dragged in (ohh, I kill me!):

There he is, on stage at Rod Laver, keeping up the cats! Frances M Benz would be so happy!

Thanks to incredible Defamer reader Mel for her exemplary efforts above. You keep up those cats, Mel, you keep them way up!

In typically ghoulish fanboy style, recently released Joker action figures from The Dark Knight (aka "Heath Ledger" dolls) have apparently been selling out more or less instantly as soon as they hit the shelves.

You know, because it looks so much like him and everything.

A Toys R Us worker told the New York Post: "There are none left in the warehouse. You will be waiting a while if you want one."

The dolls, which sell for $9.99 (£5), are already popping up on eBay.

You know, it's not necessarily because Heath's sadly no longer with us, dudes - it could also just be because The Joker's one of the best Batman characters. And, as anyone who keeps even a cursory eye on the comic-con/sci-fi/etc circuit would know, the cool figures always go first. Just wait a few months; there'll be kids screaming in the Toys 'R' Us aisles because all that's left are Harvey Dent dolls.

After all, when Transformers came out and the merch hit the shelves, do you think I could find any Starscream action figures? Nooo, and we all know he isn't dead, and will be back in the sequel and will rule the galaxy someday, so FFS.

Well, not really - but he's just so bloody nice, humble and well adjusted that I thought I'd have a little fantasy time in the title of this piece. Anyway, after winning two Logies at Sunday's ceremony, Chris Lilley admitted he's not ready to retire all of his Summer Heights High characters just yet.

And then he probably helped an old lady out of her car, carried an expectant mother's shopping for her, and donated 96% of his income to a charity that helps save adorable puppies.

"I really like the idea of bringing characters back, like I did with (Ja'mie) from the previous series (We Can Be Heroes)," he said.

"I'd love to bring them back because it's really sad when you have to leave them behind."

Asked if he had a favourite, Lilley said he is "fond of them all".

Though it may seem like sacrilege (particularly after the genius of "Toby and The Special Kids" at the Logies), I hope he brings back Jonah and not Mr G. I'd had enough of Ja'mie by the end of We Can Be Heroes, and daresay the same fate would befall a Greg Gregson encore. But I could watch Jonah until kingdom come.

Sorry, ranga!

· Today, an Oprah you simply cannot afford to miss: Watch as she, Gayle, Kelly Ripa's husband, and some other lady try to reach a consensus over when, exactly, Mariah Carey knew she was going to marry Nick Cannon. We know! We told you! [Oprah]
· Speaking of Mariah—just when it seemed her week couldn't get any better...[BBC]
· Gary Dourdan was officially charged with possession of heroin, cocaine and ecstasy, today. All of which he claims belonged to someone else. [Reuters]
· This just in! Amy Winehouse is out on bail after her recent drug-related arrest. She tried to claim they weren't hers, too, but Scotland Yard said, "No, no, no." LOL! [Guardian]
· Alan Rosenberg: The SAG talks have broken down. The livelihoods of thousands of working actors falls in your hands. So tell us...WHAT WAS MILEY THINKING?! [ca.reuters.com]
· The View is the catfight incubator that just keeps on giving. [Us Magazine]

Remember those Eyeball Benders at the back of Games magazine? No? OK, never mind. Let's just call this a photoquiz! Everyone loves a photoquiz—triple that when it's a Celebrity Photoquiz. And so now we gesture in the vicinity of the above photo—a graceful study of the nape (one of the most underrated body-parts) of an Oscar-winning superstar. Any guesses? The answer is after the jump:

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Proving our hunches that we are indeed living in Bizarro World, last night Dina Lohan, master momager/pimp and bestest friend to all her angelic children, received an award naming her Outstanding Mother of the Year. As you'll see in this clip, a ceremony celebrating super-duper mums like Dina was held in what appears to be The Roxy: Long Island Chain, crowded with cleavage-baring mothers dancing awkwardly to techno beats. Naturally the question needing an answer pronto is: why Dina? OK! nabbed an answer from the group's spokesperson: "We're just honoring celebrities' mums on Long Island...It's a list of mothers from Long Island who have raised superstar children." And how did this kooky group of "Mingling Moms" come to the decision that Dina was The One? Their President's very Scientology-like answer, plus more details on Dina's tipsy date and how the Mumager herself justified the honour bestowed upon her, after the jump.

