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John Mayer Harnesses The Power Of The Internet To Lash Out At A Clingy Ex
Posted by Molly Friedman at 6:23 AM on March 8, 2008
First John Mayer started to grow on us (a little bit) with his skills handling the TMZ paparazzi and voracious autograph seekers, then he won us over (okay, a lot) when we saw him jogging on a yacht wearing green Borat butt floss tightly wound across his nearly perfect buttocks. And now, having penned a giant Fuck You to one of his exes online, he's officially convinced us that we were correct in falling head over heels for the guy after witnessing his rendition of "Chocolate Rain" on Best Week Ever. But back to the story at hand! Earlier this week, John had the following to say to Jessica Simpson one of his anonymous ex-girlfriends:
"Dear Ex Lover. Perhaps you didn't understand the last time I told you to stop contacting me, so I'll do my best to spell it out for you. I do not wish to have you in my life anymore. I don't know how much more clear I can be about it. It would serve you best to move on with your life and find someone who can put up with you, because I'm done trying."
After news of this message landed his name on the gossip pages today, Mayer has done an about face and is now currently claiming that the online passive aggression wasn't an actual Fuck You to an actual person, but merely "a writing technique called 'deceptive resolution'...I call it 'I wish you were here so I could tell you to leave.'" Gee, thanks for clearing that up for us! And, in turn, we thank you for officially making us think you're simply the kinda hot famewhore with one hell of an O Face we always suspected you were.
[Photo Credit: Splash]
- JOHN MAYER SLAMS EX: 'STOP CONTACTING ME!' [Us]
- JOHN MAYER BLOG [Honeyee]
Comments (AU Comments · US Comments)
Tem
Posted April 7, 2008 6:54 AM
I think John Mayer is suffering from "too much of a good thing" disease.
Too much on the pouty lips, too much of the "O say can you see I'm really feelin' this, realy, I swear", and way too much self-esteem, casuing him to believe that his comedic skills even remotely compare to his guitar prowess.
Molly Friedman
Posted 8:39 AM 8/3/08
@SteamyMcFirecrotch: Yeah, my thoughts are that he's lame, and maybe not worthy of our deep analyses? Still always fun to cringe/cry upon seeing his stellar O Face at work, though.
Molly Friedman
SteamyMcFirecrotch
Posted 8:39 AM 8/3/08
@Molly Friedman: My thoughts are that he was being douchily sarcastic because he knows even though he told her to f*ck off, she wouldn't? Hence the "deceptive resolution?"
Happy Friday Everybody!
SteamyMcFirecrotch
Molly Friedman
Posted 8:39 AM 8/3/08
@SteamyMcFirecrotch: Yeah, saw that and plugged it into my Mayer-to-English dick-tionary, which told me that he was douchily suggesting the anon ex "find him" right thar on his blog. Thoughts?
Molly Friedman
SteamyMcFirecrotch
Posted 8:39 AM 8/3/08
You missed the last line, which was "P.S. If you need me, you know where to find me." Now read it again.
SteamyMcFirecrotch
Calraigh
Posted 8:39 AM 8/3/08
Seriously, has anyone seen his blog?He's obsessed with Rolex watches and sneakers and blackberries.And I'm not kidding.There's even a mildly erotic ode to a blackberry's curves that makes mention of 'a breast milk moustache'.
Yep.That doesn't make me feel weird at all.
Calraigh
shag_carpet_bomb
Posted 9:10 AM 8/3/08
Wow, when he started dating Jessica Simpson, was he really thinking, "someday this will end well..."
shag_carpet_bomb
SteamyMcFirecrotch
Posted 9:10 AM 8/3/08
Deep analysis? Heck, I was only dipping my toe in the shallow end of Dr. Jung's psychoanalytical kiddie pool.
SteamyMcFirecrotch
Tippi from Toronto
Posted 9:41 AM 8/3/08
He's a tool of the highest order. That is nasty, no matter who it is, and it can't be JSimp because she's with that football fellow and Mayer defended her on his blog a while ago. He also apparently has been contacting her for booty calls and she keeps refusing.
The douche has been banging a litany of chicks since her. Or pissing on them, I should, literally and bloggily.
Tippi from Toronto
CrankYank
Posted 10:12 AM 8/3/08
Well, this is usually what I say to the empty room after they've left.
CrankYank
rtisovec
Posted 12:11 PM 8/3/08
Even better would have been "take your candy lips and bubble gum tongue and kiss my ass!"
rtisovec