‘Idol’ Finalist David Hernandez Diffuses Stripping Controversy With Nauseating Booger Anecdote

Realizing the truth about his gay-stripping past had finally hit the mainstream media, American Idol finalist David Hernandez pulled one of the savviest moves in the competitive karaoke play book last night: He deflected the growing outrage with a booger-colored smokescreen. So repulsive was the tale of the flaky, walnut-sized (or was it pea-sized? It’ll be the size of a wide-mouthed bass the next time he tells it!) snot-pellet plainly visible in the Celine Dion-interpreter’s headshots, any connection in the minds of the American public between Hernandez and the notion of physical desirability was instantly nullified, offering him a clean slate with which to move into further rounds of competition.

Bonus intro footage: Danny Noriega did not just mmmhmm Ryan Seacrest over purple hair highlights! OMGZ! He didz!

• American Idol