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Despite having secured his future at CNN until 2010, Larry King, who come this November will turn 138, has finally acknowledged the fact that his career might have a finite end. (Even if his legacy does not: His Last Will and Testament contains detailed instructions of the children he expects his wife to bear from the 14 packages of Cryovaced semen he keeps stored in an industrial freezer in his basement.) That said, it's being reported that King is eyeing none other than American Idol's Master of Karaoke-Administrating Ceremonies Ryan Seacrest to fill his legendary seat. From The Scoop:

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An early warning to SATC fans reading: potential spoilers lay ahead. That said, we have caught wind of one of the most intriguing (some might argue, the only intriguing) rumours regarding what to expect from the Most Important Movie Of The Year. It involves the possibility that one of the main Sex And The City characters, namely Mr. Big, will bite the bullet in the Cosmo-drenched show's big-screen debut. And director Michael Patrick King has been ingeniously coy when it comes to responding to all the death chatter:

"I did want an emotional roller-coaster but...Kill Mr. Big? I would have been chased around the planet by women with torches. It's a summer movie. Why would I want to kill anyone?"

While we're not sure of any reasons that King would have to off someone, we judge each of the four ladies' odds of falling off a high-rise due to insanely high stilettos or simply shooting themselves with a (pink!) gun after listening to 90 minutes of Carrie's self-absorbed whines:

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Defamer would like to take just a moment to salute a true American hero — a local filmmaker whose vision, dedication and utter depravity have resulted in some of the bravest and most honest films of our time. His name is Ira Isaacs; you may know him as the maker of such "shock art" (i.e. fetish porn) masterworks as Laurie's Toilet Show, Gang Bang Horse (Pony Sex Game) and Hollywood Scat Amateurs No. 7, and soon you may also know him as the man sent up the river in what Radar today describes as perhaps "the most extreme obscenity trial in U.S. history."

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Night sweats? Crippling depression? Physical incapacitation? Yes, you're probably experiencing Celebrity Rehab withdrawal systems. To help ween you off the sweet high of a season spent freebasing Dr. Drew and his ragtag gang of Pasadena Recovery Centre misfits, Defamer videographer Molly McAleer brings you outtakes from today's Very Special Tyra™, an episode devoted entirely to the behaviours and mating habits of the drunkus slutticus, more commonly known as the urban party girl. What the girls didn't see coming—not even the one who casually relates the time she totally forgot about the hookup-dampering tampon she was harboring—was that Dr. Drew himself was on hand for a Dr. Drew® Intervention™. With him, his lovely assistant Mary Carey, who saw in these troubled, ladies-of-the-ladies'-night a version of her own, formerly hammered self. Whether they chose to heed her warnings, fearful of a fate in which they too find themselves regaining consciousness on an unfamiliar bathroom floor (a scenario rendered all the more disconcerting once you crawl out of the stall and notice the row of urinals lining the wall) is really up to them. [Tyra]

• WATCH VIDEO

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In a cry for help not-so-curiously coinciding with this week's surge in comics-to-film blockbusters, Lionsgate announced Tuesday that it plans to bump up Frank Miller's adaptation of The Spirit from Jan. 16, 2009, to Dec. 25 of this year. And why not? Flanked by fellow Christmas Day releases Bedtime Stories (an Adam Sandler "laffer") and Fox's wobbly Jennifer Aniston/Owen Wilson comedy Marley and Me (not to mention the expanded release of Ron Howard's Frost/Nixon), the Will Eisner crime-fighter is about as safe a late year counter-programming bet as the studio will get. But are there — gulp — Oscar hopes?

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If we can rely on American Idol for one thing, it's to witness some of our favourite pop and rock standards get mutilated in increasingly graphic and elaborate ways, like some nubile brunette exchange student wandering unwittingly into an Eli Roth movie. It was Jason Castro who delivered last night's purest moment of armrest-clutching terror, an aural torture in two acts that first required him to channel Bob Marley's "I Shot the Sheriff," apparently as interpreted by a special-needs monkey. Predictably, the performance inspired some extra-vicious critiques from Simon Cowell. (We were a little surprised, however, that none of the take-downs involved the term "dredful," or his envy of the sheriff's sweet, silencing fate.)

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We long ago gave up our illusions about Film Independent's annual Los Angeles Film Festival being any kind of authentic showcase for, well, independent film. Like when Transformers launched the fest last year? Right. But that's the biz, and if it takes Universal to step in on opening night June 19 with its Angelina Jolie action thriller Wanted just so we can see the revelatory Russian entry Cargo 200 on the West Coast, then that's a price we're willing to pay. (And hell, we'll probably even check out Wanted while we're at it.) Follow the jump for a few more highlights, including Universal's other graphic novel adaptation closing the fest.

