Have you felt like something vital has been missing from your lives lately, dear Defamer Readers? Have you found yourself experiencing bizarre cravings for impetigo, incarceration, drugs, alcohol, and 4am runs to the servo to get a packet of ice-lollies?

So have we - and then we realised WE'D FORGOTTEN ABOUT WINEGUMS WATCH!

And it goes without saying that Ms Winehouse has been keeping up to her old tricks in our time off, so we might as well pick today as much as any other to storm back in: Winegums has been blazing up in public!

Amy Winehouse has long struggled to keep her drug habit under control, but now it appears she's not even attempting to hide it.

The troubled singer - who earlier today was nominated for three prestigious Ivor Novello Awards for songwriting - was smoking what appeared to be a joint as she arrived back at her Camden home after an evening of partying.

Her eyes were blood-shot and she looked dishevelled - a sight unlikely to impress her record company bosses, who reportedly threatened to stop her releasing any new material until she cleans up her act.

Yesterday we told you that Daniel Radcliffe has been moaning into his bat's tail soup (or whatever wizards drink; probably more like large ales) about some Australian chick he made eyes at/with but never got a number for.

Well! A handful of potential moony-eyed ladies were narrowed down, and the Daily Telegraph decided that pretty blonde Cassi McKay is the most likely candidate - just don't tell Dan she's taken, or he might have an asthma attack!

"He was looking at me a bit and I guess I was batting my eyelids back," Ms McKay, a trumpet player who has performed at the AFIs, told The Advertiser. "We did make a lot of eye contact with each other. David Campbell introduced us and I got to talk to him briefly."

Although she is committed to her current relationship, Ms McKay said she would be keen to organise a second audience with Radcliffe while she was in the UK.

"I've told my boyfriend about him and I'd be keen to meet up," she said.

The actor, who lamented his inability to get the mystery girl's phone number on the night, has also not ruled out re-establishing contact.

Er, neither do we.

In any case, McKay goes on to say that she's not looking to become famous, just that her mum read Radcliffe's lonely heart interview and told her daughter it sounded like he was talking about her. Aww, thanks Mum!

Did you know The Age was celebrating a centenary of photojournalism? They are; three cheers, hip hip hip etc. This is, of course, a chance to upload a big, shiny multimedia special full of stirring shots from the past 100 years including incredible images of war, peace, sport, everyday life in Australia and just about everything including the kitchen sink.

The gallery and presentation can be found here, and there are some stunning shots held within.

So you can imagine our amusement when we saw the photo they'd chosen to sum up 100 years of photojournalistic greatness on the front page of TheAge.com.au:

It's true, it's a brilliant photo - in its original incarnation, at least, as taken by Angela Wyllie in 2005, the year the Melbourne Cup Carnival was whipped by strong winds - but two things are troubling us about its use on the front page.

Firstly, the fact that we scoured each of the "Century Of Pictures" galleries and failed to find it, and secondly, does TheAge.com.au really have such low expectations of its readership's intelligence that they need to resort to tits'n'arse blasts to get hits on an otherwise thoughtfully-composed and fascinating photo special?

It's the pointy end of So You Think You Can Dance Australia and that means we're close to finding out who is Australia's Favourite Dancer™, out of a choice of Jack, Rhys, Demi and Kate. We'd actually be pretty happy about any of those four winning, though the odds are on Jack, with Rhys steadily gaining in second place, and Demi and Kate coming third and fourth in the betting respectively.

Assuming SYTYCDAus is following the US model, we should be able to look forward to a 'greatest hits' package for the finale - the only problem is, we can't think of more than a handful of routines we'd care to see again.

Are we the only ones having this problem? As we draw to the close, what is your take on this inaugural season of the local version? Personally, we can't wait for - and hope Channel Ten bloody well show - the next round of "the real thing".

When you use the phrase "police escort" in the same context as a term like, say, "recording artist", you generally think of artists like Elvis Presley, The Beatles and Whitney Houston, non?

Well, you can add the bane of sub-editors and style-guides everywhere, k.d. lang, to that list - the Canadian chanteuse apparently required an escort to the Rove studios on the weekend (why? Er, the plane was running late... or something), and it seems Victoria Police are not happy about the indulgence.

