Defamer Australia is a rather big admirer of Ryan Adams' music - both of his occasional heartbreaking works of staggering genius and his comedy tunes. A while back he wrote an amazingly nonsensical hip hop "piece" about his website ("Ryan Adams dot com, motherfucker!"), and we've spent the last twenty four hours going gaga over his latest triumph, a plea to internet folk who have been mocking his blog postings to back off.

It's called My Blog, Foggy (yes, he's named his Tumblr blog 'Foggy'), and contains the brilliant opening lines "Stop calling my blog bi-polar, I have ups and downs like you, I'm just trying to feel normal, reaching out's what lonely people doooo"

You can download it for yourself here.

It's actually a cracking tune - we can't stop singing it around the house!

Stop calling my blog bi-polar, it's name is Foggy!

Anything for you, future husband. Anything...

Ahem.

This tiny article has probably made our day.

A man from Nashua, New Hampshire, was cutting down an oak tree when he discovered what appeared to be a frowning face in the wood. "I've never seen anything like this," said Mike Adasczik.

The treea looks adorable! Just like those plump heavily made up goth kids who gather around at train stations looking sad and bum-puffing their cigarettes in a moody manner!

We're by now fairly certain that the unending media coverage of MTV Australia VJ Ruby Rose is largely due to the fact that most tabloid journos in Australia are gee-whiz types who think being a lesbian involves making out with hot chicks at parties.

Even after Rose herself said she'd been out since the age of 12 and told The Daily Telegraph to get over it and focus on her work, they're still pushing the "hot chicks pashing" angle.

Queensland model Catherine McNeil may have beaten her to the 2002 Girlfriend Model Search title, but Ruby Rose obviously doesn't hold grudges.

The MTV VJ has been talking up McNeil, describing her as "one of the best-looking women in the world".

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File this one under the 'unscientific yet mightily entertaining and wholly vindicating' header: a UK survey has found that of all the sounds that put them to sleep, most reach for Coldplay when they feel the need for soporific songs.

We're not sure they really needed to conduct a survey to find this out, but it's still nice to have it confirmed in some way.

Britons like a dose of rock band Coldplay to help them fall asleep, a survey from hotel chain Travelodge found today.

The band, whose frontman Chris Martin says he avoids caffeine and alcohol and is known for a lifestyle that is anything but rock 'n' roll, came top in a poll of music choices to help you nod off.

Other artists chosen for their slumber-inducing qualities were James Blunt, Snow Patrol, Take That and Norah Jones.

Ever since Guy Sebastian aka Australia's Most Famous Virgin announced his impending nuptials to long-term girlfriend Jules Egan, the question that has been on everyone's mind is how long will they stay at the reception before going back to the hotel to root like rabbits on Viagra who will sing at the wedding?

Well, it looks as though Australia's Third Or Fourth Most Famous Virgin (the #2 spot is occupied by Dean Geyer), Matt Corby, is set to do the honours. Perhaps he could serenade them with Damien Rice's The Blower's Daughter? We don't believe we've heard him do that one before.

The soul star will be humming the wedding march when he ties the knot with Egan in Sydney on May 20, but it's 2007 Idol star Corby who'll be centre stage during the reception.

Both are members of the Assemblies of God's Paradise Community Church - where Sebastian and Egan met in Adelaide 13 years ago - and Corby has formed a close friendship with the Idol alumni since his own challenging run through the Channel Ten contest.

Either way, now is as good a time as ever to indulge in a little celebratory contemporary Christian music, in celebration of the imminent removal of the shrink-wrap over his knob joyous occasion, it's Michael W. Smith's totally righteous 1990 power ballad, Place In This World! Seriously, it's as good as Bolton. Over the jump, Christian soldiers...

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Poor old Erin McNaught just can't seem to catch a break, although this time we're inclined to agree with the naysayers.

In short, there's a bit of a kerfuffle regarding McNaughty's appearance in Cockatoo Ridge's new "She likes a cockatoo" ad campaign.

GEDDIT? A COCK OR TWO?

Lordy, there's a party down the bottle-o - it's like it's 1956 and everyone's invited!