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Mixing two high-profile sects like A-list stars and fashionistas will inevitably result in a bit of drama, but at Monday night's Costume Institute Gala, drama took on a whole new meaning. Catfights! Divas! Public Displays Of Aggression! From Christina Ricci's early departure to Peacock King's Jeff Zucker's bitchy avoidance of Darth Weinstein on the red carpet, everyone's claws were out on Monday night. Adding fuel to the fire, one married actress decided to show up to the event sans wedding ring amid rumours of a pending divorce. All the details, including Jennifer Aniston's fling-of-the-week's comments on whether or not the whole mushy affair is for real, after the jump.

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Everyone's favourite daytime punching bag Elisabeth Hasselbeck has undergone an impressive physical transformation in the six months since birthing son Taylor Thomas, shedding every trace of her pregnancy weight and showing off her newly shredded, Survivor-era physique on the cover of this month's Fitness magazine. (An alternate cover, featuring The View co-host in a revealing two-piece bathing suit reading, "Mission Accomplished," was ultimately deemed to be in questionable taste, and rejected in favour of the fetching aqua design you see above.)

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Casual nudity enthusiast Sienna Miller became an official card-carrying member of that elite group of celebrities who unleash their hate of paparazzi by way of physical assault. As the Daily Mail reports, Miller swung her pricey purse at one pap's face yesterday at LAX, possibly because he was a resident of Pittsburgh, or maybe she simply mistook him for Jude Law (as the pictures show, there is a resemblance to the nanny-loving baldie). But Sienna's moment of outrage prompted us to recall our all-time favourite When Celebrities Attack moments in time, from Woody Harrelson's caught-on-tape choke-hold to Justin Timberlake and Cameron Diaz's romantically executed freakout years ago. Our five top picks after the jump:

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In a deal forecast by analysts back in March, New York broadcast titans Cablevision yesterday acquired the Sundance Channel for $496 million. The amount was nearly 25% higher than its valuation at the time, and it adds nearly $50 million to the wallet of minority shareholder and Sundance Film Festival founder Robert Redford; his partners at NBC Universal and CBS pocketed the rest. While Redford is expected to stay with the network, it should undergo plenty of other changes — not the least of which will be its transition to a commercial-supported entity. What else would you expect from Sundance other than a word with its sponsors?

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For all its confectionery imagery, Christina Ricci scene-stealing and the few other things Speed Racer gets right, it still faces a box-office false start that could make Leatherheads look like a hit in comparison. We sketched a few of the hurdles here yesterday (number one being its own studio's resignation to its underachievement), but at this point there's only one that counts: Larry and Andy Wachowski need to climb out of their hole.

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Beyond being an early adopter of the Zipfur coat-sharing system that allows you to borrow an $11,000 mink, use it, then leave it for the next wearer at a designated drop-off point, Lindsay Lohan has been busier than ever with her various acting pursuits. Above, the first photos of her upcoming guest-starring appearance on ABC's Ugly Betty. The images hint at Betty's little-known past spent incarcerated in an all-girls' juvie hall.

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Knowing what we know about the traction (or lack thereof) among Iraq films these days, it was curious to see Page Six a few weeks back bashing the tense, tiny drama Battle For Haditha. Directed by noted documentary provocateur Nick Broomfield (Kurt and Courtney, Biggie and Tupac) and even lacking American distribution (though it does open a one-off run Friday in New York), Haditha nevertheless triggered a strong reaction from the gossip mavens: "MASSACRE FLICK CALLED FAKE," their headline screamed, sandwiched between items about Russell Simmons and Gossip Girl star Leighton Meester. We know! We were as surprised as you are:

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Madonna can pretty much do whatever she wants at this point and the world will shrug its shoulders, whether she's assaulting Justin Timberlake with needles or spreading her soon-to-be-50-year old legs on album covers. But the vocally-challenged icon has taken her recent trip down memory lane as a pansexual nympho to new heights by inviting a female fan on stage during her concert last night and pulling a repeat performance of Madonna And Britney Spit Swap. Why? As she put it, "Why do I have this relationship with France? I'm always drawn to working with French people - and frenching French people...Vive la France!" A closer look at the kiss step by step, plus suddenly gorgeous daughter Lourdes' reaction, after the jump.

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