Thursday, April 3, 2008
Nobody Is Safe From The Boning Madness As Nine Dumps Another ‘Valued’ Staffer
3:01PM Clem Bastow | You just can’t stop the avalanche of boning at Channel Nine, it seems, with the news (ho ho) that another member of the Nine News team has been given the boot.
And as if the rest of the bonings hadn’t seemed arbitrary enough for you, this time it was veteran reporter Brad Schmitt who was unceremoniously shown the door – after twenty-five years with the network.
Way to golden handshake your faithful, Nine! Right on!
“They told him they were going for a fresh look and he wasn’t going to be part of it,” a Nine insider told Confidential.
“After 25 years, he’s absolutely devastated. To say it’s come out of left field is an understatement and a half.”
Nine wasted no time, allegedly cutting Schmitt’s remote access to its computer system by Monday afternoon.
Schmitt was highly regarded as Nine’s most senior Sydney reporter and was to have celebrated his quarter century with the network on August 1.
Rather than being a contracted star, Schmitt was on staff and is believed to require three warnings of poor performance before he can be legally sacked.
Experts said his case for unfair dismissal was “on solid ground”.
Said “experts” said his case was “on solid ground” while rubbing their hands together while an imaginary sack filled with gold coins above their heads.
So, let’s just add this to the list of things Channel Nine doesn’t like, shall we? Women, locally-produced content, expectant mothers and now, oldies.
Have we missed anything? More » 
Is It Wrong That We Get Excited When We See The Words “Magic Trick” And “Gone Horribly Wrong” Used Within Earshot Of Each Other?
2:47PM Clem Bastow | We’ve been too flat out to see much of the Melbourne International Comedy Festival so far, however, had we known that there was a chance someone might get razorbladed through the head, we may well have cleared our schedule to make sure we were there to witness it!
It seems that a magic trick at one of the MICF’s many shows didn’t turn out as planned – but a veil of secrecy was quickly thrown over any audience members who might have wanted to walk out loudly exclaiming, “I can’t believe he fit four beer bottles up his bum before they finally smashed!”
Which was probably not what happened, but we’re doing the best we can to piece together a likely story with the vague details that are emerging:
The trick went awry during the Something About Razorblades and Nails show at the Northcote Town Hall on Sunday night.
An audience member, who wished to remain anonymous, told Confidential that “something went horribly wrong”.
More » 
Sunrise Forget You’re Meant To Give Money To Charities, Not Take
2:39PM Clem Bastow | Channel Seven’s perma-smiling breakfast team on Sunrise like nothing more than being right on when it comes to promoting charities and national days of [insert cause here], so the latest skeleton to jump out of the Seven wardrobe closet is likely to have the lot of them in furious damage control.
It seems Sunrise asked a cancer charity to cough up the mad cash when the team realised there would be significant production costs involved in sending a reporter to cover a 21-day fund-raising trek through China.
Next Monday Olivia Newton-John and a host of local and international stars begin a 228km trek over 21 days to raise funds for the Olivia Newton-John Cancer and Wellness Centre Appeal.
However the network has pulled the pin on a deal to send Sunrise reporter Monique Wright to cover the event after its demand was rejected, The Australian reported.
Seven’s sales director James Warburton told the charity it had to come up with the network’s production costs or Sunrise would withdraw from the walk.
Executives on the appeal’s board, based at Melbourne’s Austin Hospital, were angered by Seven’s request as it would be inappropriate for a charity to give money to a commercial concern, sources said.
It is the latest in a series of embarrassments for the show following the furore over the donning of Sunrise T-shirts by participants in a Kokoda Track walk, including Kevin Rudd, and attempts to hold a mock ANZAC dawn service in Vietnam.
Centre fundraising director Peter Dalton could not comment on Seven’s involvement.
Apparently the Appeal tried to find a sponsor to cover Wright’s costs but when they couldn’t secure one, her involvement was trashed.
Gee, we might be way off the mark here, but surely Kerry Stokes et al could bring themselves to pony up the chump change for Sunrise to cover the trek? Or what about one of the many companies Sunrise has “commercial agreements” with? More » 
Big Worries For Alex Lloyd, Hit With A Large Lawsuit
2:29PM Clem Bastow | We opted out of the “Amazing” puns being made left, right and centre about this: Alex Lloyd, Mr Car Commercial himself, is evidently being sued by… some bloke, who claims to have co-written Lloyd’s big hit, Amazing, in the front bar of a Sydney pub.
