And in no way is it a slight return, either!

It seems the LOLBlunt phenomenon* knows no bounds, even hopping in a time machine and molesting our childhood reminding us of the joys of Fat Cat & Friends:

Want to make your own LOLBlunt? Are you, too, keeping up the cats? Don't know what the fuck we're all talking about?

You can find all the history here, and then go to and send your own creation to tips AT defamer.com.au.

* Disclaimer: May not actually be a phenomenon

A drug bust in Sydney has led to former swimming star Scott Miller's arrest, reports the Daily Telegraph.

Retired Olympian Scott Miller is the second man to be charged over a major drug bust on Sydney's Northern Beaches.

The other man charged is Mark Catchpole, son of former Wallabies skipper Ken Catchpole.

Miller, 33, was arrested at his unit in Dee Why yesterday as police swooped on an alleged ecstasy drug ring.

In his unit police allegedly found steroids in his bedroom, with Miller allegedly claiming they were for use on horses.

And why wouldn't Scott Miller be feeding steroids to horses in his new life as a retired athlete? Seems reasonable to us. But the story gets worse!

Police allegedly also found capcsicum spray in his home.

Throw away the key!

Scott Miller will face court on May 7th after being charged with "two counts of possessing a prescribed restricted substance and possessing an offensive weapon (the capsicum spray)."

It's probably no secret to you all by now that Defamer Australia are pretty much fascinated by every move made by Peter Andre and his plastic wife Jordan aka Katie Price (not to mention their children).

So, we were not sure whether to laugh or cry - or combine the two in an Oscar-worthy performance - when we read today of the criticism being levelled at our shiny pair by child psychologists after their reality show, shall we say, revealed some less-than-exemplary parenting:

Jordan told Closer: "I know it's disgusting, but we get carried way. It's so easy to forget cameras are there."

"It is disgusting - but Pete always starts it."

A recent episode of the show sees Jordan, 29, dropping to her knees in front of Peter to re-enact their first sexual encounter after meeting on ITV's 'I'm A Celebrity...Get Me Out Of Here' in 2005.

In another scene, Jordan straddles Peter,35, simulating sex once again.

The couple also have inappropriate discussions in front of their three children, Harvey, six, Junior, two and Princess, nine months, squabbling over what constitutes sex.

Peter tells Jordan: "Yeah I could easily have shagged you because you were so drunk.

Later, he tells Junior: "Daddy got a bit excited when they were making him."

Child psychologists have deemed the behaviour "inappropriate" claiming it could have damaging effects on the children.

Actually, when you think about it, just knowing that Peter Andre and Jordan are your parents is effectively grossly psychologically scarring, really.

Once daft commenter and James Blunt fan Frances M Benz began the James Blunt "KEEP UP THE CATS!" mania yesterday, it's safe to say that all members of the Defamer Australia family have been, more or less, completely obsessed with one-upping each other with more and more LOLBlunt/KEEP UP THE CATS macros.

To wit, your Associate Editor's effort:

As ever, we welcome your virtuoso efforts at procrastination and idiocy contributions to the cause, so don't forget to email your own LOLBlunts to tips AT defamer.com.au!

ED: VERY WELL DONE, CLEMENTINE. A+ AND A GOLD STAR!

An update for those of you who have been breathlessly following (as we have) the Christine Spiteri vs Channel Nine boning extravaganza: the network isn't going to lie down on its back and let Spiteri bone them!

Turns out, in fact, they plan to bone her right back, so hard her case gets thrown out of court - take that, pretty newsreader!

The long-time TV reporter was on maternity leave when she was notified of her axing by her employer.

But Nine plans to fight to have the case, in which she will allege she was sexually and racially discriminated against by the network, dismissed at a Federal Court hearing on May 23.

A Nine spokesperson said Spiteri's claims were "misconceived, so we are taking steps to challenge [them]".

We're inclined to say "no way in hell", but await the next exciting installment in boning central.

We love it when essentially middle-aged news outlets try to get amongst The Kids™ when it comes to things that are in the modern idiom, like MySpace and Facebook.

As such, we were delighted this morning to read news.com.au's handy guide - with added help from "star" stylists Jonathan Pease! - to taking the ultimate profile photo.

DON'T tilt your head to the side, it looks immature
DON'T have a tight expression and make sure your face is relaxed
DON'T pucker up for the camera, it looks contrived
DON'T make the peace sign, it's a posing crime
DON'T let someone take your photo from below, it creates a double-chin
DON'T look back over your shoulder, it seems like you're too important to stop and capture the moment.

