You just can't stop the avalanche of boning at Channel Nine, it seems, with the news (ho ho) that another member of the Nine News team has been given the boot.

And as if the rest of the bonings hadn't seemed arbitrary enough for you, this time it was veteran reporter Brad Schmitt who was unceremoniously shown the door - after twenty-five years with the network.

Way to golden handshake your faithful, Nine! Right on!

"They told him they were going for a fresh look and he wasn't going to be part of it," a Nine insider told Confidential.

"After 25 years, he's absolutely devastated. To say it's come out of left field is an understatement and a half."

Nine wasted no time, allegedly cutting Schmitt's remote access to its computer system by Monday afternoon.

Schmitt was highly regarded as Nine's most senior Sydney reporter and was to have celebrated his quarter century with the network on August 1.

Rather than being a contracted star, Schmitt was on staff and is believed to require three warnings of poor performance before he can be legally sacked.

Experts said his case for unfair dismissal was "on solid ground".

Said "experts" said his case was "on solid ground" while rubbing their hands together while an imaginary sack filled with gold coins above their heads.

So, let's just add this to the list of things Channel Nine doesn't like, shall we? Women, locally-produced content, expectant mothers and now, oldies.

Have we missed anything?

We've been too flat out to see much of the Melbourne International Comedy Festival so far, however, had we known that there was a chance someone might get razorbladed through the head, we may well have cleared our schedule to make sure we were there to witness it!

It seems that a magic trick at one of the MICF's many shows didn't turn out as planned - but a veil of secrecy was quickly thrown over any audience members who might have wanted to walk out loudly exclaiming, "I can't believe he fit four beer bottles up his bum before they finally smashed!"

Which was probably not what happened, but we're doing the best we can to piece together a likely story with the vague details that are emerging:

The trick went awry during the Something About Razorblades and Nails show at the Northcote Town Hall on Sunday night.

An audience member, who wished to remain anonymous, told Confidential that "something went horribly wrong".

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Channel Seven's perma-smiling breakfast team on Sunrise like nothing more than being right on when it comes to promoting charities and national days of [insert cause here], so the latest skeleton to jump out of the Seven wardrobe closet is likely to have the lot of them in furious damage control.

It seems Sunrise asked a cancer charity to cough up the mad cash when the team realised there would be significant production costs involved in sending a reporter to cover a 21-day fund-raising trek through China.

Next Monday Olivia Newton-John and a host of local and international stars begin a 228km trek over 21 days to raise funds for the Olivia Newton-John Cancer and Wellness Centre Appeal.

However the network has pulled the pin on a deal to send Sunrise reporter Monique Wright to cover the event after its demand was rejected, The Australian reported.

Seven's sales director James Warburton told the charity it had to come up with the network's production costs or Sunrise would withdraw from the walk.

Executives on the appeal's board, based at Melbourne's Austin Hospital, were angered by Seven's request as it would be inappropriate for a charity to give money to a commercial concern, sources said.

It is the latest in a series of embarrassments for the show following the furore over the donning of Sunrise T-shirts by participants in a Kokoda Track walk, including Kevin Rudd, and attempts to hold a mock ANZAC dawn service in Vietnam.

Centre fundraising director Peter Dalton could not comment on Seven's involvement.

Apparently the Appeal tried to find a sponsor to cover Wright's costs but when they couldn't secure one, her involvement was trashed.

Gee, we might be way off the mark here, but surely Kerry Stokes et al could bring themselves to pony up the chump change for Sunrise to cover the trek? Or what about one of the many companies Sunrise has "commercial agreements" with?

We opted out of the "Amazing" puns being made left, right and centre about this: Alex Lloyd, Mr Car Commercial himself, is evidently being sued by... some bloke, who claims to have co-written Lloyd's big hit, Amazing, in the front bar of a Sydney pub.

Wouldn't know it, not only did mystery man apparently co-write the song, he now feels the need to claim his rightful share of the massive bags of cash Lloyd pocketed when the song was a hit and later licensed to within an inch of its life.

Alex Lloyd has been sued for a share of his personal fortune after a man claimed they wrote the hit song Amazing together on the back of coasters in a Sydney pub.

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· Times sure are tough for La Lohan these days. With her her bank accounts rapidly dwindling, it appears that she has been forced into indentured servitude alongside the likes of Surfer Dude and Spiky Tips as one of Harvey Levin's minions. All kidding aside, we have a quick note on Lindsay's performance: being able to laugh at yourself is important, but not nearly as important as making others laugh. Makes Pop Fiction look like Candid Camera. [TMZ]
· Long before The Mac Guy hit puberty, Jeff Goldblum was doing TV spots for Apple. Drunk. [BWE.tv]
· If you haven't seen Bjork's video for "Wanderlust" yet, stop what you're doing and click this ASAP. Somebody oughta throw a bucket of money at these Encyclopedia Pictura dudes, stat. Makes Beowulf 3-D look like Jaws 3-D. [Encyclopedia Pictura]
· And finally, In the greatest YouTube moment to come from the continent of Asia since Little Superstar, we gladly present you with Awesome Korean Drummer. [College Humor]

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Oh cruel fate, to learn today that Ellen Page was one deleted musical scene away from certain Oscar victory. Thankfully, the kind people at Amazon have righted the sitch (man, we're getting Diablo'd just thinking about it), offering the Cafe Triste "Jub Jub" (not to be confused with the Ewok's "Yub Nub") song as a sneak peek at Juno's DVD special content.

