Thanks to reader Craig for suggesting today's YouTube Clip Of The Day.

Sadly, I actually go around poking people in real life because I am a loser. Then I ask them a series of inane questions to discover which fifties pin up they are, before saying LOL, walking away, and forgetting they exist for the next six months.

In news sure to impress supporters of penis-less creatures across the country, the ratings grabbing star of The Footy Show and the nation's best mannequin wrangler Sam Newman has noted that a room full of people is likely to contain at least one or two members of the fairer sex.

Pity he's blaming those damn hairy-legged man haters for the boos which confronted his television partners in crime when they accepted a Logie for The Footy Show...

Nine's lousy night got worse when The Footy Show host Garry Lyon was jeered as he accepted the award for most popular sports program.

The heckling was sparked by the controversy over a Sam Newman skit in which he manhandled a lingerie-clad mannequin with a picture of award-winning footy reporter Caroline Wilson's face stuck to it.

Newman, who missed the Logies after breaking an ankle in the gym, said TV industry insiders and actors who jeered Lyon were pathetic.

"This is stupid people being dramatists - some of them are women," he said. "It is just pathetic."

Why were women even invited to the ceremony, anyway? Ban 'em next year, I say. That ought to ensure The Footy Show's hosts are worshiped appropriately when walking away with a statue. NO GIRLS ALLOWED!

Ooooer! Apparently Bianca's getting her over-sized bra in a twist over the inclusion of Corey Worthington in this year's batch of housemates!

Bianca's initial reaction to Corey entering the House was a bad one. "I feel like screaming," she told Terri. Other HMs were shocked at Bianca's behaviour, especially Saxon, who pulled her aside to tell her she should get to know Corey first before she jumped to conclusions.

So Bianca decided to try and give Corey a go, realising that one of her mantras is, "You can't judge a book by its cover".

Unless that book is by Proust, in which case it should be assumed the book is very highbrow, and the large-chested smarmy woman holding it is probably a member of MENSA.

Bianca argued that she thought Corey had been disrespectful and she didn't approve of his behaviour. "I'll get to know the kid and give the kid a chance because I give everyone an equal chance. It's just what he represents that I don't like because I'm here to represent something that is completely the opposite."

Condescending arrogant know-it-alls who probably don't have enough friends to make it worth their while even throwing a party?

Later, the self-righteous philosopher-loving Bianca went to the diary room in order to vent about Corey.

"I have seen flashes of goodness but that makes me angrier," she said. Bianca explained that seeing slight elements of positive qualities in Corey frustrated her because it would mean Corey was not in line with what the media had portrayed.

BIANCA, DO YOU MEAN TO SAY YOU BELIEVE THAT A FIVE MINUTE SPOT ON A CURRENT AFFAIRS PROGRAM WHICH CLEARLY SET OUT FROM THE GET GO TO PAINT COREY AS AN IDIOTIC DRUNKARD YOUTH WITH NO RESPECT FOR AUTHORITY FIGURES AND WHO PERSONIFIED THE TARGET DEMOGRAPHICS' DEEPEST FEARS ABOUT TEENAGERS MAY NOT HAVE WHOLLY AND FAIRLY REPRESENTED COREY AS AN ACTUAL PERSON?

Surely she jests!

She told BB she was angry at him for bringing Corey into the House. "You've just set everything that I want to achieve back so far. You've just said the stereotype that everyone believes in [in regards to teenagers] is true."

"Bianca, Big Brother put you into the House as well," BB reminded her. "Why wouldn't kids go out and want to be like Bianca?"

Because she's a pretentious wanker?

"Because I'm in the minority," she retorted.

Oh. My bad.

· We have a solution to the global energy crisis: harness Patricia Heaton's mouth! (We especially like the stormy thought-bubble over Barbara Walter's head reading, "Wrap it up, you long-winded hag." Nice touch!) [The View]
· Were you, like us, expecting Disney Hall to transform into a giant, Iron Man-pulverizing, mechanized beast? Oh well. There's always the sequel. [Curbed LA]
· Finally, we get confirmation of the "Mr. Big Kicks-It" rumour that has been plaguing our dreams for months. The truth is...Mr. Big...definitely doesn't...not...live! Maybe! [USAToday.com]
· And finally: George Clooney rocking a tux the way a tux was meant to be rocked. [Faded Youth Blog]

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Things on the Wayne Carey front had gone eerily quiet after the fuss that was the first half of the year (and yes, I can say "first half of the year", because it's almost true and because at this rate there are only five more sleeps until Christmas when Santa Claus is bringing me a robot unicorn).

Which is probably a good thing for Carey, since he can just quietly slip this one past us all: he's been charged with assault.

Carey, 36, was charged on summons with three counts of assaulting police and three counts of resisting arrest, police said today.