We kid you not. There's even a gallery featuring hapless reporter Jolleh Abshar (pictured above, breaking rule three of the news.com.au profile photo commandments) demonstrating the dos and don'ts of profile posing (she clearly drew the short straw at the office water cooler).

However, the most delicious moment of irony in the whole piece is this line from Pease (we've helpfully emphasised the punchline): "Posing for photography is all about capturing a moment," says Jonathan. "You need to take that moment and make it look spontaneous."

There is no font large enough to adequately express the epic eye-roll we did this morning while reading that MTV Australia is apparently so excited about the fact that VJ Ruby Rose is a lesbian (how could we forget) that they want to stage a girlie pash featuring Rose and The Veronicas at the upcoming MTV Awards.

Yes, MTV Australia is an equal opportunity employer - they'll use anyone's sexuality as a marketing tool!

Can we getta "PUH-LEAAAAASE" from the congregation, ladies and gentlemen?

Similar to the Britney Spears-Madonna saliva swap which made worldwide headlines in 2003, Confidential understands organisers are hoping for another staged pash between MTV VJ Ruby Rose and The Veronicas' Jess Origliasso.

Sources close to Rose confirmed producers were keen on the idea, which comes after the two set tongues wagging when they pashed in public at the Cleo Bachelor of the Year after party.

Whether the two pop princesses publicly restage their tonsil hockey remains to be seen on April 26.

It's time for the Australian media to realise that there's more to lesbianism than hot chicks pashing at parties!

It's the craze sweeping our living room - that's right, let's enjoy another KEEP UP THE CATS! picture, this one courtesy of a bored reader named Hirsty!

We hope to milk this poor excuse for a joke until Friday! Send in your LOLBlunts to the usual address (tips at defamer.com.au) and help us piss away the hours until it's finally Friday night and we're free to drink until we fall over!

Though we certainly feel pangs of sorrow for the impossible-not-to-adore Robert Downey Jr. whenever we read the latest interview with him unloading his thoughts on what it was like to be a druggie, we're wondering if it's possible to publish a story about the guy without it feeling like a public therapy session. As he begins his inevitably long and high-profile series of appearances in the press to push Iron Man, he sat down with normally family-friendly Parade to chat not really about the role or the movie, but about his battle with drugs yet again. But this time, he's dishing on the mythic seven-year relationship he had with multi-tasking celebrity Sarah Jessica Parker:

"I liked to drink, and I had a drug problem, and that didn't jibe with Sarah Jessica, because it is the furthest thing from what she is...[She] would pull me out of a hangover, and we'd go pick out furniture together. She is a force of nature!"

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The Orstrahyun have penned a rather interesting piece about the response from readers of Herald Sun columnist Andrew Bolt's blog to a suggestion from Andrew that allowing gay teens to take a partner of the same sex to their school formals "makes sense".

Dingbat Andrew Bolt pretends he never knew that a fat slice of his blog's readership are bigoted fuckwads. He posts on the decision Victorian schools to allow students to take gay partners to the formal dance, and gets bombarded with slabs of bile and disgust :

Some of the people against this idea should be ashamed of the way they express their opinions in comments below. Any young gays reading this would be horrified and intimidated by such gleeful mockery and hatred. Could the worst offenders reconsider the way they've expressed themselves, and post a clarification or even, dare I hope, an apology?

Yes, I'm sure there are just oodles of young, gay Australian conservatives reading Bolt's blog everyday. You know, all those pro-war, pro-Howard, anti-gay marriage, anti-gay rights, young gay men.

The Orstrahyun then goes on to list some of the "highlights" from Andrew Bolt's comments, which reveals - SHOCK HORROR - that many of his devotees are, in fact, complete morons ("If you are born gay then you must also be born a paedophile." anyone?).

As strange as it feels to type the following words, we are pleased that Andrew publicly declared his disapproval, as too often on the interwebs folk are happy to allow their blog readers to make vicious and revolting comments regarding the object of the writer's particular post, quietly sitting back and watching it all unfold whilst saying nothing - and then later if questioned about the issue, throw their hands up in the air and say "Oh, it wasn't me saying those things, but how on earth could I possibly stop my pack of socially retarded internet bullies from making such statements? Are you suggesting I pipe up and announce this sort of behaviour is not okay? ARE YOU MAD, SIR/MADAM?"

We're not suggesting people censor their blog comments, but if something you've written inspires numerous responses along the lines of "gay men like having sex with children" or "I hope someone rapes her" and you wholeheartedly disagree with the sentiments being expressed, it might - might - be worth locating another two cents in your back pocket and throwing it into the pot once more in order to clarify your personal position.