Shadow Minister for Police and Emergency Services Andrew McIntosh said overworked police would be disappointed to hear of the "waste of resources".

"Whether it was paid for or otherwise I would be questioning the value to the community of getting a singer to an interview on time," he said.

"Providing these resources is jeopardising public safety, when there are stations like Werribee and Sunshine where the resources just don't exist."

Honestly, this is all pretty stupid, particularly considering the buck-passing that's going on between her people, Roving Enterprises and Channel Ten. Who cares if she's late, it's live TV, make a gag out of it! Put on another of those hilarious stand-up comedians that Rove likes to feature!

Adam Hills, he of the perpetually amused demeanour and Spicks & Specks hosting duties, was one of the few surprise - in a good way - nominees for this year's Gold Logie. And when we say "surprise", naturally we meant it in a "probably won't win and is lucky just to get a table at the Logies" kind of way. No disrespect or nuffin', it's just that Gold Logie land is generally the realm of the Colgate-smiling soapie star.

That could all be about to change, however, with the news that Hills' Logies odds have shortened considerably, according to one bookmaker, to second favourite!

A mystery punter has sent Hills's odds plummeting from $41 to $8 with Lasseters Sportsbook.

While Hills suspects that Melbourne comedy duo Hamish Blake and Andy Lee are behind the plunge, he said he would be over the moon if the backer was a fan.

Hills said he was bemused by the punter's show of faith and would not do anything to dim his chances.

"My number one aim is to try not to disgrace myself in the media between now and the awards," he said. "I think I'll be shaking a lot of hands and kissing a lot of babies."

It remains to be seen whether Hills will actually cash in these odds, but the Logies is close to Defamer Australia's favourite annual awards ceremony, so we look forward to tuning in with a glass or fifteen of Passion Pop and cheering the night away.

Another day, another star parties in London and lets their hair down. Or in Emma Watson's case, flashes her Britney to the paparazzi. Joining the very exclusive peek-a-boo sorority helmed by Spears, Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton, recently legal Hermione Granger celebrated her 18th birthday by partying across the pond with co-stars in a very demure little black dress, but made the all-too-common mistake of failing to exit her chauffeured car in the proper manner. Though it appears the potential bad girl was wearing some kind of thong-ish type thing, her lacey underwear left little to the imagination. And though it's not our place, we do recommend Watson consider heading to the nearest waxer before flashing her nether regions again. A closer look after the jump.

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Last week, Victoria Beckham celebrated her 34th birthday alongside new friends Eva Longoria and Kate Beckinsale, but supposed close friends Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes were nowhere to be seen. Naturally, we presumed that this was either a result of Tom's edict for Katie to stop spending so much time with Posh or an early warning sign that Team Cruise's controlling ways were too much for the Beckhams to handle. But at last night's star-studded birthday party for Posh, not only were Tom and Katie in attendance, but her Katie's choice of gown left us wondering if her curious absence earlier in the week was simply a means to hide the fact that Suri Jr. could possibly be on the way.

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Hearing that Lindsay Lohan has fallen off the wagon before her one-year anniversary as a sober young lady is far less surprising than the venue in which she decided to publicly rebel against her new good girl image this past weekend: the Hawaiian Tropic tourist trap in Manhattan's Times Square. But apparently, after trying so hard to avoid temptations, banning bad influences from her life and even signing up for (albeit questionable acting roles), all the female shimmy-shaking and bar wenches must have inspired her to let loose. And speaking of bosom buddies, People is reporting that Lohan spent the Scores-like evening alongside none other than helpful healer/new roommate Sam Ronson:

"Lohan started dancing to Britney Spears...Drinking Grey Goose and Red Bull cocktails...Lohan really got into the music, tossing her hair around and doing full body rolls...She also sang along and pumped her chest to Soulja Boy."

