Saturday, April 26, 2008
‘Hobbit’ Director Debate Ignores Critical Fact that ‘Hobbit’ is Rubbish
9:50AM Defamer Hollywood | There’s been much to-do over the last day about Peter Jackson’s hiring of Guillermo del Toro to direct the two-part Lord of the Rings prequel The Hobbit. Among our favourite dissenting opinions belongs to Salon critic Andrew O’Hehir, who pulls out his Cannes ‘06 interview notebook to look up del Toro’s sentiment at the time: “I was never into heroic fantasy. At all. I don’t like little guys and dragons, hairy feet, hobbits — I’ve never been into that at all. I don’t like sword and sorcery, I hate all that stuff.” Our sister blog Gawker doesn’t like del Toro’s selection either, but we’re optimistic this is a perfect match for everyone because The Lord of the Rings, The Hobbit, J.R.R. Tolkien and Guillermo del Toro all fucking suck. Does it really matter which A-list fantasy/horror fanboy with $300 million of Warner Bros.’ money and Jackson’s imprimatur is going to spend four years jacking off behind a camera in New Zealand? It’s going to be unwatchable. Not only that, but didn’t Jackson make this movie three times already? Here’s our exclusive script excerpt: “EXT. FOREST — DAY. Bilbo Baggins furrows his brow. Visual effects and soundtrack happen. INT. CASTLE — NIGHT. Ian McKellen cameo. More effects. EXT. FOREST — DAY. The end.” It’s a hit! [Salon] More »
Heather Locklear And Denise Richards Square Off In Bikini Deathmatch
9:25AM Molly Friedman | Former BFFs Heather Locklear and Denise Richards have each enjoyed watching the other’s respective star status fall farther with each passing year, but the good news is they both share something in common to smile about. While it’s not exactly an Emmy, they both look hot in bikinis. Heather’s gone from starring in a hit primetime drama and being the object of many a male fantasy to her current role in a Lifetime movie about women over 40 or something. And Denise? Well, after impressing nearly every male on the planet with her pouty lips and lesbian pool antics in Wild Things, she earned the title of Mrs. Charlie Sheen (quite an honour, indeed). Now? She’s filming some kind of reality show that no one cares about. What do we care about? Who looks better in their red bikinis, and who’s the better surfer! Judge for yourselves after the jump: More »Brad Pitt’s Chilling 911 Bear Attack Call
9:00AM Seth | How quickly the week rolls by when we know a brand new Dirt Sandwich—Defamer videographer and part-time, uncredited massage therapist Molly McAleer’s attempt at making some condensed sense of the week in tabloid television—is waiting for us at the end of it. Today’s 6-inch treat comes served on freshly baked jalapeno cheesy bread, overstuffed with slutty Mileys, drunk Lindsays, bear-attack 911 calls, and Brad Pitt in head-to-toe leather undies (kinky!). Most amazing of all, however, is one anonymous TMZ staffer’s cracking of the Cheryl Burke Bangs Code, a complex theorem linking the angle of the Dancing with the Stars regular’s hair to her blood alcohol level. Watch and learn! More »
Gwyneth Paltrow Determined To Prove She’s Gone From Prim To Provocative
8:40AM Molly Friedman | The formerly primmer-than-thou Gwyneth Paltrow’s slow and steady progression to kinky-boot-wearing siren has hardly gone unnoticed by the press ever since she began promoting her summer blockbuster Iron Man. But up until now, the sexpot look has mainly been limited to her wildly high, frighteningly strappy S&M-style footwear. Now, she’s officially moved on to wearing entire ensembles devoted to showing the world (and the industry) that her uptight rep is long gone. So why use short skirts and lacy, skin-tight dresses to woo the paparazzi? We’re guessing Paltrow’s picked up on that old-fashioned Hollywood formula used by many an actress looking to catch producers’ eyes: a few flesh-baring public appearances can go a long way towards jumpstarting a recently lackluster career. More »
‘The Chuck Norris Factor,’ and Other Weaknesses in Wesley Snipes’s Defense
8:05AM Defamer Hollywood | The 24 hours since Wesley Snipes’s three-year prison sentence for tax evasion have allowed for some perspective-gathering among the crack legal analysts at Defamer HQ. Sifting through the wreckage, we think we’ve discovered the key weak spots in the Snipes defence that, if only someone had acted sooner, could have kept our 18th (19th?) favourite action star a free man. Don’t let this happen to you; follow the jump for a glimpse at the Chuck Norris factor and other Achilles’ heels in Snipes’s strategy.
Newest Additions to ‘90210′ Spinoff Finally Spark Our Interest
7:45AM Molly Friedman | When we first heard the idea of a reimagined Beverly Hills: 90210, we believed it would be impossible to recreate the teary, teenybop magic of the original series. Who could possibly sneer like Luke Perry? Or turn the world on with his smile like Jason Priestley? But the Rob “Not Matchbox 20 Rob” Thomas-produced spinoff slated for CW’s upcoming fall season is charging full-speed ahead, leaking news of potential cast members burdened with the challenge of filling our favourite Peach Pit regulars’ Reeboks. Though recent casting announcements have been less than thrilling, two new additions have us busting out our dusty 90210 drinking game rule book once again. As E! News reports, “Producers for the CW’s 90210 remake have reached out to Hilary [Duff] to offer her a starring role in the series.” News on the other confirmed West Beverly students, plus which alum from the original has signed on to reprise their old role, after the jump.Indy’s Back, And He’s Ready for The White Party!
7:35AM Seth | As if to say to the world, “You think Indy’s too old? Well, how do you like these rippling, 8-pack apples?” as well as, “I’m smiling on the outside, but on the inside, my chest feels like it’s being gnawed upon by 10,000 hungry rats,” Harrison Ford took to the depilatory chair recently. It had nothing to do with Crystal Skull, but rather some pet cause that involves deforestation and a Spice Girl. Still, we’d hope his co-star and protégé Greaser LaBeouf will follow suit, with an Earth Day season pledge to submit himself to a Brazilian as a means of encouraging better sorting of compostables. [Access Hollywood] More »
When It Comes To Celeb PDA, Boob And Crotch Grabs Are Par For The Course
7:25AM Molly Friedman | When it comes to celebrity couples making out in public, you’d think all those beautiful people would know how to make a kiss look hot. They manage to do it on-screen with complete strangers, and frankly, a large part of their job is to hook up take after take and make it still look steamy and unrehearsed, right? But as our slideshow-happy friends at Us have shown us, stars are seriously lacking in the hot and heavy PDA department. While some couples (Drew Barrymore and Justin Long) are downright sweet, and some are disturbingly turning us on at such an early hour (Enrique and Anna Kournikova, natch), we’d like to officially ban any future photos of a select few couples getting down and dirty ever again. The good, the bad, and the nauseating, after the jump: More »
J.J. Abrams-Produced ‘Hot For Teacher’ To Explore Lighter Side Of Statutory Rape
7:15AM Seth | Like so many other tropes of the 1980s, the theme of busty-teacher-as-sex-predator that fuelled many a teen comedy (and locked-bathroom meditation session) appears to be enjoying a resurgence as well, as THR is reporting that J.J. Abrams will produce the unambiguously titled spec Hot For Teacher for Paramount: “Hot” is a “Superbad”-like story of a high school senior who sets out to have sex with his teacher before he graduates. More »