Oh god, where were we before that stupid rant? That's right. Congratulating Andrew Bolt. This may be one of the signs of the apocalypse.

We were quite shocked when we read this article yesterday.

A Harry Potter fan who wants to publish an encyclopedic guide to the wildly popular fantasy novels broke down and cried on the witness stand as he faced off in federal court against his idol JK Rowling.

The British author sued Steven Vander Ark's publisher RDR Books last year, claiming that their Harry Potter Lexicon - based on Vander Ark's fan website - infringed on her copyright.

Vander Ark wiped away tears when he was asked to reflect on what the case has done to his relationship with the community of Harry Potter fans. The former middle school librarian, who fell in love with the books in the late 1990s and has devoted years to studying them and indexing their content online, could barely speak.

"It's been ... it's been," he stammered, choking on his words. "It's been difficult because there has been a lot of criticism, obviously, and that was never the intention. ... This has been an important part of my life for the last nine years or so."

Let us clarify - we weren't shocked that someone would attempt to jump on the Harry Potter money juggernaut, good intentions or not, but rather by the photo and caption accompanying the story.

Wow, an adult Harry Potter fanatic who cries like Prince Frederik after the birth of an heir managed to land himself an "unidentified woman"? Good for you, sir! May all your children find themselves in Gryffindor, or something!

Reet reet - this just in here at Two Day Old News!

McLeod's Daughters star Simmone Jade McKinnon, once a member of an elite squad of television lady thespians with "the best boobs in the business" but now just another struggling actress desperately hoping to find some financial security, has revealed fans of the popular show - which revolves around the horse riding antics of notorious South Australian pantsman John McLeod's assorted offspring - have begun approaching her in the street and expressing their utter dismay over Channel Nine's delay in broadcasting the program's final 22 episodes.

The Logie-winner told Confidential she was "sick of being stopped in the street by people and not being able to tell them anything" because the network had not even told the cast when the show's final season would air.

With 22 episodes yet to be seen, McKinnon fears a flush of new dramas at Nine, including Underbelly, Sea Patrol and Canal Road, would delay the farewell even longer for loyal fans.

Indeed, it would be shame if other productions, perhaps more critically acclaimed than McLeod's Daughters but featuring a shameful lack of flannel, were the cause of McLeod's enthusiasts' suffering.

We enjoyed this bit of the article though.

The show's axing after eight years has also left her in the lurch, after signing a large mortgage for a property near the South Australian set just a month before the production was abandoned.

"I just thought the show would go on forever, so now I'm kinda in limbo and left with this massive property mortgage on my own," McKinnon said.

"People are really angry about it and I can understand how disappointed they are."

It's heartwarming to know that the passion McLeod's Daughters viewers feel for the series is so intense, they even manage to muster up strong feelings of fury and disappointment when learning of the mortgage woes of cast members.

· Sure, Rickrolling is a fun way to amuse yourself while harmlessly pranking your friends. But were you aware it might have added benefits, such as quieting your cranky infant? [YouTube]
· Meet Tricia Walsh Smith, who's harnessed the power of YouTube and a Magic: The Gathering deck to totally out her sleazebag of a Broadway producer ex-husband. [YouTube]
· "Sign district" status for downtown and K-Town brings us one step closer to the blinking neon, replicant-infested L.A. we all wish would get here already. [Curbed LA]
· Kim Cattrall is thrilled to star alongside Daniel Radcliffe in PBS's Samantha and Harry Potter Try Something Period and Artsy-Fartsy For a Change of Pace. [AP]
· Michelle Rodriguez on her sexuality: ""What the majority of [people] want to know is what I'm doing with my vagina, and I think that that's sick." Translation: Not putting penises in it! [latina.com]

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The Stop Dr. Uwe Boll online petition ticks ever upward, a sort of virtual career death clock whose every added signature brings us one tantalising step closer to the million required to ensure the director never unleashes another atrociously realised video game adaptation on a public who strongly feel all the loose threads of BloodRaynes 1 thru 2 still don't quite justify a third. Not surprisingly, the feisty and outspoken cinematic visionary has opted to fight back, via verbal take-downs of some of his better regarded peers. From the MTV Movies Blog:

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Judd Apatow has fulfilled his promise to "shake Americans from their squeamishness about male anatomy in movies" by featuring Forgetting Sarah Marshall star Jason Segel completely nude in the movie's pivotal break-up scene. And as the LAT pointed out yesterday, Segel's manhood provides the film's "most captivating screen presence" (sorry, Kristen Bell). But Apatow and his cool comedy clique aren't the first ones to boldly focus their cinematic lens on male actors' full frontal displays. We took a look back on Segel's predecessors to showcase other (pun intended) ballsy big-screen cameos by the likes of Bruce Willis and Ewan McGregor after the jump. Just a warning, this is NSFW.