The wine label's managing director Peter Perrin defended the campaign, stating: "It's time for the brand to shake off its old image and get in the minds of mainstream younger Australian and European wine lovers."

McNaught wasn't red-faced over the ad series' sexual references either.

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Reader Kirsty emailed us last night about yesterday's YouTube Clip Of The Day, saying "You may have missed the best of La Pequeña's work by posting the Hilary clip. I think you'll find the following clip much more .... Disturbing."

She's right, you know.

Also - that's one uncanny resemblance to Amy Winehouse the little dude's got going on there.

We were pleasantly surprised to stumble upon a pretty interesting interview with Missy Higgins on the gaytastic online home of ladylove AfterEllen.com. It appears Missy has moved over to LA, which rather nicely coincides with her newfound success in the States due to the appearance of her song "Where I Stood" on the Grey's Anatomy soundtrack.

To put Missy's success in perspective, last week Missy's album was outselling Kylie's in the US iTunes chart, and La Minogue has been flogging her wares everywhere in America.

Anyway, enjoy a couple of the highlights from the AfterEllen.com piece after the jump.

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Feud-alert!

smh.com.au is reporting that the relationship between Lachlan Murdoch and Scientology-fan James Packer is no longer a rosy one, with the pair suddenly morphing into replicas of their bickering fathers after a business deal went awry.

Says the paper -

The decade-long truce in the great war of the media moguls has ended - or at least taken a nasty turn for the worse.

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Former Play School host and current queen of British daytime chat shows Trisha Goddard has just announced she's been diagnosed with breast cancer.

The 50-year-old mother of two was diagnosed with the disease after a routine mammogram picked up a lump three weeks ago.

She immediately had surgery to have the tumour removed. Lymph nodes were also taken for analysis.

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In a shocking revelation sure to get pint-sized host (and Gold Logie nominee)de Rove McManus slipping on a lucky throat-punching glove of his very own, radio host Kyle Sandilands confessed on air yesterday that he loathes McManus with a furious passion.

So what exactly happened?

Sandilands attacked McManus after the TV host called in to discuss his seventh consecutive Gold Logie nomination. The pair played nice for most of the interview and Sandilands even signed off by saying: "Thanks mate, nice to talk to you."

But then, as things drummed up for extra publicity tend to do, it all took a turn for the vicious...

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Another day, another reality show featuring D-list celebs premieres on basic cable. And last week was no exception, as MTV's Rock the Cradle made a strong showing right out of the gate. That's the program where children of washed-up musicians try to prove that they have as much talent as their parents. Unfortunately, the acorn falls pretty fucking far from the tree. As evidence, may we present Olivia Newton John's daughter, Chloe Lattanzi.

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You know, we consider ourselves a fairly easy-going bunch here at Defamer Australia, but even we're finding it slightly difficult to continue reading about the romance between John and Jenny Deaves. If you have no idea what we're talking about (where have you been living, sirrah/madam? A cave in the middle of nowhere?), we'll briefly explain the situation.

On Sunday night, John and Jenny Deaves appeared on Sixty Minutes and proudly announced to the world that they're just another loving couple with a beautiful baby daughter - and oh, by the way, they are also father and daughter.

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Once upon a time, a godfather was a man whose chief mission was to guide a child's religious beliefs. But nowadays, it's just a regular guy who's friends with the parents and buys stuff for the kid ... or so J. Lo and Marc Anthony would have us believe. The "Catholic" couple, whose twins Max and Emme were born on February 22, have reportedly asked Tom Cruise to be their babies' godfather. Yeah, you read that right.

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Maybe she was a porn star. Maybe she was a prostitute. Maybe she was even a good homemaker (though not likely). Yet the one occupation Heather Mills is known for that continues to confound us is modelling. In 1986, after failing at a number of jobs (and being arrested for stealing from one), Mills started her own modelling agency. Her number one client? You guessed it — herself. These recently surfaced pictures were shot in 1999 and are not as raunchy as the ones we've seen in the past. In fact - while not particularly attractive - they're almost classy. The only thing that's missing is the airbrushing that we as a society have come to expect. Oh, and her leg.

