May 3, 2008

Katie Holmes's Weird Sonogram Issues, And Other Tom & Oprah Highlights

Posted by Seth at 11:10 AM on May 3, 2008

· Still want more OT (Oprah/Tom)? We've compiled the interview's best moments. And yes, he addresses the indoctrination video you watched here. Verdict? Oprah: Asked the tough questions. Tom: Depressed. [Oprah.com]
· Yikes. We'd hate to see what Kanye would have written if EW had given his tour a B-minus. [kanyeuniversecity.com via Idolator]
· Now you can linger over assistant Jonathan's lovingly collaged FRIENDS 4 EVA!!! farewell poster for Jack Donaghy from last night's 30 Rock. [Videogum]
· It's time for accused Uma-stalker Jack "Tee-Hee" Jordan to have his say: He's humiliated! (Now that we think of it, Tee-Hee is the greatest nickname ever. Dibs!) [Reuters]
· "Hey, Gary! Good weekend? What?!" [People]
· The assault charges against Rod Stewart's retarded son have been dropped. [AP]
· Angelyne has the developers of the W Hotel over a barrel. Attagirl! [LAT]


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Remember The Days When The Last Person Paris Hilton Wanted To Be Was Nicole Richie?

Posted by Molly Friedman at 10:50 AM on May 3, 2008

It's tough to remember (or believe) that once upon a time, Nicole Richie was merely Paris Hilton's chubby, recently-rehabbed, dread-locked sidekick. She made a name for herself by starting fights in clubs and providing a crude antidote to the far more glamorous Paris during the first season of The Simple Life. Fast-forward five years later (just like in Lost!); Richie has managed to outshine Hilton's star status not by doing anything in the way of "work," but instead by transforming into a style icon with a fiance and baby to boot. And lately, Paris seems to be doing everything in her power to copy her former lesser half's life, from her choices in fashion and boyfriends to her recent and sudden slim-down.

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Which Star Just Told Us She Has A Fake Butt?

Posted by Mark Graham at 10:15 AM on May 3, 2008

If you are on the hunt for comfort food for your brain, look no further than this week's flavor-packed installment of Dirt Sandwich. Each week, our superstar videotrix Molly McAleer puts her very sanity on the line for you, the loyal Defamer reader, as she pours through over a dozen hours of infotainment shows looking for moments of high camp from TV journalism's lowlifes. This week's episode features only the hottest of hott topics, including Miley Cyrus' initial reaction to Annie Liebovitz's now controversial Vanity Fair spread ("Annie took, like, a beautiful shot"), Donny Osmond's nationwide manhunt for a gentleman caller willing to date his sister, Harvey Levin drooling over some new Halle Berry pics and, of course, the appearance of a cow on the set of Extra. And no, we're not talking about Dayna Devon. Enjoy!

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Despite Appearances, Drunken Lindsay Lohan Not Actually Shilling For Liquor Industry

Posted by Defamer Hollywood at 9:55 AM on May 3, 2008

Seemingly no day this week would be complete without the unauthorized use of a celebrity to further a lesser entity's cause. First we had Uwe Boll borrowing Michael Bay to pimp his new film, and not 24 hours later, the American Beverage Institute placed a full-page ad in USA Today featuring Lindsay Lohan as the poster child — literally — for drunken driving. Arguing against laws that would require "ignition interlocks" — or built-in breathalyzers — in every new vehicle off the assembly line, the ABI's ad uses Lohan's mugshot to suggest the starlet's soggy transgressions shouldn't hurt the nice folks who don't mind a happy-hour nip or eight. Within hours, Lohan's lawyer was venting to TMZ:

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'The Lovely Bones' To Stay Buried Until Fall 2009

Posted by Seth at 9:30 AM on May 3, 2008

Yet further ominous news for Peter Jackson's adaptation of The Lovely Bones: Yesterday, we reported internet mumblings that production had halted so that the director and his production designer could seal themselves inside a Wingnut Films conference room until one emerged, bruised and bloodied, but wielding the winning illustrations for the film's version Heaven.