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Come for the illustration featuring Jesus locked in fisticuffs with a Jewish studio mogul, but stay a while at Heeb Magazine for Eric Kohn's nifty survey of how Mel Gibson ruined it for the rest of the Christians trying to get a leg up in Hollywood. Well, kind of: It turns out all the conspiracy theories in the world can't explain why, after The Passion grossed $600 million worldwide in 2004, our friends in Christ haven't been able to break through with another global hit for the faithful. Is it the Jews? Is it the MPAA? Or is it just, as one infamous anecdote alludes, that some of these guys make pouty Edward Norton look positively docile in comparison?

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There's plenty of studio hand-wringing and noose-tying to go around as movies about the Iraq War yield one box-office bomb after another. But a feature in this week's Village Voice reveals a new strategy for getting over those wartime blahs and rolling back into the black: Make 'em laugh! Not that the heirs to Dr. Strangelove or M*A*S*H are any new breed, of course, but if we can't cash in on grave exposes of torture and failed diplomacy (not to mention Ryan Phillippe's abs), we may as well have fun with them, say filmmakers like Morgan Spurlock:

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The Circle of Vaguely Latino-Looking Reality Stars With Gay Porn Pasts continues with news (and accompanying suite of fleshy, very NSFW photos) that Step It Up & Dance contestant Michael, described by Bravo's official site as living by the motto, "life is my canvas, the beat is my soul, crank it up and watch me roll," has applied that same vigorous enthusiasm towards his modelling work on LatinBoyz.com. Despite The Ashton Cruz Zoo blog's semi-hysterical assessment of the photos as a "GAY PORN SCANDAL!!!," however, we doubt anyone tuning in to a dance contest hosted by Elizabeth "I'm Not a Whore" Berkley would be entirely shocked to learn that any one of the talented contestants might have at some other point impressed a different set of judges with the sheer technical skill of their tripoded pliés.

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The Anti-Idea Train rolled inexorably closer to derailing today with word that Orlando Bloom is among principals involved in remaking Le Cercle Rouge, the great Jean-Pierre Melville heist film from 1970. We don't know what flip-flopped our stomachs more: the idea of the milquetoast Bloom slipping into the role of brooding French icon Alain Delon; or maybe the thoroughly incompatible Hong Kong crime auteur Johnnie To inheriting Melville's modest reins; or maybe it's just the mere thought that an English-language do-over flatly titled Red Circle will enter the stolid, stinking cosmos of Things That Make Us Sob Bitterly. We expected more from Gallic production giants Studio Canal, whose $40 million budget also covers co-stars Liam Neeson, Chow Yun-Fat and evidently enough insurance to cover the souls of all involved. Bob Weinstein would be sooooo proud. [THR]

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There's something kind of magical about coming to work every day at Defamer HQ: The migraines; the server issues; the chronic ADD ... you get the picture. We're alerted today, however, to one of the perks we had apparently overlooked while basking in all this bleary-eyed glory. To hear the erstwhile auteur behind Wild Wild West and RV tell it, we and the rest of the Internet are now destroying American democracy!

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· The two-hour season finale of The Biggest Loser earns NBC the runner-up spot on Tuesday, rousing Ben Silverman later that night with the 4 a.m. inspiration for a companion series: The Biggest Gainer will be a gluttonous exploitainment the likes of which the network hasn't seen since Feed The Bears. [Variety]
· Smugly vicious Idol judge Simon Cowell rendered all the more so by his The X Factor winner Leona Lewis's No. 1 position on Billboard—a first for a British artist. Also: Michael Johns lost because he has no personality. And: Randy Jackson has a boner. Further: Paula Abdul is drunk. [Variety]

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It seems that when you're a former heartthrob forced to maintain your celebrity status on the likes of Idol-wannabe reality shows, picking up women isn't as easy as flashing your veneers and saying hello. In the case of hamburger abuser David Hasselhoff, he might have been able to score by simply striding up to a group of giggly women and opening with "Hi, I'm The Hoff." But one pesky home video and one bitter divorce battle later, the NY Daily News reports that David's current moves aren't so slick:

"[A woman] was approached by the assistant of David Hasselhoff...and he gave her an autographed photo of him. On the back of the photo was the assistant's phone number and a suggestion that she get in touch with 'them.'"