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With news that Paris Hilton is just dying to plan a "double wedding" with Nicole Richie and baby daddy Joel Madden, we've decided that the heiress has a hard time determining what exactly makes for marriage material. Hilton and Madden's brother Benji haven't even announced any engagements via blog post yet, but Paris isn't wasting any time daydreaming about matching hers and Nicole's matching wedding gowns and, if we're lucky, an off-key duet of "Stars Are Blind" sung at the altar by the dual vocal powerhouse that is P&N. But at just 26, just how many times has Paris found the man she plans on spending the rest of her beautiful life with? We took a look back at the modern day Liz Taylor in the making:

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Over the protests of How I Met Your Mother's Neil Patrick Harris—who in the wake of Britney Spears's recent guest appearance openly bemoaned the slippery stunt-casting slope that threatened to compromise the integrity of his politely tolerated CBS sitcom—the singer has been reportedly asked by producers to return for another ratings-goosing helping of her comic chops. People reports:

"The show is ecstatic and so is Britney," a source said. "She had so much fun the first time around she really wanted to come back. It was a mutual decision to work together more."

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If you observe Judd Apatow's pervy rom-com assembly line with even casual frequency, you probably don't need a Wikipedia entry to remind you how accusations of sexism and misogyny have plagued the writer-producer-director over the years. At least we hope you don't, because an eagle-eyed Defamer reader points out this morning how a loyal defender / relative / Universal publicist has spent the better part of the last week expunging the dirty little non-secret from the Wiki record. From Katherine Heigl to Mike White, follow the jump for a few of the latest line edits.

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· Question: Why would David Letterman (and untold other horny comedy goons) be envious of a window washer? Answer: Watch the video. [Late Show]
· You'll have to wait until May 20 to get your hands on "Anywhere I Lay My Head," Scarlett Johansson's album of Tom Waits covers, but you can enjoy a sneak preview of her ear-raping rendition of "Falling Down" right now! [AOL Music]
· If you've not yet heard, Senators Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama and John McCain have all taped messages that will air on WWE's Raw tonight, in the hopes of currying favour with the "will readily buy into heavily spun violence-as-entertainment" block of voters. [WWE.com]
· We really can't decide which month of The Texas Polygamist Wives Calendar most does it for us. Oh, who are we kidding. December: You had us at your carefully coordinated ankle socks and sensible man-satchel. [BWE]
· Just in time for Cloverfield's DVD release: J.J. Abrams thinks the best place to enjoy it is at home, just a few steps from the toilet should the shakey images on your 65-inch LCD screen make you want to hurl. [Reuters]

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Have you ever found yourself mindlessly trying on the latest pair of $800 jeans at Fred Segal and suddenly realised, you know what? It must be way hard for all those African girls out there in Africa and The Iraq Such As to even wear jeans like this. Why? As "Cameron Diaz" (flawlessly portrayed by Tracey Ullman) informs us, for the very first time all their genitals are falling off! The suckiest part? "This is the golden age of American blue jeans! It's really sad and amazing." The fictional burp-happy actress' solution, of course, is to star in That Terrible Time Of The Month, in which a gun-toting Diaz burps and farts her way through the jungle to save each and every halfway-severed ladypart from girls named Toko. For more insight, including Bono's method of miming the actual chop and toss, watch our clip after the jump.

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In all the drama surrounding Edward Norton's Hulk trouble and Iron Man star Robert Downey Jr.'s gloriously checkered past, we've overlooked one of the more conspicuous problems afflicting this summer's superhero glut. To wit: Where are all the women? Are there any comics featuring female heroes whom some studio will take a chance shepherding to the screen? At least one commentator shares our concern at Vulture, and the prognosis isn't looking good:

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Hard as it is to believe, after what seems like 19 endless years of false-starts and "Slowly Veering Lincoln Continental of Doom" jokes, we are less than one month away from seeing the fourth chapter of the Indiana Jones saga. The adventuresome archaeologist enters a far different Hollywood from the days when he first planted sunbeam-focusing sceptres in secret map rooms, however; studio sash-tightening has required its makers to defer their fees in exchange for that venerable Hollywood trade-off, a piece (and in this case, a gigantic piece) of the back-end. The LAT breaks down Crystal Skull's financial model:

Paramount spent about $US185 million to make the movie and will pay at least $US150 million to market it worldwide. The studio will earn a distribution fee of 12.5% of the revenue it receives from the film's release in all media, including theatres, DVD and television.