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Barbara Walters' Memoir Packed With Tales Of Former 'Lovahs', Including 'The Blackest Man' She Ever Slept With

Posted by Molly Friedman at 9:10 AM on May 3, 2008

The ladies of The View had a lengthy meta-conversation all about the "very beautiful!" and "sexy!" photos of their own Barbara Walters in this month's Vanity Fair. And while they do point out the photo spread's accompanying excerpt from Walters' new memoir Auditions, and Babs does allude to tales of past "lovahs," she fails to mention (until Oprah makes her next week) just how tantalising some of those pages are. As today's preview in the NY Daily News reveals, Walters was involved in a long-term affair with an African-American senator back in the swingin' 70s. And from the sound of it, the affair was far spicier than all those Adrian Lyne movies about adultery:

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How to Find God, With Your Guides Ethan and Joel Coen

Posted by Defamer Hollywood at 8:45 AM on May 3, 2008

The closest we ever came to God while watching a Coen brothers film was the time we thanked Him when The Ladykillers was over, but that's not to say we wouldn't give a fair shake to Cathleen Falsani's new book: The Dude Abides: The Gospel According to the Coen Brothers. Follow the jump for a few key dots Falsani apparently plans to connect — some a little more plausible than others — and then reach into your own filmgoing soul for the ones she sure as Hell better not leave out:

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Lindsay Lohan May Guest Star On 'Ugly Betty' Season Finale, Pending Producers Allow Her To Appear Topless

Posted by Molly Friedman at 8:00 AM on May 3, 2008

We have to give Britney Spears some credit: even after all the gurney rides, mental ward stays and umbrella attacks, she's still capable of inspiring her fellow Bimbo Summit alumni to follow in her bare footsteps. According to TV Guide, Lindsay Lohan is "in advanced discussions" to become the latest stunt cast victim guest star on the May 22nd finale of ABC's runaway hit Ugly Betty. And in a nostalgic nod to the good old days when she played an outcast in Mean Girls, she's reported to play a fast-food worker who Betty befriends. The only bad news? Lohan will be forced to share the guest star spotlight with the all-time queen of anger management-be-damned divadom.

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Tom Cruise's Couch-Jumping Justification: 'It Was A Moment'

Posted by Seth at 7:40 AM on May 3, 2008

Seeing a plum opening right off the bat, Winfrey notes the two are seated on precisely the kind of cushy, upholstered furniture that launched her interview subject into the Harpo Studios rafters three years ago. She goes on to frankly admit, "I was a little nervous, since you and I haven't had not sat down for a real conversation since [scare quotes] 'the sofa' incident...I was like, 'Wow'...what was that?" Wow indeed. Cruise goes on to justify the love-powered trampolining as "a moment...I just felt that way." Like any frightened, woodland critter reared into a corner a mountainside hunting lodge, however, Cruise eventually struck back: "You were egging me on! You were egging me on. You were egging me on! You were egging me on, too," he repeated, vengefully. [Oprah.com]

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M. Night Shyamalan to Play Himself in Eagerly-Awaited '90-Minute Paranoia Movie'

Posted by Defamer Hollywood at 7:20 AM on May 3, 2008

It's been nearly two years since we last detected the whimperings of M. Night Shyamalan, who followed Lady in the Water (and the pouty studio exile that preceded it) with a quiet retreat to his shrouded, moated enclave in the Pennsylvania wilderness. But the LA Times's Susan King smoked him out in advance of his return to theatres this summer, reviving the classic Manoj Twist for a readership craving every word:

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Tom Cruise's Origin Myth: Bound In Leather

Posted by Seth at 7:00 AM on May 3, 2008

This is it! The East Coast has already watched the first of two up-close-and-personal hours with Tom Cruise on The Oprah Winfrey Show, and we've taken the liberty of pulling a preview of what you'll see in just a little over an hour. Feel free to move on if you'd rather be surprised. It begins with a tour of the actor's Telluride home (we're in a superstar's vacation home! Don't touch anything!), with Oprah inquiring about a bookshelf containing a leather-bound copy of every script he's ever made, Tom's margin notes included. ("More intensity!!!" "What's Brian Flanagan's motivation, beyond mixing the perfect Mai Tai?" "YEss, or yeESS? See what works...")