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If you're wondering what the Beckhams are doing in Los Angeles, land of Jack Warner and Louis B. Mayer, the corner of Fairfax and Beverly, and Nate'n Als, one need look only as far as David's left forearm, where in Hebraic calligraphy reads a Talmudic proverb that translates roughly to, "He who is tethered to the most majah goat in the village, partakes of the tastiest cream cheese after Shabbat services." As it turns out, the tattoo wasn't just the regrettable result of having imbibed too much Manischewitz after a particularly boisterous Purim party with the Ciccone-Ritchies at the Beverly Hills Kabbalah center; rather, it's a nod to the soccer star's Jewish heritage. Now, reports The Sun, the couple is hoping to get their three-year-old son Cruz into one of our city's finest pre-Yeshivas:

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Ex-scientologist Jason Beghe, an actor you probably don't remember from CSI and Numb3rs, posted a somewhat horrifying rant on YouTube yesterday in which he demonstrates just how crazy the religion can make someone, even after they've escaped its clutches. After spouting venom-laced theories involving "theta traps" and "reactive minds," Beghe tells us that Scientologists think they're "fucking doing something to save the planet." And in an interview with the Village Voice last week, he divulges yet more allegations about Tom Cruise's involvement, and has a warning for Will Smith:

"[Cruise] was out for like ten years...Some are out but don't talk about it. Why? The church is scary. These are bad motherfuckers...Let Will Smith know that his shit was fucking recorded. And tell him to look them in the eye and see if he believes it when they deny it."

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As noted here Monday, SAG president and all-around industry red-arse Alan Rosenberg never encountered a paper cut he couldn't pick and peel into a festering scab. A lot of it is the institution's historic dysfunction; less than 90 days from the expiration of its contract with studios, SAG has more factions, infighting and revenue disparities than the Jackson family. Nevertheless, on the second day of negotiations between SAG and producers, Brooks Barnes offers a revealing portrait of the Man Who Would Bring Hollywood to Its Knees If It Will Get Him in the New York Times:

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Richie Sambora has long struggled with his addictions—themselves a natural response to the stresses of occupying one point on a messy Hollywood love pentagram whose details we can never quite get straight. (We think he was briefly married to David Spade before a bitter divorce led him directly into the arms of the Just Shoot Me star's former BFF, Heather Locklear.) But now, the Bon Jovi guitarist is facing far more serious matters, as Orange County officials are reportedly looking to slap the recently DUI'd Sambora with child endangerment charges:

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As we've come to learn over the past few months, Katherine Heigl wears the pants in her relationship with crooner Josh "Call Me Joshua" Kelley. She's made it clear that when it comes to baby-making, attracting gay men and winning Hollywood over, Heigl will have us know that she pretty much outperforms her hubby in every way. And just to prove her point that much further, Josh's beloved Katie will soon appear on the big screen wearing a very tight pair of tighty whities. And putting our strained relationship with "the next Julia Roberts" aside, we must say she's about to give Tom Cruise a run for his money.

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There were plenty of noteworthy moments from last night's American Idol Tribute to the Many Songs and Slutty Looks of Mariah Carey, from David Cook's soundtrack-ready, grungemo rendition of "Always Be My Baby," to a stirring performance of ''When You Believe" by a leather bepanted David Archuleta (who could have just as easily located the spiritually redeeming undercurrent to the "shoe do do do do do do do/shoe do do do do do do yeahs" of "Fantasy"). But the most thrilling development, for us at least, came not from the stage, but rather the judge's table, shortly before Randy Jackson was called upon to apply his highly attuned pitchydar to Carly Smithson's take on "Without You."

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When we first saw some screen shots from Jude Law's upcoming My Blueberry Nights, we couldn't help noticing the actor's abundance of messy highlighted hair atop his winky visage. Especially when compared to his respectable, but ever-so-slightly receding hairline in Alfie. And after being photographed in London recently sporting the beginnings of a George Costanza 'do, our suspicions that his character's curls in MBN were extensions for boys: "

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We're not surprised at the news that Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull is locked in at a running time of 140 minutes — at least 20 minutes longer than it should be to achieve that coveted $300 million mark Paramount wants for it. But that's nothing compared to the film's production stills, the most dismaying of which we found couched over at Hollywood Elsewhere and you can check out after the jump.

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