Saturday, April 5, 2008
Miley Cyrus’ Desperate Search On A Bike For A Missing Dog
10:10AM Mark Graham | Looking for a quick snack that won’t spoil your dinner? Might we suggest tearing into a Dirt Sandwich? Make sure to grab yourself a placemat and a handful of napkins, for this week’s double decker supreme is stacked to the ceiling with this week’s messiest infotainment offerings. Compiled with care by Defamer’s resident culinary expert, Molly McAleer, we think you’ll find this to be the tastiest sammy you’ve noshed on all week. Join us as we find out how Amy Winehouse’s face looks these days (answer: better than Harvey Levin thinks), what a teary Hayden Panettiere did immediately after receiving an award for Saving The Whales (or some such nonsense) and what Harrison Ford thinks of being slimed. Pay close attention, lest you miss the revelation of whether or not Dancing With The Stars‘ Priscilla Presley spray tans or not … a special CoJo investigate report! Enjoy, kids, enjoy! More »
Husky Voiced Scarlett Johansson Set To Cover Husky Voiced Tom Waits
9:50AM Molly Friedman | It took long enough, but the release date of Scarlett Johansson’s highly anticipated debut album is near. The LP, titled Anywhere I Lay My Head, features album cover art of Scarlett looking like an introspective earth mother and showcases her trademark fiery red lips and oft-victimised bosom. And what are we to expect from the music itself? As People reports, her long-awaited covers of famous Tom Waits tunes will include vocals from David Bowie and one original track by Scarlett herself, which sounds like it could be promising. But we took a look back at some of her past performances to get a better sense of what Scarlett’s presumably sexy vocals sound like, and aren’t entirely convinced Grammys lie in her future. More »
Beyonce And Jay-Z Definitely, Maybe Getting Married Today: You Decide
9:30AM Molly Friedman | Sometimes a celebrity marriage rumour comes along that you simply can’t ignore. Photo agencies bombard you with visual proof, New York State court legislation is involved, and the very fact that the starry couple in question seems destined to stay together begin to haunt you throughout the day until you just can’t stay quiet anymore. Today’s are-they-or-aren’t-they couple, of course, is Beyonce Knowles and Jay-Z. Rumours surfaced on Tuesday that the pair had filed for a marriage licence upstate, and construction on the rapper’s rooftop coupled with reports that floral arrangements and standard wedding gear chandeliers had been shipped to his penthouse are beginning to convince us that the longtime couple is finally tying the knot. We sort through all the fishy and not-so-fishy details after the jump, and leave it to you to tell us whether or not we should “bite the hook”, as Bobby Brown would say. More »
‘The Office’ Dedicates Episode To Internet Piano Prodigy
9:05AM Defamer Hollywood | Last night’s Office rerun brought a tear to our eye, and not because of the hilarious antics of that wacky Dwight Schrute. In case you missed it, at the end of the episode they showed an incredibly sweet video of a 15-year-old boy playing The Office theme on his piano, followed by an “In Memoriam” note. That boy was Nathan Alden Robinson, who died last month of complications from the flu. More »
God Sheds a Tear, Shoots Self at News of ‘Short Circuit’ Remake
8:40AM Defamer Hollywood | Mere days after the news of Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure 3 flared a fresh ulcer in our cultural digestive tract, news over the wire says Bob Weinstein is planning his own Apocalypse Pre-Game Show with a remake of the 1986 hit Short Circuit. The original featured Steve Guttenberg and Ally Sheedy in top form as the annoying flesh-and-blood foils of a stupid fucking wise-cracking government robot named Johnny Five, who gets struck by goddamned lightning and finds Gadget Jesus or some bullshit that changes his whole global perspective to pro-peace/disarmament/”fuck you Ronald Reagan.” But wait — it gets worse. More »
Renee Zellweger Coins New Term For Frozen Snot, Wins Back Our Love By Impersonating It
8:10AM Molly Friedman | Renee Zellweger may have brought the va va voom factor to Letterman last night in her body-hugging red Old Hollywood dress, but one of her talking points was far from glamorous. While chatting with Dave about shooting Chilled In Miami in temperatures she claimed reached 57 below, Renee delves deep into the physical effects that kind of weather can have on the body, particularly the ways in which bodily fluids react to icy weather. And those effects do not look pretty in close-ups. But thanks to her sugary Southern accent and last-minute decision to impersonate her own snot for Dave, we’re ready to forgive her for all that twitchy Hitchcock-inspired emoting she slaughtered us with last month. [CBS] WATCH VIDEO More »
Kate Bosworth’s Dog Hates Asian People
7:50AM Defamer Hollywood | It’s a dog-eat-dog world out there, and Kate Bosworth’s party guests learned that the hard way over the weekend. At a little soirée to celebrate the success of her new crapfest movie 21, Bosworth’s dog bit co-star Aaron Yoo square in the face! More »
Nicolas Cage Officially No Longer That Oscar-Winner Who Stole a Chihuahua
7:15AM Defamer Hollywood | Nicolas Cage’s long, excruciating nightmare on the International Chihuahua-Thief Blacklist ended today in a British court, where his solicitor acknowledged a settlement between the Oscar-winner and rumor-slinging memoirist Kathleen Turner. The actress wrote of several newly disproven Cage exploits in her recent book Send Yourself Roses, including being “arrested twice for drunk-driving” and renting-to-own a Chihuahua on the set of Peggy Sue Got Married. Cage took his beef to court after the Daily Mail published the offending excerpt. Sadly, we’ve learned that the resolution will deprive us of some of our favourite apocrypha of contemporary literature: [Cage's lawyer Simon] Smith said that Turner, Associated Newspapers and Headline Publishing Group now accepted that, owing to a mistake on Turner’s part and despite the other defendants’ publishing in good faith, the allegations were defamatory and false and ought never to have been published. … More »
Frank Darabont’s Week Less Than ‘Majestic’
6:50AM Defamer Hollywood | Poor Frank Darabont. The much-loved(ish) writer/director of The Shawshank Redemption has had a rough few days. First, in a stroke of George Clooney-esqe fate, he found that he would not be getting screenplay credit on Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. As he says, “I know there are some common elements to what I gave Steven [Spielberg] and what was eventually shot, but I guess not enough to warrant credit. It’s clearly a disappointment, especially after Steven loved my script.” Notice that Darabont goes out of his way to not mention George Lucas. Apparently there’s some tension between the two. When asked if he’d ever work with Lucas again, Darabont coldly replied: “Honestly, our storytelling sensibilities have diverged to the point where that would be a pointless exercise.”
