Tuesday, April 1, 2008
Bang Bang, You’re F–ked – No, Seriously: Chopper Didn’t Like Your Show
12:02PM Clem Bastow | If there’s one person in the world that you probably don’t want to get on the bad side of, it’s Mark “Chopper” Read, ex-con, hitman, rapper and artist (in roughly that order).
Not that we’re suggesting Chopper’s planning to take a shotgun over to Channel Nine because he didn’t think much of Underbelly, but still – wouldn’t you rather he really, really liked the drama? Actually, maybe not.
We’re scared, hold us.
“I’m enjoying it, but there should definitely be more shooting and less rooting,” he told the mag.
More » 
Amy Winehouse Round-Up: No Glove, No Love
11:47AM Clem Bastow | Amy Winehouse might be writing “suicidal” choons and scratching her face to bits like some Dickensian flophouse resident, but at least she can pull it together when it’s time to have tea with hubby (in jail).
Yes, Winegums actually scrubbed up quite nicely for her access visit with Blake Fielder-Civil, even thoughtfully donning gloves so that, presumably, a) she wouldn’t spread impetigo germs all over her own face and b) so she could lovingly give Blake a full cavity search. Er, sorry, so she wouldn’t infect him, either.
Amy has been battling the infection impetigo, and it looks as if she’s taken to wearing rubber gloves to prevent the condition worsening.
More » 
As He Was: Remembering The Jeremy Piven Of Yesteryear
10:30AM Seth | We’ve spent a long time now with the freewheeling, Emmy-winning Jeremy Piven of Today: Oozing confidence from every pore of his shredded, hairless body (save for his scalp), that Piven is an Arian super-man. It’s enough to make you forget about the Jeremy Piven of Yesterday, as featured in the clip above from a 1995 episode of Chicago Hope. Playing a patient with a stubbornly persistent erection (an ominous harbinger of things to come? Discuss), that Piven comes far closer to the Piven we first grew to love: Back when the hairline was making a break for the border, chest fur rolled across his torso like tumbleweeds, and carbohydrates still played a series regular role in his diet. More »
10:15AM Molly Friedman | Katherine Heigl continues to ever so subtly remind her husband Josh “Call Me Joshua” Kelley that she does, and always will, wear the pants in their frightening relationship. This time, domestic issues are going beyond proving her social dominance or explaining on national television that their marriage would likely dissolve should they be forced to spend two consecutive weeks together. No, now Katie’s moved on to the touchy topic of having Heiglets. And unsurprisingly, she plans on having them when she wants them, no matter how unready Joshua may be. As she puts it, “I think he’d prefer to wait a little more time, but I kind of wouldn’t.” [People] More »
10:15AM Molly Friedman | Katherine Heigl continues to ever so subtly remind her husband Josh “Call Me Joshua” Kelley that she does, and always will, wear the pants in their frightening relationship. This time, domestic issues are going beyond proving her social dominance or explaining on national television that their marriage would likely dissolve should they be forced to spend two consecutive weeks together. No, now Katie’s moved on to the touchy topic of having Heiglets. And unsurprisingly, she plans on having them when she wants them, no matter how unready Joshua may be. As she puts it, “I think he’d prefer to wait a little more time, but I kind of wouldn’t.” [People] More »
What Bob Saget and an Ensemble of Trained Animals Can Teach Us About Spoof Movies
9:30AM Defamer Hollywood | conPredictable as it was by America’s right-wing box-office seers, Stop-Loss‘ flat opening wasn’t the only high-visibility stumble out of the gate last weekend. The Weinsteins’ Superhero Movie barely cracked $10 million, a fraction of the early takes for previous installments of the lucrative spoof quasi-franchise that includes Scary Movie, Date Movie et. al. While immediate speculation focused on the impact of the threatened Fanboys Solidarity Movement boycott, we’re quite fond of Steven Zeitchik’s take both postulating the Bob Saget Rule and suggesting superhero movies are send-ups all their own: More »
Abbie Cornish Read Good, Speak Good, Too
9:08AM Clem Bastow | There’s nothing more the Australian media like than hearing someone from right here in lil ol’ Aussie is doing good overseas (second only to making sure we all hear when an Australia doesn’t win an award), so gather round gran’ma’s rocking chair on the porch overlooking the canefields as we hear of the latest expat to do our tiny, culturally bankrupt country proud…
It would seem Abbie Cornish, who makes her trade as an actor, can actually act! And the critics are prepared to say so! Good job, deary, you show the world how good us Aussies can be if we’d only get a break, etc:
Aussie star-on-the-rise Abbie Cornish continues to win friends and influence people, with her turn in Stop-Loss, earning solid reviews in the US.
Cornish stars opposite real-life love interest Ryan Phillippe in the film.
“Ms Cornish, in spite of some accent trouble – her native Australia is a long way from Texas, geographically and phonetically – gets every nuance of her character’s toughness and bewilderment exactly right,” the New York Times critic said.
Actually, hang on, that’s not really glowing praise, is it? If it’s A.O. Scott, who has recently softened to endearing “best ever!!” enthusiasms, then it’s definitely not.
But you know, we’re just a tiny little colony of bright-eyed hopefuls, we’ll take what we can get! More » 
Our Top Three Conspiracy Theories Regarding Jessica Simpson’s ‘Kidney Infection’
9:00AM Molly Friedman | Singer/actress/Game Day curse Jessica Simpson was recently treated for a kidney infection at Cedars-Sinai, according to People today. Though her rep assures us she’s been released and is doing just fine, our ears tend to perk up whenever we hear of a troubled starlet being rushed to the hospital for all kinds of issues, be they asthma attacks or a simple case of the Batshits. But this is the first time in recent memory that a celeb has attributed their hospital visit to the kind of condition one generally (well, pretty much always) associates with the joy of sex. We did a bit of research, and came up with our top three guesses on what (or who) sent Jess to the operating table, after the jump. More »
Jennifer Lopez Drops The Baby Weight Even Faster Than She Could Spend That ‘People’ Payday
8:50AM Molly Friedman | It’s been only five weeks since Jennifer “Don’t Call Me J. Lo” Lopez gave birth to twins and, magically, the singing sensation seems to have withered down to her pre-baby weight. Though we have often been mystified by what Jennifer does — particularly by her decision-making process post Wedding Planner in choosing which films to star in — her desire to quickly trim down doesn’t surprise us in the slightest. To that end, we compared Lopez’s figure from before Marc Anthony worked his magic on her urgent uterus to a photo of her weeks before she popped to her stunning appearance last night at the New York premiere of Shine A Light. More »
