Tuesday, May 6, 2008
YouTube Clip Of The Day
5:05PM Jess McGuire | Thanks to reader Craig for suggesting today’s YouTube Clip Of The Day.
Sadly, I actually go around poking people in real life because I am a loser. Then I ask them a series of inane questions to discover which fifties pin up they are, before saying LOL, walking away, and forgetting they exist for the next six months. More » 
Sam Newman Shows Increasing Awareness Of The World Around Him By Noting Some People Are Women
4:39PM Jess McGuire | In news sure to impress supporters of penis-less creatures across the country, the ratings grabbing star of The Footy Show and the nation’s best mannequin wrangler Sam Newman has noted that a room full of people is likely to contain at least one or two members of the fairer sex.
Pity he’s blaming those damn hairy-legged man haters for the boos which confronted his television partners in crime when they accepted a Logie for The Footy Show…
Nine’s lousy night got worse when The Footy Show host Garry Lyon was jeered as he accepted the award for most popular sports program.
The heckling was sparked by the controversy over a Sam Newman skit in which he manhandled a lingerie-clad mannequin with a picture of award-winning footy reporter Caroline Wilson’s face stuck to it.
Newman, who missed the Logies after breaking an ankle in the gym, said TV industry insiders and actors who jeered Lyon were pathetic.
“This is stupid people being dramatists – some of them are women,” he said. “It is just pathetic.”
Why were women even invited to the ceremony, anyway? Ban ‘em next year, I say. That ought to ensure The Footy Show’s hosts are worshiped appropriately when walking away with a statue. NO GIRLS ALLOWED! More » BB08: Let’s Stop By The Big Brother House For A Moment…
3:44PM Jess McGuire | Ooooer! Apparently Bianca’s getting her over-sized bra in a twist over the inclusion of Corey Worthington in this year’s batch of housemates!
Bianca’s initial reaction to Corey entering the House was a bad one. “I feel like screaming,” she told Terri. Other HMs were shocked at Bianca’s behaviour, especially Saxon, who pulled her aside to tell her she should get to know Corey first before she jumped to conclusions.
So Bianca decided to try and give Corey a go, realising that one of her mantras is, “You can’t judge a book by its cover”.
Unless that book is by Proust, in which case it should be assumed the book is very highbrow, and the large-chested smarmy woman holding it is probably a member of MENSA.
Bianca argued that she thought Corey had been disrespectful and she didn’t approve of his behaviour. “I’ll get to know the kid and give the kid a chance because I give everyone an equal chance. It’s just what he represents that I don’t like because I’m here to represent something that is completely the opposite.”
Condescending arrogant know-it-alls who probably don’t have enough friends to make it worth their while even throwing a party?
Later, the self-righteous philosopher-loving Bianca went to the diary room in order to vent about Corey.
“I have seen flashes of goodness but that makes me angrier,” she said. Bianca explained that seeing slight elements of positive qualities in Corey frustrated her because it would mean Corey was not in line with what the media had portrayed.
BIANCA, DO YOU MEAN TO SAY YOU BELIEVE THAT A FIVE MINUTE SPOT ON A CURRENT AFFAIRS PROGRAM WHICH CLEARLY SET OUT FROM THE GET GO TO PAINT COREY AS AN IDIOTIC DRUNKARD YOUTH WITH NO RESPECT FOR AUTHORITY FIGURES AND WHO PERSONIFIED THE TARGET DEMOGRAPHICS’ DEEPEST FEARS ABOUT TEENAGERS MAY NOT HAVE WHOLLY AND FAIRLY REPRESENTED COREY AS AN ACTUAL PERSON?
Surely she jests!
She told BB she was angry at him for bringing Corey into the House. “You’ve just set everything that I want to achieve back so far. You’ve just said the stereotype that everyone believes in [in regards to teenagers] is true.”
“Bianca, Big Brother put you into the House as well,” BB reminded her. “Why wouldn’t kids go out and want to be like Bianca?”
Because she’s a pretentious wanker?
“Because I’m in the minority,” she retorted.
Oh. My bad. More » 
‘The View’ Audience In Critical Condition After Patricia Heaton Devours All Available Oxygen
10:50AM Seth | We have a solution to the global energy crisis: harness Patricia Heaton’s mouth! (We especially like the stormy thought-bubble over Barbara Walter’s head reading, “Wrap it up, you long-winded hag.” Nice touch!) [The View] Were you, like us, expecting Disney Hall to transform into a giant, Iron Man-pulverizing, mechanized beast? Oh well. There’s always the sequel. [Curbed LA] Finally, we get confirmation of the “Mr. Big Kicks-It” rumour that has been plaguing our dreams for months. The truth is…Mr. Big…definitely doesn’t…not…live! Maybe! [USAToday.com] And finally: George Clooney rocking a tux the way a tux was meant to be rocked. [Faded Youth Blog] More »
Wayne Carey Charged With Assault
10:42AM Clem Bastow | Things on the Wayne Carey front had gone eerily quiet after the fuss that was the first half of the year (and yes, I can say “first half of the year”, because it’s almost true and because at this rate there are only five more sleeps until Christmas when Santa Claus is bringing me a robot unicorn).
Which is probably a good thing for Carey, since he can just quietly slip this one past us all: he’s been charged with assault.
Carey, 36, was charged on summons with three counts of assaulting police and three counts of resisting arrest, police said today.