Wouldn’t know it, not only did mystery man apparently co-write the song, he now feels the need to claim his rightful share of the massive bags of cash Lloyd pocketed when the song was a hit and later licensed to within an inch of its life.
Alex Lloyd has been sued for a share of his personal fortune after a man claimed they wrote the hit song Amazing together on the back of coasters in a Sydney pub.
More » 
Short Ends: The Hunted Becomes The Hunter
11:00AM Mark Graham | Times sure are tough for La Lohan these days. With her her bank accounts rapidly dwindling, it appears that she has been forced into indentured servitude alongside the likes of Surfer Dude and Spiky Tips as one of Harvey Levin’s minions. All kidding aside, we have a quick note on Lindsay’s performance: being able to laugh at yourself is important, but not nearly as important as making others laugh. Makes Pop Fiction look like Candid Camera. [TMZ] Long before The Mac Guy hit puberty, Jeff Goldblum was doing TV spots for Apple. Drunk. [BWE.tv] If you haven’t seen Bjork’s video for “Wanderlust” yet, stop what you’re doing and click this ASAP. Somebody oughta throw a bucket of money at these Encyclopedia Pictura dudes, stat. Makes Beowulf 3-D look like Jaws 3-D. [Encyclopedia Pictura] And finally, In the greatest YouTube moment to come from the continent of Asia since Little Superstar, we gladly present you with Awesome Korean Drummer. [College Humor] More »
Diablo Cody Takes Us to Cafe Triste
10:35AM Defamer Hollywood | Oh cruel fate, to learn today that Ellen Page was one deleted musical scene away from certain Oscar victory. Thankfully, the kind people at Amazon have righted the sitch (man, we’re getting Diablo’d just thinking about it), offering the Cafe Triste “Jub Jub” (not to be confused with the Ewok’s “Yub Nub”) song as a sneak peek at Juno’s DVD special content. More »
Jamie Lynn Spears’ Wedding To Include One Hot Body, One Bridesmaid Named Britney
10:05AM Molly Friedman | There’s some good news and bad news to report regarding Juno Lynn Spears’ wedding plans and, in standard fashion, we’ll present the bad news first: Jamie Lynn will apparently not be getting hitched, nor moving back to, LA. Sorry to disappoint any of you who adore the sounds of helicopters circling ’round and ’round your neighbourhood daily, or the great fun of late-night gurney trips the young mother will no doubt be taking over the next few years. The good news? Jamie Lynn’s gonna look hot in her wedding dress! More details on what her trailertastic plan is to ensure she looks “beautiful” walking down the aisle after the jump. More »
Harvey Levin: Portrait Of A Gossiphound As A Young Man
9:00AM Mark Graham | Back in the early 1970s, when Lindsay Lohan’s firecrotch was but a twinkle in young Harvey Levin’s eye, the gossip kingpin was a politically-active student at the University Of California Santa Barbara. This recently resurfaced newsclip (exact origin date: unknown) shows the future TMZ boss speaking to a local television crew on the campus of UCSB in the wake of the Isla Vista riots. As evidenced in the clip, Levin demonstrated not only an early penchant for dealing with the media, but also, dare we say, a slight case of Napoleon complex (at least when it came to dealing with trash-talking, beanie-wearing beatniks). However, we are sad to report that the clip shows no sign of his now-ubiquitous Starbucks sippy cup. [YouTube] More »
Shakira Takes Celebrity Sex Tape Scandals To Whole New Level: The Threesome
8:30AM Molly Friedman | Another week, another sex tape rumour. But unlike the somewhat harmless photos of good girl Kristin Davis that caught our attention a few weeks back, the news that Shakira and boyfriend Antonio de la Rua may have recorded each other Pam-and-Tommy style aboard a yacht sounds a bit racier. As one Spanish radio host put it, “if some of this tape’s content would be made public, it could seriously threaten the singer and couple’s private life”. And aside from the prospect of seeing Shakira’s famous curves dancing in dirtier ways we’ve ever seen, the story itself involves a third (and fourth!) party. More »
