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Delayed Flight of 'Valkyrie' a Good Sign, Says MGM
Posted by Defamer Hollywood at 7:45 AM on April 8, 2008
The craziest movie star in America is playing a Nazi colonel with one eye, one hand, and three fingers who tries to bomb the Fürher and take over the Third Reich, but instead kills everyone in the room but Hitler, and eventually dies by firing squad. What more could America want on PRESIDENTS' DAY WEEKEND?
We assumed when MGM first pushed back the July 4th release date of Valkyrie, the historical bore-ama directed by Bryan Singer, it was because they came to their senses about releasing a Nazi film on our country's most patriotic day. But the new date, October 3rd, was just so predictable. After all, that's when all the good dramas start coming out. And MGM wants no part of that crowd. After the days of damaged footage, injured extras, and endless re-shoots, the best thing for Valkyrie would surely be to push it's release once more, right?
"When an opening became available for President's Day Weekend, we seized the opportunity," said president of domestic distribution Clark Woods (who presumably won his job in an MGM executive poker game by being the best bluffer). "Moving into a big holiday weekend is the right move." Oh, you mean the big holiday weekend that has seen such historical masterpieces as Jumper, Ghost Rider and Eight Below top the box office over the last three years? Thank god the film that was holding that coveted weekend - The Wolf Man, with Benicio Del Toro as a half-man/half-werewolf - got moved so Singer could hop in there with his magnum opus .... And just in time for Oscar season!
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Sweet Panda Love
Posted 11:31 AM 8/4/08
Next they'll tell us a straight-to-DVD release is really the best way to tell Stauffenberg's story.
Sweet Panda Love
MrRewrite
Posted 12:41 PM 8/4/08
this is the one that Tom's producing partner famously told the world needn't have Germans with German accents; 'how silly because they're speaking English, so why would they need accents.' Thanks for clearing that up and flying in the face of 75 years of screen practice. Ja!
MrRewrite
Sweet Panda Love
Posted 2:23 PM 8/4/08
I, for one, can't wait to see if Tom succeeds in assassinating Hitler.
Sweet Panda Love
gwiliandre
Posted 5:46 PM 8/4/08
Dear Clark Woods,
Tom Cruise looks like Steve Garvey channeling Colonel Kclink in an after school special.
Please make our collective wet dreams come true by giving us a sneak peek at the Valkyrie action hero doll.
Yours In Christless Scientology Land,
Maverick
gwiliandre
rockogre
Posted 1:27 AM 9/4/08
So why doesn't old Tom just mind travel back with his OT Vlll powers and REALLY kill Hitler? We already know that he is the only one that can. It's kind of like helping at an accident.
And he looks like some Nazi muppet in that picture.
rockogre
CaveatLector
Posted 4:18 AM 9/4/08
Wasn't there some kind of fart involved in the making of this movie...
CaveatLector
FlangeSqueal
Posted 8:38 AM 12/4/08
Poor Teeny Tom!
Got all dressed up and made a big stinkie about this brainless turdfest, once again making HIM the hero...only this time HE DIED.
Maybe he and Stepford Holmes didn't want their shovel-faced Korean adopted 'child' Soorie (Sanskrit for "improbable 'child' of kweer 'Father'") to see Tiny Tommie croak on camera.
Or perhaps the $cientologist Pope Miss Cabbage decided the Cruise franchise has run its course after his embarassing video surfaced and showed him to be batshit crazy.
Yeah - that one.
FlangeSqueal