Victoria Police today confirmed a 36-year-old has been charged on summons to appear at Melbourne Magistrates' Court on May 22.

Umm ahh - meanwhile, what's happened to Kate Neilson? Still chasing the big Brownlow gown in the sky? Has she been spotted hiding amongst the racks at Gasp or attempting to blend in in her natural environment (i.e. the sales rack at Crown Casino's Versace store)? Anyone, anyone?

It's no secret to anyone - or at least, it shouldn't be - that no one does ridiculous "human interest" stories like the UK papers do. From stories of electrocution and alien abduction to classics of the "Freddie Starr Ate My Hamster" ilk, nobody does it better.

So, I was pleased this morning while doing my daily Winegums/etc trawl to come across this subtle little pull on the front page of the Daily Mail:

HOLY SHIT YOU GUYS, RUN FOR THE HILLS!

Seriously, is this news to them? Anyone who knows anyone who farms sheep will tell you that ravens and crows aren't the nicest birds to have around when the ewes are lambing, still, we commend the Mail on their calm and measured journalism.

Hands up who reckons that the granddaddy of the Daily Mail heard Orson Welles' The War Of The Worlds broadcast and thought, "Now that's what I call journalism!" before rushing to the presses to get started?

If you're one of those fans who just can't wait to see what your favourite Australian star wears to the Logies, you'll likely be excited by this news: about 90% of the Logies frocks - which are borrowed for the night - are on their way back to the designers.

However, those wishing to snap one up and wring out the sweat of their idol may be disappointed: not all the dresses are going back on sale. But that won't stop them from sniffing under the arms looking!

A few will be kept in designers' stores for customers to try on, but a handful - including Lauren and Patti Newton's frocks - will hit clearance stores at a discount.

Fans of Sibylla Budd can walk into designer Gwendolynne Burkin's Fitzroy store to try on her near-$4000 dress.

But it's not for sale, and the best her fans can do is order one the same, as a few did for her flowing, heavily beaded oyster-coloured dress by Gwendolynne for last year's AFI Awards.

The $3000-$4000 Mariana Hardwick dresses worn by Lauren and Patti Newton will be part of a Logies gowns display in the designer's Sydney Rd, Brunswick, store by the end of the week.

Home & Away fans who were hoping to wear Sally's beautiful skin, sorry, dress, will be able to, but only once the $1299 Lisa Ho dress ends up in stores in August.

Forget this year's frocks, though - I'm still trying to find out where I can get my hands on Sandra Sully's Technicolour dream dress from last year. And to think those scurrilous rumourmongers say she likes a bong or four...

Remember Jamie Fawcett, the celebrity snapper who ended up tangled up in court with Nicole Kidman for reasons I am still attempting to decipher? His name has come up again this week after Mischa Barton called him a "pervert" and, in a vaguely Austen-esque moment, said she'd "never abhorred anyone more" after shots of Barton lounging in Queensland made their way into NW accompanied by the usual "OMG CELLULITE!!" coverage.

Well, as though holding one of the world's most hated job titles wasn't enough, Fawcett's now trying to clear his name by telling us all that he's actually a really nice dude and - get this! - he actually tried to save Barton from the inevitable indignity.

Chivalry isn't dead, ladies!

"We spoke to each other on the island, and that's when I showed her my camera and I hadn't taken any shots of her topless," he said. "I did warn her it was a public place, and if she wanted privacy she shouldn't be there.

"But it is a shame that publications tend to highlight an issue that is not fair to a young girl, and I wouldn't seek to publicly embarrass her with nudity or health issues or body image issues.

"However, sometimes these are the things that sell pictures."

"A shame"? Man, who knew the paparazzi were such sensitive creatures? You might think all that hiding in bushes while gripping ridiculously phallic telephoto lenses business makes them the scum of the earth, but I guess you were wrong, huh?

But wait, Jamie wants to tell you about some of his other humanitarian efforts:

"I once saw Keanu Reeves dancing in the nude on a balcony with a girl, and just decided not to shoot them, as I didn't think at the time that anyone would run those pictures."

What a guy! However, being a modest dude, he decided to leave his SNAG credentials at that - though I can confirm that Fawcett later went home to his mountain lair, but not before saving a Coles bag full of kittens from drowning and then helping an old lady across the street.

How do I know this? Because I am the old lady. I haven't felt that cared for since the woman across the street sent her son to give me a Hallmark card.

