Thursday, April 17, 2008
Lolblunt: The Return
3:18PM Clem Bastow | And in no way is it a slight return, either!
It seems the LOLBlunt phenomenon* knows no bounds, even hopping in a time machine and molesting our childhood reminding us of the joys of Fat Cat & Friends:
Want to make your own LOLBlunt? Are you, too, keeping up the cats? Don’t know what the fuck we’re all talking about?
You can find all the history here, and then go to and send your own creation to tips AT defamer.com.au.
* Disclaimer: May not actually be a phenomenon More » 
Former Olympic Swimmer Scott Miller Arrested!
2:26PM Jess McGuire | A drug bust in Sydney has led to former swimming star Scott Miller’s arrest, reports the Daily Telegraph.
Retired Olympian Scott Miller is the second man to be charged over a major drug bust on Sydney’s Northern Beaches.
The other man charged is Mark Catchpole, son of former Wallabies skipper Ken Catchpole.
Miller, 33, was arrested at his unit in Dee Why yesterday as police swooped on an alleged ecstasy drug ring.
In his unit police allegedly found steroids in his bedroom, with Miller allegedly claiming they were for use on horses.
And why wouldn’t Scott Miller be feeding steroids to horses in his new life as a retired athlete? Seems reasonable to us. But the story gets worse!
Police allegedly also found capcsicum spray in his home.
Throw away the key!
Scott Miller will face court on May 7th after being charged with “two counts of possessing a prescribed restricted substance and possessing an offensive weapon (the capsicum spray).” More » 
Jordan And Peter Andre Are Amazing Parents
12:49PM Clem Bastow | It’s probably no secret to you all by now that Defamer Australia are pretty much fascinated by every move made by Peter Andre and his plastic wife Jordan aka Katie Price (not to mention their children).
So, we were not sure whether to laugh or cry – or combine the two in an Oscar-worthy performance – when we read today of the criticism being levelled at our shiny pair by child psychologists after their reality show, shall we say, revealed some less-than-exemplary parenting:
Jordan told Closer: “I know it’s disgusting, but we get carried way. It’s so easy to forget cameras are there.”
“It is disgusting – but Pete always starts it.”
A recent episode of the show sees Jordan, 29, dropping to her knees in front of Peter to re-enact their first sexual encounter after meeting on ITV’s ‘I’m A Celebrity…Get Me Out Of Here’ in 2005.
In another scene, Jordan straddles Peter,35, simulating sex once again.
The couple also have inappropriate discussions in front of their three children, Harvey, six, Junior, two and Princess, nine months, squabbling over what constitutes sex.
Peter tells Jordan: “Yeah I could easily have shagged you because you were so drunk.
Later, he tells Junior: “Daddy got a bit excited when they were making him.”
Child psychologists have deemed the behaviour “inappropriate” claiming it could have damaging effects on the children.
We’re not even sure what “Daddy got a bit excited when they were making him” means, but yes, it does sound potentially damaging.
Actually, when you think about it, just knowing that Peter Andre and Jordan are your parents is effectively grossly psychologically scarring, really. More » 
What’s That? You Want More LOLBlunts?
12:12PM Clem Bastow | Once daft commenter and James Blunt fan Frances M Benz began the James Blunt “KEEP UP THE CATS!” mania yesterday, it’s safe to say that all members of the Defamer Australia family have been, more or less, completely obsessed with one-upping each other with more and more LOLBlunt/KEEP UP THE CATS macros.
To wit, your Associate Editor’s effort:
As ever, we welcome your virtuoso efforts at procrastination and idiocy contributions to the cause, so don’t forget to email your own LOLBlunts to tips AT defamer.com.au!
ED: VERY WELL DONE, CLEMENTINE. A+ AND A GOLD STAR! More » 
Channel Nine Thinks Christine Spiteri Fancies A Double Boning
12:04PM Clem Bastow | An update for those of you who have been breathlessly following (as we have) the Christine Spiteri vs Channel Nine boning extravaganza: the network isn’t going to lie down on its back and let Spiteri bone them!
Turns out, in fact, they plan to bone her right back, so hard her case gets thrown out of court – take that, pretty newsreader!
The long-time TV reporter was on maternity leave when she was notified of her axing by her employer.
But Nine plans to fight to have the case, in which she will allege she was sexually and racially discriminated against by the network, dismissed at a Federal Court hearing on May 23.
A Nine spokesperson said Spiteri’s claims were “misconceived, so we are taking steps to challenge [them]“.
Them’s fightin’ words! Could this be the beginning of Nine’s getting back on its feet again? They’ve been being walked all over lately, whether by the press, other networks, or even their own employees.
We’re inclined to say “no way in hell”, but await the next exciting installment in boning central. More » 
“Pose Like A Pro”: News.com.au More Or Less Completely Miss The Point
11:42AM Clem Bastow | We love it when essentially middle-aged news outlets try to get amongst The Kids™ when it comes to things that are in the modern idiom, like MySpace and Facebook. As such, we were delighted this morning to read news.com.au’s handy guide – with added help from “star” stylists Jonathan Pease! – to taking the ultimate profile photo. DON’T tilt your head to the side, it looks immature DON’T have a tight expression and make sure your face is relaxed DON’T pucker up for the camera, it looks contrived DON’T make the peace sign, it’s a posing crime DON’T let someone take your photo from below, it creates a double-chin DON’T look back over your shoulder, it seems like you’re too important to stop and capture the moment. Did you get that, idiots? YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG! We kid you not. There’s even a gallery featuring hapless reporter Jolleh Abshar (pictured above, breaking rule three of the news.com.au profile photo commandments) demonstrating the dos and don’ts of profile posing (she clearly drew the short straw at the office water cooler). However, the most delicious moment of irony in the whole piece is this line from Pease (we’ve helpfully emphasised the punchline): “Posing for photography is all about capturing a moment,” says Jonathan. “You need to take that moment and make it look spontaneous.” More »
If MTV Australia Were A LOLcat, Their Caption Would Be “Ur Sexual Preference, We Exploited It”
11:22AM Clem Bastow | There is no font large enough to adequately express the epic eye-roll we did this morning while reading that MTV Australia is apparently so excited about the fact that VJ Ruby Rose is a lesbian (how could we forget) that they want to stage a girlie pash featuring Rose and The Veronicas at the upcoming MTV Awards.