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As we learned recently, SNL's Chris Farley was far from coddled or loved during his final years by fellow cast members. And now, a new biography on Chris Farley titled The Chris Farley Show will divulge more depressing tales from friends of Farley and how exactly they went about attempting to help the struggling addict get better (hint: they didn't). From former co-stars dishing on his desperate attempts to be loved using prostitutes to anecdotes involving his habit of licking everything from his shoelaces to his wallet, one revelation made by Chris Rock stands out:

"'Chippendales' was a weird sketch. I always hated it...The joke of it is, basically, 'We can't hire you because you're fat.' There's no comic twist to it. It's just [bleep]ing mean. Chris wanted so much to be liked. As funny as that sketch was...it's one of the things that killed him."

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Keep the morning blues at bay via the savory comforts of a matzoh, egg, and bacon breakfast sandwich, plus a generous helping of home-fried box office numbers:

1. The Forbidden Kingdom - $US20.9 million
Lionsgate's action picture starring venerable martial arts masters Jackie Chan and Jet Li (and newly minted Kung Fu superstar Michael "Who?" Angarano) may not have registered too highly on your own new-release radar. But its surprise #1 finish meant there was indeed an audience looking for a fresh spin on the increasingly hackneyed plots served up by the genre, and who simply couldn't get enough of this touching story of two dads, as deadly fisted as they are in love, trying to raise their troubled teenage son the best way they know how.

2. Forgetting Sarah Marshall - $US17.3 million
It outperformed the Apatow Pictures Group's previous two releases, but not even its ubiquitous Sharpie marketing campaign and an unobstructed view of Jason Segel's semi-chubby man-parts were enough to earn Sarah Marshall the kinds of Superbad and Knocked Up numbers responsible for ushering in Hollywood's Golden Age of the Paunchy, Lovelorn, Post-Adolescent Jew. Still, a respectable second-place finish hardly suggests genre-fatigue. Perhaps all that's needed to again crack the $US30 mil mark is to up the male-nudity ante, finally conquering Hollywood's long-standing cyclops taboo in a close-up sequence that involves a frantic Seth Rogen bending over to fish his wedding ring out of a shower drain.

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Having long ago abandoned The Olive Garden for the more refined culinary delights of, say, Applebee's, we've clearly missed the churning sexual undercurrents reinforcing the restaurant's starchy, salad-y, working-class appeal. But nothing gets past Kendra Wilkinson, one-third of Hugh Hefner's Girls Next Door, who infamously swears by not only the OG's quasi-Italian staples, but also the pure hormonal power of its female waitstaff. As such, Playboy is inviting the restaurant's sexiest servers to take orders in an upcoming pictorial. While we don't necessarily expect the chain's Hooters-isation to make our grandpa's 90th birthday dinner any less depressing, we heartily recommend following the jump to observe Wilkinson's classy video solicitation ("My food's getting cold, so I gotta fuckin' go") to tastefully doff those aprons. If Hef's as good a tipper as we hear, we may be filling out an application by this afternoon.

• Girls of Olive Garden [Playboy]

You're likely familiar with the work of Sam Rubin—KTLA entertainment reporter, World's Biggest Chace Crawford fan (sorry, JC), and, on paper at least, a grown man—whose motor-mouthed showbiz punditry becomes even more red-faced and spittle-flecked when the subject turns to anything Gossip Girl. (The greatest show ever! Just ask the writers of this New York cover story we won't be caught dead reading!)

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While most of us fled the office to enjoy early spring, Sumner Redstone spent another relaxing weekend watching his corporate children at Viacom gouge each others' eyes out. And this time around he got his money's worth, with Paramount finally breaking free from CBS/Showtime to start its own pay-cable and VOD service with MGM and Lionsgate. It's an untidy, somewhat shocking scenario that we (and seemingly the rest of the Web) can't yet make sense of, but join us after the jump to parse the winners and losers at a glance.

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On a Monday when Jet Li, Jackie Chan and Jason Segel's penis duked it out for biggest story at the weekend box office, another argument was taking place among indie followers who witnessed a different star performance altogether: Ben Stein, whose anti-Darwinist screed Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed finished in the week's ninth-place spot with $US3.1 million. Its $2,997 per-screen average — no great shakes for most mainstream openers — is nevertheless more than double the $1,401 average of Morgan Spurlock's Where In the World is Osama Bin Laden? To hear at least one documentary observer tell it after the jump, love Stein or hate him, this is pretty big:

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