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There's some good news and bad news to report regarding Juno Lynn Spears' wedding plans and, in standard fashion, we'll present the bad news first: Jamie Lynn will apparently not be getting hitched, nor moving back to, LA. Sorry to disappoint any of you who adore the sounds of helicopters circling 'round and 'round your neighbourhood daily, or the great fun of late-night gurney trips the young mother will no doubt be taking over the next few years. The good news? Jamie Lynn's gonna look hot in her wedding dress! More details on what her trailertastic plan is to ensure she looks "beautiful" walking down the aisle after the jump.

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Back in the early 1970s, when Lindsay Lohan's firecrotch was but a twinkle in young Harvey Levin's eye, the gossip kingpin was a politically-active student at the University Of California Santa Barbara. This recently resurfaced newsclip (exact origin date: unknown) shows the future TMZ boss speaking to a local television crew on the campus of UCSB in the wake of the Isla Vista riots. As evidenced in the clip, Levin demonstrated not only an early penchant for dealing with the media, but also, dare we say, a slight case of Napoleon complex (at least when it came to dealing with trash-talking, beanie-wearing beatniks). However, we are sad to report that the clip shows no sign of his now-ubiquitous Starbucks sippy cup. [YouTube]

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Another week, another sex tape rumour. But unlike the somewhat harmless photos of good girl Kristin Davis that caught our attention a few weeks back, the news that Shakira and boyfriend Antonio de la Rua may have recorded each other Pam-and-Tommy style aboard a yacht sounds a bit racier. As one Spanish radio host put it, "if some of this tape's content would be made public, it could seriously threaten the singer and couple's private life". And aside from the prospect of seeing Shakira's famous curves dancing in dirtier ways we've ever seen, the story itself involves a third (and fourth!) party.

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Remember when you were in high school and used to dreamily stare at the sexy magazine spreads (pun intended) of whomever your crush of the moment was? Well, apparently The View's Sherri Shepherd still does this, but she takes the whole process a bit too far. After Jay Leno introduced her as the second slot guest after David Beckham on The Tonight Show last night, Sherri proceeded to spend the next four or so minutes crushing on Becks like she was a nine-year-old schoolgirl with a serious Man U fetish. Not only was there talk of Sherri putting her advanced scrapbooking techniques to work on that infamous Posh 'n Becks photoshoot but, even more disturbingly, she waxed poetically her ladyparts doing what Tracy Morgan would call "a high-five" to a visibly nervous David's manparts. That's one view we'd prefer never to see. [NBC]

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It wasn't bad enough that the almost willfully unfunny trailer for Mike Myers' comeback vehicle, The Love Guru (which you can watch after the jump), had Defamer HQ wailing with laments for the comic's lost Canadian soul. The metaphor has officially entered the literal realm this week, as nervous Hindu spiritual leader Rajan Zed — who coaxed a full viewing of the comedy out of Paramount — is on the PR offensive with his Christian and Jewish friends close behind:

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As Tyra Banks loves to remind us, modelling is hard, okay? Sometimes you have to sit in chairs for really long amounts of time while people make you look pretty, and sometimes you even have to get out of those chairs to stand up and move your arms and stuff. But after seeing these pictures of Gisele Bundchen getting her arse squeezed by a fluffer while shooting a fashion spread, it turns out we didn't know the half of it. Apparently, sometimes, models even have to endure butt massages while they work! A closer look at Bundchen's behind, and the men assigned to perfect it, after the jump.

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As much as we'd like to believe that Chris Farley's time on earth was a shouting, dancing laugh fest until its too-soon end, his brother Tom's new book, The Chris Farley Show: A Biography in Three Acts, shatters our (admittedly quite flimsy) illusions about his life. Excerpts from the book will run in May's Playboy — finally, you can say "I bought it for the articles!" and truly mean it — but Page Six has two distressing quotes this morning from his fellow Not Ready For Prime Time Players. Particularly sad — Farley BFF David Spade recalls a time when his pal's heckling went well beyond "fat guy in a little coat:"

"I got a lot of s - - - at the end about 'Why weren't you there for him?' But being that close, I dealt with it all the time. And in that situation, before the guy's dead, he's just kind of an a - -hole. Truth is, you get a junkie who's wasted all the time and moody and angry and trying to knock you around, you say, 'OK, you go do that, and I'll be over here.' "

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Maybe there's no need to feel sorry for Jennifer Aniston after all. Despite the tear-drenched interviews post-Brangelina, the constant inductions of Chosen Ones, and all the hits and misses when it comes to on-set dating, Jen may not have to spend her spare time on-set chatting up whoever happens to be standing next to her in line at the craft service table. Several reports claim that Orlando Bloom spent his Friday night flirting with Aniston at a party thrown by Hollywood hairdresser to the stars, Ken Paves. But as you might recall, this isn't the first time Orlandiston sparked rumours. Back in October, the pair were spotted in Mexico sharing the same veranda in skimpy swimwear (pictures after the jump)...

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Coming off a $US10 million sale of his comedy Hamlet 2 at Sundance, Michael Eisner's son Eric appears to have lost his film-producing partner to mob-related foul play. Page Six reports today that Leonid Rozhetskin, a 41-year-old Russian-born, US-educated lawyer-turned-billionaire telecommunications baron, was reported missing 10 days ago and that "[b]lood matching his DNA has since been found on the floor" of his home in Latvia. His plane is also AWOL.

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