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Defamer Interviews Harmony Korine: Bringing Michael Jackson and Skydiving Nuns Together at Last

Posted by Defamer Hollywood at 6:15 AM on May 3, 2008

It was a rough spring at the movies for compulsive watch-checkers like us, but we took consolation in knowing that a honest-to-God hero would be arriving come early May. What? No, not that wuss Iron Man, but rather Harmony Korine, whose new Mister Lonely marks the filmmaker's first writing-directing effort in nearly 10 years. And what a decade: Adrift in Paris, anchored in Nashville, survivor of two house fires, briefly reteaming with his Kids director Larry Clark on the teenagers-fucking milestone Ken Park, and ultimately conjuring Mister Lonely from a vision of nuns plunging from airplanes and the garish subculture of celebrity impersonators.

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Kidman Vs. Chenowith: Battle Of The Dustys

Posted by Seth at 5:55 AM on May 3, 2008

· It's the battle of the dueling Dusty Springfield movies! In one corner, weighing in at...not much...is Nicole Kidman, in a Fox 2000 release written by Michael Cunningham. In the other, weighing in at even less, is Universal's own take, with Kristin Chenoweth attached to star. Will this go the way of the two competing Janis Joplin projects—Pink's vs. RenĂ©e Zellweger's—that produced nothing? Or is it going to be a Capote/Infamous scenario, with more Springfield biopic options than we really wanted in the first place? [Variety]
· Official reason given for Toni Collette's departure from Untitled Sam Mendes Romcom By Dave Eggers and His Wife: "Scheduling delays." She'll be replaced by Maggie Gyllenhaal. [Variety]

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'Time' Mag Names 100 Most Influential, Awards High Honors To Lorne Michaels And...Peter Gabriel?

Posted by Molly Friedman at 5:35 AM on May 3, 2008

It's official: the world-saving baby-making duo of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are no longer mere entertainers. They are "heroes and pioneers." At least according to the categorical rankings of Time's 100 Most Influential List released today. And not only are they the most influential heroes, they're apparently more influential than Oprah Winfrey. And Tony Blair. In any case, among the "artists and entertainers," the mag happily ranks Lorne Michaels and Robert Downey Jr. high above icky Suze Orman and preachy George Clooney, but we do take issue with several other entries, after the jump.


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Ben Silverman Ushers In Golden Age Of TV That Makes You Use A Computer To Find Out What The Fuck Happens

Posted by Seth at 5:15 AM on May 3, 2008

Game-changing perfect executive storm Ben Silverman gave the keynote address at the TelevisionWeek Upfront Summit in New York recently (a sorry substitution for a line of high-kicking dogs and ponies on the stage of Radio City, we realise, but what can you do). In it, the programming maverick laid out his bold vision for TV's cross-platform, "log on to NBC.com now to find out if Hiro ever gets off Samurai Island!"-future. From TVWeek.com:

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They Said I Might Get To Keep My Wardrobe. Isn't That Great?

Posted by Defamer Hollywood at 4:50 AM on May 3, 2008

All Aboard The Scientology Cruise, Where Cancer And Purity Go Hand In Hand

Posted by Molly Friedman at 4:30 AM on May 3, 2008

Finally, an explanation for just about everything we find wonky about Scientologists: they've been inhaling toxic asbestos for forty years! Let's start at the beginning, shall we? Earlier this week, Radar reported that Freewinds, the religion's massive disco-equipped cruise vessel used to train members seeking OT-VIII levels of purity and general awesomeness, may be laced with cancer-causing asbestos on its walls. Their story, based on a local St. Martin newspaper article, prompted a stern denial message from a Scientology spokeswoman who claimed Radar's report was "offensive and just plain wrong," and confirmation that the ship would embark on its next fun-filled Caribbean cruise on May 8th, as scheduled. But a newly uncovered phone call (audio after the jump) reveals that the CruiseMobile isn't quite looking at clear skies ahead.