Yes, MTV Australia is an equal opportunity employer – they’ll use anyone’s sexuality as a marketing tool!
Can we getta “PUH-LEAAAAASE” from the congregation, ladies and gentlemen?
Similar to the Britney Spears-Madonna saliva swap which made worldwide headlines in 2003, Confidential understands organisers are hoping for another staged pash between MTV VJ Ruby Rose and The Veronicas’ Jess Origliasso.
Sources close to Rose confirmed producers were keen on the idea, which comes after the two set tongues wagging when they pashed in public at the Cleo Bachelor of the Year after party.
Whether the two pop princesses publicly restage their tonsil hockey remains to be seen on April 26.
Does anyone else get the faintest whiff of sexual harassment in the workplace out of this? We’re neither prudes nor killjoys, but could you imagine MTV Australia hearing that, say, one of its male presenters was gay, and trying to work a gay pash into the proceedings as a publicity stunt?
It’s time for the Australian media to realise that there’s more to lesbianism than hot chicks pashing at parties! More » 
LOLBlunts: It Has Begun
10:27AM Jess McGuire | It’s the craze sweeping our living room – that’s right, let’s enjoy another KEEP UP THE CATS! picture, this one courtesy of a bored reader named Hirsty!
We hope to milk this poor excuse for a joke until Friday! Send in your LOLBlunts to the usual address (tips at defamer.com.au) and help us piss away the hours until it’s finally Friday night and we’re free to drink until we fall over! More » 
Robert Downey Jr. Will Plug ‘Iron Man’ By Continuing His Ongoing Public Discussion About Drugs And Sex
10:25AM Molly Friedman | Though we certainly feel pangs of sorrow for the impossible-not-to-adore Robert Downey Jr. whenever we read the latest interview with him unloading his thoughts on what it was like to be a druggie, we’re wondering if it’s possible to publish a story about the guy without it feeling like a public therapy session. As he begins his inevitably long and high-profile series of appearances in the press to push Iron Man, he sat down with normally family-friendly Parade to chat not really about the role or the movie, but about his battle with drugs yet again. But this time, he’s dishing on the mythic seven-year relationship he had with multi-tasking celebrity Sarah Jessica Parker: “I liked to drink, and I had a drug problem, and that didn’t jibe with Sarah Jessica, because it is the furthest thing from what she is…[She] would pull me out of a hangover, and we’d go pick out furniture together. She is a force of nature!” More »Andrew Bolt Floored To Learn Highly Offensive Bigots Make Up A Large Portion Of His Readership
9:44AM Jess McGuire | The Orstrahyun have penned a rather interesting piece about the response from readers of Herald Sun columnist Andrew Bolt’s blog to a suggestion from Andrew that allowing gay teens to take a partner of the same sex to their school formals “makes sense”.
Dingbat Andrew Bolt pretends he never knew that a fat slice of his blog’s readership are bigoted fuckwads. He posts on the decision Victorian schools to allow students to take gay partners to the formal dance, and gets bombarded with slabs of bile and disgust :
Some of the people against this idea should be ashamed of the way they express their opinions in comments below. Any young gays reading this would be horrified and intimidated by such gleeful mockery and hatred. Could the worst offenders reconsider the way they’ve expressed themselves, and post a clarification or even, dare I hope, an apology?
Yes, I’m sure there are just oodles of young, gay Australian conservatives reading Bolt’s blog everyday. You know, all those pro-war, pro-Howard, anti-gay marriage, anti-gay rights, young gay men.
The Orstrahyun then goes on to list some of the “highlights” from Andrew Bolt’s comments, which reveals – SHOCK HORROR – that many of his devotees are, in fact, complete morons (”If you are born gay then you must also be born a paedophile.” anyone?).
As strange as it feels to type the following words, we are pleased that Andrew publicly declared his disapproval, as too often on the interwebs folk are happy to allow their blog readers to make vicious and revolting comments regarding the object of the writer’s particular post, quietly sitting back and watching it all unfold whilst saying nothing – and then later if questioned about the issue, throw their hands up in the air and say “Oh, it wasn’t me saying those things, but how on earth could I possibly stop my pack of socially retarded internet bullies from making such statements? Are you suggesting I pipe up and announce this sort of behaviour is not okay? ARE YOU MAD, SIR/MADAM?”
We’re not suggesting people censor their blog comments, but if something you’ve written inspires numerous responses along the lines of “gay men like having sex with children” or “I hope someone rapes her” and you wholeheartedly disagree with the sentiments being expressed, it might – might – be worth locating another two cents in your back pocket and throwing it into the pot once more in order to clarify your personal position.
Oh god, where were we before that stupid rant? That’s right. Congratulating Andrew Bolt. This may be one of the signs of the apocalypse. More » 