Like an Iconoclasts that thanks you for the add, MySpaceTV's Artist on Artist pits star vs. star in a Battle Royale of Big Ideas and Mutual Tucheslecking. The only loser? You! See if you can pin the following quotes from Diablo Cody and John Cusack's recent Artist on Artist pairing to the appropriate speaker. To heighten the difficulty level a bit, we've also thrown in a few quotes from beloved TV landscape artist, Bob Ross:

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From last week's revelations about his new "90-minute paranoia film" The Happening to his latest disclosure to USA Today that the movie is "terrifying," M. Night Shyamalan is full of surprises for the first time in years, The concept, that is — not necessarily the execution. And as usual, his enticements have us asking all kinds of questions from the womb-like remove of our Manoj-free sanctum:

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Most stars have their own trademark pose on the red carpet. Think Renee Zellweger with her pursed lips looking like she just took a shot of lemon juice, or Lindsay Lohan's classic blowing kiss move. As for Keira Knightley, with her wildly perfect facial features and oddly appealing underbite, she's patented "The Pout." As she puts it:

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As Variety reports today, MTV just greenlit eight episodes of a new reality show called The Search For Elle Woods, in which ten blonde hopefuls will compete to play the lead in Broadway's version of Legally Blonde. Reminiscent of NBC's You're The One That I Want, that high-kicking monstrosity in which amateur dancing, singing, crying, laughing Great White Way hopefuls danced their little hearts out for the chance to star in last year's revival of Grease, this one will thankfully rely on judges instead of America to determine the winner. But after hearing the details behind MTV's production plans, our initial sense is that the summer series will be utterly unwatchable. Three reasons why this show should not go on, after the jump:

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Pictured, an Italian Vanity Fair spread featuring a partially-nude former child star not likely to provoke the kinds of outrage elicited by the Miley Cyrus debacle. Rather, it features actor Joaquin Phoenix, in the process of receiving the tribal markings of the Yawanawa people of the Brazilian Amazon. (You'll recall indelible black markings figured prominently in his silent protest at this year's People's Choice Awards, as well.) Moments later, Phoenix was presented with an hallucinogenic tree toad—a ceremonial offering which he then proceeded to lick greedily, causing one tribe elder to admonish him not to "Bogart the frog." His eyes then proceeded to dilate, and the actor giggled uncontrollably as he was promptly revisited by the large, amphibious friend who had once emerged from his hair on the Walk the Line red carpet.

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A funny thing happened to Brett Ratner on the way to reviving Smell-o-Vision for a generation deprived of the aromatic arts: He tried filming Anton Yelchin and Olivia Thirlby fucking in a tree. In Central Park! Never one to do anything the easy way, Ratner bravely faced down layers of Gotham bureaucracy in the pursuit of his six-minute segment of the forthcoming omnibus film New York, I Love You:

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Back in October of 2006, Vanity Fair shocked us all by nabbing the first family photos of until-then MIA Suri Cruise, the tiny Xenuphobic bundle of joy Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes had masterfully kept hidden months after her no-screaming-allowed birth. Why were we shocked? Accusations from both the press and the masses flooded the public narrative claiming little Suri looked nothing like Tom or Katie, some going so far as to claim the pregnancy was faked. But after the Knights of Hubbard spent this past weekend in New York with Suri in tow, it's become clear to us that Suri is quite obviously a real-live Cruise. The pictures that convinced us, along with details on which stars the Cruises spent time proselytizing dining with out East, after the jump.

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· Baby-faced Freaks and Geeks (and Bones) star John Francis Daley and writing partner Jonathan Goldstein will rewrite Hours of Fun for Disney, a great premise about what happens when all those back-of-the-comic-book novelty items actually live up to their promises. Oh man, Sea-Monkeys: The Movie! We're so there. [THR]
· So beyond four more years of Family Guy and its offspring, what else does Seth MacFarlane's $100 million deal mean for you? How about a Family Guy movie?! Don't say you came out of this empty handed. [TV Week]
· Jennifer Love Hewitt's legendary, spirit-channeling rack will live on the syndicated afterlife, as Sci Fi Channel and WE have jointly acquired rerun rights to the CBS drama. [Variety]
· Worried that a PG-13 rating will water down Terminator Salvation: The Future Begins, the next installment of the cyborg-killing-machine franchise? Says Salvation-producer Victor Kubicek, "The PG-13 has increased in intensity." [Variety]
· This is great: An FCC ruling has deemed TMZ and The 700 Club "bona fide newscasts," making them exempt from political equal-time requirement laws. We guess that makes Harvey Levin the Walter Cronkite of the exposed ladyparts generation? "And that's the way it's shaved." *Long sip from sippy cup.* [Variety]

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Will Nicole Richie (shocker!) ultimately wind up just like that other tabloid favorite who got knocked up a wee early and eventually morphed into a ripped pantyhose-wearing, bathtub-hopping gurney-strapped party girl? As MSNBC reports, Richie is finding herself torn between the So! Wonderful! life of motherhood and domestic bliss all those parenting magazines assure us is pure happiness, and her former profession as a full-time mischief causer:

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Scarlett Johansson, daughter of Danish-born architect Karsten Johansson and Melanie Sloan, a producer from the Bronx of Ashkenazi Jewish heritage, has accepted Ryan Reynolds's hand in marriage. The groom-to-be hails from Vancouver, Canada, the son of Tammy Reynolds, a salesperson and career student, and Jim Reynolds, a food wholesaler and former semi-professional boxer.

