R.E.M.: Now 75% Heterosexual!

Sound the alarms: Michael Stipe of REM recently shocked fans around the globe by officially coming out of the closet (to “help some kid somewhere”!), the closet he’s already been out of for say, one meeellion centuries. But Michael’s not the only one with a groundbreaking announcement to make. Apparently his bandmates, Mike Mills and Peter Buck, have been waiting all these years to make an earth-shattering declaration regarding their own sexual preferences. In the clip above, hear Stipe outs his bandmates, complete with a prepared hand-written statement. (’Cuz he’s nervous! Cute!)

Coming out of the heterosexual closet can be a real toughie these days, considering the popularity of all those Lance Bass/Ellen Degeneres covers that outsell all the covers in the land. But we, along with Stipe, applaud Mills for his daring proclamation, and totally understand why he couldn’t quite bring himself to share his straightness with the world himself. (Sarcasm aside, did anyone else nearly orgasm when Stipe giggled at the end? Girl, boy, straight, gay, that man is a dish.)

• PEOPLE VIDEO EXCLUSIVE: REM’S MICHAEL STIPE SPEAKS OUT [People.com]