The Kerry Katona Guide To Pregnancy And Parenthood

Former Celebrity Mum of The Year Kerry Katona™ continues to kick parenting goals that we’re guessing her PR peeps would probably prefer we didn’t hear about, except – oops! – Kerry invited MTV cameras into her life and home for her fly-on-the-wall series, Crazy In Love.

So, based on continued updates courtesy of the Daily Mail and Crazy In Love, we thought we’d tally up some tips and hints on parenting and pregnancy based on what Kerry – again, Former Celebrity Mum of The Year – has to tell us. Read on!

* Bringing a child into the world is a serious matter, so make sure you have a good reason for getting pregnant – like trying to save your sham marriage!

* Keep smoking! Yeah, it says it might harm your baby, but so what? Quitting is just so hard! If all else fails, and the thought of HARMING YOUR BABY isn’t motivation enough, you can always try hypnotherapy!

* Keep drinking, too! The pub is a great place for pregnant women to hang out! A few wines never harmed anyone! Neither did a couple of large ciders, a few pints, some vodka shots, a couple of cocktails…

* If you’re having a new baby, make sure you don’t neglect the rest of the family – keep them company with lots of strange men bearing video cameras and rolls of gaffa tape!

* Keep drinking!

* Drugs are okay, too! A pregnant mother needs help sometimes!

* And when all else fails, keep drinking!

And there you have it. Follow those tips to the letter and you, too, could be crowned Celebrity Mum of The Year. Just remember to thank us – and Kerry! – in your acceptance speech, and possibly consider naming your child ‘Defamer Australia’.

We think it’s got a good ring to it.