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The craziest movie star in America is playing a Nazi colonel with one eye, one hand, and three fingers who tries to bomb the Fürher and take over the Third Reich, but instead kills everyone in the room but Hitler, and eventually dies by firing squad. What more could America want on PRESIDENTS' DAY WEEKEND?

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As proven by Lindsay Lohan, there is absolutely nothing wrong with a contemporary actress attempting to recreate the magic of an iconic 60s photo shoot. But while the just-rehabbed Lohan chose to recreate an infamous shoot featuring soft-core nudity, Jessica Simpson chose to ... shave her face? Don't get us wrong, we loves us some Verna Lisi, but this just doesn't have the same Wow Factor.

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Knowing what we know about Spike Lee's constructively critical awards-podium jeremiads, we think the filmmaker doth protest too much this week about his lack of faith in the Academy Awards. Nevertheless, the sadist in us also appreciates his analysis of the vagaries of Oscar justice that we presume will embrace Lee one of these days:

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If you have "responsibilities" and "a life," you may not know that Paris Hilton is searching for a best friend on her new MTV reality show. So how does one get in on that sweet action and earn the right to hang with Hilton (for as long as the cameras are rolling)? MTV suggests you start by heading over to http://parisbff.com and creating a profile. Then, if you get enough votes, you could be picked for the show. You'll be in good company because two of the most celebrated members of Howard Stern's Wack Pack have already done so.

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· If you're anything like us, you frequently watch Lost and wonder what in the sam hell is going on. Well, as it turns out, the characters are thinking the very same thing. [/Film]
· On the hunt for a birthday present for that friend of yours who's a real history buff? Look no further. [Custom Ink]
· We're loathe to admit it, but yes, we are a little bit hooked on Rock Of Love 2. For those of you out there who also suffer from the same affliction, this one is for you. Remember in yesterday's episode when Ambre claimed that she was a TV host? Well, here's the evidence. [Radar]
· This has precious little to do with our normal topics of conversation here on Defamer, but your Uncle Grambo's world was slightly rocked this weekend when my all-time favourite female musician wrote about my second favourite rockstar of all-time. Here's Liz Phair on Dean Wareham's new book, Black Postcards. [New York Times]
· Lastly, if you are on the hunt for a great website that covers all things retail related in LA (and, frankly, who isn't?), we would like to suggest that you pay a visit to the recently launched Racked LA. Definitely worth a click. [Racked LA]

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Apparently the only shitty thing Dane Cook likes to carry around is his act from five years ago. The "comedian" has had a complaint filed against him in a Los Angeles court because he allegedly refuses to clean up after his tiny Miniature Pinscher, Beast. (Get it? It's little, but it's called something big. Pet naming, now with comedic irony!) The neighbours even claim they have video of the "actor" letting his pooch pinch one off before walking away empty-handed. We hope this footage gets released, because it is most likely the only time we would ever watch a Dane Cook video twice. [NY Post]

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Behind the facade of those vacant eyes and the kind of resume that would have had most filmmakers changing careers years ago, we knew there was a reasonable man hiding somewhere inside Uwe Boll. In a recent interview with the horror Web site FEARnet, the critic-boxing director of such celluloid atrocities as BloodRayne, In the Name of the King and Postal made a modest proposal for an early retirement we can all get behind:

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With the return of NBC's 30 Rock only four (loooooong) days away, the New York Times has published a feature interview with one of the show's stars, Jack McBrayer. And we're pretty sure his comment about the underwear he was required to don, for the upcoming Forgetting Sarah Marshall, marks the first time the illustrious NYT has ever run the sentence, "They are not flattering on nobody." But that's the sort of thing that happens when a true country boy makes it big.

