Jeremy Piven: Responsible Drink-And-Don’t-Driver Or Drunken Hooptie Abandoner?

Perhaps Diddy’s plan to create a celebrity chauffeur service wasn’t such a bad one after all. After leaving a club last night mumbling and grumbling, beach yogi Jeremy Piven made an attempt to drive himself home in a techno-blaring first generation Ford Bronco (we think), but didn’t make it very far. Seems the services of his dealer friend were needed to act as designated driver and deliver the Pivster to his abode unharmed. But what went down at the gas station where he abandoned his machismo-exuding ride? Tell us, nicotine-addicted witnesses, do tell us!

After wisely and deftly ignoring questions from the paparazzi regarding, of all things, Britney Spears’ guest appearance on How I Met Your Mother, a wide-eyed Piven hopped into the driver’s seat of his safari-ready meat wagon and rode off into the fluorescent light. But apparently even pricey gas guzzlers run out of steam, no matter how utterly awesome their drivers are. As the very sober and coherent observers at the nearby gas station where Jeremy pulled a switcheroo inform us, a $20 bill and salivation over peanuts played major roles in the twisted tale. We await the inevitable minute-by-minute updates on the orphaned car and the triumphant return of its owner from TMZ, surely camped out at the scene of the crime, with fractional interest.

• WHY CAN’T JEREMY PIVEN DRIVE HOME? [TMZ]