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In case you haven't heard yet that The Dark Knight is going to be the Darkest! Batman! Ever! (complete with a mourned actor doing all kinds of posthumously hype-worthy things that no one will shut up about), Aaron Eckhart showed up in the LA Times's summer film preview Sunday to reinforce the company line that "people will be surprised" at the bleak turns his own Harvey Dent character endures en route to becoming Two Face:

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As predicted by a crisis-management think tank at USC's Annenberg School of Flack Studies in a research paper entitled, So, You're the Recently Fired Star of a Hit Series Picked Up Unconscious with a Serious Selection of Party Drugs: Now What?, CSI-alumnus Gary Dourdan has announced that the stash of heroine, cocaine, ecstasy, and prescription pills found in his car did not, in fact, belong to him:

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Congratulations to the gang at United Talent Agency, who last weekend offset a series of high-profile defections with the addition of Mitchell Gossett — the Agent to the Child Stars who brings along top client and recent teenagers-fucking firebrand Miley Cyrus. Nikki Finke had the news Saturday, reporting that Billy Ray Cyrus would be tagging along out of Gossett's former headquarters at Cunningham Escott Slevin Doherty, sort of a halfway house for transitioning young talent (and, evidently, their middling parents). Finke notes that it's anyone's guess how Miley's Vanity Fair bedsheet-rocking played into the deal, but the timing seems clear enough to us.

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Baby showers tend to be happy, innocuous gatherings dabbled with smiley supportive friends, gushing family members and the occasional guest who clearly doesn't want to be there. But when Juno Lynn Spears throws a big ol' baby party down in sweet home Louisiana, party guests also include armed guards and security detail. Why? Well, big sis Britney came to town, bringing her best pair of booty shorts and that memorable messy blonde bun from her barefoot bathroom escapade days along. The rest of the guest list, including which family member was noticeably missing, after the jump.

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It was less than six months ago that Family Guy creator Seth MacFarlane was picketing along with his fellow WGA members, saying of Fox's plans to air Guy episodes that had not yet been completed: "It would just be a colossal dick move if they did that." At the time, MacFarlane had the luxury of knowing his deal with the studio—two years in the making, and reportedly astronomical—had yet to be finalised, putting him "in breach of nothing" during the work stoppage. Well, the dotted-lines have at last been signed, the fences, apparently mended: 20th Century Fox TV will make MacFarlane the highest-paid writer/producer/gay-baby-voicer in television.

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Last time we had the pleasure of seeing possibly cursed OC alum Mischa Barton in a bikini was, how to put this delicately, during an blatantly and painfully obviously staged photo shoot in Malibu. The shoot was set up to look like a fortunate paparazzo just so happened to come across the unemployed starlet while she was beach reading and picking wedgies. But alas, as new pictures reveal, Mischa isn't so picture-perfect when donning a swimsuit and appearing in public without her handy and trustworthy paid-off photographers around.

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We assumed in last week's Defamer Attractions column that $75 million opening-weekend estimates seemed awfully conservative for Iron Man, but even our $90 million forecast undershot the film's $100.7 million three-day take. (It was $104.2 million if you count Thursday night previews, and more than $200 million globally.) Aside from the obligatory splash for any early-summer tentpole, we're surprised observers didn't see the finely calibrated alchemy that Marvel and Paramount used to spin its Iron into box office gold:

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1. Iron Man - $100.75 million
Just when a lackluster spring box office had Hollywood worried, Iron Man jets into town, slapping his Stark™ brass-rocket-parts on the table and daring all challengers to do the same. (Batman was game, though gave up ten minutes into an unsuccessful attempt at unbuckling his utility belt. The Hulk, meanwhile, turned a shade of greenish-red and slinked out of the room, years of performance-enhancing gamma ray abuse having taken an irreversible toll on the contents of those stretchy purple pants.) No question about it, Iron Man enters the Great Movie Summer of 2008 a fearsome, armor-clad conquistador. Among its record-breaking achievements:
· The second-highest grossing opening weekend ever for a non-sequel.
· The tenth-highest grossing opening weekend overall.
· The best opening ever for a Paramount live-action release (though the studio is only distributing and marketing it for Marvel Studios).
The high-sheen, flame-resistant finish on the titanium-alloy cake? Iron Man's wadded-up-script-missile-launching capabilities paid off with a movie worth watching.

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WHEREAS, it's not really our style to judge anyone before noon, especially on a Monday, but that's when New York Magazine happened to publish its new cover story about Sarah Jessica Parker; and

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