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The only war with a box office record worse than the Iraq conflict is the one that decimated the Balkans in the '90s; the recent Richard Gere/Terrence Howard satire The Hunting Party flailed briefly in theatres on its way to DVD, with only the Owen Wilson/Gene Hackman actioner Behind Enemy Lines barely breaking even back in 2001. Colin Farrell, no bankable factor himself, is reportedly the next Hollywood name to take on the genre — and in case you had any doubt, he takes his role in the upcoming drama Triage very, very seriously:

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Just as we were about to laugh a little bit at Juno Lynn Spears' decision to spend her 17th birthday at a Ruby Tuesday restaurant and going on a shopping spree at Wal-Mart, we remembered back to our 17th birthday and stopped laughing. We were in college, in suburbia, and spent the day in class, then at some chain restaurant with our boyfriend, and probably at the movies in the mall. How quickly we forget that Jamie Lynn is still just a kid! Just because she's grown up before our eyes and starred in a hit show and, well, gotten pregnant, doesn't mean the girl shouldn't abandon her awkward late teen years and all the mall-filled nights that go with them. More details on our favourite real-life Juno and her day of kicking "16 And Pregnant!!!" headlines to the curb, after the jump.

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In another case of life imitating art, The Death Star is under attack! By Hitchcockian birds of prey, no less!

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Instead of fussing over headlines linking Owen Wilson to Jennifer Aniston on the set of Marley & Me, should Kate Hudson be more worried about the allure of Woody Harrelson's positively perfect butt? Looking downright McConaughey-esque (at least from behind), Harrelson displayed enviable the enviable skill of Olympic-style cliff-climbing while nude during a swim sesh with longtime pal Wilson in Miami over the weekend. And we couldn't be more delighted. Not only have these pictures edged Woody much higher on our list of celebrity crushes, but they've given The Daily Mail the opportunity to Photoshop a mini-animated tale of Woody's butt's ascent from the Atlantic. Though we highly doubt Owen will fall for the Woodster's cheeks, we couldn't resist taking a closer look ourselves after the jump, including a peek at Owen's much more demure choice of swimwear.

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See Brad Pitt! See Miley Cyrus! See Mariah Carey! Apparently the only thing you can't see at "Idol Gives Back" are last year's accounting records. For the past month, Fox has blasted viewers with constant reminders that last year's American Idol charity show pulled in $76 million. Yet, according to the New York Times, less than half of this money has actually been distributed to the nine charities involved and, "Some $5 million of last year's proceeds and interest remains undistributed."

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It's not just British tabloids ripping apart celebrity body parts; now their own trainers are turning against them to make a buck. Fitness expert Rob Parr has written the summer release Star Quality, in which he shells out detail after "fleshy" detail about the problem areas of stars like Demi Moore, Naomi Watts, and Madonna. And though the blurbs on the back merely outline the "types" of bodies each star had (hourglass, long and slender, and athletic, respectively), he delves far deeper into their Before states in the pages: "

[Demi] lacked a defined waist, carried too much meat on her thighs, and was, by movie-star standards, thick overall."

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When our cultural faith is shaken to its very core by the passing of Charlton Heston and looming Short Circuit remakes, we know we can always find quiet comfort in the security of numbers. Box-office numbers, to be exact:

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A word of advice to the legions of women seeking to disrupt George Clooney's latest extended fling with former cocktail waitress / sand enthusiast Sarah Larson: if you're planning on placing an anonymous phone call to George with the intent of disparaging his ladyfriend, make sure to use a pre-paid cell phone. Because even with the help of his cop/chauffeur's detective skills, Clooney was unable to track the hushed threats that were recently left on his voicemail, threats that apparently came from a rent-a-phone. On them, the anonymous caller ranted, "Dude, your friends asked me to give you a message: Dump the bitch before you're sorry!" The golden couple's reaction, plus reports from an alleged ex revealing Larson's penchants for "love potions", after the jump.

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The Hollywood Reporter calls it "one of the biggest agent migrations in years." Nikki Finke screamed "Shocker!" We'll wait until the dust settles before determining exactly how to characterize the moves of UTA talent kingpin and co-owner Nick Stevens and partners Sharon Sheinwold and Lisa Hallerman over to Endeavor, a relocation that has already cost UTA its relationship with Stevens' client Ben Stiller, looks ready to claim Jack Black and could continue to draw a sizable chunk of UTA's deep comedy base — including Judd Apatow, Owen Wilson, Jason Lee and half the cast of Saturday Night Live — in the days and weeks to come.

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