Tom Cruise Wants Katie Holmes To Find New, Non Spice Girl Friends

Tom Cruise isn’t having the best month. First, a bunch of hooligans slapped his laughy face on some ultra-strong pot and called it Tom Cruise Purple. Then, the feel-good movie of 2008, Valkyrie, got pushed back (making it the feel-good movie of 2009). And now, Victoria Beckham has usurped a bit of his domestic control and transformed Katie Holmes into a fellow stick figurine. And Tom’s April blues have reached a breaking point:

“[Tom] is keen to put some distance between his actress wife and Victoria, who have morphed into each other…it concerns Tom that Katie has lost so much weight recently.”