World’s Press Shocked To Discover Women Actually Have Body Hair

There’s nothing that riles us up more than when the press has a field day over a woman who chooses not to maintain her body hair to the same pre-pubescent standards as every other starlet (remember the Julia Roberts underarm fiasco?), and the latest victim in the war against full womanhood is Celine Dion.

A “Celebrity Blogger” who shall not be named was the first to kick the “story” off, which we more or less expect given the quality nature of his blog, but we were dismayed to see that ‘proper’ news outlets followed on. To wit, the Daily Mail:

Her face had been carefully made up, nails polished and outfit primped just so, but Celine Dion forgot one important thing before performing in Toyko over the weekend.

It appeared the My Heart Will Go On singer had forgotten to wax her legs, with severe back lighting revealing their rather hairy state as she strutted around the stage.

But despite the grooming oversight, she succeeded in wowing the crowd with a typically dazzling performance.

New York’s Daily News got in on the beauty editor witch hunt, too.

What?! She FORGOT TO WAX HER LEGS? We’re surprised there weren’t mass walk-outs and demands for refunds! Oh but, hold on, it’s okay – even though she was a hairy hosebeast, she still managed to sing well. Lucky for her…

Unwaxed legs, what a complete affront to everyone’s senses.

Perhaps these news dudes would like to book in for an upper-thigh wax, and then see whether they still feel that Dion “forgot” to carry out what they seem to be implying is a basic necessity, or whether they’d rather stick pencils in their eardrums than slather themselves in hot wax before yanking out their body hair.