Victoria Police today confirmed a 36-year-old has been charged on summons to appear at Melbourne Magistrates’ Court on May 22.
Umm ahh – meanwhile, what’s happened to Kate Neilson? Still chasing the big Brownlow gown in the sky? Has she been spotted hiding amongst the racks at Gasp or attempting to blend in in her natural environment (i.e. the sales rack at Crown Casino’s Versace store)? Anyone, anyone? More » 
Your Understated Uk Tabloid Headline Of The Day
10:25AM Clem Bastow | It’s no secret to anyone – or at least, it shouldn’t be – that no one does ridiculous “human interest” stories like the UK papers do. From stories of electrocution and alien abduction to classics of the “Freddie Starr Ate My Hamster” ilk, nobody does it better.
So, I was pleased this morning while doing my daily Winegums/etc trawl to come across this subtle little pull on the front page of the Daily Mail:
HOLY SHIT YOU GUYS, RUN FOR THE HILLS!
Seriously, is this news to them? Anyone who knows anyone who farms sheep will tell you that ravens and crows aren’t the nicest birds to have around when the ewes are lambing, still, we commend the Mail on their calm and measured journalism.
Hands up who reckons that the granddaddy of the Daily Mail heard Orson Welles’ The War Of The Worlds broadcast and thought, “Now that’s what I call journalism!” before rushing to the presses to get started? More » 
Logies Frocks! Out They Go At Never To Be Repeated PRICES!!
9:34AM Clem Bastow | If you’re one of those fans who just can’t wait to see what your favourite Australian star wears to the Logies, you’ll likely be excited by this news: about 90% of the Logies frocks – which are borrowed for the night – are on their way back to the designers.
However, those wishing to snap one up and wring out the sweat of their idol may be disappointed: not all the dresses are going back on sale. But that won’t stop them from sniffing under the arms looking!
A few will be kept in designers’ stores for customers to try on, but a handful – including Lauren and Patti Newton’s frocks – will hit clearance stores at a discount.
Fans of Sibylla Budd can walk into designer Gwendolynne Burkin’s Fitzroy store to try on her near-$4000 dress.
But it’s not for sale, and the best her fans can do is order one the same, as a few did for her flowing, heavily beaded oyster-coloured dress by Gwendolynne for last year’s AFI Awards.
The $3000-$4000 Mariana Hardwick dresses worn by Lauren and Patti Newton will be part of a Logies gowns display in the designer’s Sydney Rd, Brunswick, store by the end of the week.
Home & Away fans who were hoping to wear Sally’s beautiful skin, sorry, dress, will be able to, but only once the $1299 Lisa Ho dress ends up in stores in August.
Forget this year’s frocks, though – I’m still trying to find out where I can get my hands on Sandra Sully’s Technicolour dream dress from last year. And to think those scurrilous rumourmongers say she likes a bong or four… More » 
Cellulite-Snapping Paparazzo Jamie Fawcett Is Keen To Tell You What A Tops Bloke He Is
9:20AM Clem Bastow | Remember Jamie Fawcett, the celebrity snapper who ended up tangled up in court with Nicole Kidman for reasons I am still attempting to decipher? His name has come up again this week after Mischa Barton called him a “pervert” and, in a vaguely Austen-esque moment, said she’d “never abhorred anyone more” after shots of Barton lounging in Queensland made their way into NW accompanied by the usual “OMG CELLULITE!!” coverage.
Well, as though holding one of the world’s most hated job titles wasn’t enough, Fawcett’s now trying to clear his name by telling us all that he’s actually a really nice dude and – get this! – he actually tried to save Barton from the inevitable indignity.
Chivalry isn’t dead, ladies!
“We spoke to each other on the island, and that’s when I showed her my camera and I hadn’t taken any shots of her topless,” he said. “I did warn her it was a public place, and if she wanted privacy she shouldn’t be there.
“But it is a shame that publications tend to highlight an issue that is not fair to a young girl, and I wouldn’t seek to publicly embarrass her with nudity or health issues or body image issues.
“However, sometimes these are the things that sell pictures.”
“A shame”? Man, who knew the paparazzi were such sensitive creatures? You might think all that hiding in bushes while gripping ridiculously phallic telephoto lenses business makes them the scum of the earth, but I guess you were wrong, huh?
But wait, Jamie wants to tell you about some of his other humanitarian efforts:
“I once saw Keanu Reeves dancing in the nude on a balcony with a girl, and just decided not to shoot them, as I didn’t think at the time that anyone would run those pictures.”
What a guy! However, being a modest dude, he decided to leave his SNAG credentials at that – though I can confirm that Fawcett later went home to his mountain lair, but not before saving a Coles bag full of kittens from drowning and then helping an old lady across the street.
How do I know this? Because I am the old lady. I haven’t felt that cared for since the woman across the street sent her son to give me a Hallmark card. More » 
Who Said It: John Cusack, Diablo Cody Or Bob Ross?
8:55AM Seth | Like an Iconoclasts that thanks you for the add, MySpaceTV’s Artist on Artist pits star vs. star in a Battle Royale of Big Ideas and Mutual Tucheslecking. The only loser? You! See if you can pin the following quotes from Diablo Cody and John Cusack’s recent Artist on Artist pairing to the appropriate speaker. To heighten the difficulty level a bit, we’ve also thrown in a few quotes from beloved TV landscape artist, Bob Ross: More »