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Demetri Martin To Go Gay For Ang

Posted by Seth at 4:10 AM on May 3, 2008

Our anticipation is great for Oscar-winning, Gays-friendly director Ang Lee's next movie, Taking Woodstock; based on the memoir by Elliot Tiber, it's the unlikely tale of a closeted guy working at his parents Catskills motel inadvertently responsible for mounting the music festival that defined a generation. (OMGZ! I CAN HAZ GAI HIPPYZ?!!!) How to make an already awesome and weird project even more awesome and weird? Variety now reports that comedian Demetri Martin is who Lee wants for the lead. With shooting set to begin in late August, and a greenlight from DreamWorks for his script Will, look for 2009 to be the year that the comic makes the seemingly inevitable leap from cultish stand-up and Daily Show correspondent to full-fledged movie star. It's also going to be the year that actor-comedians go gay on film, but hopefully Martin's portrayal will be a little more nuanced, and less spray-tanned and Versaced, than Jim Carrey's.

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'Ellen' Tries To Poop On The Rachael/Rosie Love Parade

Posted by Seth at 3:35 AM on May 3, 2008

In a Battle of the Lesbian Talk Show Titans (and Rachael Ray, who isn't a lesbian, despite the fact that we could easily picture her spitting out tobacco juice from a softball dugout), producers of The Ellen DeGeneres Show made a last-minute attempt at blocking today's Rosie O'Donnell-themed episode of The Rachael Ray Show. The reason? Concerns that Ray's syndicated series, which used Telepictures-owned clips of Rosie's old show, would beat Ellen's (also a Telepictures production) in the ratings. The Scoop reports:

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Another 'Lost' Mystery: How Does The Island Affect Body Hair?

Posted by Seth at 3:15 AM on May 3, 2008

As everyone knows by now, watching Lost is akin to having Damon Lindelof mount a stepladder week in and week out, and proceed to engage in vigorous intercourse with the squishy contents of your skull. Last night's episode was no exception, offering us [spoiler alert] a flash-forward to Matthew Fox's Jack, who, in a shower-reveal scene reminiscent of a gender-reversed "Bobby's return" from Dallas, is shown to be living with Kate back home. This Jack, however, sported not the rabbi-envy-inducing beard teased in Season Three's finale. Now bear with us, if you will, as we tumble even further down the manscaping rabbit hole:

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Julia Roberts Can't Open! (And Other Crises Setting a Shattered Hollywood on Edge)

Posted by Defamer Hollywood at 3:00 AM on May 3, 2008

OK, OK, Hollywood Reporter — we get it. The trade paper today took 1,600 words, three pie charts, two line graphs, and a half-dozen adorable floating-head info boxes to confirm the long-suspected word on the street that — are you ready? — the star system is dying. Jim Carrey can't open! Brad Pitt's last film did $4 million! Julia Roberts hasn't broken $70 million since 2001! Shriek!

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Cameron Diaz And Lake Bell Square Off In Epic Battle Of The Hemlines

Posted by Molly Friedman at 2:30 AM on May 3, 2008

You know what they say about hemlines and recessions? Well look no further than What Happens In Vegas co-stars Cameron Diaz and Lake Bell for optimism. At last night's premiere of their comedy, the two actresses seemed to be playing a game of Anything You Can Wear I Can Wear Shorter, alongside somber co-star Ashton Kutcher, who seemed to be playing a game of You Were Right, Demi. Without You I'm Boring And Cannot Dress Myself. Between the grieving Diaz and the toothy Bell, see who revealed more gam and why we're happy they did, after the jump.

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